Friends vs. Grades

[FrickenhugeMD]

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Haha, you're pretty much like me. Goals now, and friends later on. Nothing wrong with introversion, just make sure you can get through interviews etc etc. Remember, you are the one applying to medical school, not your friends. They might not always have your future in their best interest when they ask you to hang out. This is coming from personal experience.

This made me lol SDN cracks me up sometimes

Threads like this make all the awkward med students/ residents stand out even more. Trust me when I say that interacting with these people is painful, for BOTH parties. If you dont know how to establish friendships now you're never going to be able to have normal interations with people, even if you "think" you are. It is sooooooooo painfully obvious they are awkward. I tend to avoid interacting with them unless I need something cause it brings me down, and so the cycle goes on, haha.

 

[TFS]

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[recycledpaper]

lol @ the poster who said introversion is bad.

 

[ArcGurren]

Whoever said introversion is "bad" is a goddamn *****. There are many levels of introversion, it doesn't mean that you're an antisocial shut-in. It just means that you don't want to be the center of attention. I personally find people who go out of their way to be the center of attention and act like jackasses in parties and whatnot to be repulsive.

OP, there is nothing wrong with doing well in school but if you have free time don't fill it up with some of the more useless ECs that eat up time. Instead of doing AMSA or whatever in college go find an activity where you can interact with other people and make friends there. If you're not comfortable with things like fraternities or sororities or partying or even alcohol then you don't have to get involved in it. Find people who share your interests and respect you and you'll be a LOT happier in general. You'll also find that you're going to do better in class if you're happier as well.

 

[ArcGurren]

This made me lol SDN cracks me up sometimes

Threads like this make all the awkward med students/ residents stand out even more. Trust me when I say that interacting with these people is painful, for BOTH parties. If you dont know how to establish friendships now you're never going to be able to have normal interations with people, even if you "think" you are. It is sooooooooo painfully obvious they are awkward. I tend to avoid interacting with them unless I need something cause it brings me down, and so the cycle goes on, haha.

Or alternatively, they're awkward because people like you are snide to them and talk about them behind their backs.

 

[addo]

OP, there is nothing wrong with doing well in school but if you have free time don't fill it up with some of the more useless ECs that eat up time. Instead of doing AMSA or whatever in college go find an activity where you can interact with other people and make friends there. If you're not comfortable with things like fraternities or sororities or partying or even alcohol then you don't have to get involved in it. Find people who share your interests and respect you and you'll be a LOT happier in general. You'll also find that you're going to do better in class if you're happier as well.

OPs issue is way beyond being comfortable in a partying environment or finding friends with similar interests. OP thinks her/his friends "mooch off", and are just obstacles towards his/her goals. Having only one friend, who is actually just a consequence of living under the same roof, is at best a very sad case. Who knows? maybe when OP is practicing medicine and going to an empty home every night, with no friends to call or hang out with, maybe he/she will make the realization that friends arent so bad after all. After a life of anti-social behavior, a change is going to be very hard to accomplish though.

 

[Algophiliac]

I TOTALLY understand you, OP. Some friends are just only fun when you're bored, you know? And it's kinda hard to be bored with so many activities on your plate from med school, already. I handled this by finding a few friends I could just "hang" with without getting deeply involved, and it was simple to say no when I had to study instead.

However, I found a very very close friend who I love to spend time with, and who, despite being an introvert also, loves spending time with me. So, some of us are more into that kind of scenario, because we just hate letting people down and feeling "obligated" to socialize when we are otherwise preoccupied. ;P

 

[CompSciMath]

This made me lol SDN cracks me up sometimes

Threads like this make all the awkward med students/ residents stand out even more. Trust me when I say that interacting with these people is painful, for BOTH parties. If you dont know how to establish friendships now you're never going to be able to have normal interations with people, even if you "think" you are. It is sooooooooo painfully obvious they are awkward. I tend to avoid interacting with them unless I need something cause it brings me down, and so the cycle goes on, haha.

I was not awkward in high school, did all the normal high school activities. Actively participated in church group. Was on a varsity team. Played in a quartet and taught violin lessons. I know how to interact with people. I just think I can find better use of my time studying in college.

Also... CS and Math double major with music performance minor + premed = not a lot of time spent socializing.

 

[mparm]

Hello Once,

I'm not too sure what you by, "I mean there is plenty of time for making friends later on," but I really hope that you take the opportunities to go out and make some friends or just meet new people for that matter. In my first year of university, I had a classmate who was VERY similar to your upbringing (and probably same culture if I have not already guessed correctly). 😉

She basically studied day and night, hurried back from classes to get back to studying, made endless notes, did every question in the book, etc. I never saw this girl outside of school. If it was not for the interactions she made with her roommate, I don't know how she would have survived first year. Eventually she starting meeting new people and attending dinners, birthdays, etc, and became a MUCH more happier and fun person to be around. She was not as awkward to be around. I am also happy to report that she has still maintained her 4.0 with great MCAT scores. So my point is that you do not have to socially isolate yourself in order to achieve good grades and maintain good standing for med school.
Personally, I would rather want a doctor who was able to do it all - social life balanced with sound knowledge and in turn, great interpersonal skills.

Having a small group friends to talk to or some sort of sense of social cohesion is so important! I sincerely hope you realize this. You don't want to be left lonely your whole life.

 

[Nabatov]

Once,
We're similar in that both of us just came out of a freshman year that sucked socially but rocked academically (minus the research and awards for me J). You're posing a hypothetical question: to get into medical school, you must choose grades over friends.

I don't think this is really what you want to know.

Okay, it might be, but in that case you should absolutely reevaluate your schedule. Nobody should have so little free time that they are choosing between A Little Relaxation and Difficult Course #5. But you seem like a smart chick. You know there are plenty of people who do well in school but also have a social life; don't you see people like that in your classes? You wouldn't be starting this thread if you didn't want to improve your social life.

Your quotes "I never really commit to the friendship long enough because I feel it's sort of a waste of time" and "Is it worth it to make friends in college?" I can relate to. There were a few possible friendships that I didn't bother to follow up on last year because of low self-esteem. I didn't have a great social life in HS, and part of me feels like I'm somehow incapable of forming lasting friendships and hanging out. So I would rather emotionally withdraw than stick my neck out and offer to go for coffee and proof read essays with a friendly classmate, for example.

Part of what I'm realizing is that I have to do some legwork and actually approach people to form relationships. I'm honestly not used to making new friends.

Maybe this has not been your experience. You mention that you are introverted but talk to people easily, yet don't follow through on friendships. Is that because of you or because you don't care for your peers much? Having a beneficial social life does NOT constitute having many meaningless friends who don't really give a **** about you and vice versa. There are certainly kinds of friendships and kinds of people I don't care to cultivate, and think would hurt my grades/focus/morale.

But having a few people you can chill with, study with, and lunch/coffee with is a good release. If you're not finding people that you respect and would like to hang out with in your classes, join a campus club or two. That's my plan for next sem.

GOOD LUCK!

PM me if you want.

 

[recycledpaper]

this has nothing to do with friends. this has everything to do with BAD friends and INSECURITY.

 

[Nabatov]

this has nothing to do with friends. this has everything to do with BAD friends and INSECURITY.

This. 👍

Recycledpaper completely summarized what I meant to say in, like, 5% of the space.

 

[once]

I TOTALLY understand you, OP. Some friends are just only fun when you're bored, you know? And it's kinda hard to be bored with so many activities on your plate from med school, already. I handled this by finding a few friends I could just "hang" with without getting deeply involved, and it was simple to say no when I had to study instead.

However, I found a very very close friend who I love to spend time with, and who, despite being an introvert also, loves spending time with me. So, some of us are more into that kind of scenario, because we just hate letting people down and feeling "obligated" to socialize when we are otherwise preoccupied. ;P

EXACTLY!!! I basically just want a friend who I can hang out with when I'm bored. Not one that will bug me to do stuff when I'm busy. Guess my new friend will be a robot. awesome.

 

[once]

Being introvert is not good people. Don't you want to be liked? Do you really want to be that looser who sits in the corner by himself? That nerd?

I'm a proud nerd lol. I try to stay neutral meaning neither hated nor liked; just people are sortof indifferent. Being an introvert has its perks.

 

[CompSciMath]

Being introvert is not good people. Don't you want to be liked? Do you really want to be that looser who sits in the corner by himself? That nerd?

You know...being a doctor is quite nerdy.

 

[recycledpaper]

Being introvert is not good people. Don't you want to be liked? Do you really want to be that looser who sits in the corner by himself? That nerd?

well now i just think you have the wrong idea about introverts and extroverts. how well-liked you are and the study habits you possess have nothing to do with introversion/extroversion. yes, you are more likely to study if you're staying home all the time and keeping to yourself, but that's not necessarily true.

 

[once]

Thanks everybody for all the replies.

 

[Drjohnjohn]

Remember why we live. I am maintaining perfect grades while conducting UG research, surfing, doing jiu jitsu, being in a fraternity, many ECs, and SGA. You can definitely make friends, set boundaries. It is part of life to at least share a relationship with someone other than oneself. You can do it and keep your GPA. Trust me. 👍

 

[plzNOCarribbean]

Ok, having lived on both sides of it, I will tell you what will happen. By making Friends, and being more sociable, I assume you mean partying and really experiencing college, as everyone should. Well...it depends.

I was out of control in high school. I was partying every single day (tipsy tuesdays, wasted wednesdays, thursday throwdowns, fuc*** up fridays, ****faced Saturdays, and Stoner Sundays<= to kill the morning after hangover) was pretty much my moto, as well as my group of friends. People who read this may think I am trolling, but I am dead serious and I would also argue that I partied much harder than most college students. I was sociable w/ everyone, but I was an academic ***** (2.9 high school GPA). Once I entered college, I was REALLY serious about my grades, and I shocked everyone. I got the grades, an I aimed for perfection like you ( i had 3 semesters in a row where I made presidents list, taking 14, 17, 18 hrs).

I would honestly say that, it depends on your friends. I think it is completely justified to sorta of shut out your friends if they are detrimental to your cause. I did that, and by doing so I achieved that academic goals in mind. But after doing this, I became less and less sociable because like you, I assumed, Well if i become really good friends with this person I am going to have to make obligations and that will take up my "study time".

But Honestly, WE ARE NOT ROBOTS. Everyone needs social interaction to maintain their sanity. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and I have now found my happy medium. I thought that I could go through college without seeing anyone/meeting new people/ being sociable like i used to because it would harm my grades, but the fact is that we are all going to need that good friend when times do get tough. When you do bomb a class. When you do get mid 20's on your MCAT. I don't care who you are, or how smart you are, MEDICAL SCHOOLS DONT WANT 4.0 Zombies. Doctors need to be able to communicate with people, and you have to love and enjoy the company of others.

So make friends, enjoy college, and be sociable while still working hard to maintain your grades. I promise you that if you don't, your grades will suffer more from the lack of social interaction. Just make sure, as someone eluded earlier, that your friends aren't detrimental to your cause, share your same interests, and will like you for who you are. Being sociable doesn't mean you have to set the new Guinness book of world records for a keg stand. And honestly, if it takes "too much of your time now"...how do you expect to "make friends later" in MEDICAL SCHOOL???

 

[Vadoff]

If you don't have any friends after freshman year, it's not because you decided to concentrate on grades; it's because you're antisocial.

And you should easily be able to maintain numerous long-lasting friendships without the need to sacrifice your grades. Just learn to say "no", to your friends sometimes.