ER Drunks

there was a guy MASTURBATING in the ER the other day LOL... I didn't see it, but heard they put the guy out with haldol and ativan LOL....

 

I've seen some questionable stuff in the ED, but I don't think it was due to intoxication.

Oh, wait...you were talking about the patients?

 

on my psych rotation there was this SCPT/antisocial patient that was CONSTANTLY masturbating on the unit in front of the nurses and other patients. we would either give him a 5/2 of haldol/ativan or put him in these isolation rooms that were video monitored. he knew he was on camera in those rooms so he'd get right in front of the camera and just start masturbating there too. the nurses always had a little piece of paper taped over thast particular part of the screen.

 

My favorite was Jane Doe who came in from a bar on Fort Lauderdale beach with EtOH>300, tox screen positive for cannabinoids, cocaine, opiates, and amphetamines....AKA...the South Beach diet

 

If you would just add a little bit of Amphetamines and Cocaine to you diet you can quit surgery and become americas next top model. (just keep being our mod though)

 

I second the fact that the drunks in the ER are an excellent source of suture experience. However, I do have a word of warning in the form of my most traumatizing experience in med school:

It was my 3rd week in trauma surgery and I was happily suturing away on a drunk with suspected schizo whose ETOH levels indicated a likely comatose state(even if he was an elephant). Then out of nowhere, in one swift display of superman strength, he flails wildly out of his restraints, knocking down everything in sight, also managing to bury the suture needle in my forearm. After everything dies down and said drunk is tied down again(this time not with the "soft" restraints), the resident appears and announces that he's not schizo after all, but is likely suffering from the advanced stages of HIV encephalopathy - due to his viral count of 18 million
It was like slow motion to me, I look down at my arm and look up to see the staff looking at me like I'm already dead. Long story short, I took those damn HIV cocktails for 6 weeks(highly unpleasant- understand the noncompliance now) until my labs came back negative It's funny now, but I was completely convinced I was going to die.
Anyway, this story isn't meant to scare anyone, but don't be stupid like me- those drunks are walking disease vectors(HIV, Hep, etc.) approach with caution.

It's better to be lucky than good any day of the week!

 

That would freak me out, oompaloompa. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night...