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I am a second year student and the whole dating thing has been on my mind lately. I didn't date much in college because I had a very limited options considering that my main concern was to get to med school so I didn't get out much. The few guys I was interested in were never interested in being more than just friends. I am not picky, but I want someone I can carry a conversation with who share at least some of the same values. And Right now every time a guy seems slightly interested , once he finds out about med school he runs for his life. I am told I am attractive, and I am in no way near being over-weight. I take care of myself. I thought about it and realized that maybe I should try and date within my class at least the guy would know what I am dealing with in terms of lifestyle and the constant studying.

So lets say I found a classmate who I know is available/single and I sort of started having kind of a crush, or lets I am curious in talking to him more outside of school how do I go about talking/ getting to know him. Our class is huge and friends circles are different and i have such a low profile since i tend to keep to myself and avoid drama like the plague. So i never get invited to the parties he attend and vice versa. we talked maybe 2x in person. I asked around and found out that he is not dauche bag or a player. I heard good things. He probably just know me by face and nothing more. How do I approach him without being creepy or desperate.
 

thedoctor8706

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I am a second year student and the whole dating thing has been on my mind lately. I didn't date much in college because I had a very limited options considering that my main concern was to get to med school so I didn't get out much. The few guys I was interested in were never interested in being more than just friends. I am not picky, but I want someone I can carry a conversation with who share at least some of the same values. And Right now every time a guy seems slightly interested , once he finds out about med school he runs for his life. I am told I am attractive, and I am in no way near being over-weight. I take care of myself. I thought about it and realized that maybe I should try and date within my class at least the guy would know what I am dealing with in terms of lifestyle and the constant studying.

So lets say I found a classmate who I know is available/single and I sort of started having kind of a crush, or lets I am curious in talking to him more outside of school how do I go about talking/ getting to know him. Our class is huge and friends circles are different and i have such a low profile since i tend to keep to myself and avoid drama like the plague. So i never get invited to the parties he attend and vice versa. we talked maybe 2x in person. I asked around and found out that he is not dauche bag or a player. I heard good things. He probably just know me by face and nothing more. How do I approach him without being creepy or desperate.
Med school is no different than real life in this regard. Don't try to do a ton of stealth work and wait for what you think is the perfect opportunity to creep up, make something happen. I understand its harder for girls in this regard, but lets just say my now wife got my attention after I attended a party or two she hosted. Then I started doing the pursuing. I don't claim to be an expert, but don't think that because you are in med school there is some other kind of system you have to use to find a relationship. Make something happen and see what follows! :)
 

NickNaylor

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Just beware of the "blowback" if the relationship fails, especially if you're at a smaller school. It's entirely possible that you will be stuck with this guy at some point on your rotations during third year.

For what it's worth, there have been several intraclass relationships thus far. A few have fizzled, but a couple are still going strong. It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.
 

penguinism

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Talk to other friends, find out what people are doing on the weekends, and try to hit up some of the same parties or bars that he goes to. Keep it casual at first and just go with the flow. Just be aware that things can go sour and it can get awkward (hence why I'm avoiding any sort of inter-class relationship or hook-up right now - I've seen the drama that ensues!).

Also, it is possible to find people outside of medical school that understand the hectic schedule. Consider pharmacy, DPT, law, PhD, MBA, etc. students. The only problem is that it might be difficult to coordinate time to hang out when you're both busy. The upside is that if things go wrong, you don't have to see them frequently. :D
 

Stellar Clouds

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I am a second year student and the whole dating thing has been on my mind lately. I didn't date much in college because I had a very limited options considering that my main concern was to get to med school so I didn't get out much. The few guys I was interested in were never interested in being more than just friends. I am not picky, but I want someone I can carry a conversation with who share at least some of the same values. And Right now every time a guy seems slightly interested , once he finds out about med school he runs for his life. I am told I am attractive, and I am in no way near being over-weight. I take care of myself. I thought about it and realized that maybe I should try and date within my class at least the guy would know what I am dealing with in terms of lifestyle and the constant studying.

So lets say I found a classmate who I know is available/single and I sort of started having kind of a crush, or lets I am curious in talking to him more outside of school how do I go about talking/ getting to know him. Our class is huge and friends circles are different and i have such a low profile since i tend to keep to myself and avoid drama like the plague. So i never get invited to the parties he attend and vice versa. we talked maybe 2x in person. I asked around and found out that he is not dauche bag or a player. I heard good things. He probably just know me by face and nothing more. How do I approach him without being creepy or desperate.
Don't be shy...take a leap of faith. Ask him to grab a cup of coffee after class some day, or find out where he eats lunch and go eat with him. Try to increase that number of times you have talked to him in person.
 
OP
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Don't be shy...take a leap of faith. Ask him to grab a cup of coffee after class some day, or find out where he eats lunch and go eat with him. Try to increase that number of times you have talked to him in person.
I am extremely shy, and lack in the flirting/ dealing with guys department. I sit close by in class and half the time he is either talking to his friends which consist of 5 guys who are inseparable from him ( I am not friends with any of them), or his head is buried in his notes. I usually have no problem talking to people, but during class some people get grumpy and stressed so the last thing they need is some side conversation from a person they don't know.
The one time I intentionally talked to him, I asked him if I missed anything in class since I came late , he mumbled a no and started glazing at his notes. I even dressed up a little for class that and wear make up for him to notice me. I got attention that day from other guys though:lame:
PS I hate attention and I understand the fact that you go to class to learn and not for other purposes
 

evilbooyaa

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What in the world...

Get a gaggle of girlfriends to ask his friends whether this guy, who doesn't know that you like him, likes you. Stand around at the end of class with them outside the classroom, call his name when he walks by, smile, laugh, wink, and give him a little wave to get his attention. All while wearing a jean jacket and a short-ish skirt, with your hair down. Do this enough times and he'll either be smitten or so annoyed he gets a restraining order. Either way, you have your answer.

Or, surround yourself with all the guys that are interested in you, and laugh really loudly anytime that he walks by. If he doesn't walk by, go find where he is studying with these guys following you, sit down on the desk closest to him, throw your head back and laugh at the first and every stupid thing those guys say.


Seriously, what is this? You're in med school and are incapable of talking to someone that you like of the opposite sex? I have not been historically the best person myself on this exact topic, but I'm not the one making threads like this.

This is like high school. I know med school is a lot like high school (intra-class incest, cliques, etc. etc.) but it doesn't have to include high school level shyness and note passing of "Do you like me? Yes or No".

Sorry if this sounds harsh and it's not really meant to be, but if you're an attractive girl as you say, you have two options:
1) Show interest in him and make conversation when possible, and gauge his response based off his reaction
OR
2) Doll yourself up everyday and hope to get noticed, either by pure beauty or by jealousy. You pick.
 

113

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Just ask him. I don't think it's even necessary to dress up. As a guy, I've only been asked out by a girl maybe twice in my whole life, and I've said yes every time out of admiration and surprise. I've asked girls out countless times, and I'm probably batting under 0.500.:shrug:

Anyway, the point is, the odds are heavily in your favor. It sounds like you're not close with the guy, so even if things get weird or he declines, it wouldn't be hard to avoid him. And as much as I hate the cliche, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."


Also, re. the "lack in the flirting/ dealing with guys department." If you're attractive as you say, you don't need any special skills. Smile and pretend to be interested in what he says. We men all enjoy pretty girls that like us.:) That will never change.
 
OP
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Ask him to study together.
I wish it was that easy. I just feel paralyzed, as I said I am not close to him. I am just a familiar face. I barely know the guy aside from random conversations here and there and asking around. I fear rejection, we all do I guess. Plus, I like things the traditional way.

is asking him to get coffee sometime after class too desperate? I just want to evaluate the situation, keep in mind we barely talk. its too forward I guess, but at least I am not playing any games who have time for that when you have boards to study for and exams every few weeks...
 

docnotsopc

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Why are med students so socially awkward. Far too many have the social skills/dating skills of a 15 year old. If you like the person, try to date them. If you are REALLY lucky, you might get to french kiss tehe tehe
 
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Why are med students so socially awkward. Far too many have the social skills/dating skills of a 15 year old. If you like the person, try to date them. If you are REALLY lucky, you might get to french kiss tehe tehe
we study so much and get so comfortable in our own bubble that we forget that another world exist outside.
 

QuacksterVu

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I wish it was that easy. I just feel paralyzed, as I said I am not close to him. I am just a familiar face. I barely know the guy aside from random conversations here and there and asking around. I fear rejection, we all do I guess. Plus, I like things the traditional way.

is asking him to get coffee sometime after class too desperate? I just want to evaluate the situation, keep in mind we barely talk. its too forward I guess, but at least I am not playing any games who have time for that when you have boards to study for and exams every few weeks...
No, that is not desperate. Maybe it is because I am a guy, but I prefer that the girl is forward. Eliminates the mind games and unnecessary stuff. Just go for it.
 

Stellar Clouds

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I wish it was that easy. I just feel paralyzed, as I said I am not close to him. I am just a familiar face. I barely know the guy aside from random conversations here and there and asking around. I fear rejection, we all do I guess. Plus, I like things the traditional way.

is asking him to get coffee sometime after class too desperate? I just want to evaluate the situation, keep in mind we barely talk. its too forward I guess, but at least I am not playing any games who have time for that when you have boards to study for and exams every few weeks...
It is definitely not desperate or too forward.

Tons of guys would love for an attractive woman to ask them out. Hell, it's how my wife and I got started years ago. :biglove:
 
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It is definitely not desperate or too forward.

Tons of guys would love for an attractive woman to ask them out. Hell, it's how my wife and I got started years ago. :biglove:
haha thanks :) so if you don't mind helping a sister out haha how can I word it to not seem creepy, or not to surprise him so I won't get a no.. I am just going to try to find an opportunity when he is by himself and approach him.. what should I say?

usually when this happens to me, with someone I barely know, I don't have the best response/reaction because I am usually taken by surprise...
 

Stellar Clouds

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haha thanks :) so if you don't mind helping a sister out haha how can I word it to not seem creepy, or not to surprise him so I won't get a no.. I am just going to try to find an opportunity when he is by himself and approach him.. what should I say?

usually when this happens to me, with someone I barely know, I don't have the best response/reaction because I am usually taken by surprise...
Well you could start by talking about class that day, a recent test, etc. After you make a little small talk, just say that you are going to Starbucks after class today, would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me?
 
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haha thanks :) so if you don't mind helping a sister out haha how can I word it to not seem creepy, or not to surprise him so I won't get a no.. I am just going to try to find an opportunity when he is by himself and approach him.. what should I say?

usually when this happens to me, with someone I barely know, I don't have the best response/reaction because I am usually taken by surprise...
Ask him to explain something that you missed in class. Take him out for coffee as a thank you. If you’re scared of being rejected, just keep it casual. Who says no to free coffee? If he does say no…. well question answered.
 
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So there is this new thing called being an adult. Just ask him to hang out. But as someone who played this game when it ends, or if it ends remember you have to be around this person literally all the time
 

FIREitUP

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this thread should be called "talking to boys" not "dating another fellow student!". the social ineptitude in medical school is astounding.
 
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I wish it was that easy. I just feel paralyzed, as I said I am not close to him. I am just a familiar face. I barely know the guy aside from random conversations here and there and asking around. I fear rejection, we all do I guess. Plus, I like things the traditional way.

is asking him to get coffee sometime after class too desperate? I just want to evaluate the situation, keep in mind we barely talk. its too forward I guess, but at least I am not playing any games who have time for that when you have boards to study for and exams every few weeks...
I think the studying thing is a better idea than coffee. If you feel paralyzed asking him to study, how awkward do you think this coffee date will be? I personally have never gone to get coffee with someone as a "getting to know you" type thing. Usually I just go with people I already know or friends.

The last thing you want is to freak out during coffee and then he will think you are weird forever. I think you should just start talking to him more. Ask him questions or for help or help him with stuff. Slowly work your way in. Get his email or number in case you need to help with something. Then whenever you talk to him always throw in something not school related. Also, if you're trying to start a conversation, never ask a yes or no question. You asked him if you missed something that day and he said no then went back to his notes. To prevent this ask open ended questions. Find out what type of music he likes or if he has any hobbies. Then when an event comes up ask him if he'd like to go. I think this is way better than coffee. To me that just seems strange. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker.

Another idea is to get one of your female friends to become friends with one of the guys he's friends with. Then she can bring you into the group. But be careful not to be too friendly to the other guys in case one of them falls for you.
 
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I appreciate the help. I think I will just go by the coffee thing and give him my phone to call at his convenience when he wants to get it..see I am not friends with him so at least if the answer is no I can move on without any hard feelings... but if I talk to him and become friends then a no will be hard to take on my part and it will be awkward .. .we are a huge class and boards and clinicals are soon so the chance of seeing him after the next 2 months are really slim.. thanks for the help.
 
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J
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Oh god. I read half of the first page, checked how long the entire thread was, then said F-it and closed it.

Please do not follow her advice by asking for SDNers to contact you regarding a relationship.[

haha... don't worry I am NOT that desperate yet for a relationship... haha
 

evilbooyaa

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I think the studying thing is a better idea than coffee. If you feel paralyzed asking him to study, how awkward do you think this coffee date will be? I personally have never gone to get coffee with someone as a "getting to know you" type thing. Usually I just go with people I already know or friends.

The last thing you want is to freak out during coffee and then he will think you are weird forever. I think you should just start talking to him more. Ask him questions or for help or help him with stuff. Slowly work your way in. Get his email or number in case you need to help with something. Then whenever you talk to him always throw in something not school related. Also, if you're trying to start a conversation, never ask a yes or no question. You asked him if you missed something that day and he said no then went back to his notes. To prevent this ask open ended questions. Find out what type of music he likes or if he has any hobbies. Then when an event comes up ask him if he'd like to go. I think this is way better than coffee. To me that just seems strange. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker.

Another idea is to get one of your female friends to become friends with one of the guys he's friends with. Then she can bring you into the group. But be careful not to be too friendly to the other guys in case one of them falls for you.[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? Is this high school? Did people even do this in high school?
 

FIREitUP

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I think the studying thing is a better idea than coffee. If you feel paralyzed asking him to study, how awkward do you think this coffee date will be? I personally have never gone to get coffee with someone as a "getting to know you" type thing. Usually I just go with people I already know or friends.

The last thing you want is to freak out during coffee and then he will think you are weird forever. I think you should just start talking to him more. Ask him questions or for help or help him with stuff. Slowly work your way in. Get his email or number in case you need to help with something. Then whenever you talk to him always throw in something not school related. Also, if you're trying to start a conversation, never ask a yes or no question. You asked him if you missed something that day and he said no then went back to his notes. To prevent this ask open ended questions. Find out what type of music he likes or if he has any hobbies. Then when an event comes up ask him if he'd like to go. I think this is way better than coffee. To me that just seems strange. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker.

Another idea is to get one of your female friends to become friends with one of the guys he's friends with. Then she can bring you into the group. But be careful not to be too friendly to the other guys in case one of them falls for you.
Are you serious? Is this high school? Did people even do this in high school?
actually, yeah medical school is kind of like high school. instead of raging hormones, you have incessant neuroticism.
 
Jul 6, 2011
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Wait until end of MS2 when he's studying like a madman for Step 1. Then... just be available. By that point he'll be so vulnerable that it won't even matter how much he likes you.

If you want a MEANINGFUL relationship this is a terrible idea.
 

Got Em

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I appreciate the help. I think I will just go by the coffee thing and give him my phone to call at his convenience when he wants to get it..see I am not friends with him so at least if the answer is no I can move on without any hard feelings... but if I talk to him and become friends then a no will be hard to take on my part and it will be awkward .. .we are a huge class and boards and clinicals are soon so the chance of seeing him after the next 2 months are really slim.. thanks for the help.
Ummm...this is a pretty "risky" thing to do. If you have not talked to this guy in 2 years (or only a few times), and you just NOW ask him to go get coffee, he'll already know that you like him. If he doesn't think you're attractive or like you at least a little bit, your game is already over. No challenge at all.

Dating in any of type of situation is like a game. Your goal is to get him to like you. What is the best chance of this happening? Like another person posted, you go in slowly and then work your way into his life. You make friends with his friends, or get to know girls that he hangs with. It's much easier to ask a girl to study with you, then become friends with them. You'll get invited to parties very easily this way. Once you're at the same party as him, everything changes. Now, you play your game. Dress sexy, talk to HIS GUY FRIENDS first and get to a comfortable stage, then later on, work your way to him. Don't talk too much and don't say too many nice things. Actually, if you're a little mean (playfully) to him, it will work wonders for you. Stroke his ego and pull back. Bam! He's yours.

Haha, I'm just rambling, but this is part of your blueprint. Now go study with his friends and report back after a week.
 

bashir

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I think the studying thing is a better idea than coffee. If you feel paralyzed asking him to study, how awkward do you think this coffee date will be? I personally have never gone to get coffee with someone as a "getting to know you" type thing. Usually I just go with people I already know or friends.

The last thing you want is to freak out during coffee and then he will think you are weird forever. I think you should just start talking to him more. Ask him questions or for help or help him with stuff. Slowly work your way in. Get his email or number in case you need to help with something. Then whenever you talk to him always throw in something not school related. Also, if you're trying to start a conversation, never ask a yes or no question. You asked him if you missed something that day and he said no then went back to his notes. To prevent this ask open ended questions. Find out what type of music he likes or if he has any hobbies. Then when an event comes up ask him if he'd like to go. I think this is way better than coffee. To me that just seems strange. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker.
This is sensible advice. Do this.

Another idea is to get one of your female friends to become friends with one of the guys he's friends with. Then she can bring you into the group. But be careful not to be too friendly to the other guys in case one of them falls for you.
I can't believe this advice came from the same person as the sensible advice above. Don't do this.
 

Drpowerlifter

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I always have the impression that female med students arent the type to get super dirty with their bfs.
 

HughMyron

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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
 
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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
Super creepy!!! :nono:
 
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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
I will run for my life if you say that to me haha..... Think it don't say it haha
 

angldrps

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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
Please let this be a troll post!!:xf:
 

evilbooyaa

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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
Dude. What?
 

D elegans

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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
Don't ever be left alone with a patient
 

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This thread is of special interest to me, cause I'm pretty sure the first time I'll see a woman nude is when I'm taught to do a pelvic exam haha. I'm sure a lot of medical students will tell you the same thing if you can worm it out of them. :)
College. You're doing it wrong.

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Winged Scapula

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Take it from a veteran dater:

- there is nothing wrong with asking him to coffee, even under the pretense of talking about some specific school subject;

- however, let HIM ask for your number; do not give it without him asking for it. If he is interested in seeing you again outside of class, he will ask AND he will call (he may just ask to be polite). Guys know how this works.

- IMHO the man has to be more interested in you than you are in him, at least initially. This harkens back to the natural tendency to hunt and keeps them around longer. I'm not suggesting playing games, but you should not be asking him out, offering him your number, essentially doing all the work. Let him chase you a little if he really wants you. That way you know.

- if he has not paid you much attention in class, even when you've talked to him or dolled yourself up, be prepared for the possibility that he's "just not that into you". Women seem to be incapable of understanding this. They assume that men will hit anything that walks. Some will. Many will not. Women think if they were just X (hotter, thinner, etc.), that particular man will want them. So if doesn't take the bait on your coffee date, then let it go.

Personally if I had talked to a man who didn't seem interested and didn't initiate any further conversation with me, I'd assume he's got his head elsewhere (another woman, he's gay, he doesn't find me attractive, etc.) and move on. YMMV.
 
OP
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Jan 23, 2013
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Take it from a veteran dater:

- there is nothing wrong with asking him to coffee, even under the pretense of talking about some specific school subject;

- however, let HIM ask for your number; do not give it without him asking for it. If he is interested in seeing you again outside of class, he will ask AND he will call (he may just ask to be polite). Guys know how this works.

- IMHO the man has to be more interested in you than you are in him, at least initially. This harkens back to the natural tendency to hunt and keeps them around longer. I'm not suggesting playing games, but you should not be asking him out, offering him your number, essentially doing all the work. Let him chase you a little if he really wants you. That way you know.

- if he has not paid you much attention in class, even when you've talked to him or dolled yourself up, be prepared for the possibility that he's "just not that into you". Women seem to be incapable of understanding this. They assume that men will hit anything that walks. Some will. Many will not. Women think if they were just X (hotter, thinner, etc.), that particular man will want them. So if doesn't take the bait on your coffee date, then let it go.

Personally if I had talked to a man who didn't seem interested and didn't initiate any further conversation with me, I'd assume he's got his head elsewhere (another woman, he's gay, he doesn't find me attractive, etc.) and move on. YMMV.
Haha thanks! See the thing is I don't know I have minimally tried to directly get his attention. I am not a class goer and if i go i sit with my own group away from him. i sat close by handful of times. The response I got so far is an awkward smile/hello in the hallways/ holding the door . And some random conversation about a mutual non med school friend where he seemed to want to talk but I was rushing somewhere haha ... :confused:
 

D P356

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Guys are visually stimulated, straight up. You'll get his attention if you wear a low cut shirt when you get coffee. I didn't write the book, that's just the way it is.

Pretty face = nice. Pretty face + other easily identifiable/somewhat revealed assets = fantastic. You may even catch him taking a look. Don't be offended, that's just how he is wired.

This is just the looks department, then you get to be a human being and talk to him.

You're already not dating him, so you can only go in one direction. Over time he may or may not like you, it all depends, but if you're compatible/low maintenance and he thinks you're pretty and fun, then you've got a shot a something. Most guys would dig a pretty girl who wants to spend time with them. Doll yourself up, wear a low shirt, ask him to get some coffee, be a human and relax when you're out. When hanging out, I could tell when a chick was nervous when I was a younger man; I had to tell one to relax. Didn't want see her again. The next girl I dated is now my wife.

experience: I'm a man.
 
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This is sensible advice. Do this.



I can't believe this advice came from the same person as the sensible advice above. Don't do this.
Haha ok, I'll take that. I don't see why people dislike the last idea. If the OP is shy or nervous it might be easier to get more social contact with him if they had mutual friends :confused:

I personally think the guy should do the asking. He should always sweat you more than you sweat him.
 

DreamingTheLive

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Medical students never cease to amaze me.
 

MilkmanAl

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Let him chase you a little if he really wants you. That way you know.
Meh. Hard-to-get is just frustrating. It doesn't work on me or most guys I know. You're much more likely to convince me I'm wasting my time than that you like me, so I don't recommend that at all. Reciprocating a little interest is much more effective, in my opinion.
 
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