Getting married while in residency!!

[white coated]

Hey all, i want to know what do you think about getting married while in residency. Will one have time to spend with their spouse and their coming children? But if one chose to wait till end of residency it may take long time especially for surgery residency, and getting married and pregnant at older age can be more difficult especially for females.
What's your opinion?

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[Velocity]

Wouldn't that depend on what specialty you're going into, and on the residency program itself?

In general, residents are worked hard and won't have loads of time for their families. If age isn't a pressing factor, then it might be best to wait until near the end of residency or after residency to start having children. That's just a general statement, though.

As to when to get married - whenever you like (assuming you've found the right person and aren't rushing into things)! As long as your spouse is understanding, supportive, and won't feel put out by not getting to spend as much time together as they may want, there's no issue.

To be perfectly honest, it seems to me that in medicine (and research, and probably nearly any field of work) there's never a "good time" to get married or have children. Do it at what you perceive as the best time and then, for better or for worse, work with it.

 

[xanthines]

I agree there's no best time to get married or have kids. You just need to find the right time for you. Also, while residency is hard there is at least a little time for family. The real key is finding someone who isn't so self-absorbed and selfish that they spend time with the family and help out during the precious little free time.

Oh, and while there's no real best time, the worst times are probably the 3rd year of med school and the first year of residency.

-X

 

[Eta Carinae]

Hey all, i want to know what do you think about getting married while in residency. Will one have time to spend with their spouse and their coming children? But if one chose to wait till end of residency it may take long time especially for surgery residency, and getting married and pregnant at older age can be more difficult especially for females.
What's your opinion?

And having kids at younger age for some may not be fiscally responsible.

Pros and cons both ways.

I got married early (third year med school)

The subject of kids (much as I absolutely adore children) we did not broach until my husband was nearing the end of his residency.

 

[deuist]

Got married a few weeks ago as a general surgery surgery intern. We did a short honeymoon then, plan for a full honeymoon later. No plans for kids yet. Like someone else said, there's no perfect time for marriage.

 

[OxfordDO]

Depends how long your program is - are you going to do general surgery followed by a 2 year plastics fellowship making you wait 7 years? Or do you have 6 months left? It depends on how much time you need to devote to the marriage, if you've been with your fiance long enough to be OK working 80 hours a week etc. If it feels right, go for it. If not, better wait a little

 

[touchadream]

My husband is a dr. We have been married almost 28 years. I was 28 and he was 31 and we married at the end of his medical school. I was practicing law, followed him to another state for residency and took a university teaching position. Residency and fellowship were some of our happiest years (7 of them) even with having three babies during that time. And guess what, he's busier than he EVER was then. It doesn't settle down. Don't fool yourself. Life gets busier, and more complicated and most doctors work harder and longer than other workers, both in hours and years. But if you love what you are doing, you can make it work. We had more picnics, free concerts and walks in the park then. Now its boring parties at expensive restaurants. Grab happiness when you find it.

 

[Special Delivery]

My husband is a dr. We have been married almost 28 years. I was 28 and he was 31 and we married at the end of his medical school. I was practicing law, followed him to another state for residency and took a university teaching position. Residency and fellowship were some of our happiest years (7 of them) even with having three babies during that time. And guess what, he's busier than he EVER was then. It doesn't settle down. Don't fool yourself. Life gets busier, and more complicated and most doctors work harder and longer than other workers, both in hours and years. But if you love what you are doing, you can make it work. We had more picnics, free concerts and walks in the park then. Now its boring parties at expensive restaurants. Grab happiness when you find it.

Speaking from the early side, my wife and I married young (I was 20, she 19). We had three kids during her UG years, and now she's starting med school next year (the kids are now 8/6/4). There is no such thing as "perfect timing". Decide what you really want in life, take it, then pay for it.

 

[SDWife]

I agree with the posters who have said that you should DO IT! Life is short. Everyone has their challenges and unique life situations to work through. If you are happy and feel like your life would be empty without that individual, then marry them. Just go into it knowing the types of sacrifices you will be forced to sometimes make. But EVERY marriage takes sacrifice. It's just a matter of having the right attitude.

 

[DrJosephKim]

I did it and it was very tough because we were both in medicine. She was still a medical student and I was a resident. There are times when I wish we would have gotten married earlier. I thought that marriage during medical school would have been crazy, but now I'm not sure which is worse: marriage during medical school vs. marriage during residency.

 

[Groove]

Getting married during residency is tough but doable if you're up for the challenge and you are with the right person. It's difficult though, there's no way around that.

I would never recommend anyone to get married during medical school. The risks are too great. You come out of your medical education as a physician and may times a different person altogether. If the marriage doesn't work out and the SO was financially supporting you in any way, most courts will view him/her as "owning" part of your MD due to the sacrifices they made in order for you to attain it. Even without children, this can result in painfully long and large alimony amounts. I don't think anyone has any business getting married during medical school. Wait at least until residency. If you get married before or during med school, don't ever plan on getting a divorce.

 

[NYCDR2]

I think a lot of it depends on how your proposed spouse intends to spend her time. If she has a demanding job and/or school commitments, it may work fine. If she is waiting for you get to home by 6 ever day, not have to study at night, etc, not so fine.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I think a lot of it depends on how your proposed spouse intends to spend her time. If she has a demanding job and/or school commitments, it may work fine. If she is waiting for you get to home by 6 ever day, not have to study at night, etc, not so fine.

The original post was two years ago.....

 

[SpaceLeftBlank]

Hey all, i want to know what do you think about getting married while in residency. Will one have time to spend with their spouse and their coming children? But if one chose to wait till end of residency it may take long time especially for surgery residency, and getting married and pregnant at older age can be more difficult especially for females.
What's your opinion?

My wife is in the final year of her general-surgery residency. We met when she was just starting out, and somewhere in between, we got married and had a son. The son part we weren't planning on just then, but those things have a way of happening.

You won't have nearly as much time as you'd like to spend with the spouse, etc. But if you wait until there's a "good time to do it," well, that time will probably never come.

 

[HughMyron]

My wife is in the final year of her general-surgery residency. We met when she was just starting out, and somewhere in between, we got married and had a son. The son part we weren't planning on just then, but those things have a way of happening.

You won't have nearly as much time as you'd like to spend with the spouse, etc. But if you wait until there's a "good time to do it," well, that time will probably never come.

Dem dere necros. Anyways, I'll probably be married in my first couple years of residency, so this thread was interesting.