- Joined
- Mar 16, 2014
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- 18
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Sorry if this is gonna be a long rant, but its much needed. So my dad tells my mom that he is disappointed in me and that hurt a bit. A brief summary of where I am at is that I graduated from a good college in a neuroscience degree I am 22 with an okay gpa not competitive enough for professional school like dentistry, so in this weird transition of finding what I want to do with my life and deciding whether I want to go back to school to do a masters program to increase my gpa for dental school or go into podiatry (just recently family suggested the idea). So after I graduated from college I moved back home and worked in ****ty jobs for the past 9 months (hospital and retail) figure out what to do with my life. My dad always pressured me to go back to school from the start, telling me I am wasting my time working etc... So I have been working ****ty jobs and having family nag on me asking me what I am doing with my life. This can ****ing take a toll on your state of mind, especially after awhile where you start questioning yourself. Ever since I moved back home from college I have been depressed. Questioning wtf am I doing with my life. I have been out of school for 9 months now. My dad has always been pressuring me to go back to school and I have just been generally embarassed to look him in the face. I live at home and save up money and I used to talk to my dad more the first 6 months and now the last 3 months I don't even look at him nor do I talk to him. I remember I had a convo with my dad telling him my grace period for loan is up and I need to start paying it off and he tells me to go back to school. In my mind I thought so you want me to go back to school to get even in more debt? Do you realize the situation I am in? I can't just ****ing go back to school just cause and get mediocre grades, it will be a huge waste of time and money. My dad is very hard headed and always been a dick when I was a kid. Going back and living at home has been really frustrating and I have been getting very depressed about it. Working in ****ty jobs and constantly disappointing my dad cause he wants me to do a certain thing can take a toll on your mental state of mind. I am just so ****ing frustrated. I was much happier when I was away from college not having to deal with family expectations. I was away doing me, but I was living in a fantasy world now I am back home ****ing embarassed to even be here. I don't know what to ****ing do, I have just been frustrated. I don't feel ready to go to school, since I didn't do well the first place and I am not motivated to do it. I haven't found what I love to do yet and not willing to work hard for it. I am honestly about to blow up into my parents face. Why the **** do you expect so much from me when you never offered me ****. I had to do everything on my own, while my ****ing cousin has very supportive parents and his dad helps him out to actually achieve the goal, offers suggestions, and where to be instead of just nagging him like wtf is wrong with you what are you doing with your life? You dissappoint me, I mean like wtf. At least his dad is supportive, my dad just ****ing tells me he is disappointed in me and go back to school. How the **** is that helpful? My older bro barely talks to my dad for years and I always had a closer bond with my dad but my dad has always been a ****ing dick at times, I used to have brief periods of not talking to my dad when I was younger. Also at work I constantly zone out, someone is blabbering and I am just thinking about something else. My coworkers can tell that something is always on my mind and I am just not there. I just zone out thinking wtf am I doing here why am I doing what I am doing? Also I don't really have anyone in my life to give me advice. I don't know what the **** to do. I feel the need to please my parents and family, I don't know what the **** to do. PLease help!