Hook

[deleted919212]

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I’m trying to come up with a hook for my personal statement. My theme is mostly about trust and care. Before I start a story about a patient, I was thinking of putting this first sentence before it.

“What..”



I’m not sure if it reads well. Any feedback would be helpful!

 

[chlorocruorin]

Are you referring to a job you had in the hospital?

 

[deleted919212]

Yes afterwards is a story about a patient from a clinic I was working at.

 

[chlorocruorin]

Why did you decide to take that role? This is just me and the mentors/adcoms I have spoken to that have helped me: you want to tell a story. I don’t have a problem with starting off like that, but I would first put a sentence or two above mentioning maybe how you first decided to take this responsibility and were unsure of what career path you might take until.....

I tailored my PS around how my experiences did only influence me to become a doctor but also were transformative in who I was a person.

 

[gyngyn]

Do not use a "hook."
My eyes are still bleeding from last year's assaults.
I can no longer even read a first paragraph.

 

[deleted919212]

How many people used quotes those hooks make me laugh

 

[gyngyn]

How many people used quotes those hooks make me laugh

Don't even think about using Maya Angelou.

 

[peanuttbuttah]

The prompt is "why do you want to go to med school?" in 5300 characters or fewer. If someone asked you that in face-to-face conversation, would you start with a hook, or would you just get right into it?

 

[deleted972488]

I agree with the general consensus that hooks are terrible.

HOWEVER, I wouldn’t consider the example OP gave to be a hook... it’s just a sentence about what motivates them. The sentence is fine, but maybe a little wordy.

 

[Med Ed]

I’m not sure if it reads well.

It does not. Start over.

 

[Med Ed]

For all you would-be hook writers, I suggest you peruse the annual winners of the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest, which celebrates terrible opening lines. My favorite is from 2011:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

 

[AnMDtoB]

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

Pretty sure that one qualifies as more of a stab than a hook - oof haha

 

[deleted919212]

Haha ok thanks guys

 

[peanuttbuttah]

For all you would-be hook writers, I suggest you peruse the annual winners of the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest, which celebrates terrible opening lines. My favorite is from 2011:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

I love this stuff.

"I danced with destiny as my hands felt clammy and trembled like a low magnitude quake so common to my California childhood; under my breath, I cursed the hospital vending machine, which once again stole my dollar until finally, the fateful Oreos descended into my reach."

 

[gyngyn]

I have a rogue's gallery of heinous hooks. I wish I could post some of them.

 

[907914]

Hooks are great...for fiction. In a professional piece of writing where you have limited characters to convey “Why medicine” a hook does nothing but cause eyes to roll when the ADCOM is reading a thousand of them.

Unless you make the whole thing up, in which case it is fiction and a hook is fine (as that is the smallest of your issues).

 

[gyngyn]

Hooks are great...for fiction. In a professional piece of writing where you have limited characters to convey “Why medicine” a hook does nothing but cause eyes to roll when the ADCOM is reading a thousand of them.

Unless you make the whole thing up, in which case it is fiction and a hook is fine (as that is the smallest of your issues).

My, how far you have come!

 

[907914]

My, how far you have come!

Def recommend everyone become an SDN PS reader. 10/10 experience lol

 

[Moko]

Def recommend everyone become an SDN PS reader. 10/10 experience lol

Yeah.. those early drafts make the final products that we receive look tame in comparison..

 

[init2020]

Not that I can do anything about it now but the opening paragraph of my personal statement is a story that illustrates the underlining theme of the entire essay and helps answer the, "why medicine" question. Will adcoms eyes need to be surgically reoriented to their original position after reading it? Hope not, lol

 

[907914]

Not that I can do anything about it now but the opening paragraph of my personal statement is a story that illustrates the underlining theme of the entire essay and helps answer the, "why medicine" question. Will adcoms eyes need to be surgically reoriented to their original position after reading it? Hope not, lol

Not necessarily if it is straight to the point and addresses the prompt. My entire PS is one story that takes place over the course of about 4 weeks. But it does the job very well according to my many sources of edit

 

[init2020]

Not necessarily if it is straight to the point and addresses the prompt. My entire PS is one story that takes place over the course of about 4 weeks. But it does the job

I think it works well and I haven't received any suggestions to change it so it must serve a functional purpose. But like I said, can't do anything about it now anyway.

Yours sounds interesting. How many drafts did it take?

 

[ciestar]

Don't even think about using Maya Angelou.

How many do you get by Atul Gawande?

 

[gyngyn]

How many do you get by Atul Gawande?

TNTC

 

[Angus Avagadro]

I love this stuff.

"I danced with destiny as my hands felt clammy and trembled like a low magnitude quake so common to my California childhood; under my breath, I cursed the hospital vending machine, which once again stole my dollar until finally, the fateful Oreos descended into my reach."

Ouch.....It was a dark and stormy night
....

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

For all you would-be hook writers, I suggest you peruse the annual winners of the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest, which celebrates terrible opening lines. My favorite is from 2011:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

Just to clarify, the entries are submitted by the authors and are usually written specifically for the contest and are intentionally bad. They aren’t “found art.”

 

[907914]

Just to clarify, the entries are submitted by the authors and are usually written specifically for the contest and are intentionally bad. They aren’t “found art.”

Many of these aren’t as bad as first draft personal statement hooks.

 

[907914]

high stat

You likely didn’t get invites because of the hook in your PS.

 

[Luckyone1023]

perhaps not, but it didn't hurt!

 

[Planes2Doc]

It didn't get the greatest reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but I did enjoy it as a kid.

 

[Med Ed]

On the other hand, swinging for the fences sometimes works. I used a very blatant hook in an unconventional PS as an otherwise "unhooked" non-URM high stat (cookie cutter/minimal research/no pubs) applicant and got 21 interview invites to mostly top 25 programs

"This one time... at band camp..."

 

[Goro]

On the other hand, swinging for the fences sometimes works. I used a very blatant hook in an unconventional PS as an otherwise "unhooked" non-URM high stat (cookie cutter/minimal research/no pubs) applicant and got 21 interview invites to mostly top 25 programs

More likely you got IIs in spite of your hook, not because of it.