Financially Disadvantaged Essay

[titans609]

I would appreciate it very much if I could get some tips or opinions on my disadvantaged "essay" below.
I think it's a bit too long and seems to stray from topic to topic.

This is my first post and first time on this site, so if this is posted in the wrong place sorry.




My father immigrated to America in 1989 right before I was born. Consequently, I never truly knew my father until the age of six as it took another six years for us to immigrate as well. My father worked long hours during those six years to not only save money to afford the necessary immigration forms but to also send money to my mother monthly.
Unfortunately, those long hours coupled with his relatively advanced age resulted in my father having his first heart attack which disabled him. As my father was not able to work, my family relied primarily on food stamps and his social security income to eke out a living. Living off such a relatively small amount was quite difficult as the money had to provide for food, clothing, school supplies, and other necessities.

Despite our socio-economic status, I enjoyed quite the blissful childhood as my parents along with my siblings did their best to enrich my life with love and emotionally stability. Given my past circumstances and experiences, I believe that I am better human being with a more refined insight into the plight of the less fortunate. As a result, I have an emotional investment in working in urban areas which have a sizable

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[LizzyM]

It could be much stronger if it were shorter.

My father emmigrated to the US just before I was born. He worked six years to earn enough to have my mother, my siblings and me join him. This hard work and his advanced age brought on a disabling heart attack. Unable to work, my father qualified for social security income and food stamps. As I was growing up, our budget was stretched thin but we were rich in love and emotional suport of one another.

 

[Encrypted]

Not to hijack this topic but I'm not sure if I should create another thread with the same question.

I've pasted my essay below, but I think it may be too long and anecdotal. Should I leave everything in there?

My family of six immigrated to the US to help my siblings and I achieve a better education. But a new society and environment comes with its own challenges. My father works two jobs to provide for our family, and any wages I earn, I give to my family. My family’s income is within a few thousand dollars of the federal poverty line most years. There were periods when we could not afford health insurance, not because it is not important, but because it would have been fiscally irresponsible. I have firsthand knowledge of the importance of affordable healthcare for impoverished and low income families. To add to the matter, we were not awarded permanent residence until after having lived here for seven years. I worked hard in high school and was nominated for an academic-based full scholarship, but I was deemed ineligible as I wasn’t a permanent resident which I received only a few months later. I don’t allow these troubles to discourage me. My view on life is to take nothing for granted and that these hardships only add to my character and growth.