Do You Need Your Classmates to Like You?

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docterjew

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I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. How important is it, as you go through your four years of medical school, to be popular (or at least not disliked) by your classmates?
If you have an adequate support system outside of medical school and prefer to study on your own, etc., what advantages does it confer to you to be well liked? I'm talking about only those students in your year, not the years above you who might be interns/residents at the programs you interview at for residency.
 
What advantage does it confer to not be well liked? How much effort does it take to not be disliked?
 
Wordead said:
What advantage does it confer to not be well liked? How much effort does it take to not be disliked?
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Sometimes withdrawing from their social activities can be seen as being stuck up or uncaring. This can generate resentment in some people.
 
You've already got your answer in other threads.

Will it affect your personal career if your classmates dislike you? Probably not.

However, as others have said, if people have a problem with you in a classroom setting, be prepared for residents, PDs, and future co-workers to have issues for the same reasons. That will affect your career, happiness, and livelihood. A person that is disliked or is having problems with multiple people in their class likely has some personality issues to work out. There are plenty of people in my class that aren't as social (shy, non-drinkers, have families, commute, etc) and they are still very well-liked. That's not a reasonable excuse.
 
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docterjew said:
If you have an adequate support system outside of medical school and prefer to study on your own, etc., what advantages does it confer to you to be well liked?
Click to expand...

All of my friends in my medical school class are going to be part of my network when we're all out in the world as practicing physicians. If I'm looking for a job at a hospital in Ohio in 15 years, and a friend from med school is working there, I'm going to give them a call. These people are going to be your connections for jobs, help you meet the chair of their department at conferences, be in diverse fields that would allow you to send them a text and curbside about a complicated patient, etc etc. Why would you not try to foster that as much as you could?
 
Doctor Strange said:
So you're not going out and getting drunk with everyone all the time. So what? Just don't be a d-bag to people, and no one will think twice about it.
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I agree. I'm just wondering if this will come back to bite me somehow.
 
You seem to think you already know the answers to these questions, so I'm not sure why you are asking them.

To echo DrEnderW, I can think of very few people in my medical school who were disliked.

There were plenty of people who didn't hang out much with the social groups in our class - either due to families, other interests, or just plain lack of interest. They were by and large liked just fine and everyone was very amicable with them in the at-school settings.

If people are actually disliked by a large majority of the class (I'm not talking about a couple of individual social conflicts - everyone will have some people they don't mesh with), I would say there is at least some positive correlation (certainly not perfect) with that person having issues in the way they interact with others.

In general I would say in life that if you are disliked by the majority of the people around you, you're doing something wrong. In your previous posts you show a heavy amount of disdain for your peers, so I would hazard a guess that that filters through in your interactions with them.
 
It would be great if people could just answer the question in the OP instead of trying to diagnose me over the internet. I don't know the answers, or I wouldn't be asking the questions.
What are the advantages of being popular, throwing yourself into social activities, having as may friends as possible, etc? What are the disadvantages of not showing up to social events at your school, not making friends with everybody, not having a large social presence in your class?
Some of the answers so far: it will not affect you at all, if you aren't popular you probably torture puppies in you spare time, making connections with classmates now will help you in your future career. Is there anything else I'm missing?
 
I love most of the people I go to medical school with, and I certainly think that it helps me get through the day when I know that a lot of people are cheering me on, and the gunners/asshats/douchebags in my class are decidedly in the minority. I've made one enemy so far, but that's ok, that bish be mad cause bish be craycray.
 
You're asking the wrong question. It's not about doing stuff to be like or disliked. It's about whether or not people like who you are as a person and don't mind being around you.
 
docterjew said:
It would be great if people could just answer the question in the OP instead of trying to diagnose me over the internet. I don't know the answers, or I wouldn't be asking the questions.
What are the advantages of being popular, throwing yourself into social activities, having as may friends as possible, etc? What are the disadvantages of not showing up to social events at your school, not making friends with everybody, not having a large social presence in your class?
Some of the answers so far: it will not affect you at all, if you aren't popular you probably torture puppies in you spare time, making connections with classmates now will help you in your future career. Is there anything else I'm missing?
Click to expand...

When you get to clerkships, you will want people to have your back. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets themselves into a precarious situation at one point or another. It is equally important for you to have a support network within your class as it is to have a personal support network. You don't have to be popular by any means, but if your classmates don't like you, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of being thrown under the bus by someone in a dicey situation. You should try to build relationships with your classmates in medical school - like college, these relationships can perhaps last the rest of your career. Go to that EM interest group meeting, spend a weekend at your school's free clinic, participate in the charity-run for leukemia/lymphoma, help organize a blood drive. You'll be glad you did.
 
The way that you phrase the question just makes me feel dirty. What are the "advantages" of having friends?? For most people, having friends makes them happy. Asking what the advantages are just makes it seem like you only interact with other people if there is something in it for you other than enjoying their company.

Edit: And I know you said that you have a support system outside of school, but I've never heard someone complain that they have too many friends or they are too well liked. You should want to interact and be friends with your classmates because it is enjoyable, not because there is some measurable advantage from doing so.
 
docterjew said:
Can you elaborate more on the apathetic classmate?
Click to expand...

Apathetic classmates have no reason to help you and prop you up when you need it. If they like the other classmates you're rotating with, it's also more likely they'll focus their energies to helping each other out while leaving you out of their circle.

If you like being alone, then great. However, it's just making your life unnecessarily more difficult.
 
Tim.jpg
 
docterjew said:
I agree. I'm just wondering if this will come back to bite me somehow.
Click to expand...


There are two parts of this question.

1. If you're not part of the "cool kids" (med school can be very cliquey btw) it doesn't really matter. Just be yourself who cares.

2. If however, you gun other students down, show them up at every opportunity, and are generally an dingus, that will come back to bite you. In the end, most residency directors want someone who they won't mind spending 3-5 years with. Also, your classmates will become your future colleagues. Don't burn bridges.....
 
docterjew said:
It would be great if people could just answer the question in the OP instead of trying to diagnose me over the internet. I don't know the answers, or I wouldn't be asking the questions.
What are the advantages of being popular, throwing yourself into social activities, having as may friends as possible, etc? What are the disadvantages of not showing up to social events at your school, not making friends with everybody, not having a large social presence in your class?
Some of the answers so far: it will not affect you at all, if you aren't popular you probably torture puppies in you spare time, making connections with classmates now will help you in your future career. Is there anything else I'm missing?
Click to expand...

If you want a real answer

1. Your rotations are entirely word of mouth. What pisses off this or that attending, how to be efficient on the service, what pimp questions are asked. Maybe you're brilliant enough to get through it all by yourself, but I doubt it. And being on a rotation with friends is 100x easier than just robotically cranking through workups.
2. The odds that sometime in the future you will cross paths with someone in your class or someone they know are non-zero. Do you think nobody in your class will ever be in a position of power over you? Or that you will never need anything from anyone that is your peer - a referral, a recommendation?
3. And there is a big distinction between "popular" and "disliked". You don't need to be popular, just someone who gets along with people and can carry on a conversation - you have given a lot of people the impression that you are unable to do that, whether or not it's true. Which is why they're diagnosing you.
 
I'd say that I went into med school with a very carefree attitude about this. I didn't try to fit in nor did I ever (even now) attend the social gatherings. Even so, I'd say I'm very well-liked just because I stop and ask how things went at the latest party. I offer help when others need it with a smile. That's really all that's required. Do some people think I'm a snob? Yes. But they never seem to hold it against me because I make the effort to be approachable.

Oh oh...and sometimes it's really good to pretend you need help from others even if you don't or you already know the answer to something. Just like double check on something. So they can feel you respect them. And then when you really do need help, they are awesome!
 
Anastomoses said:
I'd say that I went into med school with a very carefree attitude about this. I didn't try to fit in nor did I ever (even now) attend the social gatherings. Even so, I'd say I'm very well-liked just because I stop and ask how things went at the latest party. I offer help when others need it with a smile. That's really all that's required. Do some people think I'm a snob? Yes. But they never seem to hold it against me because I make the effort to be approachable.

Oh oh...and sometimes it's really good to pretend you need help from others even if you don't or you already know the answer to something. Just like double check on something. So they can feel you respect them. And then when you really do need help, they are awesome!
Click to expand...

I agree. I don't think doing stuff on your own makes you a pariah. I'm not a social butterfly (tended to avoid the after-exam parties) but I get along fine with everyone. It's really not about whether you're super social or not, it's about how you interact with your classmates when you do see them. If you're a jerk or act better like you're than them, yeah, no one will want to work with you and you'll have no allies. In third year and beyond, being a team player is essential and it's impossible to do well if you refuse to interact with others.

And you never know. Some of your classmates are probably really cool people that you'd get along with great if you made the effort. These are the people who will have your back forever, and you'll have theirs.
 
southernIM said:
Anyone else get a PM accusing them of anti-semitism for disagreeing with the OP, or was that just me?
Click to expand...

That's a fairly serious accusation. I don't see anywhere that you posted anything anti-semitic.

OP said I posted BS in the other thread when I was only trying to answer another person's questions, so that isn't all that surprising. There is a pattern forming here.
 
docterjew said:
How important is it, as you go through your four years of medical school, to be popular (or at least not disliked) by your classmates?
Click to expand...

It's not important to be popular or even "well liked." It is important to not be disliked.

docterjew said:
Sometimes withdrawing from their social activities can be seen as being stuck up or uncaring. This can generate resentment in some people.
Click to expand...

Not if you have a decent excuse (like you a family or wife/husband w/ or w/o kid at home). In that case, you have to make up for losing social capital by missing the activities. The best way seems to be to go a little more out of your way to share resources and interface regularly with people while at school.

The healthiest schools seem to be the places where the class is relatively uncompetitive with each other, people generally get along and share as much as possible, and the admin and the class have a lot of inclusive social activities (both planned and impromptu). Even though there is a sizable fragment of the class who never goes to the social activities, it doesn't seem to hurt them much - probably because there is just a general feeling of good will that the class has for each other overall. This makes it much easier for people to integrate later on.
 
docterjew said:
I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. How important is it, as you go through your four years of medical school, to be popular (or at least not disliked) by your classmates?
If you have an adequate support system outside of medical school and prefer to study on your own, etc., what advantages does it confer to you to be well liked? I'm talking about only those students in your year, not the years above you who might be interns/residents at the programs you interview at for residency.
Click to expand...

Sometimes junior AOA requires that your classmates vote for you. So, in that regard, yes you need your classmates to like you enough to vote you in.
 
southernIM said:
You seem to think you already know the answers to these questions, so I'm not sure why you are asking them.

To echo DrEnderW, I can think of very few people in my medical school who were disliked.

There were plenty of people who didn't hang out much with the social groups in our class - either due to families, other interests, or just plain lack of interest. They were by and large liked just fine and everyone was very amicable with them in the at-school settings.

If people are actually disliked by a large majority of the class (I'm not talking about a couple of individual social conflicts - everyone will have some people they don't mesh with), I would say there is at least some positive correlation (certainly not perfect) with that person having issues in the way they interact with others.

In general I would say in life that if you are disliked by the majority of the people around you, you're doing something wrong. In your previous posts you show a heavy amount of disdain for your peers, so I would hazard a guess that that filters through in your interactions with them.
Click to expand...

^ I don't know man...seems pretty anti-semitic to me...
 
southernIM said:
Anyone else get a PM accusing them of anti-semitism for disagreeing with the OP, or was that just me?
Click to expand...
Go bother someone else. I didn't ask for your opinion on any other threads, and I don't want it on this one either.
 
ChEMD said:
The way that you phrase the question just makes me feel dirty. What are the "advantages" of having friends?? For most people, having friends makes them happy. Asking what the advantages are just makes it seem like you only interact with other people if there is something in it for you other than enjoying their company.

Edit: And I know you said that you have a support system outside of school, but I've never heard someone complain that they have too many friends or they are too well liked. You should want to interact and be friends with your classmates because it is enjoyable, not because there is some measurable advantage from doing so.
Click to expand...
My life was complete before I started school. The only thing that was missing was medicine. So I'd rather spend what little free time I have on my friends and family. I'm not sure why it's so hard for you and others like you (there are so many in medical school, idk why) to understand that.
 
southernIM said:
Anyone else get a PM accusing them of anti-semitism for disagreeing with the OP, or was that just me?
Click to expand...

Seriously? So now you're a drunk fratboy with a propensity to destroy applicants lives AND you're an anti-Semite?
 
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Wordead said:
You don't need to be popular, just someone who gets along with people and can carry on a conversation - you have given a lot of people the impression that you are unable to do that, whether or not it's true. Which is why they're diagnosing you.
Click to expand...
This I really don't understand. I'm not sure what I've said to give people that impression except for when I was reacting to antagonizing posts. I have conversations with people in my class all the time, I just don't hang out with them at all outside of the classroom. It sounds like the consensus is that that's ok.
 
DermViser said:
Seriously? So now you're a drunk fratboy with a propensity to destroy applicants lives AND you're anti-Semite?
Click to expand...
So nice to see you got your buddy's back on this one. Both of you can just **** right off.
 
docterjew said:
It would be great if people could just answer the question in the OP instead of trying to diagnose me over the internet. I don't know the answers, or I wouldn't be asking the questions.
What are the advantages of being popular, throwing yourself into social activities, having as may friends as possible, etc? What are the disadvantages of not showing up to social events at your school, not making friends with everybody, not having a large social presence in your class?
Some of the answers so far: it will not affect you at all, if you aren't popular you probably torture puppies in you spare time, making connections with classmates now will help you in your future career. Is there anything else I'm missing?
Click to expand...

The fact that you're asking what the "advantages" to having friends, as if there needs to be some type of tangible benefit in order to convince you to make friends in medical school, demonstrates, whether your realize it or not, one of the elements of being a sociopath.

Medical school and residency are not conducive to those unwilling to make friends. Maybe not in the first 2 years of med school, but definitely in the clinical years and forward. Right now you are under the impression that studying hard and brain/book smarts, are the only keys to success. That's not true in medicine nor in any other field. Medicine is not in a shielded bubble.
 
DermViser said:
The fact that you're asking what the "advantages" to having friends, as if there needs to be some type of tangible benefit in order to convince you to make friends in medical school, demonstrates, whether your realize it or not, one of the elements of being a sociopath.

Medical school and residency are not conducive to those unwilling to make friends. Maybe not in the first 2 years of med school, but definitely in the clinical years and forward. Right now you are under the impression that studying hard and brain/book smarts, are the only keys to success. That's not true in medicine nor in any other field. Medicine is not in a shielded bubble.
Click to expand...
Aha, got it. So far we have sociopath and narcissist. Anything else, doctor? Besides meaningless platitudes like medicine is not a shielded bubble.
 
docterjew said:
Aha, got it. So far we have sociopath and narcissist. Anything else, doctor? Besides meaningless platitudes like medicine is not a shielded bubble.
Click to expand...

I didn't call you a narcissist. You seem to think that medicine is immune to the forces that are present in other professions. It's not, whether you like it or not.
 
docterjew said:
I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. How important is it, as you go through your four years of medical school, to be popular (or at least not disliked) by your classmates?
If you have an adequate support system outside of medical school and prefer to study on your own, etc., what advantages does it confer to you to be well liked? I'm talking about only those students in your year, not the years above you who might be interns/residents at the programs you interview at for residency.
Click to expand...

I too find the fact that you are asking this question (and then your later responses as people clarified the question) to be a bit worrisome. Why are you so focused on the "advantages" and "disadvantages" to having friends in your class? That is a bit of a red flag for something like a cluster B personality disorder. It comes off a touch unnatural. When the majority of us talk about making friends with our classmates, it's because we enjoy being around other people who share our struggles, interests, etc.; not simply because we want someone to provide a good word for us on a rotation or to a PD. As others have said, if you are having difficulty meshing in with your class, please speak with someone in your school's counseling center. It's confidential; they're trained to help with that sort of thing, and you'll be glad you talked with them.
 
music2doc said:
I too find the fact that you are asking this question (and then your later responses as people clarified the question) to be a bit worrisome. Why are you so focused on the "advantages" and "disadvantages" to having friends in your class? That is a bit of a red flag for something like a cluster B personality disorder. It comes off a touch unnatural. When the majority of us talk about making friends with our classmates, it's because we enjoy being around other people who share our struggles, interests, etc.; not simply because we want someone to provide a good word for us on a rotation or to a PD. As others have said, if you are having difficulty meshing in with your class, please speak with someone in your school's counseling center. It's confidential; they're trained to help with that sort of thing, and you'll be glad you talked with them.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I find it scarier that someone becoming a medical professional thinks a person asking this question is an indication of some kind of disorder. At worst he could be suspected of mild Asperger's. He may have very well merely been musing and chose to make a thread. Seriously, slow down. I know on SDN we love to take every opportunity to climb into someone's ass but really...reality is quite different. doctorjew, I suspect this thread has made you defensive and you don't have to defend yourself to the audience. If your question is genuine, it's been answered above several times and the consensus is that you don't have to be a wooo girl to maintain the respect and camaraderie with other classmates. Just be pleasant. 🙂 And handsome. Handsome always helps.
 
I think OP just worded his question poorly and is now getting defensive when people are not interpreting it the way he had intended. Perhaps something like... "Will spending all of my free time with family and non-med friends rather than building relationships with classmates affect my medical school performance or career prospects?" would have been clearer and less indicative of an antisocial personality.
 
southernIM said:
Anyone else get a PM accusing them of anti-semitism for disagreeing with the OP, or was that just me?
Click to expand...

LOLwat. Funny to hear the guy with 'jew' (which can be considered as a derogatory insult) complaining about anti-semitism.

As to the OP - I'm not going to try to diagnose you. If you don't want to be friends with the med school folks that's probably OK. I would recommend against being disliked by a large percentage of them, however. This doesn't mean you have to bro-out and post-exam rage with them. This means you have to not be an a-hole when you're talking to them. Also, don't come off as an a-hole (body language, etc.). If you can manage that, you'll be fine.

Based on your posting history, I don't know if you'll be capable of that as you are now. If the person you're displaying through your posts isn't the same person in real life, then you'll probably be fine.
 
Before first year ever started, cliques were born due to the unofficial class Facebook group. I noticed that medical school is very cliquish. The social butterflies in the class have added most other people on Facebook, and you can see that they are friends with each other.

As for me, I'm one of those people who never goes to class (it's not mandatory at our school), so I only show up at mandatory classes and sessions. I live forty minutes away from campus, and do all of my studying at home. Also, most of my friends are those from before medical school. I have a couple close friends from class and am friendly with my first year anatomy group (though we never hung out outside of class).

It's weird because I consider myself social, yet I'm one of those people who only goes to school for an exam or mandatory sessions. I think that there are definitely the groups of people that everyone knows, but also people like me who keep to themselves and are only there for mandatory things. In fact, to this day I still see new faces at exams that I've never seen before.

It's incredible as to how much of a difference there is between cliques and people who only show up for mandatory things. I don't think that anyone hates me, but I could only wonder what others think about people like me who show up to mandatory things only. I've always been sociable and had plenty of friends, but with the hard work required in medical school, the circumstances are different. I feel like an outcast.

Medical school is busy, and it's important for me to spend my free time with family, girlfriend, and close friends. I think a lot of people are that same way.
 
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