Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy

[Seaglass]

For some reason, hours of rounds and chasing K and Mag all day really make me appreciate EM so much more.

Plus we have this really terrible order entry system that keeps eating my labs.

So I put together this haiku:

Damn this Medicine!
The hours spent chasing vapors -
I long for the Pit.

C

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[Aloha Kid]

Cool poem! For everyones edification, Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional japanese poetry. Haiku is, today, a 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.

Switch your 2nd and 3rd lines around and you got a winner.

 

[mountebank]

that's funny

 

[roja]

Bravo.

 

[NinerNiner999]

Here's mine...

Round, round, round all day
efficiency goes away
Medicine blows hard.

 

[Hercules]

Here's mine...

Round, round, round all day
efficiency goes away
Medicine blows hard.

That's awesome!

 

[DMO]

EM

Vomit on my shoes,
Getting pimped like no other
I want my mother

 

[USCDiver]

Admit, treat, discharge
No one really improves much
Long live DNR

 

[roja]

Outstanding!

 

[dodobird]

Smells like so much poo
Doesn't matter what labs say
She's circling the drain.

 

[USCDiver]

Differential list
Is nineteen enough for you?
It's a UTI!

 

[roja]

 

[DrQuinn]

Here, have some Mo-feen
Get addicted, lose your job
Disability!

Q, DO

 

[roja]

Here, have some Mo-feen
Get addicted, lose your job
Disability!

Q, DO

what a suprise.. a morphine haiku from quinn.

 

[DrQuinn]

My Roja Haiku

Roja of New York
Ultrasound me please, thank you
Don't forget condoms

Q, DO

 

[Seaglass]

I tuned up my haiku. If you need to check syllables try www.dictionary.com.

 

[Seaglass]

Quinn, can you make the thread title Haiku related?

 

[NateatUC]

I'm on Peds ER this month, in the non-urgent area, so here's one...

Check my rash, my throat.
Let the med student do it.
Not sick anyway.

 

[roja]

My Roja Haiku

Roja of New York
Ultrasound me please, thank you
Don't forget condoms

Q, DO

You dirty man! I feel violated!

Harassed!






Can you do it again?

 

[USCDiver]

Oh now we're not limited to Internal Medicine haiku, eh?

Pregnant, in labor
Four hundred pounds of woman
How did she get laid?

 

[DrQuinn]

I'm on Peds ER this month, in the non-urgent area, so here's one...

Check my rash, my throat.
Let the med student do it.
Not sick anyway.

hahah great!

Q, DO

 

[DrQuinn]

House Officer Here
Give forty of K-C-L
Damn Potassium!

Q, DO

 

[DeLaughterDO]

these are for all the students in the house...

Slaving away here
Post call delirium sucks
can I go home please?

Medical student
why do I have to show up?
Need to check labs now

This is FUN!

jd

 

[aphistis]

FYI, this is such a great idea I Bogart'ed it for the dental forum.

 

[dchristismi]

Oh now we're not limited to Internal Medicine haiku, eh?

Pregnant, in labor
Four hundred pounds of woman
How did she get laid?

Browsing through the threads...
Snorted coffee out my nose
I've asked the same thing.

 

[DeLaughterDO]

dchristismi and USCDiver,

LOL!!

jd

 

[Seaglass]

Where's the damn I.V.?
Nurse DC'd it days ago.
I'll give it I.M.

 

[DrQuinn]

Where's the damn I.V.?
Nurse DC'd it days ago.
I'll give it I.M.

hahaha, these are so funny. Good thread!

Q, DO

 

[Seaglass]

"Krispy Kreme" units:
So fat he can't aim his pee -
Give him a foley.

 

[USCDiver]

My boy is crying!
Tell me, is this your first child?
He's ten days old, ma'am.

 

[USCDiver]

Inhale, wait, inhale
Four breaths per minute, doctor!
Give her some Narcan.

 

[docB]

You are here again.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are here again.

 

[eadysx]

You are here again.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are here again.

Well done, very well done.

E-

 

[roja]

You are here again.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are here again.

Truely beautiful. Truly. *sniff*

 

[DrQuinn]

Pain everywhere?
What is your diagnosis?
Fibromyalgia!

Fibromyalgia?
Is it end stage, dear doctor?
Yes, discharge home now.

Q, DO

 

[roja]

Pain everywhere?
What is your diagnosis?
Fibromyalgia!

Fibromyalgia?
Is it end stage, dear doctor?
Yes, discharge home now.

Q, DO

They aren't working you hard enough, my friend.

 

[mikecwru]

They aren't working you hard enough, my friend.

Goddamned C-C-U
Someone going in VT?
No, just needs lasix


1 more call

mike

 

[trex92499]

From the Psych ER:

Have no place to stay?
Ideation, Voices, Detox
Hello, Psych Admission

 

[Apollyon]

From the Psych ER:

Have no place to stay?
Ideation, Voices, Detox
Hello, Psych Admission

5/7/5

 

[trex92499]

Sorry, a prolonged psych rotation has made me unable to count

 

[docB]

Sorry, a prolonged psych rotation has made me unable to count

You are hearby granted poetic license.

 

[dksamp]

ER
God damn drug seeker
All he wants is percocet
There's no kidney stone

Internal Medicine
Elderly train wreck
Nursing home is an option
She is ninety-five

Pediatrics
Love that Zithromax
Treat the parent not the child
He has a virus

Psych
He has ADD
Give him some amphetamines
Teacher is happy

Surgery
Abdominal pain
Johnny has decreased bowel sounds
Let's operate now

OB/GYN
I have low back pain
That is part of pregnancy
Stat c-section now

Foreign medical schools
Med school is abroad
Sacrifice is four years long
Better pass your boards

Radiology
Normal x-Ray film
But cannot rule out disease
Suggest can scan now


Enjoy

 

[DrQuinn]

ER
God damn drug seeker
All he wants is percocet
There's no kidney stone

Internal Medicine
Elderly train wreck
Nursing home is an option
She is ninety-five

Pediatrics
Love that Zithromax
Treat the parent not the child
He has a virus

Psych
He has ADD
Give him some amphetamines
Teacher is happy

Surgery
Abdominal pain
Johnny has decreased bowel sounds
Let's operate now

OB/GYN
I have low back pain
That is part of pregnancy
Stat c-section now

Foreign medical schools
Med school is abroad
Sacrifice is four years long
Better pass your boards

Radiology
Normal x-Ray film
But cannot rule out disease
Suggest can scan now


Enjoy

Very nice.

Q

 

[docB]

You have smoked more crack.
You know that you are pregnant.
Don't you care at all?

 

[deleted6669]

You Lost Your Script Dude
How Is This My Problem Dude
Call Your Clinic Doc

 

[Apollyon]

You - shot in the ass
Quit asking for Percocet
You'll get a couple

 

[Seaglass]

Very nice.

 

[Seaglass]

Soft Rule-out MI
Enzymes times three, AM Stress
Then you're out the door

 

[Seaglass]

Democratic Groups?
Sessamoid, DocB, Mud-Phud-
Please, we want to know!

 

[Apollyon]

Worked hard (more or less)
Scumbags, fossils, and dealers.
Time for some good porn!