Craziest/ Funniest things your professors have said

[ultracet]

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My professors say some pretty funny/ crazy things.

For example today.. we were discussing HIV/AIDS

my professor was talking about common myths, one being that you could not transmit HIV via oral sex

The professor then digresses...
He tells us that back when he was young people didn't call oral sex that they had another name for it

but
he said he didn't like it so he didn't do it 😱

 

[Vuitton27]

I needed a good laugh to destress me after studying all day for a med chem exam. Thanks!

 

[goheh]

I had a general chemistry teacher way back in my first semester of college. Absolutely nuts, but he had a way with words. He came from the Deep South, so put a twang to the quotes I mention (btw my former classmates have a whole book of this guy's quotes--amazing):

“I used to have an ethical question about genetically engineering a person with a bunch of stomachs. Then I could just walk around eating leaves off trees and my family could, too. That would be really cool. I wouldn’t have to have a job or anything.”

“There are worse things than eating a frog. There are many worse things than eating a frog and one of those things is getting blown up. A lot of happy chemists don’t like getting blown up.”

“I’m gonna tell ya what I’m gonna tell ya because I’m gonna tell ya.”

"It’s as slippery as cat slobber on a doorknob.”

“A cave full of sulfuric acid will kill you real bad.”

“The ions are just boppin’ around like fast dancin’ with your eyes closed.”

“The paper in the oven is starting to brown, kinda like muffins.”

“The nose is amazing, It can tell you what’s in kid poo once they’re on formula or solids or something.”

“I’m a nucleophile with long hair!”

“If you're gonna eat only Ramen noodles, you need a vitamin pill or else your skin will fall off.”

“I am an evil twin of a clipboard.”

“Josh, the premature evacuation of your stop-cock is unfortunate.”

“Let me tell you the magic word: Lentils.” *using this one on a test to a question I didn't know got me 1½ points!!

 

[ultracet]

lol

i have a foreign professor who would say
"like a bump on a pickle"

 

[crying moo]

Our prof's wife was about to have a baby so we asked him if he was hoping for a boy or a girl, and he said "It doesn't matter. I just hope it's mine."

Last semester we were naming bad traits for pharmacists, and among "uncaring, mean, bad hygiene" someone yelled out "Anal" which we had to change to "Excessively anal" because our Prof said, "Well, anal is good! ...up to a point."

 

[ultracet]

i also had a prof bring her first baby picture (she's like 2 mos preg) and the doctor asked her what she hoped it was and she said... human... it looks like an alien baby

 

[jdpharmd?]

"With great power, comes great responsibility! ....to paraphrase, umm, Spiderman, I think"

(Pointing at Ch3Ch2OH) "Hint: it goes very well with orange juice"

"It's like riding a bike, you don't forget how, you just forget how uncomfortable that seat is... That is why I don't ride a bike"

"Attendance is optional wha whah whah wha whah wha..." (What I heard AFTER I heard "Attendance is optional") 😉

 

[off2skl]

We have one prof who uses the phrase, "From the encyclopedia of DUH."

Today we were in micro lab doing bacterial conjugation; or as the profs said "bacteria sex."

Another likened the specificity of antigen binding checking people out in the bar, looking for the right one (or something like that) complete with a little "checking out" dance.

 

[ForgetMeNot]

We have one prof who uses the phrase, "From the encyclopedia of DUH."

Dr. Fisher really loves that phrase. Sometimes he switches it up and says "from the journal of duh..."

 

[Jeddevil]

Dr. Fisher really loves that phrase. Sometimes he switches it up and says "from the journal of duh..."

Not from Fisher, but my favorite is "...and what have you." What the hell is that supposed to mean? I would keep track of him saying that in some lectures and he said it 24 times in one.

 

[28657]

How about our Canadian professor who says, "Skeleetal" for "skeletal" or "cupilleery" for "CAPillary" 😀

 

[DownonthePharm]

"...and what have you." What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I think this usually means etc.

For example: "There are lots of costs to go to school, like tuition, fees, books and what have you."

 

[ForgetMeNot]

How about our Canadian professor who says, "Skeleetal" for "skeletal" or "cupilleery" for "CAPillary" 😀

It took me like 20 minutes to figure out the "skeleetal"

Has he discussed his love for canadian beer?

 

[ForgetMeNot]

Not from Fisher, but my favorite is "...and what have you."

I vaguely remember that one. If it's who I think you're referring to, you'll get plenty more of that during PK in one of the integrated sequences (the CNS one).

 

[Roxicet]

one prof had a bitter hatred for his ex-wife that would come out at the most random times....

when he was explaining the physiology of vision, he said that our eyes adapted long ago when we had to hunt out on the savannah for dinner, to be able to see shadow, not light...for example zebras, rhinos, "my ex wife"....

when he was discussing the female reproductive system, someone asked if the figure of the uterus and ovaries up on the big screen was drawn to scale....he paused and said "only if it's my ex-wife's"...

 

[Trancelucent1]

Recently we had a professor who was discussing STD's and he showed a picture of a really bad case of syphillis chancres on a penis and then he proceeded to say "if you see a penis that looks like this run!" It was so funny. At the beginning of the lecture (which started right after spring break) he showed a famous painting of what looked like an orgy and he said "some of you may have been doing this over spring break!" It was great. Another professor put on our last test: Over spring break I promise to:
a) not come home with an STD b)wear a condom and some various other answers, I thought it was quite amusing. We also just had a professor who was showing a picture of a penis with some kind of a rash and he was like they say these blisters looks like grapes...well they don't look like any grapes that i've seen! We've got some quite funny professors!

 

[ChemAngel]

"Attendance is optional wha whah whah wha whah wha..." (What I heard AFTER I heard "Attendance is optional") 😉

lucky duck!

I heard

"attendance is manditory ...(interupted by my thoughts, "damnit! what the hell?! what is this, kindergarden?!)..."


actually funny things are usually when the professor says something wrong.

Our pharmaceutics professor has a thick asian accent and says things like

"wab (for lab)"

"bill (for pill)"

But the best one goes to my professor from FIU (Dr. Chan) who started going off on "professor"

"professor this and professor that"

I was totally confused and thought he was using class time to bad mouth a professor.

"when you got swess (stress), the professor woes (goes) up"

I still ddint' get it...the professor doesn't handle well under stress?

Finally it hit me....

it wasn't "professor" It was "blood vessel" in a rather thick asian accent. I'll never forget that for the rest of my life.

 

[aubieRx]

“A cave full of sulfuric acid will kill you real bad.”

haha i used to write down my high school teacher's stupidiest quotes... and then i got to (undergraduate) college and none of my professors have been weird enough to bother recording. Hopefully this will change in pharmacy school because i could use the entertainment.

 

[vafcarrot]

My organic teacher is from an eastern europe and she really hates the whole "fast food, get fat, use drugs to be healthy" American attitude. My favorite thing is that she would always say "(Insert really horrible thing) and get on with your life"

Like.... (in an eastern europe accent) Your grandmother dies and then you get on with your life.

You got in a car crash and hit your head and can't study and you still have to take the organic test... and then you get on with your life.

You don't make it into pharmacy school and no graduate school will take... and then you get on with your life.

That's pretty much her response to every woe's me excuse anyone can come up with

 

[off2skl]

It took me like 20 minutes to figure out the "skeleetal"

Has he discussed his love for canadian beer?

I think he mentioned Canadian beer, but wsn't a highlight.

As for "what have you," no we've had our only class (with the exception of electives) with that professor.

 

[off2skl]

Oh I remember another one; Fisher likes plays on words.

For example: Huntington's Chorea; like pharmacy is a chorea; North and South chorea 🙂

Does anyone remember any others?

 

[ForgetMeNot]

Oh I remember another one; Fisher likes plays on words.

For example: Huntington's Chorea; like pharmacy is a chorea; North and South chorea 🙂

Does anyone remember any others?

You're going to hear them in every class you have with him. Some are good...

 

[Scientist]

actually funny things are usually when the professor says something wrong.

Our pharmaceutics professor has a thick asian accent and says things like

"wab (for lab)"

"bill (for pill)"

But the best one goes to my professor from FIU (Dr. Chan) who started going off on "professor"

"professor this and professor that"

I was totally confused and thought he was using class time to bad mouth a professor.

"when you got swess (stress), the professor woes (goes) up"

I still ddint' get it...the professor doesn't handle well under stress?

Finally it hit me....

it wasn't "professor" It was "blood vessel" in a rather thick asian accent. I'll never forget that for the rest of my life.

This reminds me of a time when I was in organic chemistry. We had a professor with a thick Asian accent.

It was never a problem to understand him if you had read the chapter before class or listened to the whole theme of the lecture. Anyway, one day he has talking about some chemistry stuff about energy, calories, blah, blah, blah. He then unexpectedly added, “kill the Jews”. Suddenly there was little commotion from the class. I looked around and saw puzzled faces. What was he saying, ‘kill the Jews’…. Why would he say such a thing? Finally a student asked for the professor to clarify himself. “Kill the Jews, kill the Jews”. We just couldn’t get it. Ohhh ‘kilojoules’…… 😳

Bad…but hilarious. I guess that’s what happens for not reading and listening during lectures.

 

[aggiedg02]

My A&P prof at The University of Texas says "pooberty" instead of "puberty"

 

[Sosumi]

I can't remember the funny story my pharmacology professor told us concerning a resident, diabetes, and drinking sweet urine.

Today, my young, very pregnant professor taught us a cool mnemonic for remembering the cranial nerves when doing the neuro exam...
Oh (Optic)
Oh (Olfactory)
Oh (Oculomotor)
To (Trigeminal)
Touch (Trochlear)
And (Abducens)
Feel (Facial)
Virgin (Vestibulocochlear)
Girl's (Glossopharyngeal)
Vagina (Vagus)
So (Spinal Accessory)
Hot (Hypoglossal)

 

[jdpharmd?]

I can't remember the funny story my pharmacology professor told us concerning a resident, diabetes, and drinking sweet urine.

The running joke around here is "How did someone originally discover that the urine tasted sweet?" Did someone just drink lots of urine, and decided that some were sweeter than others? How much urine sweetness tastes "just right" and when does it get "excessive"? 😉

 

[MoosePilot]

I can't remember the funny story my pharmacology professor told us concerning a resident, diabetes, and drinking sweet urine.

Today, my young, very pregnant professor taught us a cool mnemonic for remembering the cranial nerves when doing the neuro exam...
Oh (Optic)
Oh (Olfactory)
Oh (Oculomotor)
To (Trigeminal)
Touch (Trochlear)
And (Abducens)
Feel (Facial)
Virgin (Vestibulocochlear)
Girl's (Glossopharyngeal)
Vagina (Vagus)
So (Spinal Accessory)
Hot (Hypoglossal)

We used "ah, heaven", but that's the same way I learned it.

 

[bananaface]

I like Wendel Nelson's comment, "You guys know how to visualize a coordinat plane, right? I mean, it would look kind of like the corner of this room. (hears laughter, looks around) Well, it would if this room had square corners."

 

[jemc2000]

My O-Chem professor (who is at retirement age) was explaining our first condensation lab in lecture. He started by showing the glassware, and then how to grease the pieces to put them together. He then says, "you only want to grease the male side as the female side will get too slippery"..... he stops talking, turns beet red and says - "class dismissed".