completely torn between two programs :/

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thebrightside

thebrightside

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I literally change my mind everyday and it is driving me slowly but surely insane. Im applying to PEDS and both programs are mid-tier and pretty equivalent to each other (both children's hospitals). The first is one I know very well from several electives there, got strong LORs from faculty, really got to hang out with/know the residents, and just generally feel I could be really happy here. This program is sort of a gem for me and I have treated it as such in my mind since my electives there. I have a good feeling they will rank me high from the interview, and that I would match here if I chose it number one. Basically, I don't think there will be any hidden surprises here and know what to expect for training, and that is always nice to calm the mind. The only con is that this place is pretty plane ride away from home. I am someone who will chase resident happiness across the country, and have never thought of this as much of an issue. Of course, this was all until I interviewed at a fantastic program less than 100 miles away from home. In fact, it is sort of my ideal place to settle down in, and would like to be back in this area after residency anyway so could already start with the connections for fellowship, etc. I think I was focusing so much on my original place in my mind, I really got thrown a curveball by liking a program so close to home. I think I could be really happy here too. I just wasn't expecting an interview from here, and so mentally wasn't ready to give up my original plan. Now I feel selfish to move so far away if I don't have to.... and how you constantly hear about residency and how rough it is, how great it is to have a support system nearby when possible...yada yada. I have a hunch to pick this place closer to home, but am scared to since I don't know the program as well as my original choice. Ahhhh Any words of wisdom?
 
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p.s This ranking business is plain evil! I realize I might not match in either, but I can't help but feel I have a choice in my destiny here.
 
Go with the program with better weather. If both have similar weather...go with the place with better food.
 
thebrightside said:
equal :smack:
Click to expand...

Ambivalence with big decisions is common and the source of a lot of our suffering in life. In fact, if you think of the people you know who are the most ambivalent about their love life, work life, family, etc., you're usually talking about the most existensially miserable people out there.

The basic advice for resolving ambivalence is to talk with someone "at length" and "as many times as it takes" about the pros and cons of each decision until you resolve your ambivalence. My long time experience is that anyone else trying to resolve this for you will result in push-back from you in the opposite direction, as is the nature of ambivalence.

Forums actually work pretty well for this if you do the majority of the posting, taking the pros and cons in turn. For some reason, though, speaking actually works even better.
 
thebrightside said:
Hey all,
As I sit here and attempt this rank list, I am completely torn between two programs for my number 1 and don't know which to settle on! I literally change my mind everyday and it is driving me slowly but surely insane. Im applying to PEDS and both programs are mid-tier and pretty equivalent to each other (both children's hospitals). The first is one I know very well from several electives there, got strong LORs from faculty, really got to hang out with/know the residents, and just generally feel I could be really happy here. This program is sort of a gem for me and I have treated it as such in my mind since my electives there. I have a good feeling they will rank me high from the interview, and that I would match here if I chose it number one. Basically, I don't think there will be any hidden surprises here and know what to expect for training, and that is always nice to calm the mind. The only con is that this place is pretty plane ride away from home. I am someone who will chase resident happiness across the country, and have never thought of this as much of an issue. Of course, this was all until I interviewed at a fantastic program less than 100 miles away from home. In fact, it is sort of my ideal place to settle down in, and would like to be back in this area after residency anyway so could already start with the connections for fellowship, etc. I think I was focusing so much on my original place in my mind, I really got thrown a curveball by liking a program so close to home. I think I could be really happy here too. I just wasn't expecting an interview from here, and so mentally wasn't ready to give up my original plan. Now I feel selfish to move so far away if I don't have to.... and how you constantly hear about residency and how rough it is, how great it is to have a support system nearby when possible...yada yada. I have a hunch to pick this place closer to home, but am scared to since I don't know the program as well as my original choice. Ahhhh Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...
Imagine yourself on Match Day. You hold your envelope in your hand and turn it over to open the seal. You know you'll be well trained and happy at any place you ranked, but what program name do you most hope to see?
 
IMPD said:
Ambivalence with big decisions is common and the source of a lot of our suffering in life. In fact, if you think of the people you know who are the most ambivalent about their love life, work life, family, etc., you're usually talking about the most existensially miserable people out there.

The basic advice for resolving ambivalence is to talk with someone "at length" and "as many times as it takes" about the pros and cons of each decision until you resolve your ambivalence. My long time experience is that anyone else trying to resolve this for you will result in push-back from you in the opposite direction, as is the nature of ambivalence.

Forums actually work pretty well for this if you do the majority of the posting, taking the pros and cons in turn. For some reason, though, speaking actually works even better.
Click to expand...

you are right. I need to step back, because the uncertainty is flooding all my emotions. Got some soul searching to do..
 
I'm starting to see the bigger picture here: both could be the right program for me/no wrong choice here. I need to trust my decisions and instinct during the process, it's really all you have. Old habits die hard what can I say, and I'm someone who for a long time believed worrying the crap out of a situation would resolve it 🤣
 
thebrightside said:
I'm starting to see the bigger picture here: both could be the right program for me/no wrong choice here. I need to trust my decisions and instinct during the process, it's really all you have. Old habits die hard what can I say, and I'm someone who for a long time believed worrying the crap out of a situation would resolve it 🤣
Click to expand...

I'm starting to see that this is an issue with self-confidence. You don't trust your own decision making and automatically jump to the conclusion that you will be disappointed in any decision you make. Screw your rank list...get your issues sorted out before internship starts. The ability to make a decision on the fly is a little bit important.
 
Flip a coin. Heads = Program X, Tails = Program Y.























Once it lands, figure out which one you were hoping to see, and go with that.

Although if they truly are equal in quality, I would generally lean towards going to the one close to your home, unless you have a strong desire to 'get away', which is reasonable too.
 
j4pac said:
I'm starting to see that this is an issue with self-confidence. You don't trust your own decision making and automatically jump to the conclusion that you will be disappointed in any decision you make. Screw your rank list...get your issues sorted out before internship starts. The ability to make a decision on the fly is a little bit important.
Click to expand...

issues? I'm sorry but last time I checked ranking programs is something everyone here will struggle with, whether it's a day or a month so forgive me.
 
thebrightside said:
I literally change my mind everyday and it is driving me slowly but surely insane. Im applying to PEDS and both programs are mid-tier and pretty equivalent to each other (both children's hospitals). The first is one I know very well from several electives there, got strong LORs from faculty, really got to hang out with/know the residents, and just generally feel I could be really happy here. This program is sort of a gem for me and I have treated it as such in my mind since my electives there. I have a good feeling they will rank me high from the interview, and that I would match here if I chose it number one. Basically, I don't think there will be any hidden surprises here and know what to expect for training, and that is always nice to calm the mind. The only con is that this place is pretty plane ride away from home. I am someone who will chase resident happiness across the country, and have never thought of this as much of an issue. Of course, this was all until I interviewed at a fantastic program less than 100 miles away from home. In fact, it is sort of my ideal place to settle down in, and would like to be back in this area after residency anyway so could already start with the connections for fellowship, etc. I think I was focusing so much on my original place in my mind, I really got thrown a curveball by liking a program so close to home. I think I could be really happy here too. I just wasn't expecting an interview from here, and so mentally wasn't ready to give up my original plan. Now I feel selfish to move so far away if I don't have to.... and how you constantly hear about residency and how rough it is, how great it is to have a support system nearby when possible...yada yada. I have a hunch to pick this place closer to home, but am scared to since I don't know the program as well as my original choice. Ahhhh Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...

If you plan to do fellowship training, you can always try to do that closer to where you want to end up in training. Go where you feel happiest. Go where you get along with people, because they are the ones you're going to be dealing with on a daily basis for the next three years. Realistically, you won't have all that much time to go back to visit family/friends from home if you're 100 miles away or 500 miles away. I wouldn't worry about that part so much.
 
j4pac said:
The ability to make a decision on the fly is a little bit important.
Click to expand...
I don't believe choosing a residency program is something you should decide "on the fly"

thebrightside said:
I have a hunch to pick this place closer to home
Click to expand...

It sounds like you already know what to do, but best of luck figuring it out. I've been in the same situation and I have talked about it at length on SDN and with my classmates. Eventually I stopped kidding myself and chose the program I always knew was best for me.
 
Pick the first one. It's my call, I'm making it for you. You can always blame me if things don't go as you hoped. I can take the heat.

You're lucky you have someone (me) to step up and think about your best interests. No, it's ok. You're very welcome.

...unless you want to be closer to home. Then you should probably take the second option. Honestly, you'll probably match at your third choice, so maybe you should put your favorite program there and try to game the system. So put your third choice first. Yeah. Now you're all set.
 
thebrightside said:
issues? I'm sorry but last time I checked ranking programs is something everyone here will struggle with, whether it's a day or a month so forgive me.
Click to expand...

You are over-rationalizing this...like everyone who has come before you with your same exact issue. Don't think about the pros and cons of each program...go with the program you like more. If you still can't get over the hump...go to the program with better food.
 
j4pac said:
You are over-rationalizing this...like everyone who has come before you with your same exact issue. Don't think about the pros and cons of each program...go with the program you like more. If you still can't get over the hump...go to the program with better food.
Click to expand...

And whoever has the hottest chicks or dudes...
 
ahahaha find it incredibly ironic you mention the beach....program near home has the ocean breeze at its doorstep 😉. Thanks for all the positive vibes! I really didn't want an answer, how could you make the decision for me?... I just wanted to hear similar stories and frustrations as I'm figuring it all out. Just sent the incredibly generic yet I'm compelled to "number 1" email to home program, so thanks guys.
 
Just pick where you think you'd fit better. Probably won't matter much in the end
 
thebrightside said:
ahahaha find it incredibly ironic you mention the beach....program near home has the ocean breeze at its doorstep 😉. Thanks for all the positive vibes! I really didn't want an answer, how could you make the decision for me?... I just wanted to hear similar stories and frustrations as I'm figuring it all out. Just sent the incredibly generic yet I'm compelled to "number 1" email to home program, so thanks guys.
Click to expand...

What place has better food?
 
thebrightside said:
ahahaha find it incredibly ironic you mention the beach....program near home has the ocean breeze at its doorstep 😉. Thanks for all the positive vibes! I really didn't want an answer, how could you make the decision for me?... I just wanted to hear similar stories and frustrations as I'm figuring it all out. Just sent the incredibly generic yet I'm compelled to "number 1" email to home program, so thanks guys.
Click to expand...
Well, hell it is easy as Sunday morning then.......stay near home and the beach.

Let me know when you have a real decision.
 
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