Doubting MD decision: after long road, can I change now?

[Sundaydewdrops]

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(repost from non-trad thread)

Hello!

I need help! I am really struggling with my current situation and I cannot seem to come to any conclusions. I have come to a crossroads in life and need some advice from people who have been here before! I am trying to decide whether I still want to pursue medicine, or if I should "settle" for doing a PhD in clinical psych or other field. My relationship of 5 years has recently ended and it has made me question my pursuit of medicine. Since I was in high school, I have been involved in medicine in some way and I feel it has always been a part of me. Yet, with the way my life is going, I am not sure it is worth it anymore!

Let me give you my background first. I graduated 5 years ago from undergrad with a psych/bio double major. My intention was to go to medical school after taking a year off to work and make some money. Well, my MCAT was not great on my first try (7PS/11BS/7VR/25P), but with false hope, I applied twice with the same MCAT and got no interviews (not surprisingly). So, after 2.5 years of working and trying to maintain a long distance relationship (with someone else in medicine who could not be flexible in location), and by the advice of adcom members, I decided to pursue a post-bacc closer to my significant other. After this, I took the MCAT again with moderate improvement (8PS/12BS/8VR/28Q). I have reapplied (only to my state's schools) for the past two years since this time and have received no response from schools. Instead of doing the 2 years of post-bacc to get a master's, I went back to my home state after the first year of post-bacc to complete my MPH in Epidemiology. I will finish this in December, and my original plan was to go back with my sig other after graduation for 6 months and then head off to the Caribbean for med school. (I should also note: undergrad GPA = 3.3 (first 1.5 years take me down), post-bacc GPA = 3.5, MPH GPA = 3.8). I still think somewhere back in my mind that I am capable of doing well, but I have lost confidence in my abilities and my desire to go into medicine.

My interest has always been mental health. I am interested in doing research (I have multiple publications and many years of research experience anywhere from neuroscience to global health from undergrad through today), and I always that that I could go into medicine to learn the field, so that I could know better what research/changes were needed. I am only starting to doubt all of my pursuits after my relationship of 5 years recently ended and I am left with a broken heart and unable to re-gain those strong feelings of passions and motivation I once had for pursuing medicine and research.

Any advice will be helpful.

Right now, I am not keen on going to the Caribbean, but I worry that if I go for PhD, I will regret me decision later on as it may not get me where I want to go. I have too broad of interests (neural plasticity to global mental health) to settle on a PhD program right now, but clinical psychology seems to open some of the doors that I want open.

Thanks again for your time!

 

[md2bknox]

I am really sorry to hear of your break up, but it seems that your current decision is coming from a place of emotional drain and despair. I think your identity has been tied up in two aspects of your life, your pursuit to medicine and relationship. I don't think you have step back to view the full picture and smell the roses. You have already done so much, that's great but have you done what you need to get into medical school. Now is the best time to talk to adcoms, your free now to go anywhere, maybe broadening your med school prospects rather than just the state schools will help and why not go to the Caribbean, your detached. From what I am reading you do what you want to do but its not what will make you competitive. Take this with a grain of salt, as I am a Premed student rectifying my grades, but I suggest taking time off for some soul searching. After your program, WORK on YOU, breaking up a five year relationship can break anyone up. Take time to heal, talk to more adcoms, see what was wrong with your app, then look into phd programs talk to those programs tell them your goal and see if its possible to do what you do. No career fits in a little box, I'm sure you could figure out a way to make the phd work for you. Don't make this decision based on lost hope, you'll get there if you want it🙂

 

[DrWily]

Why trying so hard for MD? Why not apply D.O.? Your 25 *may* have gotten you in somewhere at a D.O. school and a 28 with your stats will definitely get you in. It's a much better alternative to Caribbean and you're still going to a US Medical School. Don't believe all the hype with MD vs DO. Some of it is true, but it is largely blown out of proportion here on SDN. You have a chance to do most competitive specialties (maybe not the top of the top, but even MD applicants have a hard time getting into those).

Stop crying, man up, and do what it takes to get into medicine if this is what you know you want to do with your life. If you don't know, then don't do it. Too much sacrifice if your heart isn't into it.

P.S. I don't meant to be insensitive, I've been with my woman for nearly 6 years now and it would crush me if things fell apart right now.. but what's done is done, and you need to do what's right for YOU.

 

[Dr Curitas]

I am really sorry to hear of your break up, but it seems that your current decision is coming from a place of emotional drain and despair. I think your identity has been tied up in two aspects of your life, your pursuit to medicine and relationship. I don't think you have step back to view the full picture and smell the roses. You have already done so much, that's great but have you done what you need to get into medical school. Now is the best time to talk to adcoms, your free now to go anywhere, maybe broadening your med school prospects rather than just the state schools will help and why not go to the Caribbean, your detached. From what I am reading you do what you want to do but its not what will make you competitive. Take this with a grain of salt, as I am a Premed student rectifying my grades, but I suggest taking time off for some soul searching. After your program, WORK on YOU, breaking up a five year relationship can break anyone up. Take time to heal, talk to more adcoms, see what was wrong with your app, then look into phd programs talk to those programs tell them your goal and see if its possible to do what you do. No career fits in a little box, I'm sure you could figure out a way to make the phd work for you. Don't make this decision based on lost hope, you'll get there if you want it🙂

Right on, I have nothing to add, but only wish to confirm. It is important to take care of one's self and if you are interested in mental health then you may already know of the importance of emotional and mental stability in dealing with issues and finding one's purpose in life. Maybe take some time off to heal your wounds, do some self exploration and then re-evaluate your goals and plans. Best of luck on your path to finding your true, happy and successful self.

 

[longroad59]

Why trying so hard for MD? Why not apply D.O.? Your 25 *may* have gotten you in somewhere at a D.O. school and a 28 with your stats will definitely get you in. It's a much better alternative to Caribbean and you're still going to a US Medical School. Don't believe all the hype with MD vs DO. Some of it is true, but it is largely blown out of proportion here on SDN. You have a chance to do most competitive specialties (maybe not the top of the top, but even MD applicants have a hard time getting into those).

Stop crying, man up, and do what it takes to get into medicine if this is what you know you want to do with your life. If you don't know, then don't do it. Too much sacrifice if your heart isn't into it.

P.S. I don't meant to be insensitive, I've been with my woman for nearly 6 years now and it would crush me if things fell apart right now.. but what's done is done, and you need to do what's right for YOU.

I was wondering the same thing. If you can't be MD, you would rather not even be a physician? I don't get it. If you want to be a physician, apply MD and DO. I had very similar GPA numbers as the original poster. I, too, got my MPH with a similar GPA in grad school. I was just accepted to a DO school with an MCAT score of 23Q. 28 should get you in just fine. You either want to be a physician or you don't. If you do, apply to DO. If not, go for the Ph.D.

 

[Sundaydewdrops]

I was wondering the same thing. If you can't be MD, you would rather not even be a physician? I don't get it. If you want to be a physician, apply MD and DO. I had very similar GPA numbers as the original poster. I, too, got my MPH with a similar GPA in grad school. I was just accepted to a DO school with an MCAT score of 23Q. 28 should get you in just fine. You either want to be a physician or you don't. If you do, apply to DO. If not, go for the Ph.D.

I appreciate your input. I have wanted to do MD because of my interest in research and my perception is that it would be easier to procure funding or other opportunities in public health with the MD versus DO. However, because of my strong interest in research, I also have realized that it may not be necessary to be a physician to accomplish my goals. I could potentially accomplish the same things with a PhD. Only, I would not have the clinical credentials, which is difficult for me to accept. The MD seems to offer broad opportunities in many areas from basic science, to health services research, to global health. I am interested in it all. But ultimately, I have been focused on mental health and many things surrounding this. So, really I could go in many directions and possibly find happiness in a different route from strictly sticking to the MD route. I wanted to have a clinical background so that I could speak with knowledge from this perspective. There are so many opportunities worldwide for MDs to work in both clinical and research capacities. However, whether I would actually do these things after the MD is procured is a different story. There is a strong possibility that I could become so focused on paying back loans and making money, that I would become just like all the other hundreds of physicians that do only clinical work and basically do the things that insurance can be billed the most for. This means in psychiatry that there is little time left over at the end of the day to actually spend time with patients and help them. Most psychiatrists end up being pill pushers and med managers, which is not what I want to be.

It has been hard for me to give up the idea of getting a medical education and having those clinical credentials, and I have not completely given up on the idea. I have just realized that I also want to have somewhat of a life too and after my life has recently turned upside down, I have reconsidered everything. I am still in decision mode and have been for some while. Again, I truly appreciate your input.

 

[longroad59]

I appreciate your input. I have wanted to do MD because of my interest in research and my perception is that it would be easier to procure funding or other opportunities in public health with the MD versus DO. However, because of my strong interest in research, I also have realized that it may not be necessary to be a physician to accomplish my goals. I could potentially accomplish the same things with a PhD. Only, I would not have the clinical credentials, which is difficult for me to accept. The MD seems to offer broad opportunities in many areas from basic science, to health services research, to global health. I am interested in it all. But ultimately, I have been focused on mental health and many things surrounding this. So, really I could go in many directions and possibly find happiness in a different route from strictly sticking to the MD route. I wanted to have a clinical background so that I could speak with knowledge from this perspective. There are so many opportunities worldwide for MDs to work in both clinical and research capacities. However, whether I would actually do these things after the MD is procured is a different story. There is a strong possibility that I could become so focused on paying back loans and making money, that I would become just like all the other hundreds of physicians that do only clinical work and basically do the things that insurance can be billed the most for. This means in psychiatry that there is little time left over at the end of the day to actually spend time with patients and help them. Most psychiatrists end up being pill pushers and med managers, which is not what I want to be.

It has been hard for me to give up the idea of getting a medical education and having those clinical credentials, and I have not completely given up on the idea. I have just realized that I also want to have somewhat of a life too and after my life has recently turned upside down, I have reconsidered everything. I am still in decision mode and have been for some while. Again, I truly appreciate your input.

Keep your head up. It hurts now, but you will overcome and let life heal you. If you really feel the need to be MD, but feel the need to move on as well, I understand. I am 27 and just now got into medical school. Its a tough spot. Its true that going the DO route will make it harder to go toward the research side. But its also not impossible, just a little harder. Keep that in mind. There are opportunities with DO as well. On the other hand, if you are set in your mind, you can always go the Ph.D. route and continue to apply to MD schools. If you get in, you could just straight up quit Ph.D. and go to med school. Or maybe get into an MD school after you get your Ph.D. as a non-traditional student. But MD schools don't do that as much as DO schools. Maybe a Ph.D. plus a DO down the road could get you the clinical cred. I don't have the answer you are searching for. But hopefully you have a little more to ponder. Good luck.

 

[KaseyA]

Everything is a gamble; so is applying to med school. Some will win (and get accepted and an MD), some will lose.

Good luck!

 

[jinobi]

You know, it's not like MD Caribbean will have lots of research opportunities either; it's the institution, not the degree, that matters for research opportunities. If anything, they would have less research than some DO schools.

NIH and other private grants go to whoever has good proposals and a solid institution backing them, regardless of the letters after your name.

Better to stay in the states with a DO school, especially if you have TCOM in your backyard. Also more chances to do research with nearby institutions if you wish during your medical school years.

 

[claudi]

this may be totally off base, so do not follow through on this suggestion if it doesn't resonate with you...

checking out psychologytoday.com and finding a counselor that's on your wavelength could significantly help sort through some of the challenges you've faced, clarify what you actually want and help focus your energy in direction with less doubt. a "lifecoach" could be very helpful in this regard as well but some other issues arise if you go this route.

usually suggestions like this are met with resistance. seen from a totally objective perspective, the investment of time and money may seem insignificant in retrospect if you are facing big decisions now. wisdom is more valuable than knowledge during the inflection points of life.

i was hesitant to write this, but from reading what you wrote, i gathered that you would be open to any suggestion that would help.

good luck and enjoy the process.