Dealing with patient complaints?

[dPseh]

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Hi everyone,

I’m a new dental grad and have been working as an associate for a private practice for the last 6.5 months. I know I still have a long way to go.

Obviously you can’t please everyone that walks through the door no matter what you try to do, but I’m still having a hard time coping/dealing with unhappy patients.

My boss received a complaint regarding my attitude from a patient I saw 4 months ago for a cleaning. She was an elderly patient, been through a lot physically and was unable to brush her teeth as often as she’d like.
She had generalized heavy plaque, and I let her know, especially when she had veneers that would be expensive to replace if she got recurrent decay.
Tried updating probing chart, too painful. Used topical, not good enough. Said she always gets numbed up (with injections) for all her cleanings. (I checked previous chart notes, never had a note about getting local for cleanings).
She eventually opted to come back another time to get her SRP’s done.

From my recollection, I was very cordial with her throughout the whole appointment, tried accommodating her discomfort the whole time.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, our front desk got her complaint after trying to schedule her to come back.
She responded and said that I had a very poor attitude, all I talked about was her plaque and how she was doing an awful job cleaning her teeth. Said she never wanted to come back to the office if she was going to be treated that way.

I found out about the complaint today. I called her to try and apologize. She didn’t accept my apology, didn’t want to talk to me, and yelled at me and repeated what was said to the front desk. “I will never walk into that office to see YOU for an appointment.” While in the middle of apologizing for the second time on the phone and trying to sympathize, she hung up on me.

She has been a patient of my boss’ for 20 years, so from now on my boss will be seeing her for all appointments.
My boss tried cheering me up and talking to me, but it still hurts knowing I tried my best and my version of what happened doesn’t coincide with how the patient felt.

I guess I’m here to vent, get any advice about what I could have done better or how I should have better handled this, and hear similar stories from anyone else to try and make myself feel better because misery loves company. I don’t have thick enough skin for dentistry just yet (or customer service in general, for that matter)...

 

[theleatherwalle]

You will quickly get over it.

Pretend you see 100 patients a week. 30% of patients will be annoying and you will have 10% that just cause the office headaches.

You are a recent grad?

You did everything right, let it go and move on with your office. Be cordial, if she leaves a bad a review let your office manager handle it.

Your tolerance for BS will quickly improve. We are sadly part of the service industry and have to deal with these people. Be prepared for your fair share of crazy.

 

[dPseh]

Your tolerance for BS will quickly improve. We are sadly part of the service industry and have to deal with these people. Be prepared for your fair share of crazy.

Hopefully that day comes soon. I hate feeling like crap.
Thank you for your words of advice and empathy, it helps a lot.

 

[cooliyak]

I would have been happy if a patient like that refused to see me again. That’s a dream come true. Usually I have to make an effort to not see someone like that again and this was just handed to you. Congrats on your success!

 

[dPseh]

I would have been happy if a patient like that refused to see me again. That’s a dream come true. Usually I have to make an effort to not see someone like that again and this was just handed to you. Congrats on your success!

😛 That made me laugh, so thank you.

I have heard of some offices that purposefully quote a large price for treatment plans in order to try and deter “headache inducing” patients from coming back. Guess that’s not completely wrong...!

 

[mmc12]

I’ve been in private practice 1.5 years out. I have had a few patients request another dentist. I try not to take it personally or lose sleep over it.

 

[Saddleshoes]

After reading your story I am betting your boss was attempting to dump a long term PIA patient onto you. (PIA = Pain in @$$)

 

[dPseh]

I’ve been in private practice 1.5 years out. I have had a few patients request another dentist. I try not to take it personally or lose sleep over it.

Oh, yeah. Some patients request to see my boss after seeing me, and I don’t get too offended over that. I get the “familiarity” aspect of going to a dentist they’ve seen for X years. It’s when the patient is actually unhappy with something, and when I get yelled at that especially hurts...!

After reading your story I am betting your boss was attempting to dump a long term PIA patient onto you. (PIA = Pain in @$$)

LOL. That may be true, but unfortunately, I was just stuck doing hygiene for most of my time at the clinic, so I’m bound to see both good and PIA patients...!

 

[Firik]

You brought an interesting point here. I was thinking that "elderly patient" did not like you from the moment she saw you due to you being young and assuming inexperienced (in her mind). Thus, wanting to stay with her regular dentist. Here are the questions I have: Are most patients avoid new dentists? I was thinking patients who really concern about their dentist would ask their friends/relatives for a "good" dentist suggestion. How is the patient's attitude toward new dentists? Do patients even listen to what a new dentist suggests or patients, especially older than a dentist, would not take anything seriously that dentist said?

 

[theleatherwalle]

You brought an interesting point here. I was thinking that "elderly patient" did not like you from the moment she saw you due to you being young and assuming inexperienced (in her mind). Thus, wanting to stay with her regular dentist. Here are the questions I have: Are most patients avoid new dentists? I was thinking patients who really concern about their dentist would ask their friends/relatives for a "good" dentist suggestion. How is the patient's attitude toward new dentists? Do patients even listen to what a new dentist suggests or patients, especially older than a dentist, would not take anything seriously that dentist said?

You must gain a patient's trust. It is something that is rarely given which is a big ego challenge for many dentists to get over! I had patients initially hate me and argue with my treatment plans. They now follow my orders to the letter.

You have to be a bit of sales man in this business, because if you are not you will have difficulties or be forced to work in a medicaid mill.

 

[dPseh]

You brought an interesting point here. I was thinking that "elderly patient" did not like you from the moment she saw you due to you being young and assuming inexperienced (in her mind). Thus, wanting to stay with her regular dentist. Here are the questions I have: Are most patients avoid new dentists? I was thinking patients who really concern about their dentist would ask their friends/relatives for a "good" dentist suggestion. How is the patient's attitude toward new dentists? Do patients even listen to what a new dentist suggests or patients, especially older than a dentist, would not take anything seriously that dentist said?

That could be true, but when I first encountered her, she didn’t seem apprehensive. We chatted for a bit before I got started and everything seemed fine. Then again, she was totally calm throughout the appointment and didn’t seem disgruntled when she checked out, so I’m not actually sure what her perception was of me.

I HAVE had many patients ask me how long I’ve been doing this, or how many of X procedures have I done before. Sometimes they’ll let me work on them, and sometimes not. Sometimes even after seeing a patient for a procedure, they’ll end up requesting my boss for subsequent procedures anyway because they may have felt their post-op issues were because of my inexperience. Sucks sometimes because you wonder what you did wrong that caused them to want to see another doctor. But it is what it is!

 

[321931]

That could be true, but when I first encountered her, she didn’t seem apprehensive. We chatted for a bit before I got started and everything seemed fine. Then again, she was totally calm throughout the appointment and didn’t seem disgruntled when she checked out, so I’m not actually sure what her perception was of me.

I HAVE had many patients ask me how long I’ve been doing this, or how many of X procedures have I done before. Sometimes they’ll let me work on them, and sometimes not. Sometimes even after seeing a patient for a procedure, they’ll end up requesting my boss for subsequent procedures anyway because they may have felt their post-op issues were because of my inexperience. Sucks sometimes because you wonder what you did wrong that caused them to want to see another doctor. But it is what it is!

I'll keep it simple and concise. You are new. We were all newbies once.

When I was a noob, it took me hours to cut a crown, fillings took a long time, patient's could sense my nervousness, I would ramble, I would be worried, I would be this and that, and my confidence wasn't natural. It was all fake.

Fast forward 5 years later, and I can cut teeth in my sleep. Every single thing in dentistry is straightforward and easy. I can do a crown prep in 5 minutes and go back to netflix. I can do a class 2 start to finish in 10 minutes. I never have any problem getting any patient numb. I go do my hygiene exam and I don't even talk about teeth. We talk about golf or basketball and if they have something I just say Hey Joe you need a crown on #4 and they do believe me.

What I'm saying is that later on in life you will get to the point where your natural charisma and confidence will be the key factor in patient's liking you, coming back to you, and speaking well of you. And that comes with time. That comes after your 5000th filling, your 200th crown prep, 200th crown seat whatever.

Now that all being said, there are patients that are jerks. And they ALWAYS will be jerks. Just last week, I dismissed a patient for not being a good fit for the practice. You learn how to weed out bad people and the bad people tend to leave and or they will be dismissed. Is it your fault? NO not everyone is going to vibe with you. Some people WANT a doctor that talks about teeth and their gums all day. I'm NOT that doctor. I attract patients that want to talk about stocks, golfing, and basketball. That's who I attract. If you want to be that doctor that talks about gums and perio probings and recession all day...then that's your call and that's the kind of patients you will attract...but in my opinion, patient's don't like to get lectured about their teeth. There is a fine line between informing...and lecturing. If they have decent teeth come in every 6 months and everything is fine...they honestly, you just need to say good job, but make sure you floss and that's it. Keep it simple.

Finally, don't take everything so personal. You will learn that as a doctor you have to have a barrier between taking **** personally and just doing your job. Last month, I had a NP come in, It was a husband of NP. The wife loved me, but the husband was very reserved. I tried chatting with him and he told me that his crown was loose. I gave him the option that I could go ahead and recement it but if there was decay may need a crown. Mind you this was during a hygiene appt...so I was doing HIM a favor. I go ahead loosen it up and recement it but at the time he became very edgy, and was uncomfortable...and sorta felt off. I warned him the coldness of the cement might wake him up a bit...but he still jumped a lil bit.

Ok so for most of my regular patients...they would be thrilled to know that I could fit them in during my hygiene appointment to recement a crown for 50$...and avoid a new 1000$ crown and solve their problem. Well this guy ended up pissed?! He walked out and said "I don't think I'll be returning", and his wife called and canceled her recall.

You know what I did? I wrote that in my chart notes, turned on MSNBC, and watched the stock news and didn't blink an eye. Whatever! I would go to my next patient and chat about the game last night or if they are into stocks about how Roku skyrocketed 25% and I made a killing (today was a very good day for Roku BTW). There will always be people that are just weird and rude and mean. At the end of the day...if you can go home and look yourself in the mirror and say I did my best for my patients- then that's all what counts in life.

So grow a thicker skin, get your reps in, do the best you can everyday and you will be a great dentist.

 

[sb.tnh]

An owner dentist came to our school today to talk with dental students and one of his advices was to send “good bye letters” to 5 hardest/most complaining patients every Christmas. Basically you tell them they need to find a new dentist from now on. Obviously this is only feasible as an owner, not so much as an associate or corp employee.

 

[321931]

An owner dentist came to our school today to talk with dental students and one of his advices was to send “good bye letters” to 5 hardest/most complaining patients every Christmas. Basically you tell them they need to find a new dentist from now on. Obviously this is only feasible as an owner, not so much as an associate or corp employee.

That's great advice. I sent 4 letters this year alone.

 

[2TH MVR]

Ah .... you GPs have it better with dismissing patients with attitudes. Harder for the ortho pt in active treatment. One of the disadvantages of ortho is that you are kind of married to your patients. Think 18-24 months. It's rare, but there is always that patient that is a PIA. Due to potential liability ... I just suck it up and finish their treatment.

I tend to be an emotional, sensitive person .... so I really have to work on controlling my anger with these patients. Wasn't easy when I was younger trying to please everyone. As you get older .... you realize that your time is valuable and I will not let a PIA patient take those moments away from me. So ... I just smile .... be courteous .... finish their adjustment ..... and count the days to debanding them.

 

[dPseh]

...but in my opinion, patient's don't like to get lectured about their teeth. There is a fine line between informing...and lecturing.

This is very true, and I totally get this. I definitely try not to be that lecturer. I do think I forget this aspect when I see very poor homecare (like super fuzzy teeth level), but I definitely try to keep the lecture at a minimum.

A colleague/mentor/friend said this to me after I talked to him about the incident:
(Have you ever been on a blind/first date? Imagine your guy sits down across from you at dinner and starts off with... "your jeans are too loose, your hairstyle is old, you could lose a few pounds..." You'd be like, "Screw this. I'm out of here. "
But that's what we do as dentists. First appointment. "Your gums are puffy, you have so many cavities, you need to floss, your home care needs to be improved..." Bad first date.)

Great analogy, and it’s something I’ll definitely keep in mind during NPE’s now. (Or when I meet any patient for the first time).

 

[dPseh]

Ah .... you GPs have it better with dismissing patients with attitudes. Harder for the ortho pt in active treatment. One of the disadvantages of ortho is that you are kind of married to your patients. Think 18-24 months. It's rare, but there is always that patient that is a PIA. Due to potential liability ... I just suck it up and finish their treatment.

I tend to be an emotional, sensitive person .... so I really have to work on controlling my anger with these patients. Wasn't easy when I was younger trying to please everyone. As you get older .... you realize that your time is valuable and I will not let a PIA patient take those moments away from me. So ... I just smile .... be courteous .... finish their adjustment ..... and count the days to debanding them.

I don’t know if it’s too much to ask, but would you mind sharing a story? Are patients upset about how slow treatment is going, soreness after adjustments? “I want this gap closed, why haven’t you done that yet??? *rage quit*” kinda encounters?

 

[2TH MVR]

I don’t know if it’s too much to ask, but would you mind sharing a story? Are patients upset about how slow treatment is going, soreness after adjustments? “I want this gap closed, why haven’t you done that yet??? *rage quit*” kinda encounters?

In my situation .... Pts get upset with my responses to their demands or stupid questions. As you get older ... I am less tolerant of certain things pts say. My biggest pet peeve is when a patient tries to dictate or question everything about their treatment. I kindly remind them that said Dr. 2TH MVR is the Dr. responsible for their tx. My other pet peeve is when the patient is being disrespectful to myself or my staff. In either of these instances .... I will kindly educate the patients. It's during the "education" that pts will be pissed with me. Now let me be clear. I am a very outgoing, funny, happy people person with my patients. 99% are happy. 1% need re-educating which sometimes leads to them transferring their care.

 

[TanMan]

Hi everyone,

I’m a new dental grad and have been working as an associate for a private practice for the last 6.5 months. I know I still have a long way to go.

Obviously you can’t please everyone that walks through the door no matter what you try to do, but I’m still having a hard time coping/dealing with unhappy patients.

My boss received a complaint regarding my attitude from a patient I saw 4 months ago for a cleaning. She was an elderly patient, been through a lot physically and was unable to brush her teeth as often as she’d like.
She had generalized heavy plaque, and I let her know, especially when she had veneers that would be expensive to replace if she got recurrent decay.
Tried updating probing chart, too painful. Used topical, not good enough. Said she always gets numbed up (with injections) for all her cleanings. (I checked previous chart notes, never had a note about getting local for cleanings).
She eventually opted to come back another time to get her SRP’s done.

From my recollection, I was very cordial with her throughout the whole appointment, tried accommodating her discomfort the whole time.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, our front desk got her complaint after trying to schedule her to come back.
She responded and said that I had a very poor attitude, all I talked about was her plaque and how she was doing an awful job cleaning her teeth. Said she never wanted to come back to the office if she was going to be treated that way.

I found out about the complaint today. I called her to try and apologize. She didn’t accept my apology, didn’t want to talk to me, and yelled at me and repeated what was said to the front desk. “I will never walk into that office to see YOU for an appointment.” While in the middle of apologizing for the second time on the phone and trying to sympathize, she hung up on me.

She has been a patient of my boss’ for 20 years, so from now on my boss will be seeing her for all appointments.
My boss tried cheering me up and talking to me, but it still hurts knowing I tried my best and my version of what happened doesn’t coincide with how the patient felt.

I guess I’m here to vent, get any advice about what I could have done better or how I should have better handled this, and hear similar stories from anyone else to try and make myself feel better because misery loves company. I don’t have thick enough skin for dentistry just yet (or customer service in general, for that matter)...

You care too much... Most of the time, I don't need to dismiss the patient formally unless I have to give a refund and I need to send them a letter to never come back.

I think that losing patients, such as the one that you have described, are part of what I call "practice evolution". Your practice evolves over time to get rid of these patients. If all they are coming for are cleanings now, all treatment performed, their future value is limited. Some people may say, you might have a bad reputation over town. I believe that people keep like company. People who are a-holes will probably roam around the same social circle of a-holes. I wouldn't want them as patients.

This is why I encourage my colleagues to build a practice that is based on volume and not dependent on reviews. That way, you have a bulletproof practice.

 

[setdoc7]

You can't please everyone. If you try you will fail. I tell new patients that I feel will be too difficult to provide care to, to find a new dentist right off the bat. I am not their new dentist. Many come to me for big cases that they see I did for their friends. For any number of reasons, they just don't fit into my practice model. Often it is financial, but sometimes it is attitude, or failure to own their dental problem. I do not negotiate fees, and do not let the patients transfer responsibility for their own health onto me.
Every year I get rid of the bottom 5% of my practice by increasing fees. A mental health incentive. My own.

 

[DrJeff]

Great life lessons here!

If you think that you can please everyone, you will fail and just end up being miserable as a result for feeling like you have "failed"....

Mark Manson's book, "The subtle art of not giving a F*ck" I found to be a great help in my own evolution as a person, a person that in the past had a major "need" to feel like I had to please everyone 100% of the time, and realize that sometimes, its not only necessary, but healthy and by no means wrong or a sign of me failing at something to be 100% fine with the fact that I can't please everyone.

The reality is that while most people have a "nice" streak to them, and they will make up most your patients, there are some who are just miserable people who seemingly want to complain about everything, and getting rid of them is such a great thing for your own sanity, and the sanity of your office!

 

[Firik]

@setdoc7 @DrJeff Another word, running from the problem rather than dealing with? Did you at least try to make it work?
Don't you feel more rewarded if you give the best smile to a difficult patient than those with already good dental hygiene?
This looks like a good topic to explore more about.

 

[321931]

@setdoc7 @DrJeff Another word, running from the problem rather than dealing with? Did you at least try to make it work?
Don't you feel more rewarded if you give the best smile to a difficult patient than those with already good dental hygiene?
This looks like a good topic to explore more about.

Naivety at its best. These difficult patients are most likely to sue you, file a board complaint that can threaten your livelihood, and write bad yelp reviews that could result in loss of business.

Not every bad patient...is a bad person. But you learn to weed the ones that can you give alot of headaches real quick. After you get burned once or twice, you will learn how to identify problem patients and dismiss them before the problems happen.

You think dental school is hard? Just wait til you get sued.

 

[DrJeff]

@setdoc7 @DrJeff Another word, running from the problem rather than dealing with? Did you at least try to make it work?
Don't you feel more rewarded if you give the best smile to a difficult patient than those with already good dental hygiene?
This looks like a good topic to explore more about.

Honestly after practicing on folks now for over 20 years, experience will show you which patients you do and don't want to deal with, as in private practice you tend to have an ample enough supply of patients where dismissing a few every now and then wont effect your bottom line in anything resembling a significant way, and will more than likely decrease your stress level and increase the enjoyment of your day to day practice.

Additionally, since as the old saying goes, "those of the same feather tend to flock together" when you encounter a "problem" patient, they tend to often have a few more "problem" type personalities within their immediate network of friends/family, so I no longer fret about dismissing them as my own personal real world experience has shown that the potential income lost from not treating those isolated few problem patients is more than made up in the sense of relaxation that I get about not, at the end of a day in the office, spend a good chunk of my evening thinking about what a pain in the a$$ a certain name in my schedule that day was and wondering when the next day that same name will reappear in my schedule.

In my book, that's not "running from the problem" as you put it, that's me, using my experience to confront the problem head on and deal with it in the way that I best see fit for me

 

[2TH MVR]

It is a delicate process of dismissing a problem pt. Hopefully the dismissal doesn't include an acct in default. The goal would be to convince the pt that they would be better served at a different office. All dental work in progress should be completed. I believe you need to be available for 30 days for any emergencies. Your goal is for an amicable split. No nasty reviews. No lawsuits.
Its different for an orthodontist. I've only dismissed one pt in 26yrs. OK. Maybe 3. Dismissing pts and having to deal with another ortho or GP badmouthing my work is not worth it. I've been the victim of a frivolous ortho suit. Trust me. I'll deal with a problem pt rather than risk a lawsuit.

 

[321931]

It is a delicate process of dismissing a problem pt. Hopefully the dismissal doesn't include an acct in default. The goal would be to convince the pt that they would be better served at a different office. All dental work in progress should be completed. I believe you need to be available for 30 days for any emergencies. Your goal is for an amicable split. No nasty reviews. No lawsuits.
Its different for an orthodontist. I've only dismissed one pt in 26yrs. OK. Maybe 3. Dismissing pts and having to deal with another ortho or GP badmouthing my work is not worth it. I've been the victim of a frivolous ortho suit. Trust me. I'll deal with a problem pt rather than risk a lawsuit.

Whats frustrating even after explaining to a patient they are best served elsewhere...they still want to STICK with you...like come on dude... zzz

 

[2TH MVR]

Whats frustrating even after explaining to a patient they are best served elsewhere...they still want to STICK with you...like come on dude... zzz

Dude .... You're too nice. Just pretend you're talking to a predent attending an expensive DS. That should piss off your pt enough to leave.

 

[Cold Front]

To the OP:

Don’t be hard on yourself. Things happen with or without your feelings in mind. You have to learn how to move on from a situation, and leave any bad situation hanging over your head behind once you leave the office that day. Don’t take it home with you or end up venting to someone else. You just make the issue more unsettled with yourself. Use those incidents as a lesson and an experience to handle things better in the future with another patient. There were times that patients made me feel emotional and crushed my day. I would turn around and still see that patient the next appointment after resetting myself from the previous experience. So things can turn south very quickly at any moment with any patient, you have to find your feet again and get up and get back into resolving the problem.

Older patients are the most grumpy patients and treat young doctors like they don’t understand their needs. Remember, the golden rule with any patient is to let them get whatever that’s bothering them off their chest. And always used the words “I understand”, “I agree”, “I appreciate your time”, “I can help you with that!” and similar words. It will unarm even the most hostile patients to level with you. People come to dental offices to take their personal life issues on doctors and their staff. So keep that in mind, and never assume “I did everything” as last resort. There is always another way to get through patients.... but that comes with experience. Be diplomatic with difficult patients who don’t accept the truth, and leave an impression that empowers them, so they can make the informed decisions you would hope they can make.

I worked at a Verizon Cable Service customer resolution call center. I dealt with the most angry people you can imagine... let’s just say these callers only purpose of calling was to unload on someone with all the colorful words they could think of.... anyways... fast forward... as a dentist today, even my tough patients are soft compared to the Verizon customers I had to calm down when they lost the plot. Good luck with that old lady... she is just playing needy and will come around again when she looks at her Veneers in the mirror again. They always do!

 

[dPseh]

I think that losing patients, such as the one that you have described, are part of what I call "practice evolution". Your practice evolves over time to get rid of these patients. If all they are coming for are cleanings now, all treatment performed, their future value is limited. Some people may say, you might have a bad reputation over town. I believe that people keep like company. People who are a-holes will probably roam around the same social circle of a-holes. I wouldn't want them as patients.

This is why I encourage my colleagues to build a practice that is based on volume and not dependent on reviews. That way, you have a bulletproof practice.

Good advice that I'll try to stick with. At this point in my life, I'm still not sure if I want to even own a practice (I've seen my boss running around, texting me at late hours when she's still at the office taking care of her practice). I ain't about that lifestyle. At least... not right now. Haha.

You can't please everyone. If you try you will fail.

A concept I am still trying to grasp...! I need to learn that it's okay to be disliked. 😛

Mark Manson's book, "The subtle art of not giving a F*ck" I found to be a great help in my own evolution as a person, a person that in the past had a major "need" to feel like I had to please everyone 100% of the time, and realize that sometimes, its not only necessary, but healthy and by no means wrong or a sign of me failing at something to be 100% fine with the fact that I can't please everyone.
end of a day in the office, spend a good chunk of my evening thinking about what a pain in the a$$ a certain name in my schedule that day was and wondering when the next day that same name will reappear in my schedule.

I've heard a lot about that book but have never gotten around to reading it. I feel more of a need to read it now so thank you for the reminder...!
I definitely am starting to feel that added stress when I see a patient on the schedule that I do not want to see for fear of catching them on a bad day, or that I might get yelled at. I actually worry, stress, and sometimes lose sleep over it...! Like I said, I'm not built for this business yet. Haha.

To the OP:

Don’t be hard on yourself. Things happen with or without your feelings in mind. You have to learn how to move on from a situation, and leave any bad situation hanging over your head behind once you leave the office that day. Don’t take it home with you or end up venting to someone else. You just make the issue more unsettled with yourself. Use those incidents as a lesson and an experience to handle things better in the future with another patient. There were times that patients made me feel emotional and crushed my day. I would turn around and still see that patient the next appointment after resetting myself from the previous experience. So things can turn south very quickly at any moment with any patient, you have to find your feet again and get up and get back into resolving the problem.

Older patients are the most grumpy patients and treat young doctors like they don’t understand their needs. Remember, the golden rule with any patient is to let them get whatever that’s bothering them off their chest. And always used the words “I understand”, “I agree”, “I appreciate your time”, “I can help you with that!” and similar words.

Thank you for the words of advice and empathy.
I always try to throw in some kind of compliment so the patient doesn't feel like I'm just "scolding them."
For the traumatized/anxious patient that hasn't seen the dentist in 10 years: "Well, I'm glad you're here now. Just being here is a great big first step."
"Try to take care of your veneers/crowns/fillings because they're gorgeous!"
And more cheesy things like that...

Hoping I'll have the emotional strength to just "get over it" one day. It's hard when most of us have excelled in most aspects of our lives, but when it comes to excelling with other people, it's never 100%.
----

Thank you for all the responses. I'm halfway over the incident now. Occasionally my mind will drift back to that phone call, but it's no longer soul crushing. Haha. Trying to make myself feel better by saying, "How immature and coldheardted do you have to be to NOT accept an apology and just yell at someone like that. T-T"

 

[setdoc7]

Excelling in academics is one thing. Excelling as a doctor is another. Perhaps the answer here is to know who YOU are before trying to be someone you are not. There is literature out there which describes how gap between academic and clinical performance can be measured by your BIG 5 personality traits. The gap is not procedure based, but patient management based. So......do you know who you are?