Graphic personal statement?

[907914]

Lmao I am weak my dude really tryna talk about touching the cervix in his personal statement. You tryin too hard my guy.

Totally thought a brief mention of seeing cervical cancer and how that influenced me would work...while I still can, I now know that 99.9% of those on ADCOMS will not be pathologists and thus don’t care for those sorts of details, among the predominant tact and disrespect related things...again, show don’t tell gone over board.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Lucid_Dream]

Oh to be 19 again! Do you remember 19? The juices are flowing, the red corpuscles are corpuscle-ing, the grass is green and soft, and summers gonna last forever. Now you remember? Yeah you do.

But if youre being honest, I mean, really honest, youll recall that you also had an underdeveloped 19 year old brain.

Which brings us to this knucklehead, and well... I'm sorry but that's what you are. But I would like you people to remember an important fact. Fact Nobody got hurt! Not a soul! Very important to keep that in mind. This man, a near honor student, was just feeling his oats one Saturday night and went a little bananas.

 

[907914]

Oh to be 19 again! Do you remember 19? The juices are flowing, the red corpuscles are corpuscle-ing, the grass is green and soft, and summers gonna last forever. Now you remember? Yeah you do.

But if youre being honest, I mean, really honest, youll recall that you also had an underdeveloped 19 year old brain.

Which brings us to this knucklehead, and well... I'm sorry but that's what you are. But I would like you people to remember an important fact. Fact Nobody got hurt! Not a soul! Very important to keep that in mind. This man, a near honor student, was just feeling his oats one Saturday night and went a little bananas.

Completely agreed...I had a good personal statement, tore it apart because I didn’t think it was vivid enough, made it vivid and wasn’t sure how it sounded outside of my head and came to SDN for advice to questions I should have been able to answer myself.

 

[TX_AK]

I got carried away with constantly being told "Show, don't tell" in those few sentences. I know now.

It is about showing your emotion and personal drive to medicine. Not showing every detail of an experience.
You keep using the military and your MOS as an excuse for the morbid details and predilections toward inappropriateness.

That is an easy way out, stop!
You have a lack of maturity to not understand this.
Reevaluate.

Sent from my SM-G892U using SDN mobile

 

[907914]

Maybe you should just write up what you have and ask one the PS readers on this site to look at it. You're giving us piecemeal information and without/disjointed context of the content. It'd be easier to judge and give suggestions reading it all in its entirety as things look weird by itself but may work within the PS as a whole.

I have had a few PS reviewers from this site review the most recent draft. Do you have any idea where I would find more perspectives/reviews on SDN?