Dating in med school

[premeditation123]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

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[dr_kateb]

Mandatory "dude just put on your white coat and go to a bar."

 

[M&L]

I think for you the best way to find someone might be to get to know ppl through common activities, - various interest groups, etc. in my school we have (well, had before COVID) game nights, class activities, etc. This could be a great way to meet people and get to know them.

dont worry about never dating yet. I know plenty of people who never dated till mid 20s and they are doing just fine. Just be honest with a person you will start dating, and tell them that, even though you have little experience, you are willing to listen. Ability to empathize with your partner and listen is the best quality, and it does not necessarily requires person relationship experience (it can be acquired through friendships, etc). Personally, as a women, i know that in a way dating a guy with little to no relationship experience could be way better, because they have not had time to build up walls of resentment from previous relationship, if it makes any sense.

SO, to sum it up: dont worry, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Take it slow, dont feel rushed. First get experience interracting with girls through common activities in school, and perhaps it would give you more confidence. And dont worry about anything!!!!!

 

[Ultimakey]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

I’ve actually been wondering how interested people would be in dating a medical student. How many people, who aren’t in the medical field themselves, are willing to date someone who’s going to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the next decade? Wouldn’t they rather just wait to marry a doctor instead?

 

[M&L]

ok am i the only person who still believes in love and "normal" relationship? OP, you will meet someone wonderful, who will love you for who you are, - and not because of your white coat.
If you are religious, get more involved, it is a wonderful way to meet like minded people.
If you are a gamer - go to gaming events. Have hobbies? pursue them. Try to put yourself out there as a friend, as a social human being (i understand you are introverted, so i am not saying push yourself so much that you would be uncomfortable).
I am an introvert, and dating for an introvert is actually not bad. Just look for people within interest groups that you are passionate about.

 

[AnonymousDoctorGuyPerson]

ok am i the only person who still believes in love and "normal" relationship? OP, you will meet someone wonderful, who will love you for who you are, - and not because of your white coat.
If you are religious, get more involved, it is a wonderful way to meet like minded people.
If you are a gamer - go to gaming events. Have hobbies? pursue them. Try to put yourself out there as a friend, as a social human being (i understand you are introverted, so i am not saying push yourself so much that you would be uncomfortable).
I am an introvert, and dating for an introvert is actually not bad. Just look for people within interest groups that you are passionate about.

Agreed with this. Do what you love and you'll find love. Still will have to put the work in of course, but no need to force it, especially not during med school. Just keep doing your thing, try and find more time for yourself and your hobbies and let things fall in line.

 

[deleted889094]

ok am i the only person who still believes in love and "normal" relationship? OP, you will meet someone wonderful, who will love you for who you are, - and not because of your white coat.
If you are religious, get more involved, it is a wonderful way to meet like minded people.
If you are a gamer - go to gaming events. Have hobbies? pursue them. Try to put yourself out there as a friend, as a social human being (i understand you are introverted, so i am not saying push yourself so much that you would be uncomfortable).
I am an introvert, and dating for an introvert is actually not bad. Just look for people within interest groups that you are passionate about.

Agreed. Finding a companion is about figuring out the type of person you want and then asking yourself "Where am I likely to meet this person?" For a lot of people it's church, social groups, activities, and wherever people are gathered for a specific reason.

 

[ThetisAntithesis]

OP, you'll be fine. You're young and a dude, you have time. I'm an incoming M1, female and just had my 1st relationship EVER at 32 and I'm not (that) stressed (yet) about getting into another one.
As others have said, explore your hobbies, it's a great way to meet people and you might get lucky and meet someone in you class who you vibe with and the relationship won't end in shambles.

 

[Angus Avagadro]

I’ve actually been wondering how interested people would be in dating a medical student. How many people, who aren’t in the medical field themselves, are willing to date someone who’s going to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the next decade? Wouldn’t they rather just wait to marry a doctor instead?

Yup. That was my experience. Several med schools in the city where i trained. First question ladies would ask was " Are you a resident?" If no, then they lost interest.

 

[Goro]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

Each year among my students, I'd say that at graduation, I find out that at least two couples in the Class have gotten married of are engaged.

 

[M&L]

I'll say one thing: being premed is not the reason you are single

Definitely!!! He is probably single because he was not looking for relationship

 

[readmypostsMD]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

One word: Lift.

girls luv bros who lift

 

[M&L]

One word: Lift.

girls luv bros who lift

Not all girls . Not me , for example . Girls like a lot of different types of guys .
Girls Like me like gamer /nerdy/geeky /introverted types

 

[Dave1980]

I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Does it get easier in med school?

That's not good or normal. You need to put yourself out there. Life is passing you by. It gets a little easier in med school IMO.

 

[LizzyM]

Med students meet people. They meet fellow students, they meet trainees in allied health programs, they meet hospital employees. If they get involved in community service, they meet people on volunteer night. If they get involved with a faith community or political campaign, they meet like minded people there. I ended up dating a med student I sat next to at a conference luncheon. (I was in my early 20s and working at a non-profit at the time.)

You will meet people if you want to put yourself out there. You'll attend gatherings (once those start happening again), you'll have conversations about topics of mutual interest (my brother met his wife when she was training in the morgue where he worked!), you'll find someone you click with.

 

[Ultimakey]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

Assuming you aren't LGBT, you shouldn't have too hard of a time. It seems like LGBT are just doomed in terms of dating once they're in med school.

 

[RTC19]

If I have learned anything in my life, it is that there is truly someone for everyone. School and activities like church or clubs are a great opportunity to meet people with similar values and interests.

My boyfriend was 25 when we started dating and I was his first girlfriend. I thought that was extra sweet that I got that honor and not something to be ashamed of at all.

You are going to do great.

 

[fathergoat]

Assuming you aren't LGBT, you shouldn't have too hard of a time. It seems like LGBT are just doomed in terms of dating once they're in med school.

I'm curious but why is that?

 

[deleted889094]

Assuming you aren't LGBT, you shouldn't have too hard of a time. It seems like LGBT are just doomed in terms of dating once they're in med school.

I think my LGBT classmates would beg to differ

 

[Angus Avagadro]

I think my LGBT classmates would beg to differ

Agreed. My med school roommate's daughter is a DPT. Her best friend is a gay man dating a med student. Med school does make it a challenge to maintain relationships due to time constraints during pre clinical for studying and clinical rotations which might take place out of town. It takes an effort on both parties to make time for the relationship. Certainly doable for committed people

 

[readmypostsMD]

I'm curious but why is that?

probably because there are significantly less LGBT ppl than straight ppl?

 

[premeditation123]

Mandatory "dude just put on your white coat and go to a bar."

I've been debating whether or not to use the med student status to my advantage (white coat pics in tinder etc..), but it feels cheap and I'm worried it'll attract the wrong crowd.

I think for you the best way to find someone might be to get to know ppl through common activities, - various interest groups, etc. in my school we have (well, had before COVID) game nights, class activities, etc. This could be a great way to meet people and get to know them.

dont worry about never dating yet. I know plenty of people who never dated till mid 20s and they are doing just fine. Just be honest with a person you will start dating, and tell them that, even though you have little experience, you are willing to listen. Ability to empathize with your partner and listen is the best quality, and it does not necessarily requires person relationship experience (it can be acquired through friendships, etc). Personally, as a women, i know that in a way dating a guy with little to no relationship experience could be way better, because they have not had time to build up walls of resentment from previous relationship, if it makes any sense.

SO, to sum it up: dont worry, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Take it slow, dont feel rushed. First get experience interracting with girls through common activities in school, and perhaps it would give you more confidence. And dont worry about anything!!!!!

Thanks for your advice. This puts me a little more at ease. One thing that I've struggled with is the social norm of guys making the first move. I think I'm really bad at reading signs cause throughout the years when girls would hit me up outside of class I never made a move. I feel like part of my problem is I'm too passive.

I'll say one thing: being premed is not the reason you are single

Yes, I know. I just never felt like going out of my way to look for a relationship. It just seemed like so much work and I never really found a girl that I was super interested in.

One word: Lift.

girls luv bros who lift

I lift and am in good physical shape (good for ortho apparently). I could start acting all broey and flexing the guns but idk it just doesn't fit my personality.

 

[Ultimakey]

probably because there are significantly less LGBT ppl than straight ppl?

Yep, and I’m told that gay dudes find dating even harder once they’re 30+. Not sure how true that is, but that seems to be a common sentiment on reddit...

 

[M&L]

Yep, and I’m told that gay dudes find dating even harder once they’re 30+. Not sure how true that is, but that seems to a common sentiment on reddit...

i think it depends on the city. If you are in a big city - easy. If you are in smaller town - harder, especially if you are in a conservative place. SO, it depends.

 

[Damson]

Not all girls . Not me , for example . Girls like a lot of different types of guys .
Girls Like me like gamer /nerdy/geeky /introverted types

same. got a thing for nerds

 

[readmypostsMD]

same. got a thing for nerds

lifting bros can be nerds too

 

[M&L]

lifting bros can be nerds too

so it might sound really weird, but i really really really dont like guys who lift. Lets put it this way - he would have to be someone really special for me emotionally for me to date him. Lets say i am in a bar, and two guys are hitting on me, - one is a skinny nerdy guy with thick glasses and awkward way of talking to girls, and another one looks like he lifts, - the first guy has a better shot. And i am not even kidding. Something about that look just makes me so uncomfortable. Like, as if there is an automatic expectation for me to be in perfect shape as well, if it makes any sense? Now, if i have known the guy for a while, and i like him DESPITE the fact that he lifts, than its ok.

 

[M&L]

lifting bros can be nerds too

you know, i think you might find that more girls agree with me than you might think... We like the IDEA of having a very fit partner... in theory... But in every day life it is a bit too much pressure and a bit too intimidating. Maybe its just me though.

 

[patnic511]

same. got a thing for nerds

+1 and I asked my nerdy bf out! It's not uncommon nowadays for men to be the ones asked out.

 

[deleted1044561]

If you're bad at dating, it will not get any easier if you have an MD/you're an orthopod/have a ferrari.

 

[readmypostsMD]

+1 and I asked my nerdy bf out! It's not uncommon nowadays for men to be the ones asked out.

*sells my bench press for a gameboy*

 

[davidnibba]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

To think this is my first ever post i react to here! Anyway, its not a very good idea. Once you have a fallout, its going to be really uncomfortable. I mean really uncomfortable. Someone here suggested the bar idea. That's fantastic. If youre still inclined to date in med school, please watch Grey's Anatomy and get enlightened about what "drama" is.

 

[LunaOri]

I think most women like men who are physically fit. Guys who lift sometimes look too "beefed up". Especially if they have huge upper bodies and skinny legs.

 

[readmypostsMD]

I think most women like men who are physically fit. Guys who lift sometimes look too "beefed up". Especially if they have huge upper bodies and skinny legs.

wut r legs

 

[LunaOri]

wut r legs

They're those toothpicks that hold up the rest of the body.

 

[readmypostsMD]

They're those toothpicks that hold up the rest of the body.

bros in anatomy lab: everyday is arm day

 

[fathergoat]

probably because there are significantly less LGBT ppl than straight ppl?

ld that gay dudes find dating even harder once they’re 30+. Not sure how true that is, but that seems to be a common sentiment on reddit...

But why is this problem specific to medical school. I would argue that there is a higher percentage of LGBTQ in medical schools compared to the population in America. LGBTQ, particularly among white cohort, are particularly well educated compared to the non-LGBTQ. The LGBTQ population is very strong at my medical school, and are stronger than groups that have higher populations in America. The AMA meetings also have a large number of LGBTQ members, and they are very vocal while also having specific mixers.

 

[Tyrese]

Might have already been said, but just put on your white coat with stethoscope and say that your a med school student. Instant panty-dropper.... But watch out....I'm sure you'll encounter A LOT of gold diggers $$$$

(Btw I'm just joking around, so don't get offended please.)

 

[readmypostsMD]

But why is this problem specific to medical school. I would argue that there is a higher percentage of LGBTQ in medical schools compared to the population in America. LGBTQ, particularly among white cohort, are particularly well educated compared to the non-LGBTQ. The LGBTQ population is very strong at my medical school, and are stronger than groups that have higher populations in America. The AMA meetings also have a large number of LGBTQ members, and they are very vocal while also having specific mixers.

4% of population is lgbt (us census)

approx 4-15% medical students are lgbt (us news below), so let’s assume 10%

assuming equal male/female numbers, that leaves approx only 5% of remaining ppl who lgbt individuals can date w/in med school

dating in med school is already hard, esp when you dramatically reduce the potential dating pool from hundreds to dozens

that was my logic

https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-02-19/us-medical-schools-boost-lgbtq-students-doctor-training

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

Common issue nowadays. A lot of it is cause of social media and over abundance of options in general. Makes everyone picky and creates an unhealthy approach.
Just start looking now and put yourself out there.

I’ve actually been wondering how interested people would be in dating a medical student. How many people, who aren’t in the medical field themselves, are willing to date someone who’s going to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the next decade? Wouldn’t they rather just wait to marry a doctor instead?

Makes very little difference from premed to med student to resident or attending. Different stages of life and different target demographic. The goal posts move as you age too.

I've been debating whether or not to use the med student status to my advantage (white coat pics in tinder etc..), but it feels cheap and I'm worried it'll attract the wrong crowd.

Might have already been said, but just put on your white coat with stethoscope and say that your a med school student. Instant panty-dropper.... But watch out....I'm sure you'll encounter A LOT of gold diggers $$$$

(Btw I'm just joking around, so don't get offended please.)

Lol dude there is no "med student status" in 2020. There isn't even doctor status as half of society talks **** about us and thinks we're big pharma frontmen.
Basically, no one is going to date you just because you're a med student or a physician. They need a physical and emotional connection first. That's your face and personality.
If by "wrong crowd" you mean people looking for a sugar daddy? They tend to be direct and honest about it. And those are semi-formal arrangements which you can certainly do as an attending if you missed out on college fun.

 

[readmypostsMD]

Common issue nowadays. A lot of it is cause of social media and over abundance of options in general. Makes everyone picky and creates an unhealthy approach.
Just start looking now and put yourself out there.

Makes very little difference from premed to med student to resident or attending. Different stages of life and different target demographic. The goal posts move as you age too.




Lol dude there is no "med student status" in 2020. There isn't even doctor status as half of society talks **** about us and thinks we're big pharma frontmen.
Basically, no one is going to date you just because you're a med student or a physician. They need a physical and emotional connection first. That's your face and personality.
If by "wrong crowd" you mean people looking for a sugar daddy? They tend to be direct and honest about it. And those are semi-formal arrangements which you can certainly do as an attending if you missed out on college fun.

“There isn't even doctor status as half of society talks **** about us and thinks we're big pharma frontmen.”

Dictionary.com | Meanings & Definitions of English Words

The world's leading online dictionary: English definitions, synonyms, word origins, example sentences, word games, and more. A trusted authority for 25+ years!

www.dictionary.com

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

“There isn't even doctor status as half of society talks **** about us and thinks we're big pharma frontmen.”

You disagree?

 

[readmypostsMD]

You disagree?

Findings at a glance: Medical doctors

Most Americans have positive overall views of medical doctors, and roughly half or more believe they can routinely count on medical doctors to do a good job, to show concern for patients’ interests and to provide fair and accurate information.

www.pewresearch.org

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Findings at a glance: Medical doctors

Most Americans have positive overall views of medical doctors, and roughly half or more believe they can routinely count on medical doctors to do a good job, to show concern for patients’ interests and to provide fair and accurate information.

www.pewresearch.org

Cool story bro. You kind of missed the big picture on my point. "Doctor status" isn't an actual thing that facilitates dating success.

 

[readmypostsMD]

Cool story bro. You kind of missed the big picture on my point. "Doctor status" isn't an actual thing that facilitates dating success.

nah I didn’t miss that point at all tbh. I just fact checked your point that eVeRyOnE hAtEs dOctOrS

 

[Tyrese]

Lol dude there is no "med student status" in 2020. There isn't even doctor status as half of society talks **** about us and thinks we're big pharma frontmen.
Basically, no one is going to date you just because you're a med student or a physician. They need a physical and emotional connection first. That's your face and personality.
If by "wrong crowd" you mean people looking for a sugar daddy? They tend to be direct and honest about it. And those are semi-formal arrangements which you can certainly do as an attending if you missed out on college fun.

Mi amigo, 'twas a J O K E... I even clearly stated that in my post in case people couldn't realize that. Funnily enough, it still isn't obvious enough for you...

 

[fathergoat]

4% of population is lgbt (us census)

approx 4-15% medical students are lgbt (us news below), so let’s assume 10%

assuming equal male/female numbers, that leaves approx only 5% of remaining ppl who lgbt individuals can date w/in med school

dating in med school is already hard, esp when you dramatically reduce the potential dating pool from hundreds to dozens

that was my logic

https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-02-19/us-medical-schools-boost-lgbtq-students-doctor-training

Wow, it must be difficult. I am also part of a minority group that is actually smaller than LGBTQ population-wise. It was difficult for me as well, but I actually am currently with someone non-medical I found on an app, and I know there are apps available for LGBTQ members.

Also, thank you for sending me that article! I had no idea schools were so interested in admitted LGBTQ members!

I wish you the best! And I hope you find someone that will bring you happiness!

 

[LizzyM]

I had no idea schools were so interested in admitted LGBTQ members!

It pretty much started after the HIV epidemic started as medicine recognized the need to have physicians who have a familiarity and comfort with that community and who could build trust with that community as providers. Many people want to have a doctor who "looks like them" whether in terms of gender, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Some schools see recruiting LGBTQ candidates as a way of enhancing diversity in the class and in the profession.

And many care for non-LGBTQ patients too and are cherished for their compassion, their communications skills and their willingness to go the extra mile for the team and the patient.

 

[Lovely Penguin]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but felt i needed to vent. I'm a 22yo male incoming m1 in a couple weeks. been single my entire life. Living at home since march has made me feel pretty sad and recently my mom asked me "how come you've never had a girlfriend, that's not normal". I didn't really think much of it during hs and college since my mentality was always "just study hard now, figure out all that relationship stuff later." Now I've made it into a really good med school in a big city, but I'm worried that I have no relationship experience and that I'm going to get old and be alone forever. I'm pretty introverted and shy when talking to girls, and I've tried dating apps/went on a few dates but never really vibed with anyone and it always felt so forced. Does it get easier in med school? I've heard it's generally a bad idea to date people within your class, so I want to avoid that. I want to do a competitive specialty like ortho/neurosurg (which apparently has high divorce rates), and I'm worried that med school will just be a repeat of undergrad where I'm buried in the books and will continue to stay single. I hope my frustration makes sense and I'm posting here since I don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking with about my feelings.

Dude we're in the same boat, I had a brief relationship before but never had anyone show interest in me.. Considering covid and the rigors of medical school and our lack of experience I think we are screwed haha (even the part about mom making comments fits me...)

 

[deleted1032897]

I know this seems counterintuitive, but my general advice is stop desperately looking for the one and then you'll find them when you least expect it. I feel like prospective partners can smell "neeeeed companionship" a mile away and from experience, nothing makes me hightail it faster than that. I feel like that's why dating apps can feel so forced; much less pressure when you meet a friend through a mutual interest and it moves to romance from there. You will have to make some time for it; get involved with groups you're interested in, take opportunities to go out with friends and be social, be open to meeting new people, but do the emotional growth you need to be happy by yourself. If you take the time to do that, it will be easier to balance a relationship with two independent people when you're busy. I can't comment if it's bad to date classmates- it might be nice to have someone who understands what you're going through, but just recognize if you'll be competitive with each other and know you won't be able to get away from them easily if you break up haha. My fiancee is in an opposite career to medicine, but still is super busy so he understands the career commitment. Finding someone who gets that and is also super self-motivated is helpful in sustaining your relationship when things get tough, I feel like. So keep that in mind when you're looking!