Second/third the recommendations for a financial planner (e.g., CFP). Some of them are also financial advisors. I wouldn't say you need to universally avoid planners/advisors who earn commissions, and even many of those who earn commissions are also fiduciaries, but at the very least you need to consider their fees when evaluating your portfolio's performance. Just having a meeting or two with a financial planner could help. The commissions come into play more if they're the ones investing and managing your portfolio. If they're charging hourly, it's probably okay, but they also should always tell you what their fees are if you ask (and if they have any).
Also second everything PsyDr said, depending on how involved you want to get.
Personally, although I usually include SS in my calculations, I also run it without as well. Because government. If it's not "my" money, I don't want to fully plan on having it. But I also don't realistically think SS is going to totally disappear regardless; they may just reduce the benefit and extend the full retirement age further. And keep in mind that the SS benefit you get from their website is an estimate based on you continuing to work (and contribute) at your current salary until retiring, not based on what you would get if you retired today. However, I do think the estimated disability benefit is based on if you began drawing that immediately.
The VA pension is pretty easy to calculate on a rough level. It's basically 1% of your "high three" salary years (unless they've changed it to high five) for every year of service. So if you work 20 years and your high three average is $100k, that's $20k/year. I think it bumps up to 1.1% per year once you hit 30 years. That can give you an idea of how much you'll get each month so you can plan what your monthly income will be vs. what it needs to be (e.g., how much you'll have with the pension + maybe a 4% withdrawal from anticipated retirement accounts + SS vs. what your anticipated expenses will be).
It's an annuity, so it's paid until death I believe. I think you can specify survivorship or not once you prepare to start drawing (i.e., take a lower payment for yourself to allow a portion, maybe 50%, to pass to your spouse upon your death). If you separate from VA before drawing the pension, you can decide if you want to take the portion you've invested with you (e.g., to roll into a traditional or Roth IRA), or if you want to leave it with VA and start drawing it when you reach retirement age.
Edit to add: I'm no expert, and most of the other people in this thread know much more about this than me.