Crabby Classmates

[Izabelle]

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Just curious to know if anyone else notices this...

It's about a week before exams and I've had several classmates snap at me and just take out their irritability on me - for no reason. Now, I understand that they are stressed - we all are. But shouldn't we be able to control ourselves a little better? For one thing, I'm an M1 so we are still basically strangers - not best friends or anything. And, even though I'm feeling stressed, I don't take it out on others. It has really surprised me that these "doctors-to-be" do not have a better handle on their emotions and reactions.

I work really hard to be supportive and nurturing of everyone, including my classmates - a quality that has surely drawn me to this field. So why aren't my classmates this way? Are they just immature? Selfish? Crazy?

Anyone else annoyed about this?

 

[SoCuteMD]

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO guilty of that. *Shrugs* I do my best, but I learned pretty quickly that at my med school it's "Every man for himself." Never mind that I'm a woman!!!

What's an L1?

 

[Izabelle]

I appreciate your honesty, at least. I'm just super-sensitive to people like that so it doesn't help my stress level when people are that way.

Cool that you recognize it though. And I completely understand about the "every man for himself" thing. It's sad but true.

 

[fun8stuff]

Just curious to know if anyone else notices this...

It's about a week before exams and I've had several classmates snap at me and just take out their irritability on me - for no reason. Now, I understand that they are stressed - we all are. But shouldn't we be able to control ourselves a little better? For one thing, I'm an M1 so we are still basically strangers - not best friends or anything. And, even though I'm feeling stressed, I don't take it out on others. It has really surprised me that these "doctors-to-be" do not have a better handle on their emotions and reactions.

I work really hard to be supportive and nurturing of everyone, including my classmates - a quality that has surely drawn me to this field. So why aren't my classmates this way? Are they just immature? Selfish? Crazy?

Anyone else annoyed about this?

yeah, i have noticed this too. i was just discussing it with some friends. we think it is more common in the female students and some of these people are like that all the time! 😱

 

[samenewme]

Sometimes you can defuse this behavior with sincere sympathy. Say, "We're all tense. It's going to be okay." Or, "Are you okay? This isn't like you," if it isn't like them.

It's a kind way to let people know that they're being poopheads.

 

[Kimmer]

I am a 3rd year and I have found that the key to being happy in medical school is to be friendly with your classmates but to not expect them to be your friends. I moved to a new city 1st year and only knew classmates and was miserable because when I needed any support, etc my classmates were only there for my maybe 2% of the time. They tried and ment well and all, but the 1st 2 years of med school will make anyone selfish. Everyone is too drained to be there for anyone else. As hard as it is you need to make non-med school friends. I have no advice on how to do this - I was just lucky I think. So good luck to you.
K

 

[fun8stuff]

I am a 3rd year and I have found that the key to being happy in medical school is to be friendly with your classmates but to not expect them to be your friends. I moved to a new city 1st year and only knew classmates and was miserable because when I needed any support, etc my classmates were only there for my maybe 2% of the time. They tried and ment well and all, but the 1st 2 years of med school will make anyone selfish. Everyone is too drained to be there for anyone else. As hard as it is you need to make non-med school friends. I have no advice on how to do this - I was just lucky I think. So good luck to you.
K

heh, yeah this is good avice... the way i made non-med school friends is i got married...

 

[bjackrian]

heh, yeah this is good avice... the way i made non-med school friends is i got married...

Here Here! Though a significant fraction of my wife's friends are in law school and I'm not sure that's a huge improvement. 😉

 

[jonb12997]

just wait for when boards roll around... it got even worse when all my friends were taking boards. (I'm starting my MPH so I didn't take it last year with everyone else I was in class with)...

 

[peaches09]

I am a 3rd year and I have found that the key to being happy in medical school is to be friendly with your classmates but to not expect them to be your friends. I moved to a new city 1st year and only knew classmates and was miserable because when I needed any support, etc my classmates were only there for my maybe 2% of the time. They tried and ment well and all, but the 1st 2 years of med school will make anyone selfish. Everyone is too drained to be there for anyone else. As hard as it is you need to make non-med school friends. I have no advice on how to do this - I was just lucky I think. So good luck to you.
K

I'm slowly starting to realize this. At first I thought it was me, but the more I keep reading posts about classmates, the more I realize how common this is. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Dr. McDreamy]

I'm slowly starting to realize this. At first I thought it was me, but the more I keep reading posts about classmates, the more I realize how common this is. Thanks for sharing.

i totally agree. the secret to happieness in med school is make friends outside of medical school (or at least your medical school).

when i'm feeling down and just want to go out and get a drink and see a movie, my med schoool friends are:
a) studying
b) with their boyfriends

btw, did i mention it sucks to be single?

 

[Izabelle]

Hey, thanks for the advice everyone! I think it will really be helpful. Since I'm only a first-year student, I still have time to take your advice and get friends outside of med. school. I'm in a new city so current friends are long-distance. Until hearing what you guys had to say, I was feeling kind of bad for not wanting to be friends with these Dr. Jekyls. Now, you guys have justified it for me so I'll go elsewhere for support.

Thank you so much for the sympathy. You all made very good points. I thought surely I would get some "get over it" replies, but I was wrong.

Thanks again!

 

[Paws]

I think what you are describing is competely normal. I mean, that you're not overly senstitive at all. I think it is right to be confused when people act one way one day and then completly differently another day. I gave up trying to actively make good friends with classmates and was grateful to have some good ones outside of school. That said, over the first two years I have been able to glean a few solid friends that I can count on to be reliably honest and kind. Well, I geuss that defines a friend! The other 94% of the class I do my best to be polite to but even then there are plenty that I can hardly even stand to make eye contact with let alone have to speak to. Some people are still pre-med cutthroats and I find that hard to be around.

I also make a point of not allowing people I have just met to define my selfesteem. If a someone I hardly know is being rude to me, then I figure that's their problem and I don't want to waste my energy on them. Go to church, join a gym, do anything you like outside of school and put your emotional wellbeing where it feels safe. You will make some non-school friends and things will start to feel better. As for the gender thing, I am a woman but my class friends are almost exclusively men. My personal friends are mostly women, tho. So yes, there are some disappointing gender differences in professional situations and I find I like my male classmates better than the female. Probably a competition thing, as well.

 

[Izabelle]

Thanks, PAWS. That's great advice!

I also find the other women to be worse than the men, unfortunately. They have that "catty" attitude that men don't have (though I have met at least one catty male classmate). I think that some of the females are too busy trying to impress the guys. I truly think that one girl only came to med. school to date a doctor. It's so sad and makes me sick to witness her cutting down other women to make herself look better in front of the guys.

But I've taken the advice of everyone here very seriously. I was surprised to hear so many people say that avoiding friendships in med. school is actually the healthier approach. I actually felt guilty and thought I might be missing out on something by not making friends with my classmates.

Thanks so much, you guys. You've helped a lot!!!

 

[Rockhouse]

I am a pretty polite person, pretty optimistic, happy to help kinda guy. But every now and again, the devil gets ahold of a person. Two days this week I had a cold, and for whatever reason, I was just a dick - to my wife, my classmates, even myself. Generally out of character. So if it isn't a normal thing (your classmates behavior) just try and blow it off. It probably isn't personal, and they probably aren't even really taking it out on you, just havin' a bad day. If they are like that on a regular basis (as in weekly instead of monthly) hell with 'em. Med school classes aren't that big, but they are big enough to find someone else to study/hang out with.

 

[medicomel]

i was waiting for this kind of post to pop up and, as expected, now that orientation is over, the fakeness wears off. you start to see people's true colors. that's pretty much why i stayed away from all the orientation week activities, and only now am starting to initiate contact. ultimately, i'm trying to forge professional relationships, and if solid personal relationships develop then that's just icing on the cake. i think it's sad that there's still a competitive atmosphere when they tell you over and over that medical school isn't.

 

[Mr. McDuck]

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO guilty of that. *Shrugs* I do my best, but I learned pretty quickly that at my med school it's "Every man for himself." Never mind that I'm a woman!!!

What's an L1?

Where did you see L1? Maybe the OP edited it to say M1, but regardless, an L1 is a first-year law student.

 

[SOUNDMAN]

I get along wonderfully with a lot of my medschool buddies. We study together, have each other over for dinner etc. Most of us are married, but we have some single ones in our group as well. I don't think any of us have been crabby to other classmates, maybe it's too early to tell though.

 

[DoctorFunk]

i think it's sad that there's still a competitive atmosphere when they tell you over and over that medical school isn't.

They lie. How many schools still grade on a curve? How many 4th years have their residency choices decided for them before they even apply due to factors like class rank, clinical grades, AOA membership? You may choose not to be competitive, but don't kid yourself into thinking that the one-up-manship is over.

 

[SoCuteMD]

Where did you see L1? Maybe the OP edited it to say M1, but regardless, an L1 is a first-year law student.

The OP said L1 - she changed it to M1 - must have been a typo 🙂.

 

[medicomel]

They lie. How many schools still grade on a curve? How many 4th years have their residency choices decided for them before they even apply due to factors like class rank, clinical grades, AOA membership? You may choose not to be competitive, but don't kid yourself into thinking that the one-up-manship is over.

i totally agree. there's a lot of grade comparing at my school...just like undergrad all over again.

 

[fun8stuff]

i totally agree. there's a lot of grade comparing at my school...just like undergrad all over again.

This always annoys me. Why do people want to know each other's scores? I have caught a few of my friends lying about their scores on more than a few occasions. I told a couple people my scores in first year and now they are always trying to beat me on exams. Get's old real fast.

 

[Paws]

Mostly the people I like to talk to at school do not tell number grades, none of us do. The first year I was shocked to find that some people (ok, women!! once again, and yet Paws is a woman ... so sad this competitiveness) would tell me they got honors blah, blah and then I once saw their exam and it was 71%.

I stopped trying to even get along with them after that. What is the point of lying to a colleague? I want to make professional friends and would I refer a patient to someone who is dishonest? What does the Big Book say? "He who is dishonest in little things, is dishonest in big things." Luke, chapter something or other.

So I feel like my choices are made for me, colleague wise. I try and stick with the people who are straight shooters and honest for the most part. And I try to be that way for them. You only need a few good peeps to make the whole deal ok. I expect I will choose my physican colleagues the same way when I get out into practice.

 

[medicomel]

Mostly the people I like to talk to at school do not tell number grades, none of us do. The first year I was shocked to find that some people (ok, women!! once again, and yet Paws is a woman ... so sad this competitiveness) would tell me they got honors blah, blah and then I once saw their exam and it was 71%.

I stopped trying to even get along with them after that. What is the point of lying to a colleague? I want to make professional friends and would I refer a patient to someone who is dishonest? What does the Big Book say? "He who is dishonest in little things, is dishonest in big things." Luke, chapter something or other.

So I feel like my choices are made for me, colleague wise. I try and stick with the people who are straight shooters and honest for the most part. And I try to be that way for them. You only need a few good peeps to make the whole deal ok. I expect I will choose my physican colleagues the same way when I get out into practice.

OMG, how sad is that?!?!? they're so hung up on trying to impress you that they lie about their grade. wow. just, wow. kudos to you for disassociating yourself from that person.