First generation college students

[PacNWgrl]

Just wondering if anyone else out there is in the same boat as I am. I'm part of a VERY large family who sees each other often, as in weekly, on both my mom and my dad's sides. Of all my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, I am the only one to even go to undergrad, let alone professional school (not quite there yet, but almost). It's never really bothered me as much as it is tonight: I just found out a few hours ago that I got an A in Organic Chem I (hard-earned, I might add), and no one in my immediate support network understands the accomplishment in the least. I called my mom nearly in tears of relief and joy, and while of course she said "Good job", her congratulations were pretty passive and short-lived compared to the overwhelming elation I felt. It's kinda tough going it alone in a way - anyone else out there in a similar situation?

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[jmoini]

i felt the same way about some of my accomplishments and my parents. sometimes it's just hard for them to really understand the significance of it, and it's okay. there are other people. if not your parents, other family or friends. you want to try to share the experience/excitement with someone.

if/when you go on to and finish pharmacy school there will be more moments like this. i don't know how, but maybe over time show how important these accomplishments are to you.

 

[PacNWgrl]

Y'know, tonight when I called re: my grade in O-chem, my mom even lectured me (as usual) about how I define myself by achievement too much, and my dad told me I need to stop studying so much and relax more. Lol. Sorry dad, not gonna happen during finals week. My grandparents and cousins around my age are *constantly* pressuring me to quit school and have babies (even though I'm only 22!!) and it just feels like an uphill battle sometimes, especially since I'm so involved with the fam. Thanks for the kind words though...

 

[drugdoc]

Great job, first of all! A's in OChem aren't an easy feat!!

I understand where you're coming from. No one in my immediate family has a college degree, and my extended family (though many professional degrees) I don't see often. Luckily my boyfriend has a law degree, so he understands how tough getting those good grades in science / grad school can be! Sometimes he just shakes his head when he hears my lectures on Medicinal Chemistry and Pharmacology! He can't believe anyone understand it!

 

[calisoca]

Y'know, tonight when I called re: my grade in O-chem, my mom even lectured me (as usual) about how I define myself by achievement too much, and my dad told me I need to stop studying so much and relax more. Lol. Sorry dad, not gonna happen during finals week. My grandparents and cousins around my age are *constantly* pressuring me to quit school and have babies (even though I'm only 22!!) and it just feels like an uphill battle sometimes, especially since I'm so involved with the fam. Thanks for the kind words though...

Keep pushin', kick ass, marry a fine-ass girl, and enjoy giving back to your community via pharmacy man. Stay positive and love your life.

 

[PacNWgrl]

Keep pushin', kick ass, marry a fine-ass girl, and enjoy giving back to your community via pharmacy man. Stay positive and love your life.

Uhm, see PacNwgrl and previous comment re: family pushing me to have babies. Thanks though!

 

[calisoca]

Uhm, see PacNwgrl and previous comment re: family pushing me to have babies. Thanks though!

Uh, I'm not saying to have kids. We have Orthotricyclin for that my friend. Grow some nuts and live the life you deserve.

 

[drugdoc]

What she's getting at is that she's a female. No nuts needed

 

[calisoca]

What she's getting at is that she's a female. No nuts needed

Forgive my lack of Starcraft slang. I'm used to parties, bars, and things of this nature.

 

[PrepharmKID]

What she's getting at is that she's a female. No nuts needed

and what's wrong with her meeting a fine-ass girl?

 

[TheFerret]

Just wondering if anyone else out there is in the same boat as I am. I'm part of a VERY large family who sees each other often, as in weekly, on both my mom and my dad's sides. Of all my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, I am the only one to even go to undergrad, let alone professional school (not quite there yet, but almost). It's never really bothered me as much as it is tonight: I just found out a few hours ago that I got an A in Organic Chem I (hard-earned, I might add), and no one in my immediate support network understands the accomplishment in the least. I called my mom nearly in tears of relief and joy, and while of course she said "Good job", her congratulations were pretty passive and short-lived compared to the overwhelming elation I felt. It's kinda tough going it alone in a way - anyone else out there in a similar situation?

I feel your pain! I am also the only person in my family to get a college degree. My parents were very anti-supportive of me going to school. They refused to help pay for anything and they took my financial aid to help pay for bills and the rent. So that left me with still having to work to pay for my books and tuition. I moved away from them when I was 19 and took the hard road by working full time and going to school full time. It was crazy. However, they wanted to come to my graduation. I invited them, but I never got any recognition or understanding of the how difficult it was to finish 2 BS degrees (Biology/Chemistry). So you just go with your bad self! Congrats on your A in Organic, that was hard earned!

 

[117296]

and what's wrong with her meeting a fine-ass girl?

LOL @ this thread.

 

[JeremyE30]

I am the first person to have a high school diploma in my immediate family. I have had no help through college, but I am very thankful for the GA HOPE scholarship that has paid for tuition which has helped greatly. Just don't listen to them, they don't understand what you are going through and the importance of an education.

 

[etspinner]

Many won't understand how much that A in organic means to you, besides us other pre-health students that went through it (or are in the process). It can be one of the hardest things for others to understand, so you can't necessarily blame them. Your question is not exclusive to first gen students, either. Figure out a way to reward yourself, with the parent's response just as an added bonus, and you'll find yourself much happier come time for those A's in organic II and other classes, and hopefully ultimately an acceptance to your school of choice

 

[Texas PharmDoc]

Funny how your parents and family are pushing for you to quit school and enjoy life, yet when you graduate pharmacy school they will probably expect something nice in return cause of your hard-earned salary.

 

[PrepharmKID]

Funny how your parents and family are pushing for you to quit school and enjoy life, yet when you graduate pharmacy school they will probably expect something nice in return cause of your hard-earned salary.

I've had a few friends that are doing extremely well, and their parents were the same way. Now their whole family expects them to let them borrow money and live with them. Two of them are hispanic. I'd like to say something about them but I know it's just their culture. Stick to your guns! And find that girlfriend! haha

 

[PacNWgrl]

Funny how your parents and family are pushing for you to quit school and enjoy life, yet when you graduate pharmacy school they will probably expect something nice in return cause of your hard-earned salary.

Yeah, they've already told me that they expect me to pay them back for the PLUS loans they borrowed for my first two years of undergrad (all on my own w/the hubby now), and they "joke" all the time about how I'm going to be supporting them in their old age. Funny... kinda.

 

[sideeffect]

Just know that you are not alone.

It's even harder when you've been married for eight years and no kids! Some moms just don't get it. I am purposely not having kids for a while - while I think I'd like to have one or two someday - I see no real reason to, yet...

 

[PacNWgrl]

Yeah, same here. I've been married for 2 years, no kiddies, and plan on not having any 'til I'm through school, residency, and at least a couple years of working. My grandma (who had 4 kids by age 20), is prouder than punch of my cousin who is married and pregnant with her 3rd at 20 (barely graduated from high school, btw) and is constantly throwing not-so-subtle comments my way about "wanting to be around" to see her great-grandkids. My grandparents are also Rush Limbaugh's biggest fans, so as the only Obama supporter in my family, it's safe to say I'm not a very popular grandkid right now. I just have to laugh it off. Most days I'm fine with it all and just keep pushing through.

 

[PrePharmD]

I agree with some of the other posts that this question doesn't only pertain to first generation students. I will be the first female in my family to graduate from college but it isn't the women who give me a hard time. The men in my family who went to school thirty years ago before the age of overachievers are the worst! My dad is an engineer and has no idea what is so difficult about getting into pharmacy school since when he went to college, a person pretty much just submitted an application and waited for an acceptance letter. I think there are many other people who are going through the same thing as you with parents who went to college.

 

[PacNWgrl]

I think there are many other people who are going through the same thing as you with parents who went to college.

Good to know! Thanks for a different perspective...

 

[Nottingham]

My family comes from the other end of the spectrum. I am descended from a long-line of Ivy-leaguers and diplomats. My grandmother actually cried when I told her I wasn't even going to APPLY to Harvard and told me I was being selfish. And lordy, when I made the decision to go to a community college instead, the world ended about 4.5 times. My aunt still isn't talking to me. Even choosing pharmacy over medicine or law was a HUGE deal, I guess it's not prestigious enough even though it's still a doctorate degree.

 

[teeny586]

My family comes from the other end of the spectrum. I am descended from a long-line of Ivy-leaguers and diplomats. My grandmother actually cried when I told her I wasn't even going to APPLY to Harvard and told me I was being selfish. And lordy, when I made the decision to go to a community college instead, the world ended about 4.5 times. My aunt still isn't talking to me. Even choosing pharmacy over medicine or law was a HUGE deal, I guess it's not prestigious enough even though it's still a doctorate degree.

wow! That must be really tough! Even though I come from a first-generation college family and not from a legacy of Ivy-leaguers, I kind of know how you feel. When my younger sister applied and got into Stanford, they said "ooh that's good..but we're still holding out for Harvard." My parents reeally showed their disappointment when she didn't get into Harvard. That pissed her off big time. As for me, I just got into USC Pharmacy school, and all i got was "oh...ok." Not anything really big and exciting. But i'm super excited though...that's all that matters in the end right??

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I'm a hilljack from West Virginia. My folks think college is just a place created to field football and basketball teams. Growing up, my daddy bagged groceries for a living and my momma watched Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake, and Days of Our Lives all day. Our dinnertime conversations involved such things as "Marlena being possessed by the devil" and "those damned UPC labels that don't scan right." Nah, I love my folks though. They are real down to Earth people.

What's odd is how this affects me to this day. I'm having trouble shaking the mentality. I still having this feeling of impending doom whenever I think about buying a car that costs more than about $2500. I got like tens of thousands of dollars just collecting in the bank because I really don't have the desire to buy crap for myself and I'm only sending the gov't a grand or so a month for loans. Meanwhile, I'm living in a 25 year old single wide trailer and drive a beaten up mid-90s Ford Taurus with 160,000 miles on her. It's probably rather odd to an objective observer...but really...what the hell is an unsophisticated son of a bitch like me going to do with a BMW? Cognitive dissonance...going down I-79 at 85MPH. I yam what I yam. And that ain't some douchebag rollin' down the street in a $30,000 ride while the kids back in the holler don't have any dinner on the table tonight...

.....what the hell were we talking about again?

 

[aFarmD]

I'm a hilljack from West Virginia. My folks think college is just a place created to field football and basketball teams. Growing up, my daddy bagged groceries for a living and my momma watched Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake, and Days of Our Lives all day. Our dinnertime conversations involved such things as "Marlena being possessed by the devil" and "those damned UPC labels that don't scan right." Nah, I love my folks though. They are real down to Earth people.

What's odd is how this affects me to this day. I'm having trouble shaking the mentality. I still having this feeling of impending doom whenever I think about buying a car that costs more than about $2500. I got like tens of thousands of dollars just collecting in the bank because I really don't have the desire to buy crap for myself and I'm only sending the gov't a grand or so a month for loans. Meanwhile, I'm living in a 25 year old single wide trailer and drive a beaten up mid-90s Ford Taurus with 160,000 miles on her. It's probably rather odd to an objective observer...but really...what the hell is an unsophisticated son of a bitch like me going to do with a BMW? Cognitive dissonance...going down I-79 at 85MPH. I yam what I yam. And that ain't some douchebag rollin' down the street in a $30,000 ride while the kids back in the holler don't have any dinner on the table tonight...

.....what the hell were we talking about again?

I'm with you bro. My parents are the most down to earth people I have ever known. They are so easy-going. Like you, I enjoy my old used Honda knowing that it will not break on me, that is good enough. I wouldn't care much about a BMW or whatever. I think once you're hooked on those luxurious stuff, it will never be enough and you will never be happy with what you have.

PacNWgrl, I'm in the same situation as you pretty much. But to tell you the truth, although your parents don't come right out and tell you how proud they are of you, they are actually really really really proud of you. They are just not the kind of people who show much emotion like my parents. Well, look at it this way, would you rather your parents brag about your achievements in every family gathering? Probably not.
I know my parents are really proud of me though they never said it. On my graduation day (for BS degree) they were so happy. I could see tears in my mom's eyes and her being shaking. I think by far that was one of the happiest day of my life and hers perhaps.
I can not wait till the day I graduate from pharmacy school. I just hope both my parents are still around. You know they are old and all.
Anyway, concentrate on school and know that you're parents are VERY proud of you. There's no need for them to say it out loud.

 

[PacNWgrl]

PacNWgrl, I'm in the same situation as you pretty much. But to tell you the truth, although your parents don't come right out and tell you how proud they are of you, they are actually really really really proud of you. They are just not the kind of people who show much emotion like my parents. Well, look at it this way, would you rather your parents brag about your achievements in every family gathering? Probably not.
I know my parents are really proud of me though they never said it. On my graduation day (for BS degree) they were so happy. I could see tears in my mom's eyes and her being shaking. I think by far that was one of the happiest day of my life and hers perhaps.
I can not wait till the day I graduate from pharmacy school. I just hope both my parents are still around. You know they are old and all.
Anyway, concentrate on school and know that you're parents are VERY proud of you. There's no need for them to say it out loud.

Y'know, it really is just a little different for me. College just doesn't mean anything for my family and they would rather I stop being ambitious and have kids. Family is valued above all else, and most of my family sees me as selfish b/c my mom doesn't have any grandkids yet and her younger siblings all do. Each family is different, and when mine calls me an "over-achiever", it's meant to be a guilt-inducing insult. Oh well... it is what it is, and I just have to do it for myself.

 

[QWIK83]

Just wondering if anyone else out there is in the same boat as I am. I'm part of a VERY large family who sees each other often, as in weekly, on both my mom and my dad's sides. Of all my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, I am the only one to even go to undergrad, let alone professional school (not quite there yet, but almost). It's never really bothered me as much as it is tonight: I just found out a few hours ago that I got an A in Organic Chem I (hard-earned, I might add), and no one in my immediate support network understands the accomplishment in the least. I called my mom nearly in tears of relief and joy, and while of course she said "Good job", her congratulations were pretty passive and short-lived compared to the overwhelming elation I felt. It's kinda tough going it alone in a way - anyone else out there in a similar situation?

Give her some sample problems out of the book and ask her to solve, maybe she'll understand the accomplishment! Good Job though man everyone I talk to says its the hardest undergrad course ever. I'm in first general chem, so I got a ways to go. Good luck

 

[aFarmD]

Y'know, it really is just a little different for me. College just doesn't mean anything for my family and they would rather I stop being ambitious and have kids. Family is valued above all else, and most of my family sees me as selfish b/c my mom doesn't have any grandkids yet and her younger siblings all do. Each family is different, and when mine calls me an "over-achiever", it's meant to be a guilt-inducing insult. Oh well... it is what it is, and I just have to do it for myself.

I'm with you in that sense; of course, you're doing it for yourself.
I mean yah, essentially it's going down to doing what's good for yourself and YOUR FAMILY (you, husband/wife, and kids). So, I think you should ignore their attitude toward you right now and focus on doing well in school. You'll see that its worth it years down the road.
Good luck and be strong. You're a grown woman with hubby. No need to let your parents' comments or attitude stop you from doing what is right and what is good for YOUR FAMILY.

 

[Artful Dodger]

Yeah, I know how that feels. I'm a first generation American as well. But yeah, I really don't talk about school with my family & friends. I mean, I get the good grades, etc. However, my encouragement & motivation comes from within...I don't expect anyone to relate to what I'm going through. So, don't let this moment ruin your life. haha Take some friends to a bar & drink all night! Celebrate today & move on...

 

[ffpickle]

your life would be a pretty cool movie.

make sure the ending is great....

oh, and supportive family is great but ultimately we must always look within for satisfaction....if we always look to others for a sense of fulfilment, we will never get it....

your story is interestingly similar to ppl who come from very educated families with many professionals, or if one's friends are all professionals in educated....the A in orgo to them might seem like such a measly accomplishment, that they are not supportive...

my point is, compete against yourself and the self-satisfaction should be enough.....don't look for others to validate your achievements.....it sounds like you are already doing this though

 

[ffpickle]

Y'know, it really is just a little different for me. College just doesn't mean anything for my family and they would rather I stop being ambitious and have kids. Family is valued above all else, and most of my family sees me as selfish b/c my mom doesn't have any grandkids yet and her younger siblings all do. Each family is different, and when mine calls me an "over-achiever", it's meant to be a guilt-inducing insult. Oh well... it is what it is, and I just have to do it for myself.

i feel bad for your situation..........but just work hard & take care of them when you have the means to......they will understand then,...explain to them that your drive is premised on your love for family and desire to care for them in the future....

 

[ffpickle]

I'm a hilljack from West Virginia. My folks think college is just a place created to field football and basketball teams. Growing up, my daddy bagged groceries for a living and my momma watched Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake, and Days of Our Lives all day. Our dinnertime conversations involved such things as "Marlena being possessed by the devil" and "those damned UPC labels that don't scan right." Nah, I love my folks though. They are real down to Earth people.

What's odd is how this affects me to this day. I'm having trouble shaking the mentality. I still having this feeling of impending doom whenever I think about buying a car that costs more than about $2500. I got like tens of thousands of dollars just collecting in the bank because I really don't have the desire to buy crap for myself and I'm only sending the gov't a grand or so a month for loans. Meanwhile, I'm living in a 25 year old single wide trailer and drive a beaten up mid-90s Ford Taurus with 160,000 miles on her. It's probably rather odd to an objective observer...but really...what the hell is an unsophisticated son of a bitch like me going to do with a BMW? Cognitive dissonance...going down I-79 at 85MPH. I yam what I yam. And that ain't some douchebag rollin' down the street in a $30,000 ride while the kids back in the holler don't have any dinner on the table tonight...

.....what the hell were we talking about again?

loooooooooool.....funniest comment on sdn...


you know, i think there is a cultural component to all of this...

no matter how uneducated or educated, i can think of virtually no immigrant family that i know, which would be unsupportive of their child's education......whether the parents are phd's or work at mcdonald's, they all want their kids to be educated & successful...menwhile i know many ppl from the "country" and for some reason their families just dont appreciate the child's hard work in school...

 

[Ross434]

What's odd is how this affects me to this day. I'm having trouble shaking the mentality. I still having this feeling of impending doom whenever I think about buying a car that costs more than about $2500. I got like tens of thousands of dollars just collecting in the bank because I really don't have the desire to buy crap for myself and I'm only sending the gov't a grand or so a month for loans. Meanwhile, I'm living in a 25 year old single wide trailer and drive a beaten up mid-90s Ford Taurus with 160,000 miles on her. It's probably rather odd to an objective observer...but really...what the hell is an unsophisticated son of a bitch like me going to do with a BMW? Cognitive dissonance...going down I-79 at 85MPH. I yam what I yam. And that ain't some douchebag rollin' down the street in a $30,000 ride while the kids back in the holler don't have any dinner on the table tonight...

.....what the hell were we talking about again?

man i just gained a lot of respect for you on this forum.. not that i thought you were crazy before or anything .. thats how im gonna live when im out of school... .. oh wait. i'll have to because of $180,000 in loans! haha!

 

[PrePharmD]

loooooooooool.....funniest comment on sdn...


you know, i think there is a cultural component to all of this...

no matter how uneducated or educated, i can think of virtually no immigrant family that i know, which would be unsupportive of their child's education......whether the parents are phd's or work at mcdonald's, they all want their kids to be educated & successful...menwhile i know many ppl from the "country" and for some reason their families just dont appreciate the child's hard work in school...

Depends on what you mean by "unsupportive." I am asian and although you are right (my dad does want me to be educated and successful), supportive isn't a word I would use to describe him. Going to school is expected, and failure isn't tolerated. It isn't that he doesn't mean well, but he looks at accentuating failures as a means of motivation for you to do well. Knowing the Vietnamese culture, I can say with 100% certainty that I am not alone in my experience.

 

[ffpickle]

Depends on what you mean by "unsupportive." I am asian and although you are right (my dad does want me to be educated and successful), supportive isn't a word I would use to describe him. Going to school is expected, and failure isn't tolerated. It isn't that he doesn't mean well, but he looks at accentuating failures as a means of motivation for you to do well. Knowing the Vietnamese culture, I can say with 100% certainty that I am not alone in my experience.

I mean support one's decision to be in school and seek higher education.

Your family is not begging you to drop out of school, start installing brake pads, and impregnate someone.

PacNWgirl's family disagrees with the very idea of being in school.


I have a friend of a friend in a similar situation to her, actually. This girl O know is very bright, but no one in her family is college educated. Her mom works at a Bingo, and her father is a factory worker. They give her a hard time because she moved away for professional school in a major city (after 4 years of undergrad). They say "Oh what, do you think you're better than us? You can't get a regular job like us?" An Asian might say "Is that it, just one doctorate? You suck..." So I mean support one's decision
to seek post-secondary education.