Got kids/want kids? When?

Started by neskalee
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can't see how people with kids do med school. esp girls. i can't see myself having kids until after residency, or at least the last year of it.
 
mangomadness said:
can't see how people with kids do med school. esp girls. i can't see myself having kids until after residency, or at least the last year of it.
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funny. because at one of my interviews I saw a student do med school with 4 kids.
and one of the residents I know had a baby 4 months ago.
and you know-she is pretty phenomenal.
 
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lol, i know people that have done it too, im just saying i can't see how. as in, i def couldn't. 🙂
i mean, if you can do med school with kids, props to you. seems it'd just turn the stress meter up several hundred notches.
 
I definitely want kids someday, but I probably won't until after my residency or at least in the later years of it.
 
I'm thinking not until after intern year...but then again i want at least 5 so better get started...
 
planning on marrying prince charming during residency, buying a swanky apt in heart of downtown, getting pregnant, moving to a charming 5 BR colonial with a picket fence, having 2 boys and 1 girl, dressing them in brooks brothers and polo for kids, going to church every sunday, baking cookies and making their halloween costume, having a date night every 2nd and 4th friday of the month, sending the kids to a nice prep school, giving the kids the birds and the bees talk, taking annual christmas card pictures to send to all our friends, going to my 20th high school reunion, sending the kids to yale, julliard, and amherst/middlebury/wesleyan/wellsley.
 
I don't want any kids right now. It may change, but I don't even want to get married. What's the point of locking yourself up with one woman so early? I still gotta go through my dating waitress/elementary school teacher/stripper (fingers crossed) phase.
 
I'm planning on having a 4th Year baby, one during residency, and a one to three after residency. The fiance says he wouldn't mind staying at home or working part time so we can care for the kids while I'm in school or residency.

I've heard there is never a "best" time to have a kid if you are a female doc.
 
curbye said:
planning on marrying prince charming during residency, buying a swanky apt in heart of downtown, getting pregnant, moving to a charming 5 BR colonial with a picket fence, having 2 boys and 1 girl, dressing them in brooks brothers and polo for kids, going to church every sunday, baking cookies and making their halloween costume, having a date night every 2nd and 4th friday of the month, sending the kids to a nice prep school, giving the kids the birds and the bees talk, taking annual christmas card pictures to send to all our friends, going to my 20th high school reunion, sending the kids to yale, julliard, and amherst/middlebury/wesleyan/wellsley.
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I can never tell if you're trolling or not.
 
I was late getting to the premed party so I already have 2 little ones. Truthfully there is no magic answer to your question. You just do what you have to do to get by. My mom watches them whiile I am in class, I study after they go to bed, stuff like that. You don't get as much sleep, but it works out for the most part...
 
neskalee said:
Any pre-med or med students with kids? If so how many/what age? How do you manage your life, etc? Anyone who has a concrete plan of when they want to have kids along their med school/professional journey?

My bf has a 3 year old from a past relationship so it is easier to manage because we only have him half of the week. But I am definitely contemplating the stress impact this will have on me if/when I am accepted to med school. Especially since there are child support/custody issues that still need to be resolved. Hopefully they will be resolved in the next 2 years.
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3 kids, all boys, ages 4, 2, and 1. Mom stays home with them and we live off of student loans. I go to a school in a small town in Texas so tuition and cost of living are hella-cheap. I wake up early, study from 7-5pm. Go home, play with the kids, put them to bed, and if I have a test coming up or something, I go study for a few more hours. I don't go hang out with classmates in the evenings, my social life is my family. We have a date night 2-3 times a month, go to church every sunday, and we are totally happy and content.

As far as your situation, you are concerned about what kind of impact this will have on your life. Let me give you some advice. This is not your kid, and he is not your husband (yet). If you are worried that this will have a negative impact on your future plans, then get out of the situation. You are not obligated to be baby-momma to someone elses kid.

If you really want to be a mom and a wife, then by all means, do it. But accept that there are sacrifices and that you are going to have to make that others won't. Not to mention that being a step mom is a lot harder than being a mom.

It is your choice, you are not forced into anything here.

Good luck.
 
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I've always pictured myself having kids one day...I think I'd be a good dad. Only I've never even had a serious relationship with a girl yet, so I think I'm a long way off. :laugh:
 
A different question - Is it irresponsible for you and your partner to have more than two children, considering over-population?
 
bleargh said:
i think 4th year med school is a good year..
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i agree with this. Although, i think it depends on who is the one in med school i.e. husband or wife. And how supportive the spouse and whether they are in a better position work hours wise.

i.e. its different if a guy is the med student and the wife is stay at home or working better hours.

it is different if you're a girl and your rhusband is willing to be stay at home or in the less hour job then say if both are in medicine or bad hour related jobs.

But I think for girls 4th year is a good time.

I've known quite a few with kids who've gone into med school. One used to post on here a lot and I still keep in touch with her on fb. She has 3 beautiful children of which 2 she had well before med school. But she's managing well because she has a really supportive husband. For those who are traditional students that went and got married after in med school, they had their kids at beginning of residency some time or end of med school. for the guys, some of them had kids before they finished med school but their wives were also not in med school when pregnant. 🙂
 
neskalee said:
I would 100% agree IF they didn't already have an agreement in place that if she got pregnant she would have an abortion.

The woman already had several abortions in her life so clearly there was no moral qualms for her but she decided to have this child because my bf was leaving her and she didn't want him to go.

*edit* also I want to note that she was on birth control pills at the time and voluntarily stopped taking them to become pregnant.
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Sounds like almost all the responsibility is entirely lifted from your boyfriends side. Who gave you all these little details by the way?
 
neskalee said:
she outright admitted she went off the birth control to her family/my bfs family/everyone involved. and I've spoken with her personally prior to dating my bf around the time the child was first born. (i've known them both for 5+ years)

She told me directly "I kept the baby because I didn't want him to ignore his responsibilities to me".

They had gotten pregnant before in the 3 year relationship and she had an abortion that time but wouldn't the second time around. She had also told my boyfriend she had done them before as well.
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😱 This is way too much drama for me.
 
Guess I shouldn't escalate this any further, but it shouldn't just be the girl's responsibility to take care of birth control. If he so desperately didn't want her to get pregnant, he didn't HAVE to rely upon her to keep taking the pill. In fact, he didn't have to have sex with her at all. It's still his responsibility and no woman should feel pressured into having an abortion when she doesn't want to have one, regardless of what she's previously agreed to.

Of course, since he's clearly taking responsibility for his son, it sounds like a moot point. And I commend him for that because many guys just take off if their girlfriend gets pregnant unexpectedly.

Anyway. 🙂

I do want to have kids at some point, but I guess as another poster said, there's never a good time for female docs to get pregnant. So I guess when it happens, it happens.
 
neskalee said:
she outright admitted she went off the birth control to her family/my bfs family/everyone involved. and I've spoken with her personally prior to dating my bf around the time the child was first born. (i've known them both for 5+ years)

She told me directly "I kept the baby because I didn't want him to ignore his responsibilities to me".

They had gotten pregnant before in the 3 year relationship and she had an abortion that time but wouldn't the second time around. She had also told my boyfriend she had done them before as well.
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First off, wow how immature to be airing all this business of your boyfriend's all over an internet forum. This is TMI for an internet information and not something you should be putting out there. it ishis ex girlfriend. Not your ex who did this. I'm sure he wouldn't want this all over SDN.

that being said, regardless of what she admitted. Truth is as bleargh originally pointed out....it takes 2 to tango. Neither should he have slept with her until he got to know what she was really about and if he did he should have used a condom instead just expecting it to be her because even if birth control is used there is always a chance that it doesn't work and you can still get pregnant. Hell even condoms can break and a person can still get pregnant so not having slept with her would have been better.

Let him sort out his mess and if you are really that serious with him be supportive as you can but don't air everything on here. That's asking for trouble the way I see it.
 
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baby-momma drama is always amusing to outsiders =]

I definitely want to have kids. I don't think it's something you can plan precisely though. I can see many of you practically have the date down. lol. I absolutely want to wait until I'm older. I think everyone should realize, though, that there's always going to be a reason NOT to start a family. There's never really a good time to do that with med school. I just think that when it happens, one will forget all those reasons and find ways to make it work. And I'm sure it's always worth it 🙂
 
alexlex143 said:
baby-momma drama is always amusing to outsiders =]

I definitely want to have kids. I don't think it's something you can plan precisely though. I can see many of you practically have the date down. lol. I absolutely want to wait until I'm older. I think everyone should realize, though, that there's always going to be a reason NOT to start a family. There's never really a good time to do that with med school. I just think that when it happens, one will forget all those reasons and find ways to make it work. And I'm sure it's always worth it 🙂
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Yeah very true. And when you do try to have enough of a support system i.e. your spous, family members, or baby sitters, etc. if it is hard to manage alone.
 
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neskalee said:
haha I agree we totally derailed. But just some final comments and I'll let it go.

If a woman has repeated abortions and states she is agreeing to have one in the future if she becomes pregnant again and agrees to take birth control it does become her responsibility when she gets pregnant and doesn't uphold her original agreement. My personal opinion is that people who engage in sex with one another need to communicate and discuss their thoughts and feelings and morals. Besides stopping the sexual relationship, I feel my bf took a reasonable amount of precautions to avoid having a child.

She was perfectly capable of saying she had changed her mind prior to them engaging in sexual activity again. My bf never pressured her in any way and the first time she became pregnant he said he was okay with her having the child, she was the one who made the decision to abort it and she was the person who made the decision not to have the abortion the second time around. It doesn't really matter if she suddenly became anti-abortion after multiple acts or if she just did it on purpose to get pregnant, either way they entered into a contract prior to the pregnancy. I 100% agree that women should have a choice and should never be pressured to have an abortion under ANY circumstances, but from a male perspective, what are you supposed to do if all available information shows that she wouldn't keep the child if she became pregnant and that she was on birth control. I understand the "use a condom" double protection argument. But I do not know a single person who uses condoms as well as birth control, so I take a more realistic stance on the situation.

In the end she decided to keep the child and my bf has been supporting the child and her (since she doesn't work and lives off welfare) from the day his son was born. We are currently trying to take custody of him because she has begun to create an unsafe environment for the child in her home. My bf loves his son dearly and we make the best of the available circumstances, but we see circumstances in the child's life that are negative and a direct result of neither of them being properly prepared for a child financially, emotionally or otherwise. I feel she had the final choice that could of avoided this, but honestly OH WELL, the child is born. The bottom line is that I wish they had both made better decisions but we don't dwell on it during daily life in the way that I may have conveyed on this thread.

Additionally to clarify, my boyfriend doesn't care if I air this kind of information on SDN because neither of us are embarrassed about any of the details and we are extremely open people, but I do agree it is TMI for some and pretty irrelevant so we can end the discussion. I was just responding to questions/defending my position.
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Dude if this is really part of a court case, please delete all your posts right now. Seriously. This is not the place to air any of this. killing an unborn childis not something that is to be taken lightly as another contract. It is not the same thing. there are many out there who feel its outright immoral. secondly, practically speaking he shouldn't have slept with her. He should've used the condom. end of story.
 
avksx said:
I can never tell if you're trolling or not.
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hahahahaha oh wow no i don't troll, i'm forreal. but i'm very sarcastic sometimes.

what i said, however, wasn't sarcasm. i'd love to have all of my post come true.
 
gujuDoc said:
First off, wow how immature to be airing all this business of your boyfriend's all over an internet forum. This is TMI for an internet information and not something you should be putting out there. it ishis ex girlfriend. Not your ex who did this. I'm sure he wouldn't want this all over SDN.

that being said, regardless of what she admitted. Truth is as bleargh originally pointed out....it takes 2 to tango. Neither should he have slept with her until he got to know what she was really about and if he did he should have used a condom instead just expecting it to be her because even if birth control is used there is always a chance that it doesn't work and you can still get pregnant. Hell even condoms can break and a person can still get pregnant so not having slept with her would have been better.

Let him sort out his mess and if you are really that serious with him be supportive as you can but don't air everything on here. That's asking for trouble the way I see it.
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Good advice. Too much drama for this forum.

Btw, gujuDoc, how have you made so many posts and not become a mod yet?
 
I want kids, but I have no idea when it would be practical to have them. I'm sure as hell not even close to ready for them yet, and I don't forsee having as much time as I'd want for a newborn/baby, well, ever. It's a rough path, this med school thing.
 
bleargh said:
not to rub salt in your wounds, but it does take two to tango...
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Agreed. I was just thinking this. I think OP's BF got owned big time. Sucks that this is the situation. Now the question is, how does one avoid being stuck in this situation?

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Don't enter a relationship w/ a woman that has had more abortions than a stupid kid has F's. Having said this...damn the situation sucks for him. Not so much for OP b/c if their relationship ever ended, she'd be able to escape clean. OTH, the guy would end up w/ the kid and no GF/motherly figure in the son's life. And he smokes. Talk about things didn't go the way I planned.
 
neskalee said:
I 100% agree that women should have a choice and should never be pressured to have an abortion under ANY circumstances, but from a male perspective, what are you supposed to do if all available information shows that she wouldn't keep the child if she became pregnant and that she was on birth control.
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Use a condom, no matter what? Your boyfriend had the means to take control of his reproductive potential and didn't, and you're claiming that's another person's fault.

neskalee said:
I understand the "use a condom" double protection argument. But I do not know a single person who uses condoms as well as birth control, so I take a more realistic stance on the situation.
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I do, because avoiding an unwanted pregnancy is important to me.
 
I have to start building a good dating resume to get a girlfriend first. Then, I have to get some ECs to learn how to handle a girl. Then, I will think about it.
 
curbye said:
planning on marrying prince charming during residency, buying a swanky apt in heart of downtown, getting pregnant, moving to a charming 5 BR colonial with a picket fence, having 2 boys and 1 girl, dressing them in brooks brothers and polo for kids, going to church every sunday, baking cookies and making their halloween costume, having a date night every 2nd and 4th friday of the month, sending the kids to a nice prep school, giving the kids the birds and the bees talk, taking annual christmas card pictures to send to all our friends, going to my 20th high school reunion, sending the kids to yale, julliard, and amherst/middlebury/wesleyan/wellsley.
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no one wants this perfect life with me???
 
why is the 4th year a better time for girls than any other year? just wondering

I never really wanted to get married before 25 or have kids before 28 but that biological clock can get us women sometimes.
I feel like my first kid will be unplanned or at least like "well we aren;t trying hard but what happens happens" because it's hard to be like "well this would be a good time to get no sleep and have way too much on my plate" lol
 
i used to be like that.


i like myself. a lot. i'd like to see more of me populate this earth.
 
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curbye said:
planning on marrying prince charming during residency, buying a swanky apt in heart of downtown, getting pregnant, moving to a charming 5 BR colonial with a picket fence, having 2 boys and 1 girl, dressing them in brooks brothers and polo for kids, going to church every sunday, baking cookies and making their halloween costume, having a date night every 2nd and 4th friday of the month, sending the kids to a nice prep school, giving the kids the birds and the bees talk, taking annual christmas card pictures to send to all our friends, going to my 20th high school reunion, sending the kids to yale, julliard, and amherst/middlebury/wesleyan/wellsley.
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I think you're missing something...you haven't picked out whether Juilliard is going to be for music, dance, or drama yet!
 
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