Family Problems - Post Bac

[JocktoDoc]

Hi Guys,

I'm starting my post-bac at Rutgers University in June (I'll be 31). Already gave my job notice (civil engineering job in NYC) and I'm very excited.

I had a crazy journey discovering my passion for medicine. I'm a site supervisor, so my company paid for my CPR/AED certification. On a night shift last year, a worker climbed up to a section of the bridge we were demolishing. Looked pretty determined to end it. My guys talked him into coming back down off the bridge, after which he collapsed. Pulse check, breathing check. Nothing. So we hooked up the AED and started compressions. Rescue breaths, all that jazz. Ended up with a save. It was a great feeling and sparked my desire to learn more. Went to EMT school, joined a volunteer 911 service, and now a year later, I'm in a post-bac. I've also shadowed in the EM and with my Primary Care Doc. I'm leaning toward EM, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Girlfriend of 4 years is very supportive. She's graduating law school when I start, so money will be tight, but we'll live. I've saved up about 250k and we've planned everything out as far as money. We'll shoot for kids in my 3rd year of medical school. Despite all this careful planning, I can't get my family on board. They think it's foolish to leave a good career for medicine. They've essentially ostracized me for attempting this. And my gf for going along with it. Things have deteriorated to the point that we're not welcome in my parents house. I'm middle eastern and family is extremely important to me. Did anyone else go through something similar? Any ideas on how to reconcile? Any advice welcome

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[Rekt]

Sounds like a terrible move. You're 31 now. You still have to do your post bac. 2 years probably. Most of the post baccs I've met have extended theirs inadvertently. Plus a year to apply (assuming you get in the first try). You'll be in your 40s by the time you make attending salary with debt or blowing through that 250k. You already have a good job. The physician part of the process is great, but the journey blows. Really think hard if you really want to be sitting in class for several years dealing with pathetically bad professors and poorly written exams. Plus you still have to deal with all the premed bs and hoops to jump through. Plus you're dragging your girlfriend through. It's nice you have a bunch of plans but that doesn't always work out. She has to plan on barely seeing you during medical school.

I'm with your family on this one.

 

[JocktoDoc]

Well thanks for the honesty. But what you say is a good job is actually 100k for a 70 hr workweek. Very little room for advancement. I can only make this kind of money in NY or CA. Mediocre. And to boot, I have zero passion for it. I'll slog through if it means I can be happy in my 40s

 

[hallowmann]

Hi Guys,

I'm starting my post-bac at Rutgers University in June (I'll be 31). Already gave my job notice (civil engineering job in NYC) and I'm very excited.

I had a crazy journey discovering my passion for medicine. I'm a site supervisor, so my company paid for my CPR/AED certification. On a night shift last year, a worker climbed up to a section of the bridge we were demolishing. Looked pretty determined to end it. My guys talked him into coming back down off the bridge, after which he collapsed. Pulse check, breathing check. Nothing. So we hooked up the AED and started compressions. Rescue breaths, all that jazz. Ended up with a save. It was a great feeling and sparked my desire to learn more. Went to EMT school, joined a volunteer 911 service, and now a year later, I'm in a post-bac. I've also shadowed in the EM and with my Primary Care Doc. I'm leaning toward EM, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Girlfriend of 4 years is very supportive. She's graduating law school when I start, so money will be tight, but we'll live. I've saved up about 250k and we've planned everything out as far as money. We'll shoot for kids in my 3rd year of medical school. Despite all this careful planning, I can't get my family on board. They think it's foolish to leave a good career for medicine. They've essentially ostracized me for attempting this. And my gf for going along with it. Things have deteriorated to the point that we're not welcome in my parents house. I'm middle eastern and family is extremely important to me. Did anyone else go through something similar? Any ideas on how to reconcile? Any advice welcome

You're not really giving up a career, you're giving up a job. You still have training in that field, and if medicine didn't work out, I imagine it wouldn't be impossible for you to find a job in the field, even if you're out of it for a couple years. The fact that you've managed to save $250k is amazing. I'm not sure how much the post-bac is, but if you can manage to get out of med school without debt, this really doesn't seem like a terrible plan. You'll actually be ahead of a lot of others that start younger, but come out with $300-$400k in debt.

You really aren't too old. I know plenty of people starting med school in their 30s (I'm guessing you'll be around 33 when you start). I'm in my 30s now and I'm still in med school. I say if you honestly think it'll make you happy, go for it. I will say that you should be realistic about what you'll be doing even in the ED. You're not going to be saving lives with CPR daily. If you get that, then good luck!

As far as the family goes, you need to find the person who's most sympathetic to your situation or who would understand you the most. It might be a sibling, it might be an uncle, aunt, maybe your mom or dad, it may even be a family friend. Really talk to that person about it and work through them to convince the rest. If they didn't grow up here, they're not going to understand the value of doing something because you love it. Honestly, I think a lot of the problems would disappear once you're either in med school or in residency, but you don't want them to get used to having you out of their lives and you don't want them to get especially entrenched in their position. Its going to be hard without their support, but try your best to make them more comfortable with the idea if you can. You might also benefit from others in the medical field talking to them if you have any family friends in the field.

Don't put this on your girlfriend at all. She shouldn't be discussing the issue with your family in any way. She honestly shouldn't even take a stand one way or another with your family (it may even be valuable for her to appear to side with your family if you can handle that), because the last thing you want is for them to frame their whole attitude about her on this disagreement. If I were you, I'd just continue to be as involved in your family members' lives as you can. You're not welcome, go anyways. See your mom on mother's day, go on birthdays, try and be at any family function that they have. You may want to go by yourself at first, and then see if its OK to bring your girlfriend along later.

Use a lot of patience and have a very positive attitude. Your family loves you (that's generally a safe assumption), they're just concerned because you're making a change that they aren't familiar with and they don't understand. They'll come around if they see it making you a better person or a happier person. Like I said, view the whole process as temporary. Once you're in residency (or even as early as med school), they'll come around. Your goal should be doing as little damage to your relationship and the relationship between them and your girlfriend.

 

[Wordead]

Well thanks for the honesty. But what you say is a good job is actually 100k for a 70 hr workweek. Very little room for advancement. I can only make this kind of money in NY or CA. Mediocre. And to boot, I have zero passion for it. I'll slog through if it means I can be happy in my 40s

Financially it wont make sense. You're talking about opportunity cost of 9 yrs of salary (minus resident salary, but still about 800K-1 mil conservatively), plus tuition. So 1-1.4 million bucks in the hole.

That said, if this is what you want to do and you hate your job then it might be worth it in the end. I similarly gave up a job in that pay range and don't regret it in the least. Medicine is a lot more interesting despite the worse hours. But you go into this knowing that your relationships with your girlfriend and family will probably suffer.

 

[JocktoDoc]

Thanks for all the replies. As to the financial sense...you are right. I will be 1mil in the hole. But I have 20-25 years of practice making double to triple my salary, which won't go up more than another 25k. In 10 years I'll be even. Another 10-15, all gravy. This is beside the non-monetary reward. I do get that my relationships and family will be strained. But right now, I am salaried and am expected to put in 70hrs a week (more if there's weekend work), am always expected to answer phone calls and emails at home. And I do shift work as necessary. It's not a posh job but I'm a miser, hence the big savings account. So I'd rather follow my passion and take home a bigger check than I am now in my 40s.

 

[mistafab]

Hey JocktoDoc, here is my opinion.

If you keep your job and pretend you never get a raise, you would be at 3.5 million total earnings over the next 35 years. Let us compare that to med school. If you invest 10 years into an education, and spend only 25 years making a 250k salary that never gets you a raise, then the total would be 6.25 mil.

So financially, it may put a lot of stress on you in the short term, but barring any serious mishaps or problems, you will be better off with medicine. I'd talk to other non-trads who went into medicine before you take the leap since some were probably in the same position you were in when they decided on medicine.

Thanks for all the replies. As to the financial sense...you are right. I will be 1mil in the hole. But I have 20-25 years of practice making double to triple my salary, which won't go up more than another 25k. In 10 years I'll be even. Another 10-15, all gravy. This is beside the non-monetary reward. I do get that my relationships and family will be strained. But right now, I am salaried and am expected to put in 70hrs a week (more if there's weekend work), am always expected to answer phone calls and emails at home. And I do shift work as necessary. It's not a posh job but I'm a miser, hence the big savings account. So I'd rather follow my passion and take home a bigger check than I am now in my 40s.

Financially it wont make sense. You're talking about opportunity cost of 9 yrs of salary (minus resident salary, but still about 800K-1 mil conservatively), plus tuition. So 1-1.4 million bucks in the hole.

That said, if this is what you want to do and you hate your job then it might be worth it in the end. I similarly gave up a job in that pay range and don't regret it in the least. Medicine is a lot more interesting despite the worse hours. But you go into this knowing that your relationships with your girlfriend and family will probably suffer.

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear this. I'm surprised that your family isn't on board. Perhaps, cynically, they see you as a gravy train with a solid job now, and are afraid of your being "unemployed" for four years in med school? Or deeper control issues.

You're an adult and if you have your GF with you, you don't need your family to so this. Yes, I understand the cultural context, but to be a med student,. you're going to have to be somewhat selfish.

What does your heart tell you?

Hi Guys,

I'm starting my post-bac at Rutgers University in June (I'll be 31). Already gave my job notice (civil engineering job in NYC) and I'm very excited.

I had a crazy journey discovering my passion for medicine. I'm a site supervisor, so my company paid for my CPR/AED certification. On a night shift last year, a worker climbed up to a section of the bridge we were demolishing. Looked pretty determined to end it. My guys talked him into coming back down off the bridge, after which he collapsed. Pulse check, breathing check. Nothing. So we hooked up the AED and started compressions. Rescue breaths, all that jazz. Ended up with a save. It was a great feeling and sparked my desire to learn more. Went to EMT school, joined a volunteer 911 service, and now a year later, I'm in a post-bac. I've also shadowed in the EM and with my Primary Care Doc. I'm leaning toward EM, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Girlfriend of 4 years is very supportive. She's graduating law school when I start, so money will be tight, but we'll live. I've saved up about 250k and we've planned everything out as far as money. We'll shoot for kids in my 3rd year of medical school. Despite all this careful planning, I can't get my family on board. They think it's foolish to leave a good career for medicine. They've essentially ostracized me for attempting this. And my gf for going along with it. Things have deteriorated to the point that we're not welcome in my parents house. I'm middle eastern and family is extremely important to me. Did anyone else go through something similar? Any ideas on how to reconcile? Any advice welcome

 

[Wordead]

Hey JocktoDoc, here is my opinion.

If you keep your job and pretend you never get a raise, you would be at 3.5 million total earnings over the next 35 years. Let us compare that to med school. If you invest 10 years into an education, and spend only 25 years making a 250k salary that never gets you a raise, then the total would be 6.25 mil.

So financially, it may put a lot of stress on you in the short term, but barring any serious mishaps or problems, you will be better off with medicine. I'd talk to other non-trads who went into medicine before you take the leap since some were probably in the same position you were in when they decided on medicine.

You should google the concept of investing....or interest.

 

[JocktoDoc]

Very sorry to hear this. I'm surprised that your family isn't on board. Perhaps, cynically, they see you as a gravy train with a solid job now, and are afraid of your being "unemployed" for four years in med school? Or deeper control issues.

You're an adult and if you have your GF with you, you don't need your family to so this. Yes, I understand the cultural context, but to be a med student,. you're going to have to be somewhat selfish.

What does your heart tell you?

My heart and brain are both telling me to pursue it. I already took the first steps. It just kills me not having my family's support. I can deal with an intellectual disagreement on my choice. It's the emotional hysteria that ensues everytime they bring up the subject (I tried several tactics, including just not talking at all when it comes up). The only effective solution is to avoid them. I'm an only child and they're older...you can imagine I don't want that kind of rift in their senior years. If there are any parents on here who can shed some light I'd appreciate it. Thanks for all your replies guys.

 

[drcon]

Hi Guys,

I'm starting my post-bac at Rutgers University in June (I'll be 31). Already gave my job notice (civil engineering job in NYC) and I'm very excited.

I had a crazy journey discovering my passion for medicine. I'm a site supervisor, so my company paid for my CPR/AED certification. On a night shift last year, a worker climbed up to a section of the bridge we were demolishing. Looked pretty determined to end it. My guys talked him into coming back down off the bridge, after which he collapsed. Pulse check, breathing check. Nothing. So we hooked up the AED and started compressions. Rescue breaths, all that jazz. Ended up with a save. It was a great feeling and sparked my desire to learn more. Went to EMT school, joined a volunteer 911 service, and now a year later, I'm in a post-bac. I've also shadowed in the EM and with my Primary Care Doc. I'm leaning toward EM, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Girlfriend of 4 years is very supportive. She's graduating law school when I start, so money will be tight, but we'll live. I've saved up about 250k and we've planned everything out as far as money. We'll shoot for kids in my 3rd year of medical school. Despite all this careful planning, I can't get my family on board. They think it's foolish to leave a good career for medicine. They've essentially ostracized me for attempting this. And my gf for going along with it. Things have deteriorated to the point that we're not welcome in my parents house. I'm middle eastern and family is extremely important to me. Did anyone else go through something similar? Any ideas on how to reconcile? Any advice welcome

my parents fought me for "giving up" a career in biomedical engineering (so i know where you are coming from). made it an uphill battle. they will definitely come around. give them space and let them know how important it is to you. PM me if you want some coping mechanisms i used to deal with the situation.

 

[JocktoDoc]

my parents fought me for "giving up" a career in biomedical engineering (so i know where you are coming from). made it an uphill battle. they will definitely come around. give them space and let them know how important it is to you. PM me if you want some coping mechanisms i used to deal with the situation.

PM me. It's not letting me start a conversation for some reason

 

[mistafab]

You should google the concept of investing....or interest.

If OP has 250,000 principle and contributes 25% of his salary (25k) per year at 4% interest for 35 years, the light at the end of the tunnel is 2.9 million. Medicine, with prinicple of 0, putting away 25% (62.5k) for 25 years leaves OP with 2.7 million. That is not an appreciable difference worth living life without joy in something he puts 70 hours per week into.

 

[37Base]

My heart and brain are both telling me to pursue it. I already took the first steps. It just kills me not having my family's support. I can deal with an intellectual disagreement on my choice. It's the emotional hysteria that ensues everytime they bring up the subject (I tried several tactics, including just not talking at all when it comes up). The only effective solution is to avoid them. I'm an only child and they're older...you can imagine I don't want that kind of rift in their senior years. If there are any parents on here who can shed some light I'd appreciate it. Thanks for all your replies guys.

Not a parent but I am an only child and my mother was very reluctant/tried to discourage me when at 22 I informed them about my plans for an unofficial post bac (was humanities major) and eventual med school. She gradually came around when she began to see the pieces coming together and is now very supportive.

I would just caution you to make sure you have the grades/extracurriculars for a med school app and also be aware of the work it will take to build that application including slogging through your pre reqs and MCAT. You need to be mentally and logistically prepared

 

[TheFutureFatMan]

Similar boat. Ten years from now you're going to be ten years older. Might as well be ten years older doing something you like.

If you're planning on marrying your girlfriend then that relationship is about support. If you're not in a place where you can be supportive of one another then might wanna take a step back and evaluate. You said she's about to be an attorney, while there are differences between law school and medical school, it's not a cake walk. She'll likely understand the time commitment better than most.


Either way. I feel your pain. Went through the same decision process myself.

 

[JocktoDoc]

If OP has 250,000 principle and contributes 25% of his salary (25k) per year at 4% interest for 35 years, the light at the end of the tunnel is 2.9 million. Medicine, with prinicple of 0, putting away 25% (62.5k) for 25 years leaves OP with 2.7 million. That is not an appreciable difference worth living life without joy in something he puts 70 hours per week into.

Thank you. Yoy also didn't include interest on the savings from the medical salary

 

[JocktoDoc]

Not a parent but I am an only child and my mother was very reluctant/tried to discourage me when at 22 I informed them about my plans for an unofficial post bac (was humanities major) and eventual med school. She gradually came around when she began to see the pieces coming together and is now very supportive.

I would just caution you to make sure you have the grades/extracurriculars for a med school app and also be aware of the work it will take to build that application including slogging through your pre reqs and MCAT. You need to be mentally and logistically prepared

I totally understand the effort it will take. As of today, I have a 3.65 uGPA, 160hrs of EMT volunteer hrs, 30 hrs ED shadowing. I started volunteering with an surgical missions organization founded by a faculty member at the med school I'm shooting for. Am I in a good position? I'm not really interested in research, but would like to continue ECs mentioned above. Plan to raise GPA to 3.73 with postbac. MCAT shooting for 510-520

 

[wholeheartedly]

closing. crossposted. please continue discussion in the nontrad thread

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/family-stress-during-post-bac.1198966/