Have you thought about this....

[crimedawg]

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Please bare with me while I try to explain myself, here I go:

I have 4 friends who think I am crazy for wanting to go to medical school. Normally, I am really good a shrugging off these types of comments, but all of their concerns resonate with me and now have me re-considering medicine as a potential career. Also, I consider these guys to be really good friends, and I truly take the advice they give me to heart.

They all have one thing in common: Their dads are physicians. They all say their dads were never around for anything they did growing up. One of my friends said his dad was virtually non-existent and at one point was at the hospital for something like 5 days straight. I know there are people out there who make great parents and great docs, but I get the feeling it isn't the norm. Its kind of like there are people who get into med school with low grades and MCAT scores, but the majority of people don't (I realize that is a loaded comparison, but you get my point).

I don't like half-@$$ing anything I do, and I could really see myself falling into the trap of putting my career above other things, such as being a dad and the last thing I want to happen is for my son or daughter to say I wasn't around for them - it scares the living daylights out of me. This really has me concerned going forward with the application process and the decision to go into med school. Long hours and time away from the family come with the career, that is a fact.

I just wanted to see if any of you out there have thought about this, or would like to share your opinion. Is it a concern to you that medicine could take valuable time away from your wife/and or husband and family?

Also, I have been told by parents and friends that I have a tendency to over think everything. Also, I am a non-trad applicant, so I have been out of school for a little while, I don't know if that has any impact on this. Anyways, thanks for your info.

 

[13132]

Please bare with me while I try to explain myself, here I go:

I have 4 friends which think I am crazy for wanting to go to medical school. Normally, I am really good a shrugging off these types of comments, but all of their concerns resonate with me and now have me re-considering medicine as a potential career. Also, I consider these guys to be really good friends, and I truly take the advice they give me to heart.

They all have one thing in common: Their dads are physicians. They all say their dads were never around for anything they did growing up. One of my friends said his dad was virtually non-existent and at one point was at the hospital for something like 5 days straight. I know there are people out there who make great parents and great docs, but I get the feeling it isn't the norm. Its kind of like there are people who get into med school with low grades and MCAT scores, but the majority of people don't (I realize that is a loaded comparison, but you get my point).

I don't like half-@$$ing anything I do, and I could really see myself falling into the trap of putting my career above other things, such as being a dad and the last thing I want to happen is for my son or daughter to say I wasn't around for them - it scares the living daylights out of me. This really has me concerned going forward with the application process and the decision to go into med school. Long hours and time away from the family come with the career, that is a fact.

I just wanted to see if any of you out there have thought about this, or would like to share your opinion. Is it a concern to you that medicine could take valuable time away from your wife/and or husband and family?

Also, I have been told by parents and friends that I have a tendency to over think everything. Also, I am a non-trad applicant, so I have been out of school for a little while, I don't know if that has any impact on this. Anyways, thanks for your info.

It is a pretty valid concern. Just don't let yourself fall into the stereotype. It is completely your choice. If you begin to think it isn't worth it then change hospital, change specialities, or quit. You have 100% control over that issue.

 

[CaliGirl14]

n=4

 

[tiedyeddog]

I am a firm believer that those of us who go into medicine and work our lives away probably would have done the same in almost any other field. Those of us that go into medicine and don't work our lives away probably wouldn't have done the same in most other fields.

What is important to you will get the attention you really want to give it.

 

[phltz]

Please bare with me while I try to explain myself, here I go:

I have 4 friends which think I am crazy for wanting to go to medical school.

Usually people who do well in medical school are people who know when to use "which" vs "who".

Medicine much less a macho, ascetic profession than it used to be. If your goal is to find a healthy work/life balance, and you're willing to choose specialties and make professional choices in order to pursue that, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to pick your kids up after school a good chunk of the time.

 

[mvenus929]

My mom's in the military. I've seen what crap she gets at work, and how her life is basically at the mercy of her job. Thus, I didn't join the military and won't date a guy who is in the military. Yet there are at least 5 people in my class that are in the military, along with one of my good friends from college (her father was also in the military, so she's familiar with the lifestyle).

Women commonly face this concern, and it's a valid concern. However, in general, medicine is moving to be more life-friendly. We won't be 'required' to work as much as those that came before us (residency hours already reflect this, and how much you work as an attending is based on the type of practice you choose to enter). I know a lot of physicians who have very good marriages, and are still advancing in their careers.

 

[crimedawg]

Usually people who do well in medical school are people who know when to use "which" vs "who".

Medicine much less a macho, ascetic profession than it used to be. If your goal is to find a healthy work/life balance, and you're willing to choose specialties and make professional choices in order to pursue that, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to pick your kids up after school a good chunk of the time.

Medicine much less a macho, ascetic profession than it used to be. What does this even mean? Dude, I am sorry, but I am not asking for advice on spelling or grammar, also, I would think someone in medical school would have a little better grammar than you. I just want your opinion

 

[crimedawg]

My mom's in the military. I've seen what crap she gets at work, and how her life is basically at the mercy of her job. Thus, I didn't join the military and won't date a guy who is in the military. Yet there are at least 5 people in my class that are in the military, along with one of my good friends from college (her father was also in the military, so she's familiar with the lifestyle).

Women commonly face this concern, and it's a valid concern. However, in general, medicine is moving to be more life-friendly. We won't be 'required' to work as much as those that came before us (residency hours already reflect this, and how much you work as an attending is based on the type of practice you choose to enter). I know a lot of physicians who have very good marriages, and are still advancing in their careers.

Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it.

 

[tiedyeddog]

Usually people who do well in medical school are people who know when to use "which" vs "who".

Medicine much less a macho, ascetic profession than it used to be.

 

[Isoprop]

I think certainly being a physician makes parenting a more difficult job. But it's not impossible to be both a good father and a good doctor at the same time.

 

[liveoak]

I'm sure at the end of the day, they still love their dads. 😍

 

[El Dooderino]

Honestly, in a lot of these cases those guys just probably didn't care about seeing their families. If you want to make time you can make time

 

[Isoprop]

http://ifinding.blogspot.com/2006/02/dont-become-doctor-2-doctor-is-out.html

 

[EBTrailRunner]

OP, I was in a similar boat as you, but look. A passion for medicine and devotion to one's children don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can be both a great doctor and a great dad, but it's going to take work. If your friends' dads were never home, it could be because they didn't want to put in that additional effort. My dad's not a doctor, works his tail off 6 days a week, and is never home either. His response when asked why he doesn't make more time for family is that he has to work to financially support our household. I'd like to think I have my dad's work ethic, but I decided long ago that I'd find a way to make family time work for me when I reach that stage of my life. Adopt a similar attitude and let your friends say what they want.

 

[Cinclus]

Have you considered the "lifestyle" specialties?

 

[thyKnight]

Have you realized that this is such a petty modern day concern? Seriously, some people don't even have parents when growing up. 😡

[If I become a doctor, I'll provide my family with the things I've never had.
~...but there's a possibility of spoiling my babies noOOoooOOooo]

^Nvm, as I was writing that, I realized I sounded like a materialistic SOB who grew up in a communist regime. I don't really know anymore...

I'll leave you with that.

 

[NH14]

Their perspective is totally dependent on their Dad's personalities and specialty choice. Medicine is much more lifestyle friendly than it used to be (thank you lady docs). As such, you will def have time for the fam. I mean do business owners, lawyers, butchers, bartenders, and military Dad's all have kids with Daddy issues? Of course. Honestly, medicine gets an unwarranted bad rap. You'll get paid to save lives and, at least, help some people out.

That is a good life.

I'd much rather say to my child that I had to stay late to help a sick patient over I had to stay late to finish my TPS reports any day of the week. Period.

Yes, it takes sacrifice. But what worthwhile endeavor doesn't?

 

[crimedawg]

n=4

I understand n=4 isn't exactly representative of all the people out there with parents as doctors however, these stories from my friends mean a lot to me, considering I have known them for years.

http://ifinding.blogspot.com/2006/02/dont-become-doctor-2-doctor-is-out.html

Thank you for pointing this out, it is an interesting article/passage.

 

[music2doc]

Please bare with me while I try to explain myself, here I go:

I have 4 friends who think I am crazy for wanting to go to medical school. Normally, I am really good a shrugging off these types of comments, but all of their concerns resonate with me and now have me re-considering medicine as a potential career. Also, I consider these guys to be really good friends, and I truly take the advice they give me to heart.

They all have one thing in common: Their dads are physicians. They all say their dads were never around for anything they did growing up. One of my friends said his dad was virtually non-existent and at one point was at the hospital for something like 5 days straight. I know there are people out there who make great parents and great docs, but I get the feeling it isn't the norm. Its kind of like there are people who get into med school with low grades and MCAT scores, but the majority of people don't (I realize that is a loaded comparison, but you get my point).

I don't like half-@$$ing anything I do, and I could really see myself falling into the trap of putting my career above other things, such as being a dad and the last thing I want to happen is for my son or daughter to say I wasn't around for them - it scares the living daylights out of me. This really has me concerned going forward with the application process and the decision to go into med school. Long hours and time away from the family come with the career, that is a fact.

I just wanted to see if any of you out there have thought about this, or would like to share your opinion. Is it a concern to you that medicine could take valuable time away from your wife/and or husband and family?

Also, I have been told by parents and friends that I have a tendency to over think everything. Also, I am a non-trad applicant, so I have been out of school for a little while, I don't know if that has any impact on this. Anyways, thanks for your info.

This was my experience. My dad is a physician. My mom has told me before that she felt like a single parent during his residency and fellowship (all like 9 years of it). I didn't feel like I had a dad until I was about 8. It sucked. I initially wasn't going to go into medicine and I warned people that declared, "I'm a going to be a doctor!" of that very issue much as your friends are doing. Nevertheless, I soon learned that my dad's specialty is not representative of ALL specialties. There ARE family-friendly specialties. Granted... you're devoted to medicine. Period. You can't have perfection across the board. Something is going to give. You will be making sacrifices. The question is what are you willing to sacrifice and to what degree?

 

[WeAreNotRobots]

I am a firm believer that those of us who go into medicine and work our lives away probably would have done the same in almost any other field.

something worth thinking about. we're driven, hard-working, goal-oriented, willing to make sacrifices in the present for long-term rewards...

personally, if i had different interests, i'd still have the same drive, and my work-life balance struggle would still present itself in those other fields.

 

[Isoprop]

I'd much rather say to my child that I had to stay late to help a sick patient over I had to stay late to finish my TPS reports any day of the week. Period.

That's great and all, but it's still going to suck for your kid. Yeah, it would be great to think your dad is a crime fighting superhero, but if he's still absent in your life, that's still a pretty sh*tty childhood.

 

[no beans]

I'll tell you my experience. My dad is a general surgeon in a busy town and my sister and I were involved in sports in a big way since we were six and until finishing high school. I think throughout those years he may have missed only a handful of games, even the out of town ones. It would kill him to have to miss one or leave during a game. He would carry a copy of the game schedules at work and re-arrange his elective surgeries well away from them. His consults would be planned accordingly, and the relatively emergent cases were as well (an appendix can usually wait an hour or two, or somehow it would be done before the game by bumping an elective case. There are few cases that could not wait an hour or two. Those that couldn't, he would have to miss my game for. For away games, if he was on call, he used to ask favors of those he worked with to cover for him a couple of hours while he was at my game (he would do the same for them). After my game, if there was a case or consult to do, he would go back to the hospital. He worked very hard, but I felt that I spent time with him every day. He was almost always home for dinner (my mom insisted we all have dinner together nightly, and it almost always happened). Even if he had to go back to work after dinner, he would be there to hear how our day went.

My dad is a master at time management in everything he does. It has been a good lesson in my life that if you want to do something in your life, you can usually manage it, barring extenuating circumstances.

 

[OrganicChemist7]

I'll tell you my experience. My dad is a general surgeon in a busy town and my sister and I were involved in sports in a big way since we were six and until finishing high school. I think throughout those years he may have missed only a handful of games, even the out of town ones. It would kill him to have to miss one or leave during a game. He would carry a copy of the game schedules at work and re-arrange his elective surgeries well away from them. His consults would be planned accordingly, and the relatively emergent cases were as well (an appendix can usually wait an hour or two, or somehow it would be done before the game by bumping an elective case. There are few cases that could not wait an hour or two. Those that couldn't, he would have to miss my game for. For away games, if he was on call, he used to ask favors of those he worked with to cover for him a couple of hours while he was at my game (he would do the same for them). After my game, if there was a case or consult to do, he would go back to the hospital. He worked very hard, but I felt that I spent time with him every day. He was almost always home for dinner (my mom insisted we all have dinner together nightly, and it almost always happened). Even if he had to go back to work after dinner, he would be there to hear how our day went.

My dad is a master at time management in everything he does. It has been a good lesson in my life that if you want to do something in your life, you can usually manage it, barring extenuating circumstances.

I think that is very rare and I applaud your father - he sounds like a great man. I think this just goes to show that, OP, you can do it if it is really important to you. Most times I feel as though people can't make slight bends and try to make things work. Instead, the majority of people usually just give up and move on: it's something I see more and more nowadays.

This honestly wouldn't surprise me if it was this attitude that explains at least a part of the divorce rate. I am a firm believer that if you maintain a balance in your life, then there is nothing you cannot achieve.

Just my two cents.

 

[centrigeugle]

Solution: no kids.

 

[Flasheh]

Disregard friends, acquire MD.

 

[medaholic]

Medicine has changed a lot since the "old days" and it's much more accomodating to family. Work hour restrictions, call hour changes, and a much stronger push for balanced lifestyles.

My dad is a doctor, and although I didn't see him much during his residency, things get better. Now going through medical school, I see it's pretty much a choice you make about how you balance your career and home life. You can work 80 hours a week, or you can choose to work 50 hours, it's your decision. Don't let a few stories stop you from pursueing what you want to do.

You should talk to some doctors who balance their home and professional life to get a better perspective.

 

[docbrill]

OP, I was in a similar boat as you, but look. A passion for medicine and devotion to one's children don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can be both a great doctor and a great dad, but it's going to take work. If your friends' dads were never home, it could be because they didn't want to put in that additional effort. My dad's not a doctor, works his tail off 6 days a week, and is never home either. His response when asked why he doesn't make more time for family is that he has to work to financially support our household. I'd like to think I have my dad's work ethic, but I decided long ago that I'd find a way to make family time work for me when I reach that stage of my life. Adopt a similar attitude and let your friends say what they want.

This.

 

[loho77]

.