Chance for Recovery or am I done for?

[lllIllllIlllll_]

Hi guys, I just finished my first semester at university and to be quite frank, my grades are **** (and not like OHHHH MUH 3.9 kind of bad). I took 13 credit hours this semester, 7 of which were core science (bio lec+lab, chem lec) and two electives. \n

Well, all my grades have come in and its looking like I won't make a single A this semester. I had solid A-'s in my two electives but my finals tanked those to a B and B+, while I got a C+ in chem, C in bio lab (1 hr, separate from lecture), and my bio lecture final has not come in yet but worst case scenario I make a C, best case scenario an A but that's unlikely. I'm scared that if I don't raise my GPA I will lose my scholarships (my uni is an expensive private uni, I'm ****ed without them).\n

Now, I actually do have a good understanding of why my grades are so awful, and there is a couple of reasons. First of all, thoughout high school I breezed through my AP courses and all that without studying, resulting in me developing horrible study habits. Honestly I have a very hard time focusing and my "study time" is very inefficiently spent just daydreaming and literally just sitting staring at the book spaced out. Second of all, my parents were very restrictive of my gaming, so when I moved out to uni, I ended up wasting a lot of time just sitting in my dorm playing video games. I don't know how I'll fix the spacing out problem, probably brute force and maybe splashing water in my face when I start to space out. The gaming, I'll be setting up two accounts on my computer, one for gaming, youtube, etc, and the other for just studying, as well as other things like planning out my studying and getting ahead.\n

It's only a matter of time before my mom checks my grades (she has my password) and my parents and I have a "talk" about my future. Thing is, my parents think I go out and party and attract women (I drank a few times and had a "date" (was friend group to orchestra w/ 3 guys 1 girl, girl invited me) and they found out, they are strict muslims and both are very forbidden in Islam, I am in-closet atheist) and they keep quoting that as the reason for my failure and that I might not be ready for premed, they also tell me I only took 4 courses (technically 5 but I tended to neglect bio lab, hence the C) and that if I can't handle that, how would I handle when courses get harder? I'm taking 14 credit hours next semester and the courses are getting significantly more difficult and I just don't know what I'm going to do, if I lose my scholarships then I am done for. My parents also want me to transfer to another cheaper university next year unless I can get Straight A's for the rest of university (idk if I can get a single B and still get a good enough GPA for med school).\n

**** where is the hope, I'm so ****ing scared what they will say/do once they find out my final grades but even if I improve is there any hope for med school remaining or am I done for and need to change major (I'm biochemistry rn) because if that's the case then I will just accept defeat and move on, I dont even know if Im looking for actual advice or just some positiveisity and reasusrrement within all this despair and negativity and hopelessness.

also my gpa is a 2.84

tl;dr: if you're too lazy to read then at least give me a hug before I cut myself again

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[kb1900]

1) go to your schools learning center. You know you need help and change. They will give you a game plan.
2) Ditch the gaming until you can prove your competency to yourself and earn it back gradually. Gaming addiction is as real as any other addiction. When I say ditch it, I mean all of it. Cold turkey. No 2 accounts bullsht because you will just stay on that one gaming account 99% of the time - even for your schoolwork.
3) Strive for a healthier relationship with your parents. One that goes both ways. You're an adult now.
4) Hope is not lost. It never is. But you have to work your a** off if you want to get back on track. Recognize that and embrace it.

 

[Lardy Boy]

Make some academically driven friends and it should help solve your problems.


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[Poit]

OP I got a 2.7 my freshman year and still got multiple MD acceptances. I was able to turn my poor performance freshman year into a "this was a learning lesson about academics" story during my interviews. Do perform better from now on though, because boosting a GPA becomes significantly more difficult the longer you take to get your act together.

 

[lllIllllIlllll_]

So is not all hope lost? My parents basically have lost hope and want me to transfer to a less rigorous and expensive university unless I get straight A's. So what does "getting my act together" mean? Would a single grade below a B spell the end for me?

 

[holycrap]

quit gaming for now (I was the same way) and make school your top priority.

 

[Frogger27]

Use this semester as a wake up call, mature and move forward.

OP I can relate to you on a couple of items you discussed above from my experience transitioning into college. Here are my recommendations:

1) stop the video games. Seriously. I used to love video games just as much as the next guy.. I was a semi-professional halo player in high school (laugh all you want, it was awesome). Gaming did drag into my first two years of college as well. Non coincidentally, my grades were worse freshman/sophomore year or college. I made several changes in my life after my second year of college. Once I quit, I had such a better college experience. More time to study (I study in groups, so it meant increased social time), more time for exploring interests I never thought I had (which is what college is for), and more time for healthy and new relationships. There's a time and place for gaming, but as you get older it should decrease, not increase. It can be very addictive and anything that is keeping you from reaching your full potential should be cut out of your life. You'll thank yourself later.
*in my experience, there was a positive correlation with how often I smoked weed and amount of video games played.. If this is you too, cut back on the weed as well. Older you will thank you*

2. Work on getting an upfront, honest relationship with your parents. This is something I struggled with from the ages of 16-20. I was stuck in a vortex of lying to my parents about anything I thought they wouldn't like, thinking I had to get their approval for everything I did. It ended up with me living almost a double life, which over time takes a tremendous toll on you in more ways than imaginable (grades included)

You need to sit down and be honest with them. The first time is the hardest, but over time they will appreciate it. It will make YOU feel so much better. as you continue to grow older your relationship with your parents will also develop and mature. It will become much more rewarding for everyone if you can develop a healthy relationship that is built on trust.

3) seek academic help as need be. Go to the academic counselor to develop better ways of studying. Put more effort in. Give it your all next semester to raise those grades and make yourself proud! You can do it.

I had a 3.2 after 4 semesters of college. I made some changes in my life and finally "got" college which led to having a 3.9 my last two years. That, and the last two years of college were so much more rewarding than the first two.

Good luck OP!

 

[jesie]

Regarding your parents, it's probably best to bring this up yourself and have a plan. Approach them with what you're going to change, don't wait for them to sit you down, to help show that you're in this for the long haul and that you're going to make it happen.

Regarding the faith question, I think you might benefit from reaching out to your school's Secular Student Alliance (mine has been a lifesaver) for support in navigating that question with your family (if you choose to ever address it and given the prescribed Koranic response to apostacy, maybe never address it for your own safety/well-being). For me, getting support on this front was important for my mental health and seriously helped my performance afterward, which is why I bring it up


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[kb1900]

Use this semester as a wake up call, mature and move forward.

OP I can relate to you on a couple of items you discussed above from my experience transitioning into college. Here are my recommendations:

1) stop the video games. Seriously. I used to love video games just as much as the next guy.. I was a semi-professional halo player in high school (laugh all you want, it was awesome). Gaming did drag into my first two years of college as well. Non coincidentally, my grades were worse freshman/sophomore year or college. I made several changes in my life after my second year of college. Once I quit, I had such a better college experience. More time to study (I study in groups, so it meant increased social time), more time for exploring interests I never thought I had (which is what college is for), and more time for healthy and new relationships. There's a time and place for gaming, but as you get older it should decrease, not increase. It can be very addictive and anything that is keeping you from reaching your full potential should be cut out of your life. You'll thank yourself later.
*in my experience, there was a positive correlation with how often I smoked weed and amount of video games played.. If this is you too, cut back on the weed as well. Older you will thank you*

2. Work on getting an upfront, honest relationship with your parents. This is something I struggled with from the ages of 16-20. I was stuck in a vortex of lying to my parents about anything I thought they wouldn't like, thinking I had to get their approval for everything I did. It ended up with me living almost a double life, which over time takes a tremendous toll on you in more ways than imaginable (grades included)

You need to sit down and be honest with them. The first time is the hardest, but over time they will appreciate it. It will make YOU feel so much better. as you continue to grow older your relationship with your parents will also develop and mature. It will become much more rewarding for everyone if you can develop a healthy relationship that is built on trust.

3) seek academic help as need be. Go to the academic counselor to develop better ways of studying. Put more effort in. Give it your all next semester to raise those grades and make yourself proud! You can do it.

I had a 3.2 after 4 semesters of college. I made some changes in my life and finally "got" college which led to having a 3.9 my last two years. That, and the last two years of college were so much more rewarding than the first two.

Good luck OP!

I wish I could like this ten times over

 

[Dr.Sticks]

If you finish the rest of college with a 3.7 average you could raise your gpa to 3.61
That won't keep you out of med school unless your app sucks in other aspects.

Now best case scenario: You could probably finish with a 3.9 if you keep a 4.0 average the rest of college. That is beyond fantastic dude

http://gpacalculator.net/how-to-raise-gpa/

 

[gyngyn]

If you are actually cutting, seek help immediately.

 

[619959]

Please, first visit your school's counselling center ASAP
Email your scholarship organization and your advisor (if the scholarship is given by the university) to explain the situation. (Note, I say explain ,not tell- show how much you worked and stuff)
I have been in similar shoes and I can assure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...the road to the end of the tunnel may be longer but you will get there if you start to make good decisions from now on.
Go slow with science classes if that is not your niche. After three years of undergraduate, I realized that doing well is more important than cramming through and doing poorly. Making a plan for the next seven semesters and which classes to take which semester- may be helpful

 

[lllIllllIlllll_]

Thank you for the information guys! First of all I posted this after my parents found out themselves so confronting them first is too late. Also, they want me to transfer to a cheaper state university ( I currently go to a private university with good premed program but high price tag). Anyway I am desperately studying for next semester so that I can get all A's and actually have some leverage to convince my parents to NOT make me transfer out, since they think I am basically done for and will have to go somewhere cheaper and less rigorous for a better chance at med school. Sadly my motivation to study is more founded within fear of being forced to transfer than not getting into medical school

Courses next semester:

Intro Bio II + Lab (4)
Gen Chem II (3)
Quant Chem + Lab (4)
Intro to Comp Sci (3)
14 hours total

I know it seems like a hard schedule which is why I have been studying ahead with the textbooks so that I wont rush into disaster. Also my parents seem to feel little hope for me, since my mom thinks you need a 3.8 to apply to med school and that if I get all A's my GPA will still only rise by .1 each semester (she's not very good at math). Also I do plan on going to the university counselor since I have dealt with depression and cutting my first semester, but I will have to overcome my fear of getting "caught" by parents since they come to campus sometimes and my dad told me not to go to the counselor because anything bad I say will be used against me and I risk getting kicked out (which is ironic because they want me to transfer out). Anyway I got a lot on my plate so just having somebody to talk to about it would be nice.

 

[Dr.Sticks]

Thank you for the information guys! First of all I posted this after my parents found out themselves so confronting them first is too late. Also, they want me to transfer to a cheaper state university ( I currently go to a private university with good premed program but high price tag). Anyway I am desperately studying for next semester so that I can get all A's and actually have some leverage to convince my parents to NOT make me transfer out, since they think I am basically done for and will have to go somewhere cheaper and less rigorous for a better chance at med school. Sadly my motivation to study is more founded within fear of being forced to transfer than not getting into medical school

Courses next semester:

Intro Bio II + Lab (4)
Gen Chem II (3)
Quant Chem + Lab (4)
Intro to Comp Sci (3)
14 hours total

I know it seems like a hard schedule which is why I have been studying ahead with the textbooks so that I wont rush into disaster. Also my parents seem to feel little hope for me, since my mom thinks you need a 3.8 to apply to med school and that if I get all A's my GPA will still only rise by .1 each semester (she's not very good at math). Also I do plan on going to the university counselor since I have dealt with depression and cutting my first semester, but I will have to overcome my fear of getting "caught" by parents since they come to campus sometimes and my dad told me not to go to the counselor because anything bad I say will be used against me and I risk getting kicked out (which is ironic because they want me to transfer out). Anyway I got a lot on my plate so just having somebody to talk to about it would be nice.

Show her the calculator I linked you

You have a hell of a chance

Do you live at home? If so move in to a dorm.. Your parents will make you fail the way I see it.

 

[lllIllllIlllll_]

Show her the calculator I linked you

You have a hell of a chance

Do you live at home? If so move in to a dorm.. Your parents will make you fail the way I see it.

I do live in a dorm, both parents call me almost daily. Honestly I know what I did wrong but my parents have such little hope in me. Truth is I would have failed a lot of my classes but I basically took a bunch of caffeine pills and did all nighters pretty much every other night for a few weeks to get up to the B and C levels. I planned on taking it easy this break so I can refresh and go headfirst into next semester but now I will probably take more caffeine pills just to get in as much studying as possible, because I'm VERY scared at the possibility of being forced to transfer out, I may not have much of a social life but its not easy to just leave everything behind, all the friends and connections I've made with professors, and start at Square One with less time to rebuild everything, and honestly I have a pretty hard time making friends (possibly result of my gaming addiction).

Anyway if I get all A's next semester I will have a 3.44 which is pretty good. However, showing my parents any calculations is pointless, they prefer real results not made up ones, and I'm scared they would react negatively, since I'm in no position to argue against them.

 

[Dr.Sticks]

I do live in a dorm, both parents call me almost daily. Honestly I know what I did wrong but my parents have such little hope in me. Truth is I would have failed a lot of my classes but I basically took a bunch of caffeine pills and did all nighters pretty much every other night for a few weeks to get up to the B and C levels. I planned on taking it easy this break so I can refresh and go headfirst into next semester but now I will probably take more caffeine pills just to get in as much studying as possible, because I'm VERY scared at the possibility of being forced to transfer out, I may not have much of a social life but its not easy to just leave everything behind, all the friends and connections I've made with professors, and start at Square One with less time to rebuild everything, and honestly I have a pretty hard time making friends (possibly result of my gaming addiction).

Anyway if I get all A's next semester I will have a 3.44 which is pretty good. However, showing my parents any calculations is pointless, they prefer real results not made up ones, and I'm scared they would react negatively, since I'm in no position to argue against them.

Do you rely on them financially?
If not I would consider cutting them off honestly.
You relationship with your parents is so bad you are abusing caffeine pills..

 

[lllIllllIlllll_]

Well my dad cosignes my student loans and pays for my health insurance, phone bill, car insurance etc. Also they really aren't bad people, they are just doing what they think is best for me. Thing is they both grew up in the 3rd world, and my grandfather died when my father was a young child (as in, too young to even understand death) so he essentially grew up without a father but still made a life for himself despite that. But now I'm living in an entirely different world so what is best for me here is different than it would be in 20th century Sri Lanka (my home country). They do not have malicious intentions but are just misguided in what they see as good deeds.

Also my mom found my caffeine pills but said nothing. Also I wont stop taking them, they are a ****ing miracle drug, I've done so much more studying that I would not have done otherwise.

 

[Frogger27]

OP you need to talk to someone professionally before you can move forward with your studies. Some of the information you have revealed here is quite concerning.

For your safety and best interests, please go talk to someone.

Do not continue to take classes when you are self harming yourself and emotionally unstable. You will not get the results you want and will only make things worse.

 

[Goro]

Get professional help, STAT.

 

[lllIllllIlllll_]

OP you need to talk to someone professionally before you can move forward with your studies. Some of the information you have revealed here is quite concerning.

For your safety and best interests, please go talk to someone.

Do not continue to take classes when you are self harming yourself and emotionally unstable. You will not get the results you want and will only make things worse.

I'll be continuing to take classes but I will get professional help with my university counselor or whoever is there to talk to. Honestly I know my mental state has gone to **** lately and the last thing I need is another suicide attempt to bring me down, but having a bad GPA upset my parents, how do you think entirely disenrolling from university will make them feel? Hell, they want me to finish in less than 4 years. Not taking classes just isnt an option.

But don't worry about me not getting the results I'll want. I'm basically studying my ass off for next semester because the last thing I want is to transfer to a less rigorous university and the only way I can convince my parents to let me stay would be getting good grades since in the end that is the only thing that matters. Personally i see GPA as a quantification of self worth which makes me want to improve my GPA in order to increase my value as a human. Everybody works to increase their quantified value, like a salesman making more sales or a CEO increasing quarterly profits. We all drone on and on trying to make our "number" bigger, as a university student that number is my GPA, for a cop, that number is arrests or tickets given out, a politician the number of votes he gets, a body builder the pounds he can life. We are all nothing but slaves just increasing those numbers endlessly. I feel almost trapped, as if I will be nothing without raising my GPA, in a system where I am worthless now but in the future may evolve into something better, only to get a new number to improve...

You can say that the quantified number needs dedication to improve, but in the end all the work is going towards increasing a number, like in high school everybody competing and working hard to improve their class rank

 

[Anicetus]

Hi guys, I just finished my first semester at university and to be quite frank, my grades are **** (and not like OHHHH MUH 3.9 kind of bad). I took 13 credit hours this semester, 7 of which were core science (bio lec+lab, chem lec) and two electives. \n

Well, all my grades have come in and its looking like I won't make a single A this semester. I had solid A-'s in my two electives but my finals tanked those to a B and B+, while I got a C+ in chem, C in bio lab (1 hr, separate from lecture), and my bio lecture final has not come in yet but worst case scenario I make a C, best case scenario an A but that's unlikely. I'm scared that if I don't raise my GPA I will lose my scholarships (my uni is an expensive private uni, I'm ****ed without them).\n

Now, I actually do have a good understanding of why my grades are so awful, and there is a couple of reasons. First of all, thoughout high school I breezed through my AP courses and all that without studying, resulting in me developing horrible study habits. Honestly I have a very hard time focusing and my "study time" is very inefficiently spent just daydreaming and literally just sitting staring at the book spaced out. Second of all, my parents were very restrictive of my gaming, so when I moved out to uni, I ended up wasting a lot of time just sitting in my dorm playing video games. I don't know how I'll fix the spacing out problem, probably brute force and maybe splashing water in my face when I start to space out. The gaming, I'll be setting up two accounts on my computer, one for gaming, youtube, etc, and the other for just studying, as well as other things like planning out my studying and getting ahead.\n

It's only a matter of time before my mom checks my grades (she has my password) and my parents and I have a "talk" about my future. Thing is, my parents think I go out and party and attract women (I drank a few times and had a "date" (was friend group to orchestra w/ 3 guys 1 girl, girl invited me) and they found out, they are strict muslims and both are very forbidden in Islam, I am in-closet atheist) and they keep quoting that as the reason for my failure and that I might not be ready for premed, they also tell me I only took 4 courses (technically 5 but I tended to neglect bio lab, hence the C) and that if I can't handle that, how would I handle when courses get harder? I'm taking 14 credit hours next semester and the courses are getting significantly more difficult and I just don't know what I'm going to do, if I lose my scholarships then I am done for. My parents also want me to transfer to another cheaper university next year unless I can get Straight A's for the rest of university (idk if I can get a single B and still get a good enough GPA for med school).\n

**** where is the hope, I'm so ****ing scared what they will say/do once they find out my final grades but even if I improve is there any hope for med school remaining or am I done for and need to change major (I'm biochemistry rn) because if that's the case then I will just accept defeat and move on, I dont even know if Im looking for actual advice or just some positiveisity and reasusrrement within all this despair and negativity and hopelessness.

also my gpa is a 2.84

tl;dr: if you're too lazy to read then at least give me a hug before I cut myself again

DO school /thread

 

[WedgeDawg]

This thread has been reported by several users due to the comments about self-harm. SDN takes such statements seriously and we would like to remind the OP and all posters that SDN should not serve as a place to obtain counseling or other advice regarding significant psychological issues. Anyone who is contemplating harming themselves should immediately seek professional counseling advice, not rely on SDN or other non-professional resources.

Members who have serious concerns about their career and would like to post details more anonymously may do so in the Confidential Consult forum.

At this time, given the nature of the thread and the concerns expressed, the moderation staff of SDN will close this thread.