Help with personal statement

[ravin66]

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This is s personal statement I am writing for a podiatry work shop at Samuel Merritt.
I am wondering If i can get some feed back. Thank you!

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.An aspiring physician needs to gain as much experience as they can to be successful in their future. I interned at Sacramento’s coroner's office and I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the opportunity. Exploring a specialty in health care is a major contribution to my determination to become a future physician. The time I spent at the coroner's office is one of the prominent sources of my educational avenues today. Interning at the coroners was most prominent because it allowed me to work alongside pathologists and experience their work environment in depth. I am fascinated by how different types of physicians contribute to health care and wish to attend the Podiatry 3D Workshop to experience the field of podiatry. I want to augment the valuable experience the program has to offer to my undergraduate experiences.

I am interested in the Podiatry 3D Workshop because I want to learn more about the curriculum of Podiatry school and how it is different from traditional medical school. My goal is to gain as much experience as I can during my undergraduate years so I can make myself a better physician. The program will show me how podiatrists are an integral part of America’s health care. Learning more about podiatry can influence my future career choices and future decisions of health care issues in America.

My curiosity for different fields of health care have drove me to work with ER Doctors, Pathologist, and psychiatrist but I have not yet spent time learning about the field of podiatry. I want to learn more and gain more experience by taking this opportunity to explore the field of podiatry. I hope I will have the same exposure I had at the coroners at the Workshop and be able to share my interest in pathology with podiatry. I am a student who is devoted to the motto "knowledge is power," so the more knowledge I have will strengthen my success in the future as a physician..

 

[air bud]

...

 

[air bud]

This is s personal statement I am writing for a podiatry work shop at Samuel Merritt.
I am wondering If i can get some feed back. Thank you!

................

.An aspiring physician needs to gain as much experience as they can to be successful in their future. I interned at Sacramento’s coroner's office and I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the opportunity. Exploring a specialty in health care is a major contribution to my determination to become a future physician. The time I spent at the coroner's office is one of the prominent sources of my educational avenues today. Interning at the coroners was most prominent because it allowed me to work alongside pathologists and experience their work environment in depth. I am fascinated by how different types of physicians contribute to health care and wish to attend the Podiatry 3D Workshop to experience the field of podiatry. I want to augment the valuable experience the program has to offer to my undergraduate experiences.

I am interested in the Podiatry 3D Workshop because I want to learn more about the curriculum of Podiatry school and how it is different from traditional medical school. My goal is to gain as much experience as I can during my undergraduate years so I can make myself a better physician. The program will show me how podiatrists are an integral part of America’s health care. Learning more about podiatry can influence my future career choices and future decisions of health care issues in America.

My curiosity for different fields of health care have drove me to work with ER Doctors, Pathologist, and psychiatrist but I have not yet spent time learning about the field of podiatry. I want to learn more and gain more experience by taking this opportunity to explore the field of podiatry. I hope I will have the same exposure I had at the coroners at the Workshop and be able to share my interest in pathology with podiatry. I am a student who is devoted to the motto "knowledge is power," so the more knowledge I have will strengthen my success in the future as a physician..

I am not trying to be a jerk, but I think you will be fine with the substance of your statement, after all it is your own ideas and thoughts. I would recommend finding an English teacher to help you with your sentence structure among other things

 

[ravin66]

I am not trying to be a jerk, but I think you will be fine with the substance of your statement, after all it is your own ideas and thoughts. I would recommend finding an English teacher to help you with your sentence structure among other things

Anything helps bro.

 

[PADPM]

I am not trying to be a jerk, but I think you will be fine with the substance of your statement, after all it is your own ideas and thoughts. I would recommend finding an English teacher to help you with your sentence structure among other things

I would second those thoughts. The grammar certainly needs tightening up. The last thing you want is to send any correspondence filled with errors. I fully understand that English may not always be everyone's first language, and that's why help is necessary.

You can only make one first impression.

 

[ravin66]

i revised it
.
An aspiring physician needs to gain as much experience as they can to be successful in their future. I interned at Sacramento’s coroner's office and I cannot express how grateful I was for the opportunity. Exploring different fields of medicine is a major contribution to my commitment as a future physician. The time I spent at the coroner's office is one of the prominent sources of my educational avenues today. Interning at the coroners was most prominent because it allowed me to work alongside pathologists and experience their work environment. I am fascinated by how different types of physicians contribute to health care and wish to attend the Podiatry 3D Workshop. I want to augment the valuable exposure to podiatry to my undergraduate experiences.
My goal is to gain as much experience as I can during my undergraduate years so I can make myself a better future physician. .Podiatry specializes in treating diseases in human feet. This area is rapidly spreading due to chronic or other cases that make the feet improper for functioning in many ways. The seminar that I attended in college provided me an insight into curing the problems of the feet and how people suffer on account of this. .I want to attend the workshop so that I can learn more about Podiatry school and learn what makes a good podiatrist. The program will also show me how podiatrists are an integral part of America’s health care. I will establish a stronger understanding of podiatry. Having a stronger understanding of podiatry may also influence my future career choices and my view of medicine.
My curiosity for different fields of health care have drove me to work with emergency room doctors, pathologists, and psychiatrists. I have not spent time learning about the field of podiatry and hope I can by attending this workshop. I want to gain more experience by taking this opportunity. I hope I will have the same exposure I had at the coroners at the Workshop and be able to share my knowledge with other aspiring physicians. I am a student who is devoted to the motto "knowledge is power," so the more knowledge I have will strengthen my success in the future as a physician..

 

[Nucleophobe]

ravin66,

I'm just a pre-med/pody too, but for what it's worth here's my input:

i revised it
.
An aspiring physician needs to gain as much experience as they can to be successful in their future. I interned at Sacramento’s coroner's office and I cannot express how grateful I was for the opportunity. Exploring different fields of medicine is a major contribution to my commitment as a future physician. The time I spent at the coroner's office is one of the prominent sources of my educational avenues today.

What are you trying to say in this last sentence? It reads funny. Maybe the time you spent is a source of motivation to pursue a particular educational avenue. But you didn't procure the 'educational avenue' during you time at the coroner's office.

Interning at the coroners was most prominent because it allowed me to work alongside pathologists and experience their work environment.

Word choice; you might say something other than 'prominent' here so that it doesn't get monotonous.

I am fascinated by how different types of physicians contribute to health care and wish to attend the Podiatry 3D Workshop. I want to augment the valuable exposure to podiatry to my undergraduate experiences.

Again, the last sentence here reads a little funny.

My goal is to gain as much experience as I can during my undergraduate years so I can make myself a better future physician. .Podiatry specializes in treating diseases in human feet. This area is rapidly spreading due to chronic or other cases that make the feet improper for functioning in many ways.

'chronic or other cases' reads funny - this sentence could be reworded; either more specific (diabetes conditions, etc.) or more broad so that it flows better.

The seminar that I attended in college provided me an insight into curing the problems of the feet and how people suffer on account of this. .I want to attend the workshop so that I can learn more about Podiatry school and learn what makes a good podiatrist. The program will also show me how podiatrists are an integral part of America’s health care. I will establish a stronger understanding of podiatry. Having a stronger understanding of podiatry may also influence my future career choices and my view of medicine.
My curiosity for different fields of health care have drove me to work with emergency room doctors, pathologists, and psychiatrists. I have not spent time learning about the field of podiatry and hope I can by attending this workshop. I want to gain more experience by taking this opportunity. I hope I will have the same exposure I had at the coroners at the Workshop and be able to share my knowledge with other aspiring physicians. I am a student who is devoted to the motto "knowledge is power," so the more knowledge I have will strengthen my success in the future as a physician..

... more of the same.

Overall I think you have good content but your sentence structure is often a little wordy. If you clean it up some more, cut some fluff, and maybe add a little more detail about a specific experience which impacted you I think it should go fairly well.

Good luck!

 

[DrGonz]

dang, well after typing probably 5 paragraphs about why this wasnt the best PS for podiatry school.. i actually read and it said that its for a workshop haha... epic fail.. to much immunology tonight.

I feel that your ps is good though for the workshop. Like others have said.. read/reread/rereread/etc... and then have a friend/mentor do the same.. each time making grammatical fixes, when u cant find anymore mistakes.. then its time to submit! 🙂

GL!

 

[Nucleophobe]

dang, well after typing probably 5 paragraphs about why this wasnt the best PS for podiatry school.. i actually read and it said that its for a workshop haha... epic fail.. to much immunology tonight.

I feel that your ps is good though for the workshop. Like others have said.. read/reread/rereread/etc... and then have a friend/mentor do the same.. each time making grammatical fixes, when u cant find anymore mistakes.. then its time to submit! 🙂

GL!

Yeah, I did that same thing at first 😳 I finally realized something wasn't adding up towards the end.

But good sentence structure a flow is always important to practice - it will make the podiatry PS that much easier ravin 😀.