Does anyone have children while in med school?

[Medwife16]

Hello everyone,
I am asking the question above because DH is starting medical school this upcoming year! Yay! We are both 25 and both had planned to start a family before 30s. Additionally we wanted to start while we close to our family (he got accepted to school 10 minutes away from our parents.)I would love to hear from those already in medical school. How crazy is it to have a baby now/during medical school/ residency? We do not have any friends in the field who can give insight.

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[Chibucks15]

Hello everyone,
I am asking the question above because DH is starting medical school this upcoming year! Yay! We are both 25 and both had planned to start a family before 30s. Additionally we wanted to start while we close to our family (he got accepted to school 10 minutes away from our parents.)I would love to hear from those already in medical school. How crazy is it to have a baby now/during medical school/ residency? We do not have any friends in the field who can give insight.

There are a good amount of people at my school with kids/pregnant. We have a good amount of non-traditional students. There's enough where the school will even put together halloween parties and stuff for the students and their families. I'm sure it's pretty crazy but I see a ton of people do it and succeed in school too. What I've seen help is joining some sort of significant others group. My fiancee is in the one for my school and the people with kids organize playdates, babysitting, and stuff like that to take some of the pressure off and relax with other people who know the situation better than an outside person could. Just prioritize and its doable with some coffee and dedication!

 

[deleted245139]

Had my daughter first month of internal year... Was tough, but managed. To be fair, I'm a guy, and my wife is fantastic and stays home w the little ones. We didnt/don't have the luxury of family here so we are on our own which made it tougher.
I suppose there is never a good time to start a family, but when I look at my girls... Man, it's worth it

 

[Medic2MD4me]

Following! I'm starting this fall and have two little guys. My plan is to keep an 8-5 school/study schedule with dedicated family time 5 till bedtime and then doing a little more studying after kiddos asleep. Mixed bag on the weekend.

 

[wanderingorion]

My wife is currently pregnant, and we pretty much in the same situation. Following for solidarity =p

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Started med school with two young kids, it takes a lot of coordination and understanding by both people in the relationship. My wife would probably say that you need to understand that your husband can’t just always drop what he is doing come help if you are having a hard with the baby. In return your husband needs to understand that when he is available he needs to make that time count. It also take continual work and effort, it’s easy for one of you to forget how hard the other person is working.

If you have any specific questions then fire away. Overall I love having kids, they are a great way to forget about the stress from school, and I have a great wife who puts up with my hectic schedule.

 

[nlax30]

Had our first during the last part of med school. Sooo many variables involved here but in general the advice I got was if you're both ready to have kids from a "mental" standpoint then go for it. If you're trying to wait for the "right" time during training to have a kid then there's not going to be. There's med school with it's crazy schedule/demands, then residency with it's schedule/demands, then maybe fellowship, then of course actually attending life which initially will be crazy..... So really there isn't a perfect time unless ya'll wait until you're in mid 40's, established in a career and financially well-off. If otherwise ready to have a kid then go for it.

 

[deleted407021]

Superhumans do, yeah.

 

[Coupd'Cat]

We had two classmates have babies--one during the beginning of second year, the other right before step. The administration was good about letting them take a year off before rejoining our class again--not sure if they also had the option to keep going through & just make up particular classes.

One of our classmates also came into med school with two kids already (auggghhh!!!!!) don't know how she did it. Sometimes she'd have to bring them to classes/small groups that started after the time that their daycare let out.

 

[Medic2MD4me]

Started med school with two young kids, it takes a lot of coordination and understanding by both people in the relationship. My wife would probably say that you need to understand that your husband can’t just always drop what he is doing come help if you are having a hard with the baby. In return your husband needs to understand that when he is available he needs to make that time count. It also take continual work and effort, it’s easy for one of you to forget how hard the other person is working.

If you have any specific questions then fire away. Overall I love having kids, they are a great way to forget about the stress from school, and I have a great wife who puts up with my hectic schedule.

What was your typical weekday like in terms of study/family time? What worked best for you the first two years?

 

[Roxas]

Yep. My first was born a week into M1, and #2 was born 2 months into 3rd year.

It's playing the med school game on hard mode for sure, but it's a nice distraction. And a supportive spouse is an absolute must.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

What was your typical weekday like in terms of study/family time? What worked best for you the first two years?

Just finishing my first semester of M1. Basically I am on campus all day and then come home around 6 so I can have a bit to play with them and help my wife put them to bed. If I have a test coming up then all bets are off and the few days before sometimes I don’t come home until midnight. My wife and I have simply decided that my goal is to do as well in school as I can so I treat it like a job. I make some extra time to spend with them in the weekends and we still had time throughout the semester to do fun things like go to the zoo or other activities. Medical school honestly gets the main chunk of my focus, and my wife is ok with that, but I still feel like I have been able to be there a good amount for my family.

 

[Goro]

Hello everyone,
I am asking the question above because DH is starting medical school this upcoming year! Yay! We are both 25 and both had planned to start a family before 30s. Additionally we wanted to start while we close to our family (he got accepted to school 10 minutes away from our parents.)I would love to hear from those already in medical school. How crazy is it to have a baby now/during medical school/ residency? We do not have any friends in the field who can give insight.

Every year I have at least one student have a baby. The moms typically take an LOA to graduate one year later. No big deal.

I have had students who were single moms, or moms with baby living apart from hubby. Still doable.

I knew a gal who was in med school while I was in grad school. She had not one two babies as a med student! She later went into Path because she hated touching patients.

 

[Perrotfish]

Hello everyone,
I am asking the question above because DH is starting medical school this upcoming year! Yay! We are both 25 and both had planned to start a family before 30s. Additionally we wanted to start while we close to our family (he got accepted to school 10 minutes away from our parents.)I would love to hear from those already in medical school. How crazy is it to have a baby now/during medical school/ residency? We do not have any friends in the field who can give insight.

It's pretty common and very workable for people who either have a high income spouse or a stay at home spouse, though you need to accept that there are going to be long stretches (months) where the medical student/resident had basically no ability to contribute to household tasks and childcare. If you are fine with that then this can work.

Single parents, students married to lower earning spouse's (who can't easily cover daycare put of their salaries), and dual medical student couples have a tougher situation. You start getting in to no win situations with conflicts between an absolutely inflexible call schedule and an equally inflexible childcare. People do manage it but it's rarer is extremely stressful.

What is your situation?

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

though you need to accept that there are going to be long stretches (months) where the medical student/resident had basically no ability to contribute to household tasks and childcare. If you are fine with that then this can work.

This sums it up nicely.

 

[futuremdforme]

I know lots of guys whose wives had babies in med school. Honestly, as the guy, not that hard. The mom is harder but doable too.

 

[deleted245139]

Yep. My first was born a week into M1, and #2 was born 2 months into 3rd year.

It's playing the med school game on hard mode for sure, but it's a nice distraction. And a supportive spouse is an absolute must.

Lol fantastic analogy

 

[Kgizzle]

Not adding anything but want to say that to all the heroes that have children's during medical school... keep doing what you do! You have my approval

 

[FistLength]

I had a kid in med school. My wife is amazing, and we have family support, so it was manageable. Med school is the best time to have kids, imho, better than residency or attending when it is harder to keep up with rugrats.

 

[njtrimed]

I have two kids. I started med school with a toddler and gave birth to my second this August, the week M2 started. This year has been surprisingly manageable. Last year, I spent more time on campus, going to lectures and studying in the library, and I use Anki (a flash card app you can sync with your smartphone), which allows me to study while waiting on line at the grocery store, sitting at the playground, etc. I’ve spent most of this year podcasting while nursing my infant, and it’s working well for my family.

Every individual is different, and family dynamics are important. It helps to have a strong support system, too. But it’s definitely very doable!

 

[W19]

I have 2 while in med school. My spouse works 2 days/wk and I have had help here and there from a family member... Things have worked out ok SO FAR.

 

[SouthernGent]

Had a classmate have a kid mid-semester, and she was back 2 weeks later and is kicking butt. I think she worked with faculty so anatomy was the only course she would have to take for the rest of the semester, and will make up our other classes over the summer. I Know of at least two other classmate who are gonna be parents soon as well. It appears doable, but all these individuals also had a plan on what to do and communicated with faculty.

 

[plowmanc]

I’m an MS-1 with a 6 month old daughter. She was born 3 weeks before school started, which was great or terrible depending on how you look at it. My wife is a stay-at-home Mom which makes it much easier. Here are the pros/cons I’ve seen
Pros: You don’t have to wait forever to start a family. There is always logistical reasons to not start, so why not start when you’re ready. Another pro is that you can get your family going earlier so that when you’re an empty nester you’ll be only 45-50 instead of 60 and you’ll have way more money to spend haha. In all seriousness it keeps me motivated to use time wisely when I’m away from them, and I am doing well in school without studying all day every day. Be ready to make a plan with how to manage work life balance though.
Cons: Finances are really tight if neither of you work. We’re living on loans and I have a small job at the school I do that helps some, but be prepared for tight money if you do this route. If your spouse works then it makes it easier money wise, but that’s a decision you have to make. The only other con is that it’s you may feel guilty when you have to put your school before your family in certain situations. My wife is very understanding/supportive and understands the big picture, but it’s still hard to not feel a little guilt for not helping at all around house right before a test.
Overall it’s worth it and I’m happy we had our daughter when we chose too. Most importantly is to be on same page of spouse before going into it, make sure you both understand the sacrifice it will be.


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[holdthemayo]

It also take continual work and effort, it’s easy for one of you to forget how hard the other person is working.

This is key for making things work as a medical student. I started with two young children. It definitely makes things harder, but it can be done as long as both partners are fully committed to making it work. I would not be able to do it if my wife were not all in on this path with me. That said, I have a classmate who is a single mother and is able to make it work. I assume she is some sort of demigod.

I read a post on here years ago that I found helpful. Paraphrasing it went: You cannot be #1 in your class and the best parent at the same time, but you can be good enough at both. As long as you are aware of the sacrifices that you will have to make, you will be fine.

I would recommend picking a pass/fail school if you can.

 

[valid username]

That said, I have a classmate who is a single mother and is able to make it work. I assume she is some sort of demigod.

LOL! That's so cute. I am guessing she is actually very creative and positive.

I had 5 when i started. The youngest were 10.
Then, in second semester I had #6.
I didn't take LOA for financial reasons.
I hear a lot of comments like the above from classmates. As I tell them, you can handle a lot more than you think.

The toughest aspects were:
Pukey anatomy lab. (Understatement, this was truly awful.)
Breastfeeding during step 1. There are no extra minutes for pumping. Painful experience.
(For dads those first two don't matter of course)
Financial. You will have less money than your peers. It is doable, but you will have less to spend on educational resources, application fees, etc.

There are benefits, too.
Developmental questions that other students complain about are literally common sense.
Loneliness is not a problem. (This is huge)
OB and PEDs rotations are not scary.
There is no time for getting into a depressed funk.
You have additional reasons that everything has to work the first time.
And somehow, you do it.

My school has a lot of non-trads with kids. In general, we do pretty well.

 

[valid username]

I’ve spent most of this year podcasting while nursing my infant

Good for you! That was my M2. I preferred other methods, but hands free was necessary for a while.

If you plan to breastfeed for (at least) the first year, Step 1 will be tricky. I didn't think ahead to request accomadations so I don't know if it is possible. However, it may be worth asking about. I needed more break time than the allotted so of course I ran out of time during the last block. I also left almost ten minutes early in a middle block. I was in a fair amount of pain by the end of the exam and quite certain I failed. (I think even more than I would have otherwise.)

My step scores were over 30 pts apart. Obviously I can attribute the difference to many things, but I truly believe that the extra challenges of step 1 had some effect.

 

[njtrimed]

Good for you! That was my M2. I preferred other methods, but hands free was necessary for a while.

If you plan to breastfeed for (at least) the first year, Step 1 will be tricky. I didn't think ahead to request accomadations so I don't know if it is possible. However, it may be worth asking about. I needed more break time than the allotted so of course I ran out of time during the last block. I also left almost ten minutes early in a middle block. I was in a fair amount of pain by the end of the exam and quite certain I failed. (I think even more than I would have otherwise.)

My step scores were over 30 pts apart. Obviously I can attribute the difference to many things, but I truly believe that the extra challenges of step 1 had some effect.

Wow! Six kids in med school has to be a record. You’re amazing! Yes, there are accommodations built in for nursing moms and I requested them when I sent in my registration; I might not have thought of this if I didn’t take the MCAT (also 7.5 hours) without asking for accommodations. Fortunately, the MCAT went fine and I realized I can do it again if I have to. But I was already working in healthcare and my body had adjusted to getting stuck without getting a break all day, for better or worse. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to survive the exam without accommodations, especially with 6 kids- major kudos to you!

I will add this, for the OP: part of planning for a family is knowing the curriculum and what YOU should anticipate. I was lucky enough to get into school close to where we already lived, so we have family in the area if we need them, and I have been able to continue picking up shifts on weekends and any weekdays that are quiet. We were both fully prepared to move wherever I got into school, but if you can stay close to family and friends, it's much easier. Some schools do have a lot of nontrads and a great support system for families and spouses, so if you're moving, take that into consideration if you have options. In schools (like mine) that don't have mandatory lectures, your husband may have a lot of flexibility during the preclinical years, and that may make it easier to share parenting responsibilities until rotations begin. He may or may not need to be out of the home to get his work done. I think that as long as you're mentally prepared for whatever comes, you can handle it. My sister and her husband started their family while he was in a demanding PhD program in an expensive city, and they made it work, too. That presented a different set of challenges, since he wasn't allowed to work while receiving a stipend and she couldn't make enough to cover childcare expenses. Unless money isn't an issue, consider all of this when choosing a school and deciding whether to have kids or wait. For us, it's been totally manageable.

 

[valid username]

Single parents, students married to lower earning spouse's (who can't easily cover daycare put of their salaries), and dual medical student couples have a tougher situation. You start getting in to no win situations with conflicts between an absolutely inflexible call schedule and an equally inflexible childcare. People do manage it but it's rarer is extremely stressful.

Seriously, it's not that bad. Yes, it's difficult but it's certainly easier than taking prerequisites and having multiple part-time minimum wage jobs without guaranteed or set hours. Student loans are enough to live decently on. Sure, you study every waking moment, but that's better than working every waking moment and having very little hope of making life better. You won't be as well off as your peers, but for us, life as a medical student family has, in many ways, been much easier than life before. Of course, we were at the bottom of the socioeconomic barrel so perspective may be skewed.

 

[DrHubby]

Thanks for posting. I’ll be starting in July with a 2 year old. We will be moving 6 hours from home and my mom will be coming with to help. My husband and I are currently separated. Very nervous but reading this makes me feel like it’s possible at least.

 

[eatkalteenbars]

In my class alone there are maybe 7 or 8 female classmates who have had babies during med school (including one bamf who delivered less than a week after taking Step 1) and several male classmates whose wives had kids. There are also several people who already had kids before starting school.
I am in awe of all of them, as I am single af and have no idea how they manage to take care of a household and still stay on top of things academically.

 

[Medic2MD4me]

Seriously, it's not that bad. Yes, it's difficult but it's certainly easier than taking prerequisites and having multiple part-time minimum wage jobs without guaranteed or set hours. Student loans are enough to live decently on. Sure, you study every waking moment, but that's better than working every waking moment and having very little hope of making life better. You won't be as well off as your peers, but for us, life as a medical student family has, in many ways, been much easier than life before. Of course, we were at the bottom of the socioeconomic barrel so perspective may be skewed.

Especially jobs with predominantly evening hours. I work 3-4 twelves a week that go well past the time of family dinner and my son being tucked away in bed. At least the first 2 years I'll see them every night which I'm looking forward to.

 

[BruceWaynMD]

I'm a single mom. My kid is 6 with a disability. Its not as hard as it seems. I set reasonable goals for myself grade wise and study wise. We have pass/fail system we have no honors so passing is a 70 my goal is to pass with an 75-80 give myself cushion. I don't want a super competitive residency so I'm pretty relaxed most of the time (except during anatomy) but I'm just a M1 so this might change. I made higher scores than some of my peers without kids surprisingly.

 

[Anon99]

Lots of work but doable. I had one M3 year, lots of classmates with 1-4+ kids. Will be a ton of work for you because med school is unrelentingly busy and hubs will not be available often but if you have good family support med school can be a good time. We close to wait until after step 1 to start and ideally would have postponed until 4th year but that's not how things shook out. But classmates have had kids before school and all years and there are pros/cons to everything. Waiting til residency is fine too but may or may not be feasible depending on how big of a family you are hoping for and I agree better to have them now with family nearby then later without family.

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[MSTP18]

It's definitely doable, and easier if willing to do a research year or two.

 

[Stagg737]

Wow! Six kids in med school has to be a record. You’re amazing! Yes, there are accommodations built in for nursing moms and I requested them when I sent in my registration; I might not have thought of this if I didn’t take the MCAT (also 7.5 hours) without asking for accommodations. Fortunately, the MCAT went fine and I realized I can do it again if I have to. But I was already working in healthcare and my body had adjusted to getting stuck without getting a break all day, for better or worse. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to survive the exam without accommodations, especially with 6 kids- major kudos to you!

I know at least 3 people in my class with 5+ kids and there's an alumni either 2 or 3 classes above me who had 11 (yes, you're reading that correctly) kids while in medical school. I have no idea how one has eleven kids and remains sane let alone makes it through med school, but he did.

 

[jrlob91]

Echoing everyone above, extremely doable with good time management. My son was born in the fall of my second year, so I got to study for boards with him around. My wife understood how necessary it was for me to treat med school like a job, so I would study/do school 5a-3/4p, then come home and help with the baby until about 7/8 at night and study for a couple more hours, if I felt like it.

 

[tammyp]

Its nice to see a thread on this topic that's so positive, most of the other ones I've come across in the past just make me feel stupid for even considering having a planned pregnancy in medical school

 

[deleted245139]

I think Time management is key. Family support can help but sometimes you are displaced and it's not an option. Dual income can be tough too... Much easier without kids. My wife has a marketing deg but at some point, child care costs eclipse a take home salary. You gotta do what works for you. It's a give and take, and more to the point, maximizing the time you DO have with family. You have to try to leave work at work. It's hard In the preclinical years for sure with the AMT of studying, but was a similar workload, just a bit different in residency. Both sides need to understand that it's hard on both. Hard on the sig other, hard on the kids, hard on the doc. Through it all, you can find happiness