Hey everyone, I have a friend who is really struggling in medical school. His grades are great, amazing even. But everyone around him can see he is miserable he is never happy and he talks about hating it and wanting to leave. He is a caring, genuine person but the grind has changed him. He is worrying about the future too (finances, finding a job). Anyway, has anyone found a book or know something that could help him? I don't believe he is depressed but I think he needs something to remind him why he is here.
Help for a friend
- Thread starter Elinor17
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Let him decide on his own. Medicine might very well not be for him, and if it's not, it is best that he realize that sooner rather than later so he can gtfo while he can. I hate to break it to you, but caring and being genuine aren't enough to cut it in medicine. Things generally get worse until you finish residency (there's ups and downs, with fourth year being a big up and internship being a big down), so if he's having doubt now, things likely won't get much better for him down the road. He needs to choose, stay or go, and if he chooses to stay, he needs to develop some coping skills.
I'm in his boat myself on and off (I feel like med school has made me bipolar, it's ridiculous) so I know how he's feeling.
I'm in his boat myself on and off (I feel like med school has made me bipolar, it's ridiculous) so I know how he's feeling.
He is in medicine for the right reasons and I think what's making him hate it is the pressure and the year 2 onslaught of information with boards looming. I agree that he should leave if it's not for him but he does better when he is at clinic. I thought of trying to get him to go do more clinic hours (to keep him grounded) but he says he needs to study.
Besides, he wants to quit but the loans (he is out of state and is paying 80 grand a year) is keeping him here because he doesn't think he will be able to pay them off with any other career.
Besides, he wants to quit but the loans (he is out of state and is paying 80 grand a year) is keeping him here because he doesn't think he will be able to pay them off with any other career.
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Med school changes most people. There was a pretty good editorial somewhere about how people become less charitable, less idealistic, less happy-go-lucky as they go through med school. The first 2 years is an immense amount of information that forces 50% of students who have generally been in the 95th percentile throughout their lifetime (grade school, high school, and college) to suddenly become below average. It's disillusioning and how much you hate med school depends on how much you accept that fact.
The other end is the people who work insane hours to maintain their 'standard', i.e., being in the top 5-10% of their med school class. Without ways to relieve stress or overall relax, they can end up even more cynical and burnt-out than the rest of us.
I will say that worrying about finding a job (depends on specialty he is going into partially) is not a significant concern. Outside of rad and path, there are very few physicians who are normal people with good ability who have trouble securing a job. It might not be in the location you want (again, specialty-dependent) but it'll generally pay the bills. In terms of overall finances, again, it comes down to which specialty. The discrepancy in pay-grade amongst doctors makes some people avoid low-paying specialties, hence the primary care shortage even though a ton of med schools are trying to get people interested in doing outpatient PCP work.
The other end is the people who work insane hours to maintain their 'standard', i.e., being in the top 5-10% of their med school class. Without ways to relieve stress or overall relax, they can end up even more cynical and burnt-out than the rest of us.
I will say that worrying about finding a job (depends on specialty he is going into partially) is not a significant concern. Outside of rad and path, there are very few physicians who are normal people with good ability who have trouble securing a job. It might not be in the location you want (again, specialty-dependent) but it'll generally pay the bills. In terms of overall finances, again, it comes down to which specialty. The discrepancy in pay-grade amongst doctors makes some people avoid low-paying specialties, hence the primary care shortage even though a ton of med schools are trying to get people interested in doing outpatient PCP work.
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I wish more people would see this. Being "caring" and "genuine" are not characteristics that medical school and residency select for and reward. It does make for great professionalism lectures though.
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The second sentence might be the source of the problem. If he is making himself miserable just to maintain "amazing" grades, maybe the best thing for him is to back off a bit and accept "pass" instead of honors. Very, very few things in medicine residency-wise require someone to have "amazing" grades throughout all 4 years........
First and second year are NOT representative of what being a physician will be like. If he simply is getting burnt out from studying, the best thing for him to do is press through and get to third year. If he is having doubts about medicine as a whole, he should figure it out as soon as he can and get out now.
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Depends very much the specialty he is going for. Something tells me he is going for all Honors for a reason, not just for the heck of it. If that's the case, then his coping mechanisms will just have to adjust accordingly.
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Maybe suggest that he see a therapist or counselor. It could help to have someone to talk to about the experience.
As far as what's helped me is having some form of an outlet outside of school. I recently started a weightlifting and exercise routine with the help of a personal trainer. This has provided me with a daily respite from medical school. Does your friend have any hobbies or similar things that he could turn to as a stress-relieving activity?
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hookers
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"Remember, it's all about the patient"
-said the random pharmacy professor on a 120k salary driving a mercedes with free tuition benefits for his/her children
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-says the academic physician attending specialist who doesn't see patients on a full-time basis and has residents do his H&Ps, discharge summaries, etc.
Funny I have heard that phrase so many times, it loses its value after a while. I swear, they must all read from the same exact script.
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the mind will go to great lengths to avoid cognitive dissonance (ergo people say things that bear little relationship to reality, all in the service of bolstering their self-identity)
remember that in every step of your training (and life) and you'll be better off.
remember that in every step of your training (and life) and you'll be better off.
Yeah, I think getting him into hobbies will help him quite a bit but he isn't taking any advice. I like the idea of going to see a counselor I think having a mentor would help him quite a bit.
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nobody can convince you to stay... but, even more importantly, make sure that you don't convince yourself into leaving. who knows what kind of advice you'll get on here. stop reading these responses, and go talk about this with your family, they love you and just want you to be happy. i went through what you're describing during the 2nd year of med school, and, even more than family at the time, my advising dean was actually the most helpful person in terms of answers and direction, and additionally was very unbiased -- he expressed his concern over my state of burnout, but he also reminded me that anyone who gets into medical school is there for a reason. it isn't random, they chose us, and they are the experts on who can or can't do this. no matter what you decide, you can do this, so cheer up my friend.
Thanks! This actually is not for me, I am very happy to be where I am. This really is for my friend but I appreciate the response 🙂
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Thanks!
And thanks to everyone who responded, I appreciate your time. I have introduced my friend to someone who I think will be able to mentor him.
Best of luck to everyone!
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Don't forget balance.
Scheduled exercise, social activities, an alcoholic beverage or two, etc.
There is no reason not to have a social life, time for (reasonable) hobbies, etc. It just requires planning and time management.
Scheduled exercise, social activities, an alcoholic beverage or two, etc.
There is no reason not to have a social life, time for (reasonable) hobbies, etc. It just requires planning and time management.
