Dealing with a very bad death

[lmay0001]

---

Members don't see this ad.

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

 

[Bacchus]

Natural response, affirmation you chose the right field. Speak with a counselor or trusted mentor about your feelings.

 

[TypeADissection]

Talk to someone. Figure out the whys if able. You're going to see a lot of bad things in residency. Find a way to deal with it and have coping mechanisms now when you have more time. But seriously, talk to someone. There will be a lot more deaths in the future and the rest of your career and a lot of bad things will happen to good people. Good luck. Cheers.

 

[cd14+]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

Dying is the last stage of life. As a physician you will be honored to be part of a person’s last stage in life and that is a very special place to be. It is a huge honor actually when you look at dying that way. I do. Now I see my dying patients in a very different light and frankly it makes the moment really intimate and miraculous.

Think of dying as living but its final resting station and you get to be a part of that. Pretty increduble if you think about it

 

[doc05]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

There's a lot of depressing and sickening things about the practice of medicine. You can always choose a specialty without exposure to that stuff. Or quit and do something else.

 

[DexterMorganSK]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

The first thing you should realize is that your reactions are normal, as stated above.
Secondly, you should also realize that dealing with bad news and death itself, is a part of medicine.
That said, please find a way to talk about your feelings either through a mentor, coworker, a friend, or a counselor.

You don't have to switch fields or stop medical school, you just have to accept the fact that death is just another stage (final) in your patient's life and even during this stage, you as a clinician can make a huge difference in your patient's last moments.

Also, time fixes everything, so you may feel different now give it some time and after seeing and going through such cases, you will be better prepared before and after.

 

[Bacchus]

There's a lot of depressing and sickening things about the practice of medicine. You can always choose a specialty without exposure to that stuff. Or quit and do something else.

Great advice. -__-

 

[masaraksh]

When I asked a friend going into neurosurgery what its like to tell people their loved one has a brain injury that is non-survivable on a daily basis, he said 'you get used to it'

 

[DiagnasaurusRex]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

The fact that you were deeply effected proves you should stay in medicine. I know its tough, please get help if you can. But in my experience a doctors who feels and contend to his/her emotions is preferable to a dissociated, steely-eyed one desperately convincing himself that it doesn't get to him. Hang in there. We need more doctors like you 🙂

 

[mimelim]

Great advice. -__-

Blunt, but accurate.

 

[Doctor-S]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

I often "feel" much empathy and compassion for patients whose lives have been absolutely shattered upon learning they may not (will not) live much longer.

I often feel pangs of grief when I lose a patient because the "patient" was a "real person" to me (and not merely an EMR). It's a natural human response.

My "human" feelings have helped me to become a better person, with more depth, insight and perspective, and in turn, a better clinical doc for patients.

You can have lots of feelings (both sad and happy) and be a fantastic doctor to your patients. You can be ... and will be ... a wonderful physician!

Kindly feel free to discuss your feelings, thoughts and concerns with a professional counselor. My medical school and AMC provide free and confidential counseling services and psychological resources for all medical students. If your medical school offers the same types of services, you might feel much better after you meet with a counselor.

I wish you well. 🙂

 

[Goro]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

Something I learned from watching "The Emperor of All Maladies" are the words from a Oncologist delivering bad news to an end-stage Ca patient:
You've had a good life, and now best thing is to have a good death"....... or similar.

 

[Mad Jack]

i am a 3rd year medical student. had a patient diagnosed with Met Lung. And when she was told she broke down and asked us to give her hope. She was destroyed. I was deeply affected seeing her reaction and this made me wonder whether is should continue medicine or not. i feel to much for such people and this case just kept me feeling upset and sick the whole day.

i dont wish to see people suffer like that. from a happy person i became a dull, depressed med student. although i reason it out, my subconscious mind cant deal with it.

You find ways to deal. The first few times are rough though.

 

[Mad Jack]

The first thing you should realize is that your reactions are normal, as stated above.
Secondly, you should also realize that dealing with bad news and death itself, is a part of medicine.
That said, please find a way to talk about your feelings either through a mentor, coworker, a friend, or a counselor.

You don't have to switch fields or stop medical school, you just have to accept the fact that death is just another stage (final) in your patient's life and even during this stage, you as a clinician can make a huge difference in your patient's last moments.

Also, time fixes everything, so you may feel different now give it some time and after seeing and going through such cases, you will be better prepared before and after.

Pretty much how I came to deal with things. Death isn't always tragic, it's just a thing that people go through, a natural part of life. Some deaths are always going to hit as tragic though, and for those... Well, you just do your best to be empathetic and sympathetic and then shake off the feels as best as you can before you have to rinse and repeat.

 

[Crayola227]

I had a similar response in Peds. That's what led me away from Peds as a field.

It really does get easier. At the same time, even when you get "used" to it, there will always be times where work really gets to you, and you feel pain for a patient. Doesn't have to be the end of the world, and doesn't mean you can't do it.

At this point, it's not a bad idea to seek help through school channels and continue 3rd year, if you can safely. Usually 4th year you can structure as you need to. It's always best to finish your MD is if you can. For that reason I say that 3rd year is hardest and it's best if you can find a way through it.

I'm willing to bet, that with help, time, and wisdom, you can find a way through and make it to the other side doing something you want.

 

[Crayola227]

Ditto that this doesn't mean you can't do medicine. Ditto that it does get easier for most. Ditto that there's a field for almost everyone.

 

[frosted2]

When I asked a friend going into neurosurgery what its like to tell people their loved one has a brain injury that is non-survivable on a daily basis, he said 'you get used to it'

After many years in EMS, I must say that I have "gotten used to" telling people that their loved ones have died. It is never fun or easy, regardless.

I often times feel strange about it though... I react differently depending on how the family takes it. I have cried with families but on the flip side I have also given the news and then walked out to the box and went on with my day.

 

[lmay0001]

Ditto that this doesn't mean you can't do medicine. Ditto that it does get easier for most. Ditto that there's a field for almost everyone.

thanks very helpful