- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
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- 17
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I am 8 months into my Pediatric residency at a fairly well-repsected program, and while I love caring for and working around children, it is simply not for me. I don't know how I ended up in this situation. I did Surgery as my very first 3rd year rotation, and my lack of any clinical knowledge or skill led to a mediocre grade; my 4th year sub-I on the Peds Surg service was equally unimpressive - no OR time at all, endless afternoon consults for Broviacs so the residents could all go home post-call, and not much opportunity to interact with attendings. Although I loved the operative experiences and had considered surgery, I just didn't think that I would have good chances of matching anywhere decent, so I took my second choice...Peds. My plan had been to subspecialize in something procedural with high acuity such as cardiology, NICU, or PICU, and just kinda swallow the fact that I would never be a surgeon.
Well..... I am miserable. I dread going to work. The endless hours of writing notes and rounding with very little if any time spent giving patient care is wearing very thin. The complete refusal to allow trainees to do ANYthing the least bit invasive to a child without sedation and the presence of a fellow has left me 8 months into my year with ZERO technical ability. And I find myself longingly wishing I was in the OR correcting pathology instead of just talking about it. I still wok 80+ hours a week, except only about 12 of those are spent doing anything of any clinical or educational merit. I have been reticent to discuss this w/ any of my colleagues or PD until I have a plan in place for how to proceed.
The things I know for sure: I absolutely cannot envision myself as a pediatrician of any kind, except possibly an intensivist. I will always feel like only "half a physician" if I am unable to possess technical skills and offer my patients operative therapies. And I will not be able to keep up the charade required in order to keep on smiling each day, knowing that you are in the wrong profession.
I need serious advice about what to do. I can't very well get letters form surgeons for ERAS, it's too late to apply for this year, I will not even have the opportunity to meet any surgeons in my institution until I do my PGY-2 peds surg rotation next year, etc etc etc. My head is swimming and meanwhile I am having nighmares about RSV, constipation, and Ritalin. HELP!!!!! I MUST find a way to become a surgeon!
Well..... I am miserable. I dread going to work. The endless hours of writing notes and rounding with very little if any time spent giving patient care is wearing very thin. The complete refusal to allow trainees to do ANYthing the least bit invasive to a child without sedation and the presence of a fellow has left me 8 months into my year with ZERO technical ability. And I find myself longingly wishing I was in the OR correcting pathology instead of just talking about it. I still wok 80+ hours a week, except only about 12 of those are spent doing anything of any clinical or educational merit. I have been reticent to discuss this w/ any of my colleagues or PD until I have a plan in place for how to proceed.
The things I know for sure: I absolutely cannot envision myself as a pediatrician of any kind, except possibly an intensivist. I will always feel like only "half a physician" if I am unable to possess technical skills and offer my patients operative therapies. And I will not be able to keep up the charade required in order to keep on smiling each day, knowing that you are in the wrong profession.
I need serious advice about what to do. I can't very well get letters form surgeons for ERAS, it's too late to apply for this year, I will not even have the opportunity to meet any surgeons in my institution until I do my PGY-2 peds surg rotation next year, etc etc etc. My head is swimming and meanwhile I am having nighmares about RSV, constipation, and Ritalin. HELP!!!!! I MUST find a way to become a surgeon!