Dating in Medical School

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bahdahboom

bahdahboom

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As I continue in my schooling, i realize starting a family is very important to me. Almost as important as finishing medical school. So much where i think about it often as i watch my other friends start families. It's difficult for me to find someone :/

Has anyone else dealt with this feeling? How did you cope with it? Any advice?
 
Are you a guy or a girl?
 
ActinicKeratosis said:
Are you a guy or a girl?
Click to expand...
I really wish you used this:

resized_professor-oak-meme-generator-are-you-a-boy-or-a-girl-490ede.jpg
 
D-R-A-M-A.

Actually, a lot of people form serious relationships in medical school. I will say everyone fits a mold to the culture of medicine. It works best if you're a girl who is looking to get married. It works best if you're a beta guy who buys into the whole happy wife, happy life spiel.
 
solitarius said:
D-R-A-M-A.

Actually, a lot of people form serious relationships in medical school. I will say everyone fits a mold to the culture of medicine. It works best if you're a girl who is looking to get married. It works best if you're a beta guy who buys into the whole happy wife, happy life spiel.
Click to expand...
If you're a grill that is average in the looks department, you'll be fine. If you're a guy, just don't be a bottom tier beta and you'll probably find something eventually.
 
It's very important to sub-classify beta, as that category includes many.

^ If anything, I think the really pretty girls have a rough slog because of their higher expectations.
 
cj_cregg said:
What if you're a grill that's not super aesthetically pleasing but you have a large temperature range that allows for grilling of a wide variety of foods?
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You might find someone willing to lay some meat on you, I suppose.
 
If you are a guy you need to be alpha and ask girls out. Dating apps are totally sub par to simply being blunt and asking a girl out. If you are an average looking dude the chances of a girl asking you out in our society is about as common as getting struck by lightning...twice. If you are a girl I don't have any advice for you because I am a guy.
 
Mad Jack said:
If you're a grill that is average in the looks department, you'll be fine. If you're a guy, just don't be a bottom tier beta and you'll probably find something eventually.
Click to expand...

Are we on SDN or 4chan, I'm confused.
 
ActinicKeratosis said:
If you are a guy you need to be alpha and ask girls out. Dating apps are totally sub par to simply being blunt and asking a girl out. If you are an average looking dude the chances of a girl asking you out in our society is about as common as getting struck by lightning...twice. If you are a girl I don't have any advice for you because I am a guy.
Click to expand...

I respectfully totally disagree. Trying to meet people in the real world is a crap shoot. Obviously it would be great to have someone in your class who you have great chemistry with, along with all of things in common two people need to have for a relationship. If that's not the case, chances go down drastically of finding a girl on campus or at the bar who is single, has compatible beliefs and relationship goals, meets your standards intellectually, has common interests with you, and is would say "yes." Dating apps let you sort through a lot of that. I met my significant other on a dating app and would recommend them to anyone.
 
Dating in the first 2 years is incredibly easy if you play to your strengths:
  1. Bumble if your a guy // tinder if you're a girl
  2. No mirror selfies!!!!!
  3. One of your first pictures should be of you in your white coat
  4. Don't mention med school in your bio
  5. Put something quirky about yourself in the bio -- this will give the other person an easy conversation starter
  6. Go get coffee with your matches -- keep it fun and casual
  7. Don't be a clinger
 
Levo said:
I respectfully totally disagree. Trying to meet people in the real world is a crap shoot. Obviously it would be great to have someone in your class who you have great chemistry with, along with all of things in common two people need to have for a relationship. If that's not the case, chances go down drastically of finding a girl on campus or at the bar who is single, has compatible beliefs and relationship goals, meets your standards intellectually, has common interests with you, and is would say "yes." Dating apps let you sort through a lot of that. I met my significant other on a dating app and would recommend them to anyone.
Click to expand...
As a product of the pre-dating app world, I can assure you this is not the case. People managed to meet and bang and marry pre-app. I'd argue it's actually easier to find someone you're compatible with in the wild because profiles tend to be a bit of a dog and pony show, while real-world interactions tend to be more organic and genuine.

But hey, what do I know.
16473146_10208451370457824_3918221142146215968_n.jpg
 
Lannister said:
That sounds awful. Not having to make the first move is one of the best things about being a girl!
Click to expand...
Well, the thing is, you both match each other, but then after you match them you can say something first instead of receiving a flurry of dick picks and ayooooo grrrrllll from everyone you decide is a solid maybe.
 
Mad Jack said:
Well, the thing is, you both match each other, but then after you match them you can say something first instead of receiving a flurry of dick picks and ayooooo grrrrllll from everyone you decide is a solid maybe.
Click to expand...

OK, I'll admit, that does sound better than Tinder.
 
bahdahboom said:
As I continue in my schooling, i realize starting a family is very important to me. Almost as important as finishing medical school. So much where i think about it often as i watch my other friends start families. It's difficult for me to find someone :/

Has anyone else dealt with this feeling? How did you cope with it? Any advice?
Click to expand...

Care to elaborate on why? Are you super introverted? If so, I'm in the same boat. I'm very family oriented, but unfortunately due to my own decisions, I've over-prioritized school and developed mostly introverted hobbies which is the main reason I'm single. If that's your case, it's something you can change around for sure. People are friendly by nature. I would not really recommend coping if this is your issue because it seems like you do want to find someone. After the next exam, instead of going home and binge watching Netflix, go to a party. Go play a sport with a bunch of other students on the weekend.

Bumble, Tinder, and Dil Mil are great for practice/fun, but it's hard to meet someone off there. Using myself as a personal example, I want someone who I deem as attractive (in-shape, decent features). and someone with strong career aspirations. Unfortunately all of my matches/dates are either not physically attractive to me or they're not taking the app seriously and act super flaky. The problem is that the market for guys is so saturated such that girls literally have 100s of quality matches per month. In order to find someone I want, there are so many boxes to check and you literally have to check all of them to get decent attention on there. They include your own career plans, your facial features, your height >5' 7, being in-shape, having well-done pictures on your profile, being able to carry a conversation and stick out among many other guys, and being from a culture/race they find acceptable. Even if you have all of that (which I don't) you're still one of ten guys she sees per day that's like that.
 
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Backtothebasics8 said:
All the girls on there are smoking hot but good luck getting matches, and even for the once/week match, good luck getting them to respond.
Click to expand...
This. Bumble is amazing for smokes. About a year and a half ago it was literally all basically models now with more females not into the hookup culture of tinder and thus joined from there its not as good but still strong. Easier to get matches than when it first came about but still pretty depressing when you feel like you swipe a decent amount.
 
Backtothebasics8 said:
Care to elaborate on why? Are you super introverted? If so, I'm in the same boat. I'm very family oriented, but unfortunately due to my own decisions, I've over-prioritized school and developed mostly introverted hobbies which is the main reason I'm single. If that's your case, it's something you can change around for sure. People are friendly by nature. I would not really recommend coping if this is your issue because it seems like you do want to find someone. After the next exam, instead of going home and binge watching Netflix, go to a party. Go play a sport with a bunch of other students on the weekend.

Bumble, Tinder, and Dil Mil are great for practice/fun, but I doubt you'll meet someone worthwhile off there because most of my matches/dates on there are girls who are neither what I'm looking for career-wise nor physically attractive in my eyes because the market for guys is so saturated that girls literally have 100s of matches per day so it's hard for them to make a good determination of who's legit or not. The girls that are worth it are too inundated with those similar in looks/career prospects for you to make a splash so you gotta just bite the bullet and get to know them in person.
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Thank you for sharing your perspective. Many people would describe me as extroverted, but I do enjoy keeping to myself. I know I need to start going out more lol. I have my close group and friends and like hanging with just them.

I'm a girl btw.
 
I don't have specific advice for you but I just wanted to speak on the dating app/website debate. I do think it can be very tough for a post-college female to find a serious relationship because the places most guys ask girls out (bars) is loaded with guys who "aren't looking for a relationship/anything serious." I have a friend who has run into this problem alot and I do think its difficult. I'm a male and married but I do feel for girls in this situation because I know how my fellow bros often are. If nothing else a dating app/website (I've never used any of these but I would think a website would have less people just looking for hookups) helps cut through the 75% of guys at a bar who will end not wanting a long term relationship. Almost everyone I know knows a couple that met on a dating website and they are usually some of the best couples.

So I guess I do have advice in the end. As someone who has never used a dating website, I would recommend using a dating website. That said, theres always the friends of friends, bars, etc, etc. Just tends to be about getting lucky there.
 
Levo said:
I respectfully totally disagree. Trying to meet people in the real world is a crap shoot. Obviously it would be great to have someone in your class who you have great chemistry with, along with all of things in common two people need to have for a relationship. If that's not the case, chances go down drastically of finding a girl on campus or at the bar who is single, has compatible beliefs and relationship goals, meets your standards intellectually, has common interests with you, and is would say "yes." Dating apps let you sort through a lot of that. I met my significant other on a dating app and would recommend them to anyone.
Click to expand...

Sorry but you are wrong. You have gotten lucky with online dating. For your story of success, there are many, many more who have failed to find someone online. Dating apps have their own particular challenges that are different for men and women. For men, the problem is that messages do not get responded to. I've talked to so many men who are just frustrated with the lack of attention they get online. For women, the problem is that they get inundated with messages to the point where they are overwhelmed. Let's be honest, anyone can make a profile online and can post whatever they want. For men that may mean saying that they are two inches taller than they really are. For women that may mean using unique lighting to accentuate their most attractive features. If two people meet online and go on a date they are often surprised to find that the person who they were messaging is completely different in person.

Whenever I see a person who I am attracted to and attempt to work up the courage to ask out I get nervous. That nervousness is good because nearly every other guy gets the same "stage freight" of approaching. Men are absolutely terrified of being rejected. If you are the guy to ask the girl out you have immediately separated yourself from the pack of other guys who were simply too afraid to approach. As millennials, we are addicted to our phones, which is why I believe men have become "de-conditioned" to asking women out in public. When you meet face to face you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. There is none of this non-sense ambiguity that is the product of our online generation. If you simply go about your day (assuming that you have a job/hobbies that allow you to interact with the general public), you will meet many amazing, attractive people, one of which may just turn out to be your significant other if you are willing to take the initiative.
 
Lannister said:
I don't think this is something you can be "wrong" about...for some people, dating in real life works better. For others, dating online does. Whatever works.
Click to expand...

Well then change the word from "wrong" to "disagree." It doesn't really matter how I said it but my point still stands. I do not know what it is like from a female perspective. However, if you are a man and you put 100% effort into meeting people in person and 100% effort into meeting people online...I am pretty confident that you will have more success in the real world.
 
What the heck is bumble? In my first and second year days we all alwardly used tinder and wondered to ourselves how awkward would it be if we hit like on our classmates.
 
Also, I think
ActinicKeratosis said:
Well then change the word from "wrong" to "disagree." It doesn't really matter how I said it but my point still stands. I do not know what it is like from a female perspective. However, if you are a man and you put 100% effort into meeting people in person and 100% effort into meeting people online...I am pretty confident that you will have more success in the real world.
Click to expand...
not sure about this, my early years of medical school I went on many tinder dates and tinder was easily accessible. It worked pretty well.

In person I prob wouldn't of had the confidence to approach some of those women with witty lines
 
I still find dates the old fashioned way, at the gym. Physically fit, fun and no expectations. Now when I want to get serious I will scout out the residents. Isn't there a study that says resident and resident relationships last the longest.
 
If you are a grill looking for a quality relationship, you should do online but at a paid site. You will only get gamma tier nobodies via tinder and the free apps, and anyone beta tier or higher will only want to sleep with you/arent interested in anything more. If you are hot, then you will get tons of messages from creeps larping as regular guys. The paid sites are really the best option for you because while it will not completely eliminate the betas it will at least create that extra barrier where broke nobodies and losers living in mommies basement are excluded for simple economic reasons. The paid sites also allow you to sift through your (much smaller but more high quality) matches with more information to look at. Its like having resumes from potential suitors.

If you are a guy and you are 4/10 or above in looks department (seth rogan being a 4, for example), have somewhat decent social intelligence (not all med students do), have some confidence, and at least act like you aren't a beta (e.g. not a social justice warrior, whiny coward, or overly effeminate), then getting a decently-looking Grill is pretty easy-mode as an M.D. student. American women are by and large sick of the Nu-Male, so just merely having a guarenteed career path with high prestige and earning potential is enough to get your proverbial foot in the door.


I met my wife in person about six months before med school began and she was BTFO with my alpha-tier status. I would say I am better than average looking (or was when I met her) but not by that much. Still, she definitely had other options, and me being in a high prestige career with good earning potential was very important to her. You should definitely use your career to your advantage.

Sent from my SM-N910P using SDN mobile
 
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As someone who was never in a serious relationship and who just started medical school, I am also worried about potentially never finding anyone. How do I cope with jt? I'm trying to meet as many people as possible and establish friendships. Then if it happens, it happens.
 
Future.miss.doctor said:
As someone who was never in a serious relationship and who just started medical school, I am also worried about potentially never finding anyone. How do I cope with jt? I'm trying to meet as many people as possible and establish friendships. Then if it happens, it happens.
Click to expand...

Step 1 is to just have fun - no expectations. You need to figure out what kind of person you want to be with, and while the "my spouse is the only person I've ever dated" story is cute and Disney-like, that usually isn't how it happens. Dating is a skill that needs practice unless you're naturally extroverted. If you're introverted, this can be hard, but get involved in things you like to meet people out of school if that's your preference. Though there will be plenty of opportunities for intraclass dating if that's your thing. I know it's looked down upon here, but it happened all the time in my med school and we had a very small class and it didn't cause any huge drama. I think that risk is way overblown here.

After that - and once you've had your fun of sowing your wild oats (whatever that means for you) - and once you're ready to settle down, start looking for people that you think you can spend the rest of your life with and be partners with.

I think it's best to meet people, kind of get to know them, and then start dating them if it seems like it might be a good time but do whatever seems right for you.
 
Future.miss.doctor said:
As someone who was never in a serious relationship and who just started medical school, I am also worried about potentially never finding anyone. How do I cope with jt? I'm trying to meet as many people as possible and establish friendships. Then if it happens, it happens.
Click to expand...

I totally understand how you feel. I had been on a total of maybe three dates in my entire life before med school, and I'd never had a boyfriend or any type of relationship, serious or not. I was pretty sure I was going to die alone by the time I started med school. But I ended up finding someone about 6 months into school and it's going pretty well.

I think it depends on if you're a guy or a girl. If you're a guy, just ask people out. Seriously, don't be afraid of getting rejected. And even if you do get rejected, most girls in med school are mature enough that they'll reject you politely, no one is going to laugh in your face or make fun of you.

If you're a girl, put yourself out there. I realized that the reason I was always single was because I never even made an effort to talk to guys. The best thing to do is to seek out friendships with guys (and I've realized that guys kind of make better friends than girls anyways) and hope one of those friendships turns into something more.
 
some of this advice is really good on here. Seriously, I'm prob average In the looks department but I would ask girls out all the time during my preclinical years. Because I knew if they said no I would prob never see/hear from them again anyways, so oh well lol.

I think opening line is everything though..coming off as boring/typical is like a death sentence for dating as a guy. Most girls can get a decent-good looking guy, but they want one with a personality.
 
For all you people who started relationships in preclinical years... were these with fellow classmates?

If not, where did you meet your SO?
 
Frogger27 said:
For all you people who started relationships in preclinical years... were these with fellow classmates?

If not, where did you meet your SO?
Click to expand...

Not in a relationship but dated a girl in my class. obv ended and it gets weird. still kind of awkward everytime I see and small talk with her.
 
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