I guess the hard lessons of learning to be a medical professional hit me today. On one hand you could almost be crying with a family after taking a pt off of ventilation and seeing them talk for the first time in weeks and then an hour later you can have a random mom call you a “condescending dingus because you have a smile on your face while talking to me” .... resident and I just looked at each other confused ..... to note all I did was stand behind my resident and then gently ask if the baby had stool that was pale or still dark and sticky / if she recalled any abnormalities in her kids screening exam. Growing pains/ frustration I guess...... maybe next time I’ll make sure never to smile at a pt.
Elation and frustration
- Thread starter Oreo#1
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Since you are clearly on your peds rotation, you'll be more successful in dealing with parents if you make the following assumptions (no matter how ridiculous they may seem in the situation - eg abuse cases)
#1 All parents love their kids
#2 because of assumption #1, all parents are doing the best they can
#3 it is insanely stressful to have a child in the hospital, which makes it harder for parents to complete assumption #2
A little story - I'm a PICU attending, board certified in both general peds and pediatric critical care. I know a lot about kids, know even more about sick kids, know a lot about what life is like in the hospital...thought I knew a lot about what it was like having a child that was sick. My daughter at 3 weeks old loses her ever loving mind one night, seriously 8+ hours of screaming. Go through my normal little checklist of what it could be, try some things at home, etc., nothing works. Make the decision to go to the Peds ED thinking it was a corneal abrasion. Check, nope. Based on some of the risk factors when she was born, ED attending starts laying out the case for admission, cultures including LP and so on. All things I had told parents a thousand times. Get admitted, luckily everything goes okay, but that weekend was by far the most stressful weekend of my entire life. For a baby that I knew wasn't that sick, for a baby that all of my training told me didn't have meningitis or any sort of serious medical condition. More stressful than anything I've ever encountered - relationships, college/med school exams, clerkships, PICU fellowship, my grandmother dying a week before taking my board certification exam. None of that came anywhere close to that weekend and I'm undoubtedly more comfortable in the hospital environment than 99.9999% of the population. But in that moment, so much is out of your control as a parent, so much is uncertain and your mind just short circuits.
I'll add, that the above assumptions work for family members of adults too, but with the added issues of unpacking decades worth of emotional baggage that those relationships (spouse/parent/child/sibling) have created.
#1 All parents love their kids
#2 because of assumption #1, all parents are doing the best they can
#3 it is insanely stressful to have a child in the hospital, which makes it harder for parents to complete assumption #2
A little story - I'm a PICU attending, board certified in both general peds and pediatric critical care. I know a lot about kids, know even more about sick kids, know a lot about what life is like in the hospital...thought I knew a lot about what it was like having a child that was sick. My daughter at 3 weeks old loses her ever loving mind one night, seriously 8+ hours of screaming. Go through my normal little checklist of what it could be, try some things at home, etc., nothing works. Make the decision to go to the Peds ED thinking it was a corneal abrasion. Check, nope. Based on some of the risk factors when she was born, ED attending starts laying out the case for admission, cultures including LP and so on. All things I had told parents a thousand times. Get admitted, luckily everything goes okay, but that weekend was by far the most stressful weekend of my entire life. For a baby that I knew wasn't that sick, for a baby that all of my training told me didn't have meningitis or any sort of serious medical condition. More stressful than anything I've ever encountered - relationships, college/med school exams, clerkships, PICU fellowship, my grandmother dying a week before taking my board certification exam. None of that came anywhere close to that weekend and I'm undoubtedly more comfortable in the hospital environment than 99.9999% of the population. But in that moment, so much is out of your control as a parent, so much is uncertain and your mind just short circuits.
I'll add, that the above assumptions work for family members of adults too, but with the added issues of unpacking decades worth of emotional baggage that those relationships (spouse/parent/child/sibling) have created.
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Are you?
Probably not but your sassy comment skills need some refinement
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I haven’t been the parent of a sick kid but I’ve been the sick kid. It’s stressful and can be scary. I was also brought up to not use my illness as an excuse to be mean to others so I think that ends up making me a little MORE judgey! Haha. I understand snippy comments/being on edge. I give parents and kids a wide berth for that. However I’ve gotten frustrated with colleagues in the past who seem to excuse every parental rudeness with “oh they’re stressed”, as if they don’t feel they(/others) as a doctor can be offended. There may be a reason but rude is still rude and can affect you, even if the person may not be trying to hurt you, especially when you’re starting out. (Over time I think we learn to take it less personally.) So sometimes I need to just acknowledge that to myself, sometimes I laugh about an absurdly rude/irrational comment to a friend at work to cope. Probably not for a one off type comment but I have called people on their excessive or egregious rudeness/meanness before and it’s possible to do that professionally as well. The best is the combo of both feelings: when a parent calls you back later and is like I’m so sorry I was stressed! Haha
