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Help? To withdraw or stick it out?

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marinera

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I wanted some advice. I didn't want to start a new thread in fear that people would tell me to stop starting threads about thing we already talked about but I dont know where to put this! Lol and sorry!
But seriously, I'm in a bit of trouble here. So I'm kind of in an abusive relationship and my ex recently came to my house and stabbed himself in my room. I really am not a troll here even though this sounds insane. Anyway of course this really upset me and I'm having trouble studying and I have three tests next week and well its all gone to ****. I've been given the opportunity to withdraw from the semester. I still want to go to med school more than anything and I'm wondering which will look worse to adcom, ****ty grades or a semester withdrawal. Then again if I withdraw from the semester they'll probably ask why and I"ll have to say its because I'm a ****** and dated an unstable guy who bled all over my bedroom floor before being rushed to the ER. I could lie when the time comes I guess but I think they keep a record of that. I read a comment from someone that said that although abusive is sad, adcoms don't really care.
I hate myself so much right now. I'm the awful cliche. My parents were in an abusive relationship and I just grew and did it too. I'm trying to stay cheerful!
Anyway, any advice would be great! I'm in over my head. I'm sobbing as I try to finish my ochem hw so I'm not optimistic about the test.
Thanks!
 

CodeRedDew

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I wanted some advice. I didn't want to start a new thread in fear that people would tell me to stop starting threads about thing we already talked about but I dont know where to put this! Lol and sorry!
But seriously, I'm in a bit of trouble here. So I'm kind of in an abusive relationship and my ex recently came to my house and stabbed himself in my room. I really am not a troll here even though this sounds insane. Anyway of course this really upset me and I'm having trouble studying and I have three tests next week and well its all gone to ****. I've been given the opportunity to withdraw from the semester. I still want to go to med school more than anything and I'm wondering which will look worse to adcom, ****ty grades or a semester withdrawal. Then again if I withdraw from the semester they'll probably ask why and I"ll have to say its because I'm a ****** and dated an unstable guy who bled all over my bedroom floor before being rushed to the ER. I could lie when the time comes I guess but I think they keep a record of that. I read a comment from someone that said that although abusive is sad, adcoms don't really care.
I hate myself so much right now. I'm the awful cliche. My parents were in an abusive relationship and I just grew and did it too. I'm trying to stay cheerful!
Anyway, any advice would be great! I'm in over my head. I'm sobbing as I try to finish my ochem hw so I'm not optimistic about the test.
Thanks!

lol
 

Ashley1989

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If this experience has been traumatic for you to the point that you cannot focus and will do poorly, then I would withdraw to give yourself time to sort it out. With that being said, withdraw and get help, and also cut off ALL ties with your ex. Not to blame the victim, I'm sure its very hard for you, but why was he in your living room in the first place if he is abusive and unstable? If he is abusive you need to cut off ties 100% and make it VERY clear to him. Get a restraining order if necessary, and self evaluate to figure out how you can avoid getting in a relationship like this again (take it from a girl who was in an abusive relationship for a year and a half as well). If you're going to withdraw you need to make SURE that you get whatever help necessary to heal, cut off ALL ties, and re center your priorities in order to make it worth while. If you do these things, it will be worth it and commendable, but if you withdraw and keep ties of any kind with this guy, you're doing yourself a disservice.
 

marinera

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The sad thing is that I'm serious. I expected this tho, from reading other people's threads I know there are some jerks out there and I do sound unbelievable. But I figured I'll try because I don't have anyone else to ask. I don't have a pre-med advisor. I think I might have answered my own question. I don't have the motivation to try unless I know that it meant med school would be taken from me.
 
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kpcrew

help sdn!
i should call 911 and see a psychiatrist, but more importantly, should i withdraw from my classes?
 

marinera

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If this experience has been traumatic for you to the point that you cannot focus and will do poorly, then I would withdraw to give yourself time to sort it out. With that being said, withdraw and get help, and also cut off ALL ties with your ex. Not to blame the victim, I'm sure its very hard for you, but why was he in your living room in the first place if he is abusive and unstable? If he is abusive you need to cut off ties 100% and make it VERY clear to him. Get a restraining order if necessary, and self evaluate to figure out how you can avoid getting in a relationship like this again (take it from a girl who was in an abusive relationship for a year and a half as well). If you're going to withdraw you need to make SURE that you get whatever help necessary to heal, cut off ALL ties, and re center your priorities in order to make it worth while. If you do these things, it will be worth it and commendable, but if you withdraw and keep ties of any kind with this guy, you're doing yourself a disservice.
He wasn't abusive until I tried to break up with him last semester. Then he started throwing things at me and shaking me. I already left and have been staying with a friend but all my things are there and my name is on the lease. I called his dad and his dad called him. I don't know what they agreed on or talked about because I haven't gone back. I'm so pissed because I have a job working at a hospital and I'm doing undergraduate research on cancer research and if I withdraw I have to give that up. I hate him. Though failing won't get me anywhere either.
I'm sorry you went through one of these too. The emotional torture is awful. Thank you for your reply. I'm leaning toward withdraw just because I want to go home to my mom's and recharge but I don't want to look bad in the eyes of the med school admission committee
 

Ashley1989

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marinera i think you know what you need to do, the biggest question is are you going to do it.
 

marinera

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marinera i think you know what you need to do, the biggest question is are you going to do it.
I don't know. My mom doesn't want me to come home. She wants me to stay at school. She says I can't let this or anything else stand in my way. No point in withdrawing is I have no place to go right?
 

Ashley1989

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I'm sure it's very hard for you, but let me assure you that once I broke ties and got the help I needed I was so much happier and felt as if 1,000,000 tons was relieved from my life. If you withdraw it will look bad if you don't change and fix your situation, but if you do it can be justified and explained. Stop ALL contact, withdraw if needed, and move on with life. Look at your relationship very carefully, there are sometimes small signs people overlook that could've indicated his abusive behavior that evolved when you tried to break it off. Again, cut all ties (i cannot emphasize this enough) be happy that you dodged a bullet, get help as needed, and come back next semester ready to hit the ground running. Often it's through our struggles and pain that we learn the most about ourselves. Find your inner strength and do what is best for you, not what you think the adcoms want to see, because ultimately doing what's best for you will reflect later on in a more successful and happy life.
 

BurntFlower

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Before you do anything, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP ASAP!
 

Ashley1989

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Then this sounds like advice that is beyond SDN. The only response I can say to this is don't just withdraw without a plan, create a plan as to what classes you're going to take when you come back, how you're going to get help once you get home, and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her how you feel and how it's affected you, and if she still doesn't let you come home and you have nowhere to go, then it isn't a matter of what choice to make, it's how you can make the best of the situation you're currently in. PM me if you need support, I will be there.
 

marinera

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I'm sure it's very hard for you, but let me assure you that once I broke ties and got the help I needed I was so much happier and felt as if 1,000,000 tons was relieved from my life. If you withdraw it will look bad if you don't change and fix your situation, but if you do it can be justified and explained. Stop ALL contact, withdraw if needed, and move on with life. Look at your relationship very carefully, there are sometimes small signs people overlook that could've indicated his abusive behavior that evolved when you tried to break it off. Again, cut all ties (i cannot emphasize this enough) be happy that you dodged a bullet, get help as needed, and come back next semester ready to hit the ground running. Often it's through our struggles and pain that we learn the most about ourselves. Find your inner strength and do what is best for you, not what you think the adcoms want to see, because ultimately doing what's best for you will reflect later on in a more successful and happy life.
:) thank you. That's wonderful advice. I am more focused on what people will think of me than what I need. And that doesn't just apply to adcoms. I'm worry about what my classmates will think if come back next semester and retake all the same classes. You're a wonderful person for taking the time to actually listen. I feel better just knowing that there are people in the world that are still capable of helping and caring for others.
 

Ashley1989

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RickTaylor is right, if your stuff is there at his place then get the police involved. Do NOT do this alone. Sorry, I'm on my phone and its hard to read through and respond to everything I missed that part. Your #1 priority is getting out and away from him.
 

Ashley1989

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You're welcome, and you're showing incredible strength. Take care of yourself, and I'm serious if you ever need to talk about anything please PM me.
 

marinera

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1. Worry first and foremost about your personal safety. Don't you go try to get this guy out of your life - get a restraining order and involve the police. That's why we pay taxes. Stay with friends if you feel alone/scared. If he has abused you, either physically or emotionally, take the proper legal actions.

2. Yes, withdraw. Ws don't affect your GPA; bad grades do. This experience, however, terrible, might be something that demonstrates your resilience - you withdraw this semester but perservere through it and succeed thenceforth. Just keep in mind some people avoid people who tend to have a lot of personal problems, because they tend to reappear. So shake this guy for good, now, and get your life back to normal. Good luck.

Ok. I think that's my biggest flaw. I'm drawn to people with a lot of personal problems because I want to help but it kind of screws me over. Thank you for being kind.
 

marinera

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Thanks everyone. I can't thank all of you enough. Having people support me is just the thing I need to see this through. :) Good luck in your studies.
 

DavetheMD

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In the future, be wary of your picker. it's common for abuse sufferers to keep choosing the wrong person. So, if someone feels "boring" to you, that's probably the person that will most compliment your goals in life. Otherwise, you'll find this type of trend repeating itself.
 

Aerus

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I definitely wish you the best of luck with this situation.

A W won't look bad if you can justify it, which I think you can. You're in a very tough situation and you're dropping out to take charge of these problems and fix them, before continuing with your studies. That is an acceptable reason to get a W. You will come out a stronger, more experienced person, which isn't bad in the eyes of adcoms. ;)

Just make sure you fix this problem. Get out of the relationship (get the police involved if necessary), assess any trauma you might have had from childhood (your parent's abusive relationship) and fix it, then go back to school when you're ready.
 
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kpcrew

Yeah a bunch of accounts made this month are giving you support :sleep:. Stop bumping your own thread. Not caring about an unverified story written by a random person on the internet doesn't mean that that person "lacks compassion".
 

realmeaning

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Yeah a bunch of accounts made this month are giving you support :sleep:. Stop bumping your own thread. Not caring about an unverified story written by a random person on the internet doesn't mean that that person "lacks compassion".

Let's play devil's advocate and say the story IS fake. Would it really hurt to offer support anyway, at the risk of looking like a fool? I'd rather look like a fool than dig someone deeper into a ditch if they're already in one. Call me naive, but I'm not losing anything by being supportive.
 
K

kpcrew

yes because the point of the student doctor forums is to give support to random trolls on the internet, rather than to discuss applying to medical school. if you have problems, go see a counselor. also, it's really obvious that you are the same person as marinera and ashley.
 

realmeaning

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Thanks everyone. I can't thank all of you enough. Having people support me is just the thing I need to see this through. :) Good luck in your studies.

Best of luck to you, I'm a firm believer in 'physician heal thyself,' and in being healed (at least somewhat) before we can work towards healing others. I'm not in med school so I can't relate to the nitty gritties, but please feel free to PM me. I'm considering pre-med, graduated in '09, and was involved in on-campus mental health advocacy during undergrad (that doesn't necessarily attest to any knowledge in these issues, just interest).
 

plumazul

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Yeah a bunch of accounts made this month are giving you support :sleep:. Stop bumping your own thread. Not caring about an unverified story written by a random person on the internet doesn't mean that that person "lacks compassion".

Not caring would be to ignore the thread and move on. To feel the need to become involved and in such a negative way says something about the person.

OP, if you decide to stay in school and need any help with understanding something from orgo, PM me. Orgo is my specialty :love:
 

Ashley1989

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yes because the point of the student doctor forums is to give support to random trolls on the internet, rather than to discuss applying to medical school. if you have problems, go see a counselor. also, it's really obvious that you are the same person as marinera and ashley.

Its really obvious that they're the same person as marinera and I? I'm a little worried about what other completely false things are "really obvious" to you.
 
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