Dating an IMG

[confusedhokie]

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Hey wise friends,

Been a long time since I posted anything, and it's a bit of a different one than in the past, but the title says it all. I've been dating someone who just started school in Ireland with a five year program. I'm currently in year three and am pretty sure I want to go into general surgery- nothing crazy, just smaller suburban town kinda lifestyle after it's all said and done.

With that said, I have no idea how to approach the situation with my girlfriend. Obviously I have to decide where I want to go long before she does, but I guess at the same time I want to choose a place that's going to make things as easy as possible when it is time for her to come home. She's someone I fully intend on marrying one day, so I really don't know what to do in terms of choosing somewhere to go. She's going to have to go through the match several years after me, and I know IMG's already have a tougher time matching that US grads. Does anyone have any advice or heard of a situation like this?

 

[DNC127]

cut loses, regroup, find a new girl who is good at baking.

 

[Rekt]

Hey wise friends,

Been a long time since I posted anything, and it's a bit of a different one than in the past, but the title says it all. I've been dating someone who just started school in Ireland with a five year program. I'm currently in year three and am pretty sure I want to go into general surgery- nothing crazy, just smaller suburban town kinda lifestyle after it's all said and done.

With that said, I have no idea how to approach the situation with my girlfriend. Obviously I have to decide where I want to go long before she does, but I guess at the same time I want to choose a place that's going to make things as easy as possible when it is time for her to come home. She's someone I fully intend on marrying one day, so I really don't know what to do in terms of choosing somewhere to go. She's going to have to go through the match several years after me, and I know IMG's already have a tougher time matching that US grads. Does anyone have any advice or heard of a situation like this?

I actually agree with the above post. Five years or more away from each other is just not going to work out.

 

[libertyyne]

Worry about that bridge when you get there. Go to the residency that you want to. If things work out for the IMG , they work out , if they dont then decide what needs to happen. No need to get worried over hypotheticals when potentially she could dump you tomorrow or any time over the next few years.

 

[GodComplex]

Worry about that bridge when you get there. Go to the residency that you want to. If things work out for the IMG , they work out , if they dont then decide what needs to happen. No need to get worried over hypotheticals when potentially she could dump you tomorrow or any time over the next few years.

This. If it works then it works. Don't worry about it now and just enjoy the relationship.

I wouldn't recommend cutting it off right now. You never know how things will end up. My wife (then girlfriend) and I spent two years apart where we only saw each other 1-2x per month. It actually wasn't anywhere near as difficult as I anticipated, although it can still suck. I know it wasn't 5 years and I don't know how often you will see each other but it may work out.

 

[Peach Newport]

I guess your rotation sites don't drug test for the crack you're obviously smoking regularly.

But seriously, this is BAD idea, and you know it.

Look, I know this is a serious relationship. But you guys have a really big problem here. 5 years apart like that is simply not feasible. Seeing each other at all is going to be practically impossible due to both your schedules, not to mention prohibitively expensive. You'd have to assume you'd virtually never see each other. To say that this kind of relationship is feasible is laughable.

Also, I hate to say this... but if my girlfriend decided to go to medical school in Ireland, I would *seriously* doubt her commitment to our relationship. In fact, I'd assume this was her way of ending the relationship. I can't see any good reason why she'd do this. As far as I'm concerned, that's her killing the relationship right there. If she wanted to stay in the relationship, why not hold out for an American medical school? Even if she's not a citizen, there are much better options than what she's doing... assuming she really intends to stay with you.

 

[68PGunner]

You dare introduce an IMG to the SDN hall full of studs and wonderwomen? Shame on you... you have brought shame to our family. No GS matching for you...

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I guess your rotation sites don't drug test for the crack you're obviously smoking regularly.

But seriously, this is BAD idea, and you know it.

Look, I know this is a serious relationship. But you guys have a really big problem here. 5 years apart like that is simply not feasible. Seeing each other at all is going to be practically impossible due to both your schedules, not to mention prohibitively expensive. You'd have to assume you'd virtually never see each other. To say that this kind of relationship is feasible is laughable.

Also, I hate to say this... but if my girlfriend decided to go to medical school in Ireland, I would *seriously* doubt her commitment to our relationship. In fact, I'd assume this was her way of ending the relationship. I can't see any good reason why she'd do this. As far as I'm concerned, that's her killing the relationship right there. If she wanted to stay in the relationship, why not hold out for an American medical school? Even if she's not a citizen, there are much better options than what she's doing... assuming she really intends to stay with you.

While I actually agree with you, I know someone who spent almost 5 years away from his girlfriend, and when they finally got back together, they got married. It happens, but the rare cases are the exception that proves the rule. I would just take it as it comes and not make any decisions that could adversely affect your career (whether objectively or subjectively) over a relationship that has a low chance of survival.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

cut loses, regroup, find a new girl who is good at baking.

Agreed. This has worked out well for me as @DNC127 can attest

 

[•Syzygy•]

people are being harsh, and some are probably coming from cynical point of views, but i do agree with one of the posters who told you to do what you want and let the rest fall into place. you have no idea what will happen in 5 years time..hell a whole relationship can bloom in just half a year.

you shouldn't be making these kind of decisions with her in mind if she left for 5 years and is just a girlfriend. you should be doing you right now

 

[ctaim]

If you guys can survive nations apart, you can survive being a few hours or less apart in the United States. You'll get to see each other at least. Do what is best for you at this point and figure out the rest when the time comes, in 3 or four years. There will likely be a lot of options, but you don't know your options until you solidify your own life plan first.

 

[failedatlife]

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

I think this is the best post you've ever made

 

[QueenJames]

Disregard females, acquire currency.

 

[Lexdiamondz]

people are being harsh, and some are probably coming from cynical point of views, but i do agree with one of the posters who told you to do what you want and let the rest fall into place. you have no idea what will happen in 5 years time..hell a whole relationship can bloom in just half a year.

you shouldn't be making these kind of decisions with her in mind if she left for 5 years and is just a girlfriend. you should be doing you right now

this right here

 

[Donald Juan]

This. If it works then it works. Don't worry about it now and just enjoy the relationship.

I wouldn't recommend cutting it off right now. You never know how things will end up. My wife (then girlfriend) and I spent two years apart where we only saw each other 1-2x per month. It actually wasn't anywhere near as difficult as I anticipated, although it can still suck. I know it wasn't 5 years and I don't know how often you will see each other but it may work out.

Seeing someone 1-2x/month for 2 years is far different from their situation, where they will likely see each other 1x/year for 5+ years.

 

[cd14+]

Does anyone have any advice or heard of a situation like this?

You might consider asking Harvey Weinstein. He is fairly adept with women, according to the NY Times, and word has it he has some free time on his hands at the moment other than his feminist attorney suing the NY Times and making non-apology apologies

Send your girlfriend an emoticon and look for her reply. Tell us what emoticon she used and we can put our heads together to figure this out knowing she is an IMG. SDNers know everything abouy IMGs!

<snark off>

 

[NotAProgDirector]

There's no decisions to be made for 1.5 years. So, see how it goes being apart to start.

When it comes time to match, if you want to be together, your best option is to look at places with a high density of programs that take IMG's. You could be at a big name program in NYC, and she could match to a community program, for example.

When she's a 4th year, you should try to see if you can help get her a rotation at your program. It's much easier to get a "visiting student" rotation if you're an IMG if someone inside the program helps.

 

[Staphylococcus Aureus]

OTHER FISH.

Sounds like a lifetime of relationship stress distilled into five years. Are you sure you want to be an intern with a fiance in a different time zone you see once a year? I would think long and hard about this being the only person you can be with, making it worth the sacrifices.

She's making big sacrifices as well, you might both be better off with supportive, flexible, arms-reach significant others.

 

[takeurmeds02]

Some of you guys are way too harsh. There's more to life than medicine. This is someone who he's considering marrying.

That being said, To OP,

Worry about that bridge when you get there. Go to the residency that you want to. If things work out for the IMG , they work out , if they dont then decide what needs to happen. No need to get worried over hypotheticals when potentially she could dump you tomorrow or any time over the next few years.

This was really good advice. The reality is that you don't know what tomorrow will bring. It would suck to position yourself around something that isn't set in stone and miss out on major opportunities. Take it one step at a time, weighing your options at each step.

You know this but life doesn't always easily line up. You both have work hard for the future life you want together.