help!

[amberkas11309]

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alright here is my situation. I never felt so stressed in my life and I need some advice in order to keep me sane. First off, I know med school is A LOT harder than the application process, but what I am concerned about is what I actually want to do. I have thought I wanted to be a doctor since I was little. In the past year I have researched everything from med school to actually being a doctor. I shadowed some doctors and am currently volunterring in a hospital. One day I will be all for becoming a doctor and I understand all the challenges and the responsibilities of being a doctor. However, the next day I won't feel like I am capable of getting through med school and residency.

I question if I will be happy being a doctor, the long hours and such. I do really enjoy science and learning all about the body. I like the idea of helping people and actually having a purpose in life like a doctor has. When I think of other things I could do with my life, nothing really seems to be something I could see myself doing. My biggest concern is starting a family. I don't want to be mid 30s when I start having kids, and once I have kids I actually want to be there and see them grow up.

Are these questions normal. Do other pre-meds feel they could be making the wrong choice in spending the next 7 years of their life after undergrad in med school?

In addition, I've considered taking a year off, but then I think of applying and what would i do about letters of recommendations? I am already having a hard time finding a professor that will write me a good one. I could only imagine if I had to wait a year and then ask them.

Current Doctor's; do you enjoy what you do? Do you feel you have a life outside of medicine? Are you married, with kids? Currently, I am thinking if I did go through with it, I would be interested in being a family doctor? What is that like?

Im sorry for the long post I'm just really needing some advice right now

 

[MDtobe31311]

Don't worry, what you're feeling is completely normal. I very much want to have the pefect house, 2.5 children, and fresh baked bread in the mornings. But I also very much want to be a doctor.

The way I see it is that you shouldn't hold yourself back because you're worried about the future. I know I want to be a doctor, so that's what I'm going to pursue. I don't want to look back and regret not going through with it. You just have to take things as they come, and realize that as you continue on with your life it'll get easier to deal with the stress of being a medical student, a resident, and being married at some point. A lot of medical students get engaged/ married and even have children while in medical school! It's not the easiest thing to do - but they manage. As one medical student put it "how long can you put your life on hold?

 

[LizzyM]

If you aren't 100% sure this is what you want, consider some of the alternatives. If not medicine, then what? Have you considered one of the allied health professions (e.g. physician assistant) that permits you to work shorter hours with more time for family life?

You can ask for letters now and have them saved for when you need them.

 

[Mackey]

No doctor has ever been married or has successfully procreated. Ever.

 

[tinery]

These questions are definitely normal, I've thought about it a lot. Personally I think that if you have a real desire to be a doctor, being a physician's assistant won't make you happy because you'll constantly be reminded of a dream you didn't pursue.

It's true that you probably will have to put your life on hold for several years, but I think there are people who do have families during medical school/residency. And depending on what specialty you choose, you can start your family before you turn 30.

I'll use my sister as an example, she's 29 and finished her anesthesia residency last year. She started working for an anesthesia group in August and she works from 7:30a-4:30p 5 days a week. She and her husband are expecting their first child this March. So it doesn't have to be a huge struggle to have everything.

 

[TexasPhysician]

I'm about to graduate med school, and it has been a fun ride. Sure there are rough areas, but it isn't that bad. There are a lot of unhappy people on here that mouth-off. If you enjoy medicine and helping people, the hours aren't that bad. Residency won't even be that bad depending on what field you choose.

 

[InLocoAbsentia]

My biggest concern is starting a family. I don't want to be mid 30s when I start having kids, and once I have kids I actually want to be there and see them grow up.

So, which cabin are you staying in? Cause you and I are in the same boat. I'm 25 years old and I ask the same question of myself almost daily, especially since I'm not even in med school yet.

I myself could not imagine having children while in medical school. Others who have been there seem to disagree. Residency might be barely manageable depending on what you do. If you do surgery, anesthesiology, or radiology, you will spend much more time working than, say, emergency medicine or dermatology.

The chances are very good that if you do medicine, you will not be working 8-5. But working bankers' hours is not a prerequisite to having a good family. Seems to me that you have to be willing to compromise between the medicine and family, if you want to have both.

 

[DrSmooth]

You are not deciding what you want to do for the rest of your life. You are deciding if you want to take the next step, going to medical school for the next four years. After that you can go into primary care, specialty, public health, healthcare policy, admin, politics, etc etc. If you are sure you want to be involved in medicine and want to spend the next four years in medical schools then go for it and apply. If you aren't ready to take that step, ask for your letters now as LizzyM said, and join the Peace Corps for 2 years. It will help some people in a developing part of the world, give you some perspective and life experience, give you some unforgettable experiences, and as a bonus make you a more attractive med school applicant should you choose to do that when you get back. Good luck!

 

[chman]

I think that it is smart to second guess your decision (at least every once in a while). After all, the tangible and intangible factors are extra ordinary, as you have stated. I think that a lot of people rush into this decision and regret it later (I think we have all run into that doctor at one time or another).

However, like others have said, you don't need to think about it as medicine or nothing. Many people still have families and are able to balance that, although I will not be naive and say that it is easy though (especially for females, lets face it; working mothers work harder than than working fathers most of the time).

 

[Morsetlis]

No doctor has ever been married or has successfully procreated. Ever.

Especially the gay ones.

 

[amberkas11309]

thanks everyone for the advice!

 

[chman]

thanks everyone for the advice!

So what are your thoughts?

 

[amberkas11309]

I plan on taking the MCAT this summer and then applying next year..my senior year...so ill have a year off to shadow/volunteer get some experience to make sure its what i want to do...im definitely most stressed out about that dang MCAT...

 

[chman]

I plan on taking the MCAT this summer and then applying next year..my senior year...so ill have a year off to shadow/volunteer get some experience to make sure its what i want to do...im definitely most stressed out about that dang MCAT...

Sounds like a good plan. Smart people take a year off.

 

[rowerontheriver]

Sounds like a good plan. Smart people take a year off.

yay year off!

I was having the same concerns you were before I started medical school. I wanted to make sure I had time to have a family, kids, and a good home life, I kind of had everything planned out in the latter regard. Then a few months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me, for reasons completely unrelated to medical school, and I realized that if I hadn't followed my dreams, I really would be regretting it.
Unless you're married at the moment, and have developed a timeline with your partner for having kids, don't plan too much around it. Who knows, maybe you won't meet the right person until you are 30 anyway. If nothing else, I've learned you can't plan life too accurately, so just go on what you have now. It's not as easy, but we have people who are engaged/married/pregnant/parents in our first year class, and a lot of doctors talk about meeting their spouse in med school.

But on the opposite side, look into PA school. I was leaning towards that for a while, it's not a bad deal at all. Shorter school, less debt, decent pay, and depending on what you get into, the potential for a lot of autonomy.

 

[amberkas11309]

yay year off!

I was having the same concerns you were before I started medical school. I wanted to make sure I had time to have a family, kids, and a good home life, I kind of had everything planned out in the latter regard. Then a few months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me, for reasons completely unrelated to medical school, and I realized that if I hadn't followed my dreams, I really would be regretting it.
Unless you're married at the moment, and have developed a timeline with your partner for having kids, don't plan too much around it. Who knows, maybe you won't meet the right person until you are 30 anyway. If nothing else, I've learned you can't plan life too accurately, so just go on what you have now. It's not as easy, but we have people who are engaged/married/pregnant/parents in our first year class, and a lot of doctors talk about meeting their spouse in med school.

But on the opposite side, look into PA school. I was leaning towards that for a while, it's not a bad deal at all. Shorter school, less debt, decent pay, and depending on what you get into, the potential for a lot of autonomy.

That is totally true! People change and stuff happens, not sure why I thought I could plan the future!

Yea, I figured if I do HORRIBLE on the MCAT or just dont get into med school by a long shot...I'll go the PA route. It is a good deal, but I don't want to have regrets when I reach a point in my career where I can't do anything more you know? A PA will always be under the doctor...even if its a new doctor that knows less than the PA.