Ex Husband calling my program director?

[amber86]

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Hi,
I have been a long time lurker but thought I would create an account. I'm currently doing my residency and in good standing so far. I am also recently divorced (happened before I started residency).

I found out recently that my ex-husband has been calling my PD at my program and telling him a lot of information about my personal life (my family issues, lies about me, etc) and I found out from my PD that this is what he was telling them. My PD provided a front in which he felt sorry for me and asked if I needed any counseling or personal time. I told him that I was fine and I'm used to my ex-husband doing this.

I am in a small program in a very community oriented hospital and my PD has been my attending for quite a few rotations as we have limited faculty. I was shocked to find out from a nurse who told me that my PD has been telling a lot of staff, social workers, and other residents about some of my personal information which causes my reputation to be tarnished in front of these people.

I really felt like anything like this should have been kept confidential and not be used as social gossip. Doesn't my PD have to have a signed release of information from me stating its ok for him to speak with others about me? Has anyone been in a situation like this in the past?

Thanks for any advice.

 

[bobtheweazel]

Woah, the definition of unprofessional.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using SDN mobile

 

[Brorthopedic]

What the hell, contact human resources. This is absurd.

 

[amber86]

What the hell, contact human resources. This is absurd.

They only thing is, that if this goes to Human Resources, I will need to have people (nurses, social workers, residents) vouch for me. I

 

[deleted480308]

the PD is out of line, but how long you have left in the program would likely weigh in on my advice (as well as if you are going to apply to fellowship)

sometimes self-preservation>being right

 

[hello lady!]

the PD is out of line, but how long you have left in the program would likely weigh in on my advice (as well as if you are going to apply to fellowship)

sometimes self-preservation>being right

I agree with this.

Wait until you have your next position (job, fellowship) and graduation secured to pursue this.

 

[Psai]

Pd is completely in the wrong but you need to finish your residency, become an attending and get away from that environment. Sorry that this happened to you, it sucks when people talk crap and there's little you can do

 

[rokshana]

talk to your divorce lawyer and see if you can have something done about your ex husband.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

As a PD, I agree this is completely unacceptable. I would refuse to talk to your ex at all. He has nothing to do with your work performance.

 

[tetley]

Stepping back from the PD Part for a second -
I actually had this happen to a friend of mine (ex fiance went crazy after she broke up with him). He called her PD and when he found out she was interviewing for a fellowship, THAT PD.
Even though he isn't talking to you, this is considered harassment by your ex husband. If you speak to a lawyer, they can get an order of protection/restraining order for you. They can also send a certified letter from the firm's letterhead and that usually scares people enough.

 

[drk]

This has got to be an April's Fools day? Posted at 4:01? Missed the day by one.

If i'm wrong the above advice sounds good, get a good lawyer.

 

[MediCane2006]

Honestly? assuming you aren't finishing in June (in which case just put your head down and finish) I would request a meeting with your PD and the ACGME ombudsman or residency coordinator. You need to document this in case your ex starts alleging you are mentally unstable, have a substance abuse problem, etc. Also, in that meeting I would go on record as requesting that your PD not discuss your ex's allegations with other staff.

 

[atomi]

The PD stepped out of line the second he even took the phone call. As soon as he heard, Hi this is so-and-so's ex, I have some information for you, the phone should have been hung up. Everything after that is just icing on the cake. I would consult with an attorney, you probably have grounds for a lawsuit.

 

[Crayola227]

definitely consult a lawyer IN SECRET both sides of this, your ex, and your PD

um, a little silly to think your PD has to sign a form to talk about you though!
however, depending what's being said, it's possible some of it has run afoul of institutional policies on harassment of employees, etc

keep in mind, that if what your ex is saying about you is TRUE and he can prove the negative things he is saying (if untrue/unable to prove then you have the start of a case for slander), then actually he can call up and tell anyone about it! it's called First Amendment

why do you think celebrities can't keep all their personal business out of the press? it's only when it's A) untrue AND B) they can show some sort of damage as result that they win lawsuits over it

really where the law can protect you is if the info is used to take punitive action against you at work and it's unreasonable for it to do so
also, certainly, while your husband is not automatically barred from saying whatever he likes, certainly people can essentially be forced to sign confidentiality agreements and the like

ex: your ex tells your PD that you cheated on them (and there's proof you did!) there's really nothing you can do
if you end up with proof that the PD used this info to decide you were a dishonest person and fire you, you would have a wrongful termination suit

unfortunately, as I see it, there is more you can do on the job side about this than on your husband's side but I'm not an attorney

TREAD CAREFULLY with your program over this

TL;DR:
get a lawyer
kid gloves with the program
time to learn about the First Amendment, slander, & harassment law

 

[Crayola227]

also, if your PD is this unprofessional & this inclined to bad mouth you to the program, I would be EVEN more afraid of running afoul of such a person
not the highly ethical type to begin with, the worst kind to piss off

remember the PD essentially has all the power, and worst case scenarios PD's can ruin your career forever and ever (not always, but there's a chance depending on circumstances)

keep YOUR CAREER in mind #1 whatever you do, no matter how distasteful

 

[j4pac]

definitely consult a lawyer IN SECRET both sides of this, your ex, and your PD

um, a little silly to think your PD has to sign a form to talk about you though!
however, depending what's being said, it's possible some of it has run afoul of institutional policies on harassment of employees, etc

keep in mind, that if what your ex is saying about you is TRUE and he can prove the negative things he is saying (if untrue/unable to prove then you have the start of a case for slander), then actually he can call up and tell anyone about it! it's called First Amendment

why do you think celebrities can't keep all their personal business out of the press? it's only when it's A) untrue AND B) they can show some sort of damage as result that they win lawsuits over it

really where the law can protect you is if the info is used to take punitive action against you at work and it's unreasonable for it to do so
also, certainly, while your husband is not automatically barred from saying whatever he likes, certainly people can essentially be forced to sign confidentiality agreements and the like

ex: your ex tells your PD that you cheated on them (and there's proof you did!) there's really nothing you can do
if you end up with proof that the PD used this info to decide you were a dishonest person and fire you, you would have a wrongful termination suit

unfortunately, as I see it, there is more you can do on the job side about this than on your husband's side but I'm not an attorney

TREAD CAREFULLY with your program over this

TL;DR:
get a lawyer
kid gloves with the program
time to learn about the First Amendment, slander, & harassment law

Slander is tough, from what I understand. But I think that harassment is much more obtainable, from what I understand. I'm no lawyer...but if I were in the OPs shoes...I would consult one. Otherwise, this crap may never end for her.

 

[tetley]

keep in mind, that if what your ex is saying about you is TRUE and he can prove the negative things he is saying (if untrue/unable to prove then you have the start of a case for slander), then actually he can call up and tell anyone about it! it's called First Amendment

ex: your ex tells your PD that you cheated on them (and there's proof you did!) there's really nothing you can do

This is blatantly untrue
You can't just say things about people (to the point of going out of your way to call their place of employment), throw your hands up and say "oh, well it was true"
This is literally, and I mean literally, the textbook definition of harassment.

get a civil lawyer or a labor lawyer and don't post about it on SDN anymore