Divorce, Child Support, and Medical School

[PreMedCSMaj]

I need an honest answer here from those who are medical school now. Even better if it's from someone who is in the same position as me now.

I'm 27 and my wife and I are on the verge of divorce and we have one child who is 8 months. By the time I start medical school, he'll probably be around 4 (I work full-time and go to college part-time.)

Obviously if we go through with the divorce, I'll have to pay child support which will not be a problem now, but will be later since I'll need to quit my job to attend medical school.

So here's my question, if we get a divorce, is it closing the doors for me to become a doctor? Because the way I see it now, it sure as hell looks like it. Now you can see my dilemma, it's either get a divorce and never become a doctor, or be married and miserable (if we can't work it out) so I can be a doctor.

Wife wants to keep trying but I'm sick of our marriage and I won't get into any details here. I just need an honest answer. She also doesn't work by the way.

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[SpecterGT260]

Depends on your states divorce laws. Often times child support is related to income and I do not believe loans are factored in. Regardless if you do divorce get ready to get screwed as most courts side heavily with mother's still.

If you can swing joint custody you may not have to pay anything in support, however.

 

[PreMedCSMaj]

I may look into that, thanks for the reply. I was wondering if living on student loans and being frugal, could I pay the child support with just loans?

 

[SpecterGT260]

Most schools (at least those that do their own lending or compile their own award packages) have provisions for "families". I am sure that child support would factor into this. As a single student I get XXXX in loans. The married students and those with kids get XXXX+YYY and I think they actually get a given amount per child. There is a pretty good chance that your calculated responsibility will be low without an actual income to begin with and that the schools "dependent" additions will cover the support.

You are a ways out, either way. You might consider contacting a medical school to ask about child support and loans.

 

[Deekle]

Depends on the school too. My school (for example) does not allow extra loans for family support. They will allow extra for child support with documentation, but that is all.

 

[SpecterGT260]

that sucks..... youd think extra cash to support a family would be 1) the norm and 2) take precedence over child support.

 

[Deekle]

Yeah, it's worse than that actually. I just re-read what I wrote and I mis-typed. The extra with documentation is only for daycare expenses.

 

[Kunu]

Sounds like you've barely begun college so get some coursework done and see what your grades are before you have to confront the issue. Your biggest priority should be to bond as close as possible with your child despite the courts', your spouse, her mom/friends etc, etc efforts you will face to keep them from you. Establish as much custody rights as you can from the start.

As far as looking ahead, assuming your grades/ scores are competitive in a couple years then you have to plan to secure a local med school spot and then residency or else likely forfeit visitation/ custody. Know also the judge will have no compassion on you for the burden of support payments while you are in med school despite the fact such a career for you is in the child's best interests as well as yours.

 

[kautionwirez]

Why don't you work a deal with your wife?

Tell her you are planning to go to medical school and during that time you won't be able to fork out the money until residency. You've been with her for a while right? If both of you are reasonable people, then you guys should come to a reasonable decision.

 

[SpecterGT260]

Why don't you work a deal with your wife?

Tell her you are planning to go to medical school and during that time you won't be able to fork out the money until residency. You've been with her for a while right? If both of you are reasonable people, then you guys should come to a reasonable decision.

if only

 

[Deekle]

I may have a ray of sunshine for you. I did some research on my school's Financial Aid site. The budget rules are based on fed guidelines for cost of attendance. I found the following in the instruction:

"Adjustments for Dependent Children - Students with dependent children may request additional funds to assist with expenses. Proof of the child's date of birth may be required. Students who do not have a working spouse may request additional living expenses for each child by completing a Dependent Care Allowance form."

This may or may not mean that child support with documentation could be covered.

Again, most likely school specific. Check with the schools you plan on attending.

 

[Etorphine]

Why don't you work a deal with your wife?

Tell her you are planning to go to medical school and during that time you won't be able to fork out the money until residency. You've been with her for a while right? If both of you are reasonable people, then you guys should come to a reasonable decision.

Have you ever been through a divorce? People don't tend to act very reasonable when major bucks are on the line. Also, how would she support the kid? The whole point *in theory* of child support is that she needs the money now to raise the baby.

 

[startoverat40]

your child is only 8 months old and you are sick of your marriage? why didn't you come to that conclusion before you conceived the child? what kind of a way is this to be a responsible father? if your wife is willing to keep trying and make things work, then you owe it at least to your child to fight for your marriage.

when our child was born we also experienced greatly increased stress levels, and got into more arguments. but when you know that this is a natural part of the process, you don't let it get to you, and you don't say you're sick of your marriage. when your child was born didn't you kiss your wife and tell her you love her? a few months of poopy diapers and cholic made you sick of it? What did you think it was gonna be like?

I don't mean to fish for any details from your personal life, but just "i'm sick of it" seems like a lame excuse to duck out of your responsibilities as a father.

 

[Bacchus]

I kind of have to agree with the post above mine. You should try to exhaust as many options as possible. What happened in the past 17 months that you no longer want to be married? You loved your wife enough to have a child with her.

 

[kautionwirez]

Nvm

 

[TeaKae]

your child is only 8 months old and you are sick of your marriage? why didn't you come to that conclusion before you conceived the child? what kind of a way is this to be a responsible father? if your wife is willing to keep trying and make things work, then you owe it at least to your child to fight for your marriage.

when our child was born we also experienced greatly increased stress levels, and got into more arguments. but when you know that this is a natural part of the process, you don't let it get to you, and you don't say you're sick of your marriage. when your child was born didn't you kiss your wife and tell her you love her? a few months of poopy diapers and cholic made you sick of it? What did you think it was gonna be like?

I don't mean to fish for any details from your personal life, but just "i'm sick of it" seems like a lame excuse to duck out of your responsibilities as a father.

I know this is just your opinion, but wow--judgmental AND condescending. If the guy wants a divorce and doesn't want to go into deets, take it at face value and address the original question. Get off your high horse. Cripes.

Now, as for the original post...I have no clue how much monthly child care expenses amount to, but if you're willing to exercise a lot of financial discipline during medical school, it's possible to get through with significant monthly expenses. I live on loans and have roughly $250 in credit card bills per month, in addition to other expenses of daily living. Also have my first child on the way, and will be able to get extra aid, but only for day care. To help offset expenses, I had a job coaching HS track during my M1 year, worked two jobs the summer between M1 and M2, worked into the fall of M2 year, and donated my eggs. My point is, if you're truly committed to your goal of becoming a physician, you can find ways to make it work.

 

[startoverat40]

based on the scant info given, I took a chance to try to help save his marriage. If he can work things out with this wife, then his child could stand to benefit. I'll take being called judgemental and condescending if that can be the case.

on the other hand, I know that children can grow up perfectly fine being brought up by a single parent. so if his relationship with his wife is so acrimonious that the child might actual suffer from living in their household, then it'd be better to just split up.

I just went by the info given "my wife wants to keep trying" and " I'm sick of our marriage ", to assume that things are not quite that hopeless, and there might be a hope to save their relationship. I gave a link to a book. the rest is his business.

 

[SpecterGT260]

based on the scant info given, I took a chance to try to help save his marriage. If he can work things out with this wife, then his child could stand to benefit. I'll take being called judgemental and condescending if that can be the case.

on the other hand, I know that children can grow up perfectly fine being brought up by a single parent. so if his relationship with his wife is so acrimonious that the child might actual suffer from living in their household, then it'd be better to just split up.

I just went by the info given "my wife wants to keep trying" and " I'm sick of our marriage ", to assume that things are not quite that hopeless, and there might be a hope to save their relationship. I gave a link to a book. the rest is his business.

I cant decide if this statement is incredibly arrogant or naive.... Come on man.... you arent going to save someone's marriage with an internet post. Regardless of your feelings on the subject, the OP didnt come in here for relationship advice, he came in with a financial question. The back info was scant because it largely didnt pertain to his question.

 

[Asp]

Wow, OP, I really feel for you. I think you should go ahead with the divorce. The fact that your wife doesn't deign to work speaks volumes. Get out now before you're responsible for a hefty alimony too.

Hope for the best, but expect the worst.. guys usually get screwed in the family courts.

Stay single. Don't make the same mistake again. I know this may be difficult for you believe, but this isn't your fault - at all. You are just the victim of the crazy feminist culture and legal system we have.

 

[startoverat40]

. you arent going to save someone's marriage with an internet post.

I'm an optimist

 

[Shnurek]

You are just the victim of the crazy feminist culture and legal system we have.

This. Feminism is just another form of sexism. Don't get married before 28-30 as a male unless you sign a pre-nup (if you are going to be the breadwinner), or better yet just don't do it until you mature up and realize what you really want.

 

[SpecterGT260]

I'm an optimist

So arrogance then cool beans