Financing a married life in med school?

[SomeSurgeryDoc]

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So I want to get married after my first year, but the ultimate question becomes, where do I get the money to get married. In my culture, the man pays for the wedding, ring, and everything else. But looking beyond the wedding, how would I be able to afford marrying another student (not medical student) whose parents are in another country making me the only one who has to provide money for the both of us? The med school I'll be going to has a tuition of about 25K and total living expenses of about 45K. Would it make sense to increase the loans during medical school so that I can afford to get married?

 

[alwaysaangel]

Your school won't increase your budget to get more loans so you can pay for a wedding. So you would have to take out private non-school loans - which won't be deferred and have pretty high interest rates.

I would say that loans aren't a very good option to pay for your wedding. So if you have no other choice I would put off the wedding. If you really just want to be married you can just do a civil ceremony and worry about the wedding part when you are out of school.

 

[SomeSurgeryDoc]

Your school won't increase your budget to get more loans so you can pay for a wedding. So you would have to take out private non-school loans - which won't be deferred and have pretty high interest rates.

I would say that loans aren't a very good option to pay for your wedding. So if you have no other choice I would put off the wedding. If you really just want to be married you can just do a civil ceremony and worry about the wedding part when you are out of school.

im not as much worried about financing the wedding as much as i am about financing married life in general where my wife wouldnt be bringing home an income, and would be a student (not medical) just like myself. I can do a wedding for three thousand dollars I think. But married life seems like it can cost some money that I would not have.

 

[Dookter]

I'll preface my comment by saying I am getting married in July, and it's costing a ton. So I'm not really practicing what I preach here [other people are paying for most of it....but it has still cost me a lot of $$$ already].

Weddings do not have to be a lot of money. You can buy wedding rings for not much $$, and you can buy a cheap engagement ring and upgrade it later. It's not as cool as having a huge rock right up front, but most people can't ever afford a huge rock anyway. A wedding ceremony itself doesn't have to cost a ton either. I would not put off getting married b/c you can't afford it. Just pay for what you can afford, and your married life will be the reward. All the rest is pointless, IMHO. I know I wish I had the money my wedding was costing for something other than a one-day event. It's the marriage that matters...the wedding is sort of secondary...

EDIT: Just read your other comment and realized I missed the point initially. You need to realize that married life doesn't cost any more $$ than normal life. It's still two people doing their thing. Now you just live together, etc. I guess it could cost a lot more if you're marrying someone who is going to sit at home all day while you take care of her financially. I guess I just don't see where the extra expense is coming from...

 

[SomeSurgeryDoc]

I'll preface my comment by saying I am getting married in July, and it's costing a ton. So I'm not really practicing what I preach here [other people are paying for most of it....but it has still cost me a lot of $$$ already].

Weddings do not have to be a lot of money. You can buy wedding rings for not much $$, and you can buy a cheap engagement ring and upgrade it later. It's not as cool as having a huge rock right up front, but most people can't ever afford a huge rock anyway. A wedding ceremony itself doesn't have to cost a ton either. I would not put off getting married b/c you can't afford it. Just pay for what you can afford, and your married life will be the reward. All the rest is pointless, IMHO. I know I wish I had the money my wedding was costing for something other than a one-day event. It's the marriage that matters...the wedding is sort of secondary...

I agree with you especially considering the wedding ring and jewelry is already taken care of. I really dont care about the cost of the wedding itself because I can take that up easily (it'll be overseas where the weddings arent that expensive). But what about married life in general- especially being married to a student who will need me to pay her tuition, traveling fees, etc... how will i put up with those kinds of expenses?

 

[alwaysaangel]

Yeah I don't think your assumption that married life is more expensive is correct. Hell, if I could live with my boyfriend in medical school I would save a ton of money. Two people paying for one rent.

I think you'll find as long as you keep to a budget and don't jump into buying a house while you're both in school you'll be just fine.

Maybe if you tell us what aspects seemed like they would be more expensive we can help you out a little better.

 

[alwaysaangel]

But what about married life in general- especially being married to a student who will need me to pay her tuition, traveling fees, etc... how will i put up with those kinds of expenses?

Why are you going to pay for your wives tuition and traveling fees? She should take out her own loans for her own schooling.

 

[trustwomen]

The med school I'll be going to has a tuition of about 25K and total living expenses of about 45K. Would it make sense to increase the loans during medical school so that I can afford to get married?

Those living expenses seem kind of high, even for a couple. Any way of bringing them down a bit? "Married" life shouldn't cost more than normal life, usually. Is there something we are missing here? Are you expecting to change your lifestyle a great deal? Two can indeed live (almost) as cheaply as one, esp. if one of you knows how to cook inexpensive food.

And I agree with aaangel, your wife should take out student loans. It would be better to pay off her loans for her (thereby fulfilling the provider role, which seems important to you) once you are a resident/doctor, rather than paying her tuition with your loans. That will leave you some wiggle room on the amount you borrow, letting you ramp it up in case of unexpected expenses... (baby?)

That said, 70K in loans per year is not unrealistic, many students take that out. Don't let money stand in the way of happiness....

Good luck!

 

[SomeSurgeryDoc]

Why are you going to pay for your wives tuition and traveling fees? She should take out her own loans for her own schooling.

she will be an international student so that is what will complicate things. she'll be doing her undergraduate studies as an international student, so I think I'll have to take loans for her to cover her tuition, books, etc.. also if you're married you've got to take a break now and then, so there's some traveling expenses too, and other stuff i suppose as well. Her parents wont help out of course, because the country they live in has it off pretty bad financially.

 

[alwaysaangel]

she will be an international student so that is what will complicate things. she'll be doing her undergraduate studies as an international student, so I think I'll have to take loans for her to cover her tuition, books, etc.. also if you're married you've got to take a break now and then, so there's some traveling expenses too, and other stuff i suppose as well. Her parents wont help out of course, because the country they live in has it off pretty bad financially.

Getting out more loans for her education is going to get really expensive and will get really hard on you really fast. I think you need to go speak to a professional finance person to see what you're going to have to do, because I think it may be completely impossible.

The main things I would think about/worry about if I were you is:
1) Between your very high tuition and taking out non-student loans for her education you are going to be TERRIBLY in debt by the time you finish school. Forget the travel expenses, breaks, and other frilly stuff. You can't afford it. Several extra thousand dollars a year for the two of you to fly to her home country will just not be possible.
2) Find out if getting enough loans to cover both of your educations is even feasible. At some point the bank will decide you have enough credit on your behalf and will stop giving you money - and you don't want that to occur in the middle of your educations - again you need to speak to a professional to see what kind of loans you'll be able to take out for her.
3) Consider having her work for a few years (if its feasible for her to get a work visa) so you have at least one income. This might not be necessary-but you'll know once you talk to a loan counselor.
4) If none of these things are options maybe you should take a year off medical school to work and save up some money to afford her education and yours. Or try working part-time in med school but I hear thats killer.

But you really need to get to a bank and talk to someone who knows about loans. I really think its going to be financially impossible for you to take out 70k a year for your medical school education plus 20-30k for an internation undergraduate tuition. I mean just for your education you're already taking out about 30k of non-goverment loans so you better have good credit. Taking out 20-30k more per year in non-educational loans for her to go to school might be completely impossible.

EDIT: Just realized by total living expenses you meant everything. My point still stands that you'll already be taking out your max federal loans and dipping into private loans. To take out more for her will get hairy.

 

[trustwomen]

she will be an international student so that is what will complicate things. she'll be doing her undergraduate studies as an international student, so I think I'll have to take loans for her to cover her tuition, books, etc.. also if you're married you've got to take a break now and then, so there's some traveling expenses too, and other stuff i suppose as well. Her parents wont help out of course, because the country they live in has it off pretty bad financially.

It would be best for her to "officially" take out the loans for her schooling. Unofficially, you could both agree that the repayment is the husband's responsibility (or whatever it takes for you to feel OK with it). International students must be able to qualify for some loans or financial aid, no? (How was she paying for school so far?)

This will increase the total loan money available to the two of you. Upon acceptance to a med program, you could probably figure out a way to get 70K/year in public and private loans - lenders love med students. If you live frugally (i.e. far less than 45K living expenses, please!) and plan carefully, there is no reason you can't travel. Family seems important to the both of you.

Definitely meet with a financial aid advisor at your future med school and discuss this. You will get much more concrete and relevant advice than here on SDN, no matter how well-intentioned we are!

 

[Darksmurf]

So I want to get married after my first year, but the ultimate question becomes, where do I get the money to get married. In my culture, the man pays for the wedding, ring, and everything else. But looking beyond the wedding, how would I be able to afford marrying another student (not medical student) whose parents are in another country making me the only one who has to provide money for the both of us? The med school I'll be going to has a tuition of about 25K and total living expenses of about 45K. Would it make sense to increase the loans during medical school so that I can afford to get married?

Curious: what is your culture?

 

[SomeSurgeryDoc]

It would be best for her to "officially" take out the loans for her schooling. Unofficially, you could both agree that the repayment is the husband's responsibility (or whatever it takes for you to feel OK with it). International students must be able to qualify for some loans or financial aid, no? (How was she paying for school so far?)

This will increase the total loan money available to the two of you. Upon acceptance to a med program, you could probably figure out a way to get 70K/year in public and private loans - lenders love med students. If you live frugally (i.e. far less than 45K living expenses, please!) and plan carefully, there is no reason you can't travel. Family seems important to the both of you.

Definitely meet with a financial aid advisor at your future med school and discuss this. You will get much more concrete and relevant advice than here on SDN, no matter how well-intentioned we are!

MY APOLOGIES!!! What I meant to get across was that with living expenses and tuition combined, the total amount would be 45K per year.

 

[Law2Doc]

she will be an international student so that is what will complicate things. she'll be doing her undergraduate studies as an international student, so I think I'll have to take loans for her to cover her tuition, books, etc.. also if you're married you've got to take a break now and then, so there's some traveling expenses too, and other stuff i suppose as well. Her parents wont help out of course, because the country they live in has it off pretty bad financially.

This is way too complicated. How was she planning on paying for school if you didn't marry? If you cannot get adequate loans for both of you, plus room and board etc, (which is pretty likely), it simply may not be financially feasible for both of you to be in school at the same time. You can always take turns, with one spouse working while the other is in school and then vice versa.

 

[45408]

Whoa. You're headed down the path of one of my classmates. Her husband is an M4, she's an M1, they have an 18-month old and she's pregnant now. She told me that they're anticipating about $500,000 in debt. Now, they're both going to have to pick specialties that pay pretty well, because that's going to grow to probably $700K with all the interest, and I'm sure they'll want a house for their growing family (another $250K). Sloooooooow down.

Sounds like she should just get a job for a while, make enough money to pay for her tuition and a wedding, and then go back to school. I know everybody wants instant gratification RIGHT NOW, but I think you guys are making a poor decision. If it's legally beneficial (if you're a citizen, she'll probably benefit from a marriage sooner rather than later), then get the knot tied quickly at the courthouse and start planning the party for later. What's she going for? why the rush? tell her to work for a year, then she should go to school.

 

[MattD]

I guess some of the confusion here comes from the following question: How is your fiance supporting herself right now? Is she taking out loans? Working a job? Parents supporting her (you said they couldn't afford that...)? However she's supporting herself currently, why can't she continue to do the same thing after the wedding? If she does, then there shouldn't be any extra expense. In fact, expense should be lower, because you'll have one rent payment instead of two, one power bill, one water bill, etc. Nothing should be MORE expensive. The only way that would be the case is if one of you is being supported by parents who will cut you off upon a marriage. Also, being married doesn't REQUIRE you to suddenly start taking vacations that you wouldn't have normally. You may want to, but sometimes you just have to moderate your impulses. The only other expense I can think of that may go up would be the entrance of a baby, or the cost of birth control if it isn't already being practiced (don't know your cultural beliefs..) Oh yeah, and if either of you are covered under a parent's insurance policy, you'll have to buy your own after. That's really all I can think of though. Good luck figuring it out, but there really shouldn't be any big financial burden here.

 

[trustwomen]

MY APOLOGIES!!! What I meant to get across was that with living expenses and tuition combined, the total amount would be 45K per year.

Even then, it would be best to have her take out loans for her studies, then you could take out less than 70K/year, and have some wiggle room for unexpected expenses. (i.e you wouldn't be maxed out and living on a wire).

 

[chad5871]

I would suggest what my brother is doing. He worked full-time and saved up a crapload of money while his fiancé finished her undergraduate degree. Then, when she graduated, she found a full-time job and he went to law school. That way, one person can work and earn money while the other goes to school. I know it might be a pain to wait to apply, but this would be financially more feasible than attempting to both attend school at the same time. Fortunately, my brother was offered an [almost] full ride to law school, so he won't have to take out any loans.

 

[Chuckwalla]

I know I am going to sound like I'm on a high horse or whatever but wait to get married. Go get your dreams and then get married if you still want to, with a pre-nup of course. Med school is a fortune and hard enough to pay for as it is and you can't expect to add a wedding on top of it AND her tuition. Save yourself money, stress, and years of your life. Wait to get married and have her pay her own damn tuition. Women want equality, they got it.

 

[sirus_virus]

So I want to get married after my first year, but the ultimate question becomes, where do I get the money to get married. In my culture, the man pays for the wedding, ring, and everything else. But looking beyond the wedding, how would I be able to afford marrying another student (not medical student) whose parents are in another country making me the only one who has to provide money for the both of us? The med school I'll be going to has a tuition of about 25K and total living expenses of about 45K. Would it make sense to increase the loans during medical school so that I can afford to get married?

I am sure your ancestors did not have medschool loans in mind when they designed that culture.

 

[ryandote]

Why are you going to pay for your wives tuition and traveling fees? She should take out her own loans for her own schooling.

My wife wants to start law school next fall, and I will start medical school this fall. We consider any loans that we take out "ours," as opposed to "mine" or "yours." In the end, we will both be working toward paying them back together.

However, separating yourselves when doing the paperwork definitely makes it possible. I will be be able to take out MY entire finanical aid package, and she will be able to take out HER entire financial aid package. We will obviously pool living expenses, but having two educations to pay for allows you to get federally-subsidized loans as I understand it...

 

[ryandote]

I know I am going to sound like I'm on a high horse or whatever but wait to get married. Go get your dreams and then get married if you still want to, with a pre-nup of course. Med school is a fortune and hard enough to pay for as it is and you can't expect to add a wedding on top of it AND her tuition. Save yourself money, stress, and years of your life. Wait to get married and have her pay her own damn tuition. Women want equality, they got it.

While I respect your point of view, the concept of marriage for me is entirely different.

I am now a permanent part of a "we," instead of a "you" and "me." We'll share the benefits and the costs of everything and we'll make decisions together. We want some different things (she wants to go to law school, and I want to go to medical school) and while it isn't exactly optimal in a cost/benefit sense, we love eachother enough to support the other because that's what they want.

 

[notdeadyet]

If you cannot get adequate loans for both of you, plus room and board etc, (which is pretty likely), it simply may not be financially feasible for both of you to be in school at the same time. You can always take turns, with one spouse working while the other is in school and then vice versa.

Agreed to this. I'm applying to medical school three years later than I'd planned, so that I could support my wife while she pursued her Master's degree. Now she'll be able to help support me while I go to school full time. It's a doable comprimise. Much like marraige.

 

[usarmyscholar]

The HPSP will pay your tuition, fees, books, as well as provide you with a monthly stipend of 1300.00. It will also give you a full time job each summer as a second lieutenent with full pay and benefits. This lack of need to take out loans for school would put your income to debt ratio in a better position to take out a small loan to cover your wedding expenses. The Army is not for everyone, but it is an attractive option in your case. Check out http://www.usarec.army.mil/1stbde/1zbn/NYCHPSP for more info.

CPT L

 

[chad5871]

My wife wants to start law school next fall, and I will start medical school this fall. We consider any loans that we take out "ours," as opposed to "mine" or "yours." In the end, we will both be working toward paying them back together.

Good luck with this. My brother and sister-in-law are having a tough time while he's in law school now. He generally only has about 1-2 hours per day to spend with his wife during the week, and she is working full-time. It's not impossible but it is going to be hard. But I'm sure you are already well aware of that fact.

By the way, have you ever watched the first several seasons of ER? Your situation reminds me of Dr. Mark Green and his wife (a lawyer).

 

[IceMan0824]

The HPSP will pay your tuition, fees, books, as well as provide you with a monthly stipend of 1300.00. It will also give you a full time job each summer as a second lieutenent with full pay and benefits. This lack of need to take out loans for school would put your income to debt ratio in a better position to take out a small loan to cover your wedding expenses. The Army is not for everyone, but it is an attractive option in your case. Check out http://www.usarec.army.mil/1stbde/1zbn/NYCHPSP for more info.

CPT L

Hmmm. Okay. http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=203316

 

[em783]

Maybe I only have Indian weddings in mind, but pulling off a wedding for 3,000 does not seem feasible to me. Even if you just wanted immediate family members and a small affair. I'm just saying, when you add the cost of renting the church/temple/what-have-you with the cost of her wedding dress and all the other minor details it adds up rather quickly.

 

[sirus_virus]

Hmmm. Okay. http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=203316

Hey!! Allow the recruiter do his job.

 

[MattD]

Hey!! Allow the recruiter do his job.

I actually don't really care, but if commercial advertising isn't allowed, and advertising other websites isn't allowed......... why should military recruitment be allowed?

 

[JennyB]

I feel for you, OP. Since my "alien" fiance and I started dating, we've been talking about all the extra finances associated with being an international student, etc. Apparently, loans are basically non-existent for international students, and when you apply for a student visa, you have to show that you have the money to pay for it (from what my fiance has experienced). Luckily, he had enough money to pay for it, even though it was several times more expensive for him because he's from Germany. We were worried when we thought he would be going to business school and me to med school at the same time, but we reached a great conclusion. We applied for a fiance visa (I'm assuming you are too, or maybe a spouse visa since your fiancee is a student?), we're getting married in March, and he's going to work for four years until I finish med school.

If you and your fiancee get married soon, and she gets a job for three years, she can get her green card, and then she wouldn't be considered an international student anymore, right? That means that her tuition would be lower, she could apply for student loans, and you wouldn't be drowning in debt! But make sure you check out all the details for her visas before you get married...they can take a very long time (it's taken 10 months for us so for, and he's still not allowed in the US as my fiance yet) and Immigration is very picky about everything. PM me if you have questions. I know a lot about fiance and spouse visas.

Good luck and congratulations to you and your fiancee!!! 😍

 

[Chuckwalla]

While I respect your point of view, the concept of marriage for me is entirely different.

I am now a permanent part of a "we," instead of a "you" and "me." We'll share the benefits and the costs of everything and we'll make decisions together. We want some different things (she wants to go to law school, and I want to go to medical school) and while it isn't exactly optimal in a cost/benefit sense, we love eachother enough to support the other because that's what they want.

Ok guys, you don't have to get married. You can stay with her as long as you want and that is fine. If it all goes to hell you simply go your different ways. If she makes you choose between your dream and her you can choose your dream without consequence.

Love doesn't equal marriage and marriage sure as hell does not equal love. There is no reason to legally bind yourself to a woman. If it goes to hell she wins, big time. If it is real love she should respect your decision not get married and you can go on your merry way. If she doesn't you know she isn't in love with you, she is in love with the idea of getting married.