Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy
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Excoriations
from cholestasis
arms scabbed as with lice
from cholestasis
arms scabbed as with lice
Adiposity
Nystatin powder to your folds
Gastric bypass please
Nystatin powder to your folds
Gastric bypass please
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That's just...appalling.WakeMedHeel said:
Skin was discolored
Lost under her breast pannus
lived an old Chicklet
Lost under her breast pannus
lived an old Chicklet
Seaglass said:
Great, no sleep again
Perhaps I shall eat No-Doz
IV sounds better
ICU intern,
pimped mercilessly on rounds.
Buzz off cruel vultures!
pimped mercilessly on rounds.
Buzz off cruel vultures!
Trying to lose weight?Purulent DC said:
Clearly, since she switched her gum
Low-mass is low-cal?
"Grey and rainy day,
Big drop in "emergencies."
Funny how that works."
in my neck of the woods it's more like:
grey and rainy day
forgot how to drive and crash
not hurt, to e.r. now
ok so er could be 2 syllables but you get the idea....
rearended with no vehicle damage but has to be seen before every mi in the lobby.....typical rainy day pt population.
Big drop in "emergencies."
Funny how that works."
in my neck of the woods it's more like:
grey and rainy day
forgot how to drive and crash
not hurt, to e.r. now
ok so er could be 2 syllables but you get the idea....
rearended with no vehicle damage but has to be seen before every mi in the lobby.....typical rainy day pt population.
Post EM haikus.
Simple but interesting
stories from the pit.
Simple but interesting
stories from the pit.
Med student haikus... (at 2am before a final, mind you...)
Biochem pathway
All of these lovely enzymes-
Can't wait to forget
Pentose phosphate shunt
How many patients will die
Because I forgot?
I'm so sorry sir
I can't treat you at this time;
Need to draw structures
In first year, a sin -
Clinically relevant stuff?
What is this, med school?
Biochem pathway
All of these lovely enzymes-
Can't wait to forget
Pentose phosphate shunt
How many patients will die
Because I forgot?
I'm so sorry sir
I can't treat you at this time;
Need to draw structures
In first year, a sin -
Clinically relevant stuff?
What is this, med school?
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quideam said:
Hey! That stuff is important. Not a day goes by in the ED that I don't have to track down deficits in a pt's oxidative phosphorylation or admit someone for a urea cycle problem. 🙄
Leaving AMA,
"I ain't got no heart attack!"
Troponin 7
"I ain't got no heart attack!"
Troponin 7
Oh Meconium
Little crack babies alright
Now, whos the daddy?
Little crack babies alright
Now, whos the daddy?
Tito just got shot
Now he comes to my ED
Titos gonna die.
Now he comes to my ED
Titos gonna die.
NinerNiner999 said:
Tito just got shot
Michael's headed for the Pen
So long, Jackson Five
D
deleted6669
nothing on triage
send trauma to fast track then
next stop o.r. friend
send trauma to fast track then
next stop o.r. friend
No prenatal care
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on the floor
I'm so glad someone revived this thread. It's too cool.
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on the floor
I'm so glad someone revived this thread. It's too cool.
docB said:
6 syllables in that last line.
Oops.Apollyon said:
No prenatal care
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on floor
There we go.
normal day in my life:
3rd year med student
He knows pretty much nothing
Scut him off quickly!
happened this morning:
Homeless since 80
Lift sheet, necrotic tissue
Maggots everywhere!
3rd year med student
He knows pretty much nothing
Scut him off quickly!
happened this morning:
Homeless since 80
Lift sheet, necrotic tissue
Maggots everywhere!
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NeuroSync said:
Looks like six syllables in your 2nd haiku, 2nd line
Drunks ev-er-y-where
Graduation was tonight
All are EM grads
Paging stupidly
*****ic idiotic
They will be fired
Fired will be 'terns
They will not make it to 2
Grads don't give a damn
Graduation was tonight
All are EM grads
Paging stupidly
*****ic idiotic
They will be fired
Fired will be 'terns
They will not make it to 2
Grads don't give a damn
Fired is only one syllable
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fired
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fired
Three hundred, sixty
or so, more days left for me
man i gotta read.
Q
or so, more days left for me
man i gotta read.
Q
Here's my contribution. 😀
Have a bad headache.
No different than before.
Stat CAT scan of head.
Belly pain you say
No need to examine you.
Just get a C-T.
Need P-E C-T.
But she has pulm edema.
Still could be P-E.
Have a bad headache.
No different than before.
Stat CAT scan of head.
Belly pain you say
No need to examine you.
Just get a C-T.
Need P-E C-T.
But she has pulm edema.
Still could be P-E.
couple of random ones...
the howl, the cry, gasp
house officers carry on
the work must get done
the student wonders
as lives charge through A+E
at the randomness
moment of silence
the staff regain composure
before the torrent
moment of silence
the staff share a joke or two
here we go again!
I smoked so little.
COPD makes him gasp.
If only he quit.
The eager student
Seeks patients with textbook signs,
The doctors shake heads.
the howl, the cry, gasp
house officers carry on
the work must get done
the student wonders
as lives charge through A+E
at the randomness
moment of silence
the staff regain composure
before the torrent
moment of silence
the staff share a joke or two
here we go again!
I smoked so little.
COPD makes him gasp.
If only he quit.
The eager student
Seeks patients with textbook signs,
The doctors shake heads.
On my summer break
The last one I ever get
Six more years to go
The last one I ever get
Six more years to go
No more scut for me
Someone else will do the work
New PGY1's
Someone else will do the work
New PGY1's
Toe pain cannot be
Reason for insanity
Call Psych; let me be
Says he don't got meds
Alcohol anesthetic
For the varices
Turning blue, gasping
History of bronchitis
Therapeutic crack
THIS is reason #5 why EM is quite simply the most sophisticated specialty on the face of the planet.
Reason for insanity
Call Psych; let me be
Says he don't got meds
Alcohol anesthetic
For the varices
Turning blue, gasping
History of bronchitis
Therapeutic crack
THIS is reason #5 why EM is quite simply the most sophisticated specialty on the face of the planet.
You are way too drunk.
Now you are so much nicer.
Haldol in the butt.
Now you are so much nicer.
Haldol in the butt.
seems to be a theme this week-even had identical twins with identical complaint:
I'm "suicidal"
just off bus, lookin' for work
"I need a sam-wich"
I'm "suicidal"
just off bus, lookin' for work
"I need a sam-wich"
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Nitro not under,
This tounge: old man; viagra,
Erection of death.
This tounge: old man; viagra,
Erection of death.
ditch doctor said:
"Erection of death."
You should use that in your signature.
From a patient's perspective:
He wanted more cash
But I already smoked it
Bullet in face hurts.
He wanted more cash
But I already smoked it
Bullet in face hurts.
Old and out of it
I suspect a CVA
Nope, it is cocaine
I suspect a CVA
Nope, it is cocaine
