Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy
Started by Seaglass
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You are allergic?
You'll take only Demerol?
Kiss my a-- you jerk!
You'll take only Demerol?
Kiss my a-- you jerk!
Apollyon said:
thirty-six hours on,
too many patients to count,
post-call, rub one off.
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A lot of mileage
From a guy shot in the ass
Gotta love the 'hood!
From a guy shot in the ass
Gotta love the 'hood!
Non-acute ED
Don't know what's wrong - admitted
Don't know what's wrong - home.
Don't know what's wrong - admitted
Don't know what's wrong - home.
Pregnant - water broke?
"I did not piss in my pants!"
Well, cootchie is dry.
"I did not piss in my pants!"
Well, cootchie is dry.
Gen surg resident
Beautiful and great body
Another consult!
Beautiful and great body
Another consult!
Seaglass said:
mi-uhl-age - that's how I sounded it out. "Mile" is 2 syllables.
Mileage - am I wrong?
Is it just two syllables
Or one more, Seaglass?
COPD guy
On TV, with oxygen
Don't smoke - will kill ya!
On TV, with oxygen
Don't smoke - will kill ya!
GSW, knife wound
MVC, fall down the stairs
Keep me in a job!
MVC, fall down the stairs
Keep me in a job!
*****ically
Haikus - on and on and on
Just go to bed, please!
Haikus - on and on and on
Just go to bed, please!
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Seaglass said:
Edited
Oh, and
*****ically
Referring to me myself
Not you - you are fine.
I see you are drunk.
No, I've only had two beers.
Lying sack of crap!
No, I've only had two beers.
Lying sack of crap!
Those two dudes - again
Kicking asses everywhere
Someone call the law!
Kicking asses everywhere
Someone call the law!
A lot of time off
The motto: work hard, play hard
EM: way to be!
The motto: work hard, play hard
EM: way to be!
A few more from my colleague on renal:
Four a.m. pages
Doc, this patient seems depressed
Clown to bedside STAT!
Hip fracture admit
But one comorbidity
Blue scrubs, green scrubs, fight!
CT scanner code
My patient's not being scanned!
I don't need to go
You're the renal 'tern?
The CT scanner code needs
A transfer note now.
Four a.m. pages
Doc, this patient seems depressed
Clown to bedside STAT!
Hip fracture admit
But one comorbidity
Blue scrubs, green scrubs, fight!
CT scanner code
My patient's not being scanned!
I don't need to go
You're the renal 'tern?
The CT scanner code needs
A transfer note now.
Seaglass said:
Seaglass said:
LOL
You hurt everywhere.
You have hurt for a long time.
I can not fix you.
You have hurt for a long time.
I can not fix you.
"That's myiasis,"
corrected the attending,
of her toe maggots.
corrected the attending,
of her toe maggots.
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D
deleted6669
Left Needle On Tray
So Sorry My Good Tech Friend
Owe You A Six Pack
So Sorry My Good Tech Friend
Owe You A Six Pack
Balloon up, dear nurse
no change in mortality
why do it, *******?
Q
no change in mortality
why do it, *******?
Q
HAIKU TRIPLET
My EM leader
said that I do not need her
Reason? Vag bleeder.
She came to our Room
with a dirty, bloody womb
that led to love's doom.
With menses, no qualm
But every day? God damn!
Now I've got to scram.
Politically correct disclaimer: Menses are normal. Once a month can be tolerated. But when that stuff starts gushing like a river, without yield, without reason, without MERCY, for 18 straight days, a man has to pull the plug on the relationship and look for love elsewhere, esp when his girlfriend shows up at his own hospital's ER with her "female problems". He just never hears the end of it from his colleagues, male and female alike.
Poetically correct disclaimer: Yes, "qualm" does not rhyme overtly with damn/scram - unless you have a thick hick accent and also say, "Cass-a-blank-a is a good dramm-a," - but there is such a thing called a "slant rhyme" (you see it a lot in rap music today since most of the slam-bam rhymes were used up by Run DMC, LL Cool J, and the other old-schoolers), and I have employed it here.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Hornet. You pick on other people for their haikus and then have to get all pre-emptively whiney when you see that they can just as easily pick on yours."
Good point.
the HORNET
My EM leader
said that I do not need her
Reason? Vag bleeder.
She came to our Room
with a dirty, bloody womb
that led to love's doom.
With menses, no qualm
But every day? God damn!
Now I've got to scram.
Politically correct disclaimer: Menses are normal. Once a month can be tolerated. But when that stuff starts gushing like a river, without yield, without reason, without MERCY, for 18 straight days, a man has to pull the plug on the relationship and look for love elsewhere, esp when his girlfriend shows up at his own hospital's ER with her "female problems". He just never hears the end of it from his colleagues, male and female alike.
Poetically correct disclaimer: Yes, "qualm" does not rhyme overtly with damn/scram - unless you have a thick hick accent and also say, "Cass-a-blank-a is a good dramm-a," - but there is such a thing called a "slant rhyme" (you see it a lot in rap music today since most of the slam-bam rhymes were used up by Run DMC, LL Cool J, and the other old-schoolers), and I have employed it here.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Hornet. You pick on other people for their haikus and then have to get all pre-emptively whiney when you see that they can just as easily pick on yours."
Good point.
the HORNET
I have copied all of these down and will distribute to my fellow residents-thanks to all.
you sexy nurse you
we flirt until I find truth
ortho guys know you WELL
No BM for months?
"Bathroom in home does not work"
20K hosp bill
Arrive at 5-round
then 9 hours to sit on ass
General surg sucks
Girlfriend hours away
100 hour weeks-nurses
I know myself well
you sexy nurse you
we flirt until I find truth
ortho guys know you WELL
No BM for months?
"Bathroom in home does not work"
20K hosp bill
Arrive at 5-round
then 9 hours to sit on ass
General surg sucks
Girlfriend hours away
100 hour weeks-nurses
I know myself well
lawmd said:
North Carolina
Ortho knows you REALLY well
You must be at Duke!
(PS - "ortho guys know you well" is 6 syllables)
I love this thread. I have shamelessly copied it for the pre-allo kiddies.
great job, everyone.
great job, everyone.
Second-tri vag bleed?
Just where's that blood coming from?
Nope. Big kidney stone.
Just where's that blood coming from?
Nope. Big kidney stone.
Weakness all over
You have no emergency
You are just very old
You have no emergency
You are just very old
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You are not seizing.
You are faking all of this.
You can't talk and seize.
You are faking all of this.
You can't talk and seize.
5-7-6!?!?docB said:
aphistis said:
Poetic license born of sleep deprivation.
