Oh well lmao. I don't even see why I'm posting here about this; it isn't a therapy space.
Therapy sounds like it would be helpful, though I’m not sure how self-deprecating you were being there.
You seem to be really stuck on this idea that you were at some point not “good enough” for science or premed. To which I reply, so what? What’s the problem with being not good enough for something when you obviously can do other things? What’s the problem with being not good enough at something at all? You must realise that at some level most, if not all, people out there are “not good enough” for something in their current states. They survive, no? We can’t have everyone good at the same thing or doing the same thing anyway. A top chef might not have been good at school at all for example, so she just went to find something she liked and was good at, and kept practising at it.
You point out that your career doesn’t even use science but you’re still annoyed at being “not good enough”. I submit that that is some form of pride (do you think you should and must be good at everything?) and passivity (who’s in control of your feelings?). You feel that way, so? Do you want us to change your feelings? How would we change your feelings? By telling you you’re actually good and better than many premed students, please become a doctor, it’s your calling…? What would make you happy?
Try this: you took science courses. You didn’t do well enough per your expectations. You decided this was not good enough for you and decided to switch paths. If you were to take similar courses again you might do better or worse. None of it would have any bearing on whether you’re a good enough
person.
Lest you get the wrong idea, by the way, I don’t think you’re “not good enough” for science. (Caveat: my undergrad was very realistic about grades so As were hard to get.) B or B+? Whatever. It doesn’t mean you have an inherent “lack of science ability”. I was a science major till I changed for my own reasons, and it was fine (as in no one stopped me out of concern for my aptitude) even with Bs and B+s. Of course it was not so good for GPA, but science wise? It was ok.
When you’re told that it’s attitude that will be in your way, it’s fatalism and a lack of agency. It’s not about medicine, it’s about life. It must be very stressful for you with your career (and family?) issues, and being back home messes with most people. You’re not alone, I promise—a lot of people, not least those who felt they had a lot of childhood promise—can feel frustrated in their 20s as that promise seems to have been squandered.