Getting married in medical school?

[dimebag darrell]

Hey everyone,

Is anyone else applying either now or next year and wondering about how/when to get married to a current boyfriend/girlfriend in the (relatively) near future? If so, what is your plan? What are your thoughts? Is planning a wedding and getting married while in medical school feasible? If so, when (i.e., during what years) would be ideal?

I'm curious to hear about everyone else's thoughts and experiences.

Cheers!

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[p00psicleSTICK]

Get married when you both feel like it... granted being down 100k and getting married is pretty hefty but you'll make it through w/ your wife by your side!

Personally I'd like to get married right after med school when I'm about 26ish. My potential partner will have graduated from her dental school by then also.

 

[45408]

well, I know dajimmers got married pretty recently, and he's applying this cycle. I'm starting med school in the fall, and I'm getting married in June (to a hot nurse )

 

[Pewl]

Good lord, I don't plan to get married for quite some time! I would hate to have to deal with a relationship during applying and med school. It's too much fun being single!

 

[opmed]

I'm planning on getting married the summer after the first year of med school. It's the last summer before I have to worry about boards, rotations, residency, etc. Plus, it works out very well for my fiancee and me. Ultimately, you should get married whenever you and your s.o. are ready for it, but it's always fun to factor in timing, financial resources, stress, and all that other good stuff.

 

[JG198]

I'm getting married the July prior to entering medical school (Summer 2006). It is exciting and difficult since I will be broke after our honeymoon. Despite the financial difficulties, it is a very exciting time for me. I would suggest getting married when you both are ready. As far as planning a wedding, the guy's are usually off the hook since little is up to them. So, I doubt that having to plan one during the 1st year will be difficult.

 

[S@xplayer]

Haha just as everyone has already said, get married when you are both comfortable and ready! I too am getting married June 10th, before I head off to medical school. I will also be near to broke, but hopefully my fiance can supplement my loans a little bit, with her income. Either way, it will be very hard financially... but what is important is that we both love each other and that is all that matters. Just realize the difficulties of money and time with medical school, and you both will be fine.

 

[ExtraCrispy]

I'm a fourth year med student who got married the summer after my first year, for many of the reasons already stated. I'm very glad that my hubby & I decided to marry when we did - it's actually been much EASIER and grounding for me to come home to someone supportive at the end of a tough day, particularly in the clinical years.

I think the most important thing is that your spouse understands what you're getting into, and is supportive. My husband has understood from day 1 that I might have to spend large amounts of time (a) away from home, or (b) chained to a book when I *am* home, and that these facts don't mean that I love him any less.

If anyone has any specific questions, please feel free to PM me.

 

[robotsonic]

I got married at the beginning of fourth year. Planning a wedding requires a surprising amount of effort, even when it's a very small non-religious wedding like mine was. Luckily, my husband did most of the planning, so I didn't have to worry about that too much during rotations.

 

[cadilakgrl]

I'm getting married in June '06 before entering med school. We decided to do it before I entered med school because 1) I have way more time now to plan the wedding since I'm working and not in school 2) We may have to move when I get accepted somewhere and we want to do the wedding where we live now because of friends and family. I think you should do what works best for your own personal situation. I also say don't worry too much about the money. Presumably you will be in much greater debt after finishing med school. The amount of money you spend can also be as much or as little as you want (as long as you don't have parental expectations to fufill). We are paying for everything ourselves and we are doing it for ~5k, 8k with honeymoon. If you want advice on planning and ways to find good/cheaper local vendors PM me.

 

[dimebag darrell]

I'm a fourth year med student who got married the summer after my first year, for many of the reasons already stated.

So is the consensus that the "easiest"/most popular time to get married is after the first year?

 

[S@xplayer]

So is the consensus that the "easiest"/most popular time to get married is after the first year?

I think the consensus is that there is no "right time". It all depends on you and your significant other's timeframes. If you both feel like it will work out, go for it. If not, just wait.

I don't think that anyone picked a certain time because other med schoolers were doing it at the same time.

 

[ExtraCrispy]

I think the consensus is that there is no "right time". It all depends on you and your significant other's timeframes. If you both feel like it will work out, go for it. If not, just wait.

I don't think that anyone picked a certain time because other med schoolers were doing it at the same time.

Agreed. What it all boils down to is the "best time" for you and your spouse to be.

That said - most of my classmates got married during the summer after the first year, or became engaged with the plan to marry in the few months between graduation from med school & the start of residency. The logic behind both of these is that first and fourth years of med school (and particularly fourth year) have a lighter workload, and there really isn't any free time during the "summers" of 2nd and 3rd year (boards after 2nd year, sub-Is after 3rd year).

 

[BooMed]

I'm getting married this June and we'll be back from our honeymoon right before med school starts. I am a little shocked by how much work a wedding requires to plan! If you have a lot of help from your families it is easier.

I thought that my fiance wouldn't propose until we were both done with school, but thank goodness he did because that would be forever from now! I can't wait to be married.

 

[jbar]

Good lord, I don't plan to get married for quite some time! I would hate to have to deal with a relationship during applying and med school. It's too much fun being single!

I, too, am an eligible young bachelor. I have many goats, and my father served as chief assistant of the assistant-chief for three years. If you desire an interview, please wear your finest silks and jewels, and bring sweetmeats for my mother. I live in the northernmost hut beyond the great meadow, the one with the pine-thatched roof and pale granite grinding stone.

 

[OSUdoc08]

Hey everyone,

Is anyone else applying either now or next year and wondering about how/when to get married to a current boyfriend/girlfriend in the (relatively) near future? If so, what is your plan? What are your thoughts? Is planning a wedding and getting married while in medical school feasible? If so, when (i.e., during what years) would be ideal?

I'm curious to hear about everyone else's thoughts and experiences.

Cheers!

Get married in the first or second year or in between. We had several do all of these.

 

[thegymbum]

Hey, finally a reason not to feel bad about my relationships lasting an average of 3 weeks!

 

[dajimmers]

As has been mentioned, there may be times that, on average, are "better" in terms of having time to do things, but remember these are averages. You need to look at where you are in your relationship, how much time both you and your fiance(e) will have for timing, how much time your families will have, financial considerations (not just cost, but insurance, financial aid, etc.), what dates are available, and who knows what else. If you and your future spouse talk about the difficulties you'll face before hand, and are sure this is what you both want, you can do it whenever you want. Heck, Vegas is always open.

As Prowler mentioned, I got married this past summer, between my junior and senior years of college. We'd been dating for awhile, wanted to marry before living together, and wanted to live together for at least a year in the event that we had to seperate for some time when I went to med school. Junior year + MCATs + work + volunteering made little time for wedding planning for me, and I still feel bad for "making" her do so much alone, but it definitely worked out in the end.

Good luck to everyone considering/planning a marriage, and congrats as well!

 

[doctoresse]

I'm getting married this May. We went back and forth about when would be the best time and I think before starting school is best, we'll start our married life a little before school starts and will have time to adjust before the stress of rotations or residency. I also thought that the first summer after school starts would be good too, but now that I know how much work is involved in planning a wedding I'm happy with my decision.
My future hubby will support us both while I'm in school. We decided on a small destination wedding with close friends and family. And I've been more than busy between applying to med school now, going to interviews and I have a full time job! But I'm so looking forward to my beach wedding, it seems like my reward for all the hard work. we'll be there for a week soaking up the sun

 

[Will Ferrell]

Good lord, I don't plan to get married for quite some time! I would hate to have to deal with a relationship during applying and med school. It's too much fun being single!

werd! i dont understand how people put themselves into relationships. im not asexual either.

 

[LJDHC05]

I'm planning on doing it when I'm good and ready. Until a few months ago, I was completely anti-anything that lasts longer than next week and my girlfriend (law student and 4 year gf) was kinda pushing me because she 'didn't want to lose me while she's away at school'. Strangely enough, I got kinda comfortable with the idea and she got comfortable being on her own. So I'm basically waiting until I know what's up for the next 4 years of my life before taking the plunge. Timing will probably work out so that we get married after the USMLE's and she takes the bar. At that point we'll have a few weeks to squeeze a wedding in etc, but who knows...it's all much too far away. For now I'll worry about getting in somewhere and scraping up some money for a ring (half way to a decent ring right now)

 

[DoctorPardi]

I think it is a bad idea to get married before medical school. A lot of changes are going to happen in life over the next 8 years and it is going to be really tough to stay in a relationship with someone especially if they are not doing medical school too.

If your partner is going to law school, pharmacy school or pretty much doing anything else I would say definitely do not get married until after med school and at least until their career settles down.

You don't know for sure where you're going to be practicing medicine, they might now know where they will be practicing medicine or being a lawyer or whatever they might be planning on doing.

I think marriages should start when people's lives have settled to a reliable place. So if that means after residency then that is probably the best time to get married.

 

[JG198]

I think it is a bad idea to get married before medical school. A lot of changes are going to happen in life over the next 8 years and it is going to be really tough to stay in a relationship with someone especially if they are not doing medical school too.

If your partner is going to law school, pharmacy school or pretty much doing anything else I would say definitely do not get married until after med school and at least until their career settles down.

You don't know for sure where you're going to be practicing medicine, they might now know where they will be practicing medicine or being a lawyer or whatever they might be planning on doing.

I think marriages should start when people's lives have settled to a reliable place. So if that means after residency then that is probably the best time to get married.

I strongly believe that if you feel ready and have shown to be capable of making a relationship lasts, then you should not have any reservations about getting married. A good couple/married couple will be able to deal with the changes to come. I don't think that waiting until residency is a rule that should be followed. If you know that the person you are with is the one you would like to spend the rest of your life with, then do it--get married (as long as she sees you the same way). Adults will learn to cope with changes <-----Can't stress this enough!

Also, I feel that it would be even more difficult to "stay in a relationship" if both people in the relationship are going to med school. Both of their schedules will be demanding and both will be stressed out a lot. Coming home to someone who is not dealing with the difficulties of med school will help balance your life out.

You see marriage as an obstacle to your future goals...

 

[DoctorPardi]

All I am saying is, is that most studies say 50% of marriages break up in 7 years.
The biggest reason marriages are failing is that people change, right now you might be two college kids in love, but after medical school one of you is a doctor working 80+ hours a week and the other might be a lawyer doing the same at a law firm. It would be extremely difficult to keep a relationship going in those conditions.

I do put my career goals before relationship goals but I think that will end up being better for me in the long run, because I can marry someone who is very unlikely to make some extreme change in lifestyle 5-10 years down the road. While someone just getting into medical school might be a cool party goer now they will be a serious, stressed out, over worked freak in 4 years.

 

[tigress]

My husband and I got married during winter break of his first year of med school and my senior year of college (almost exactly 2 years ago). There were a few reasons we got married then rather than waiting for the summer, but it ended up working out great. We both did have to make some adjustments, though: he ended up doing the extended curriculum path for school (5 years rather than 4), partially because of the wedding but mostly because after 3 years out of school he had trouble getting back into the swing of studying full time; I had to commute twice a week from Philadelphia to New York to complete college; and our parents were willing to do much of the wedding planning, which we weren't too particular about (we also used a hall that is set up for weddings, so it had built-in catering and all that good stuff -- much easier). We didn't have a honeymoon to worry about because it's not part of our tradition to have one anyway, really. His grades actually improved after we got married, because we weren't in a long-distance relationship anymore and it was easier to settle down and hit the books.

So basically -- get married when it's right for you. Two happily married years later I can assure you that we never regretted getting married when we did.

Also, in response to DoctorPardi, I think you probably just don't know what it's like to be ready to get married. When you've found the right person to marry it just seems like the natural next step. I couldn't imagine NOT being married to my husband. We both expect to change over the course of our lives, but we will change together. Also, it seems like in the US now people stay "kids" for so much longer than they used to, which probably contributes to the rising age of marriage. Some people are more mature than others, though. I went through adolescence long ago; now I'm an adult living an adult life and making adult decisions. (And not a particularly older applicant -- I'm 23)

 

[silas2642]

So is the consensus that the "easiest"/most popular time to get married is after the first year?

I dunno man. Med school can be rough on relationships, and then after med school comes internship, and I've heard that being a tern can turn you into a horrible, unrecognizable beast who falls asleep at every family function. I don't know about you, but I'm not planning on getting married during medical school. If it happens, it happens, and that's fine. For now I'm just snuggling up with my puppy dog and a pint of my buddies Ben and Jerry to watch House.

 

[DolfinGrl11]

As someone hoping to be married soon but not engaged yet, I have found all of the posts from you married/engaged applicants so helpful! Thanks for posting! My boyfriend and I are high school sweetheart....we have been together for 7 years now and are both in our senior year in college. We have already been living together for 2 years and know that we were made for each other. He already has a job with a financial firm, Ernst and Young, and said that we would live wherever I decided to go (since there is an EY office in every city or a nearby city for each school I applied to). He has been such a rock for me for all of these years and especially during this application process - I would have died from stress without him! The posts that talked about coming home to someone not in the medical profession were great to hear - I know he'll be super supportive since he is thrilled about me getting to realize my dream of becoming a doctor and your posts proved that non-medically inclined spouses won't just resent you for being away or studying a lot.

A question for those who are married/have been married for a while....how do you see fitting a family into your lives? Are you waiting until after med school or do you see yourselves having kids during med school? My bf and I talked about it and we know we want to be married either when I start school or a year into it but we are unsure of the "kid question". Your posts will be appreciated! Congratulations to all of you who have made it work or are getting married soon!

 

[hanjoko]

I know this question is not really related to the original post..but I am just curious...how long do you guys date before you get married/engaged? I know it depends a lot on individauls but I am just wondering...

 

[OSUdoc08]

I know this question is not really related to the original post..but I am just curious...how long do you guys date before you get married/engaged? I know it depends a lot on individauls but I am just wondering...

My rule is 2 years.

I'm morally opposed to divorce, however. I need to make sure it's going to work.

 

[medicalbound]

As someone hoping to be married soon but not engaged yet, I have found all of the posts from you married/engaged applicants so helpful! Thanks for posting! My boyfriend and I are high school sweetheart....we have been together for 7 years now and are both in our senior year in college. We have already been living together for 2 years and know that we were made for each other. He already has a job with a financial firm, Ernst and Young, and said that we would live wherever I decided to go (since there is an EY office in every city or a nearby city for each school I applied to). He has been such a rock for me for all of these years and especially during this application process - I would have died from stress without him! The posts that talked about coming home to someone not in the medical profession were great to hear - I know he'll be super supportive since he is thrilled about me getting to realize my dream of becoming a doctor and your posts proved that non-medically inclined spouses won't just resent you for being away or studying a lot.

A question for those who are married/have been married for a while....how do you see fitting a family into your lives? Are you waiting until after med school or do you see yourselves having kids during med school? My bf and I talked about it and we know we want to be married either when I start school or a year into it but we are unsure of the "kid question". Your posts will be appreciated! Congratulations to all of you who have made it work or are getting married soon!

I've been happily married now for 10 years and have 3 wonderful kiddos. I feel the same way about my wife that you do about your husband. It has made it so much easier having such a strong support system. I don't miss the dating game at all and definitely wouldn't want the distraction through med school. Regarding the "kid question" here is a link that talks about some of the issues from the non-trad forum:

How does school affect your kids?

 

[JG198]

I know this question is not really related to the original post..but I am just curious...how long do you guys date before you get married/engaged? I know it depends a lot on individauls but I am just wondering...

I dated for 3 years before proposing. As you mentioned, there isn't a particular length of time you must date before getting married.

 

[dajimmers]

Dated: five years before marriage (junior year in high school)

Kids: Probably, hopefully, not during med school. Residency will probably be OK, but that depends on what I do. Not something I'm worrying about right now, but my wife is complaining that her eggs are getting old and keeps watching the baby show on TLC...

A lot of changes are going to happen in life over the next 8 years and it is going to be really tough to stay in a relationship with someone especially if they are not doing medical school too.

If you want to have kids, you'll A) be having kids when you're older than you may like, and B) will definitely cause drastic changes in your spouse's and your life.

I guess my point is that life is unlikely to really stabilize for many of us entering medical school (or those in many other professions) until, say, retirement. School, Residency, Kids, Health-care changes, Hospital closings, Hospital openings, Middle age, Specialty changes (demand, techniques, wages), Natural disasters, etc...

I like having someone who's used to and can roll with changes (high school, moving to college, different hobbies, prepping for med school, marriage so far...).

I also believe that, unless you are both entirely gung-ho about medicine and science, and only med/sci, and can handle one being "better" than the other, it's actually better if one is in med and the other in an unrelated field. Gives you a break from medicine, something else to talk about, a possibly more flexible schedule (time to have and care for kids, or provide you with support when you need it), and hopefully less stress overall

 

[tigress]

Well I come from a religious community where traditions are different. I knew my husband for a few years before we started dating (he's a good friend's older brother), but we only dated for about 4-5 months before getting engaged, and then we were married 3 months later. As time has gone on we've realized how we are even more perfect for each other than we knew when we got married! I certainly wouldn't have married him if I wasn't sure about it, though.

As far as kids, definitely during med school. I'm just not putting my life on hold for the next 4 years. Even if it takes me longer to get through school, I'm in no rush. I know so many families who have made it work. Sure it will be hard, but life's never easy. And if you talk to women in the medical profession most will agree that there is no good time; med school is as good a time as any (or better, aside from perhaps 3rd year). I can respect that other people have opinions on this issue, of course. One thing I think is important is to never use babies/children as an excuse. I expect to work just as hard as my peers with different sorts of obligations, with no special treatment because I have children. As long as you go in with that understanding, I think it all works out in the end.

 

[RunnerMD]

.

 

[tigress]

Agreed! Let's say you live until 80--do you REALLY want to spend the next 55+ years with the SAME person?!?!

yes!

 

[Beau Geste]

My husband and I were together for 2 years before we got married. We got engaged after a year and had a 9 month engagement. Our engagement was that long because we chose Thansgiving weekend to have our wedding because we were getting married in my hometown, about 5 hours from his family and friends and wanted a date where there would be enough travel time.

We lead such busy lives now, that I think med school would be a breath of fresh air as far as being home more. He's up and gone at 5:30am and I don't get home until 7 or 8pm most days (sometimes 9 or 10) - we have pretty good time management for each other, which is really important.

We are not going to worry about kids yet, even though he's 36 and I'm 29. To me, med school is like a job, and I will treat it like that when it comes to my family. I won't be working, so that will be my "work". When we got married last month, we officially combined our debt, and that is the barrier to kids more than med school. After this year, when we pay it down, then we will revisit the children idea. Unless God decides to suprise us

So everyone is going to have a different outlook on med school and kids and relationships, but there is no correct way for everyone. When you find that special someone, you'll know what's right for you.

 

[Beau Geste]

yes!

Ditto!

 

[p00psicleSTICK]

I can't imagine how tough it will be for 2 med school students to get married. Imagine all the debt + times you WONT be able to see each other because of work... not fun!

But that's a sacrifice we make in order to dedicate ourselves to this profession I guess...

 

[BooMed]

yes!

Yep.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Getting married next week to a med student. I'm applying in 2 years. Probably plan on having 2 kids while I'm in med school 3rd during residency. Obviously I will need help (nanny) but we'd both like 2-3 kids so we'll see what happens. The next 2 years are ours (and also need to wait till he graduates and gets real health insurance )

We were only engaged "offically" since June but knew before hand, dating for 8 months total so far, now marriage. Yes, i'm crazy. Only time we could "schedule" a marriage without waiting until summer and we didn't want to wait! Sometimes, you just know ...

 

[cadilakgrl]

Ditto!

Double ditto!

Why put your life on hold for 5-10+ years if you are ready to get married, why not? I've been with my fiance for 2 years now, I'm 26 and he's 30. He has a son already, and we may have a child during med school. We are getting married this May before I start an MD/PhD program. Why should we wait until "things are more stable" I totally don't agree with this. Life is constantly going to be changing, but we roll with the punches and tackle them together. It's wonderful having my little family, it's one of the things I'm the most proud of in my life and brings me the most joy. I wouldn't trade it in for a million years with all the hot single guys I want. No way!!

 

[kimmcauliffe]

I'm a fourth year med student who got married the summer after my first year, for many of the reasons already stated. I'm very glad that my hubby & I decided to marry when we did - it's actually been much EASIER and grounding for me to come home to someone supportive at the end of a tough day, particularly in the clinical years.

I think the most important thing is that your spouse understands what you're getting into, and is supportive. My husband has understood from day 1 that I might have to spend large amounts of time (a) away from home, or (b) chained to a book when I *am* home, and that these facts don't mean that I love him any less.

If anyone has any specific questions, please feel free to PM me.

I agree... we definitely had some heart to hearts about the whole thing, and we're still together, so there's not much more I could have asked for!

 

[p00psicleSTICK]

For those who are married and are BOTH in med schools... how do you deal with this financially since you won't have any income???? Would it be possible for a couple to get married during med school but survive all the financial problems?

 

[DolfinGrl11]

I've been happily married now for 10 years and have 3 wonderful kiddos. I feel the same way about my wife that you do about your husband. It has made it so much easier having such a strong support system. I don't miss the dating game at all and definitely wouldn't want the distraction through med school. Regarding the "kid question" here is a link that talks about some of the issues from the non-trad forum:

How does school affect your kids?

Thanks so much for your post! Christmas and New Year's went by and no proposal came ( ) but we still have half of our senior year and for a late Christmas/New year's present, he surprised me with a gift....he's taking me to Paris the day after we graduate! So who knows? Maybe I'll get engaged there! Thanks again so much for your post though. It was really encouraging and the link you included was very helpful.

Congrats on getting accepted and Happy New Year!

 

[BradenDO]

For those who are married and are BOTH in med schools... how do you deal with this financially since you won't have any income???? Would it be possible for a couple to get married during med school but survive all the financial problems?

IMO, I think it would be the same as if you were a single med student. You're both going to have loan money that you'll basically live off of...you don't really need an income.

 

[tigress]

Yeah, financially it's the same as being a single student. Also my husband and I probably live on as little money as one single student anyway because we're incredibly frugal. This year I'm working and saving some money as well, and I'm incredibly lucky to have parents who can help out a little bit. But of course we're going to be in a huge amount of debt. Luckily money doesn't matter all that much to us. We want a comfortable lifestyle, of course, but we're not really big consumers, so we think we can probably make it work while repaying loans for the rest of our lives

 

[BooMed]

For those who are married and are BOTH in med schools... how do you deal with this financially since you won't have any income???? Would it be possible for a couple to get married during med school but survive all the financial problems?

My fiance is in law school, basically we'll both just recieve a lot of financial aid and work during the summer to try offset the costs. He'll be done after my second year though, so we can start paying off loans then. My only problem with it is that I'm not comfortable having children until we are out of debt. Hopefully that won't be tooooo long from now. (I mean within ten years.)

I'm going to a cheap med school also.

 

[p00psicleSTICK]

Props to you Boomed & tiggress for being able to manage your med school life + marriage + debt.

Right now for me as a 22 year old med school applicant just the thought of marriage and going into debt sounds a bit too much but in the future if I happen to want to get married to a wonderful girl at least I'll feel more assured.

 

[pagemmapants]

From what I hear, the "easiest" time to get married is after M1, since you have the summer free and can actually get a little bit of organization/hanky panky/honeymoon time in. If you're up for early kids, then I hear the "easiest" time is to get preggers late in MIII so you have the kid early in MIV - especially if you're at a place like Baylor when you can rearrange all kinds of things.

Of course, this is all hearsay. I've been dating my current boy for almost 5 years (on and off) and I'm still not sure he's the right one!