Help! How do I NOT piss my PI off?

[700003]

I have been volunteering in clinical research at a prestigious hospital for about a year now…it's been going great so far and I was able to present a poster at a well-known conference as well. Recently, my PI asked me if I would assist him with lab work and offered to talk to the chief about this. He said that he expects me to tell him confidently whether I can work in the lab or not because he can't risk commitment issues with the chief. Over winter break, I told him I would be able to continue volunteering and that I have a day off per week where I can focus on the research. He is expecting me to use this day off to come to the hospital every week to work in the lab.

The problem is this: While I really want to work in the lab, I realized that I can't. There is no way I can go to the hospital (which takes about 2 hrs and a lot of money for me to get to) every single week. The clinical research I have been doing so far has been flexible in terms of when I have to go to the hospital as most of the work was stuff I could do from home. But now, I have my MCAT coming up, and have to worry about getting good LORs, grades, and med school applications/essays. My classes are also pretty time-consuming. On top of that, I am already working in a lab at my school! Bottom line…I'm going to have to tell him no, but I'm not sure how to phrase my words so that he doesn't get offended. I would like to ask him for a LOR, so it's important I don't get on his bad side. I've had some experiences before where, if I can't do something due to a time constraint or being sick, he tends to imply that I am not putting enough time into the research. He goes on to say how the other students really put in the effort to do the work and take time from their class schedules, and this makes me sad. I've never actually seen the other students working in the hospital before, and these students also live like five min away from the lab…not 2 hrs like me. Nevertheless, I think I have put in my best effort and I believe my work shows it. I think the recent poster presentations impressed him as well…so things are going good so far. It's just that I can't commit to too much work because I have a responsibility to keep my grades and MCAT score as high as I can get them.

So srsly, what can I do??? I have to talk to my PI today! But I'm lost for words…everything I say might just sound like excuses to him, no matter how genuine and important they are to me. I don't want my PI to go into this mode of thinking again...

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[AlteredScale]

I have been volunteering in clinical research at a prestigious hospital for about a year now…it's been going great so far and I was able to present a poster at a well-known conference as well. Recently, my PI asked me if I would assist him with lab work and offered to talk to the chief about this. He said that he expects me to tell him confidently whether I can work in the lab or not because he can't risk commitment issues with the chief. Over winter break, I told him I would be able to continue volunteering and that I have a day off per week where I can focus on the research. He is expecting me to use this day off to come to the hospital every week to work in the lab.

The problem is this: While I really want to work in the lab, I realized that I can't. There is no way I can go to the hospital (which takes about 2 hrs and a lot of money for me to get to) every single week. The clinical research I have been doing so far has been flexible in terms of when I have to go to the hospital as most of the work was stuff I could do from home. But now, I have my MCAT coming up, and have to worry about getting good LORs, grades, and med school applications/essays. My classes are also pretty time-consuming. On top of that, I am already working in a lab at my school! Bottom line…I'm going to have to tell him no, but I'm not sure how to phrase my words so that he doesn't get offended. I would like to ask him for a LOR, so it's important I don't get on his bad side. I've had some experiences before where, if I can't do something due to a time constraint or being sick, he tends to imply that I am not putting enough time into the research. He goes on to say how the other students really put in the effort to do the work and take time from their class schedules, and this makes me sad. I've never actually seen the other students working in the hospital before, and these students also live like five min away from the lab…not 2 hrs like me. Nevertheless, I think I have put in my best effort and I believe my work shows it. I think the recent poster presentations impressed him as well…so things are going good so far. It's just that I can't commit to too much work because I have a responsibility to keep my grades and MCAT score as high as I can get them.

So srsly, what can I do??? I have to talk to my PI today! But I'm lost for words…everything I say might just sound like excuses to him, no matter how genuine and important they are to me. I don't want my PI to go into this mode of thinking again...

This is not the right time for you to commit to this lab. Just be honest and tell him you have too many things going on and must prioritize them accordingly and that committing to his lab is not conducive at this moment.

 

[700003]

This is not the right time for you to commit to this lab. Just be honest and tell him you have too many things going on and must prioritize them accordingly and that committing to his lab is not conducive at this moment.

But if he gets annoyed and starts asking about how I am still able to commit to the clinical work (which I can still do, because the work is mainly from home and the project is almost finished), what do I say? Can I still get an LOR from him?

 

[itsthat1guy]

If he asks how you can commit to your clinical work, just say you can because you can do it from home and thus don't have to commute.

 

[hoihaie]

But if he gets annoyed and starts asking about how I am still able to commit to the clinical work (which I can still do, because the work is mainly from home and the project is almost finished), what do I say? Can I still get an LOR from him?

you prob shouldn't get a LOR from him if you're going to quit, regardless of how well he may seem to take it, especially when you promised him you would commit to his lab and (from what sounds like) he stuck his neck out for you with the chief.

 

[AlteredScale]

But if he gets annoyed and starts asking about how I am still able to commit to the clinical work (which I can still do, because the work is mainly from home and the project is almost finished), what do I say? Can I still get an LOR from him?

Say that your work there is something that you can do at home.

Absolutely do not ask him for an LOR if he was annoyed since you brought up you were interested.

 

[700003]

you prob shouldn't get a LOR from him if you're going to quit, regardless of how well he may seem to take it, especially when you promised him you would commit to his lab and (from what sounds like) he stuck his neck out for you with the chief.

I never said I would commit to his lab; I told him I would check with my semester schedule and MCAT prep time before I told him anything and that I would get back to him within the next few days. I specifically told him not to tell his chief anything, so I don't think he talked to him. He is still waiting for my answer. I am also not going to quit…the clinical project is still going on, but there is less work to do this semester than there was last semester. This lab thing was a second project he asked if I was interested in...

 

[700003]

Say that your work there is something that you can do at home.

Absolutely do not ask him for an LOR if he was annoyed since you brought up you were interested.

I'm going to talk to him tonight and explain my situation. I am planning to offer to work in the lab after my MCAT but will continue working on the clinical side for now…I hope that's okay with him! I never really promised anything more than that. I would really like an LOR from him, so will try my best to be on his good side!

 

[AlteredScale]

I'm going to talk to him tonight and explain my situation. I am planning to offer to work in the lab after my MCAT but will continue working on the clinical side for now…I hope that's okay with him! I never really promised anything more than that. I would really like an LOR from him, so will try my best to be on his good side!

Sounds like a good plan to me! Good luck!

 

[Ismet]

I never said I would commit to his lab; I told him I would check with my semester schedule and MCAT prep time before I told him anything and that I would get back to him within the next few days. I specifically told him not to tell his chief anything, so I don't think he talked to him. He is still waiting for my answer. I am also not going to quit…the clinical project is still going on, but there is less work to do this semester than there was last semester. This lab thing was a second project he asked if I was interested in...

Then you have nothing to worry about. You never made the commitment, you were honest and said that you had to consider everything before responding. That is a perfectly mature, responsible way to handle the situation. If he gets pissed at you, it's really no fault of your own, it's on him.

 

[Chansey]

Ah, the passive aggressive PI. Tread carefully.

Word it as positively as you can:

"Hi Dr. X! While I absolutely enjoy my current clinical work, and I'm very interested in the benchwork you do, I have a lot of prior commitments that I need to take care of this semester and it would be unethical of me to commit to a project that I can't dedicate 100% percent of my attention to. For now, I'd like to focus on my current clinical work with you. When my schedule clears up, I'd love to talk more with you about this new project."

 

[Xenoblade]

I think I see smoke signals from that burning bridge

 

[700003]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I talked to my PI and he was actually very understanding of the whole situation and told me that I better focus on my MCAT first. He said I could continue the research after my exam and he also offered to write me a good LOR so I guess it all worked out!

 

[beachside]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I talked to my PI and he was actually very understanding of the whole situation and told me that I better focus on my MCAT first. He said I could continue the research after my exam and he also offered to write me a good LOR so I guess it all worked out!

Wow, people skills win for you. Good job.