How do I deal with these problems?

[Tennis Guy]

---

Members do not see this ad.

So, this semester has been going well for me so far, but a few weeks ago it took an interesting turn for the worst. One weekend I lost my wallet, and I was really upset about that for a while and until now. It must have fallen out of my pocket at one of the places I was at that Sunday. Luckily, I didn't have any tests that following week because I was so disappointed and mad with myself. The wallet was bought for me by my dad, while we were on a trip out of the country, so it was special to me and is extremely unique and one of a kind. I will have to pick up one similar to it, when I visit that place again. If that wasn't bad enough, a week later my grandfather, who lived out of the country, passed away which added to my sadness.🙁

For the next two weeks, I had three tests, which I didn't perform well on. Luckily, two of them will be dropped, except the one I had for my upper level biochem class (I'm a biochem major). I was thinking about talking to my professor about this but would he understand? I did let him know about this before the test, so I hope he remembers. Before one of the reviews for one of my tests, I thought that I had lost the religious symbol that goes with my necklace, which was really upsetting. I found it though, luckily, and it had actually fallen off in my bedsheets I guess, when I was sleeping, and I didn't even realize it lol. The necklace was also a gift from a friend of the family and is very special. This incident caused me to backtrack, where I had been to find it, and it wasted a lot of time for me. I missed half of the review for my test as a result of this because I was afraid I would lose it forever or somebody would pick it up off the ground. Also, a few days before this incident, I had a disagreement with my mother that was really upsetting.🙁

Also, I've been talking to/dating a girl, which added to these other things I've been thinking about. It's my first time really having a "relationship", so I've really had problems with maintaining my focus on my schoolwork from this situation and the aforementioned occurrences. I know that my first priority is school first and foremost. However, I've been doing better and have been able to "compartmentalize" my problems a little better. Everyone always tells me that none of these problems and issues should have hindered me in any way, but I'm a human being and not a robot. I can't see how people can just "ignore" these issues and still perform well in college and life in general.

However, I will need to learn this skill because I will not be successful in life without it. I have always had problems dealing with situations like these. I'm back home on spring break at the moment, and I've done a lot of thinking about this. I've decided that I will not let these issues bother me as much again because I could have really gotten myself into an unrecoverable state academic wise. I know that I can't use these occurrences and problems as excuses for poor performance but it's always really hard not to. I will have to learn how to deal with problems like these much better in the future. My question is how do you guys deal with these situations and still do well in your classes? Have any of you had similar situations like this? Any advice will be appreciated...🙂

 

[docelh]

trollish, perhaps?

btw, talking to a chick isn't the same thing as dating her.

 

[Ignatius M.D.]

Long distance relationship for 1.5 years. Felt like I was taking 24 credits.

 

[wlee43]

 

[kcin]

Wow, you make an awful lot of excuses.

 

[Tennis Guy]

trollish, perhaps?

btw, talking to a chick isn't the same thing as dating her.

Trollish... really? Why would I have even wasted my time posting this, if it wasn't true? Also, I've actually been out with her to get dinner, so I'm not just talking with her lol.

 

[tabascosauce]

Trollish... really? Why would I have even wasted my time posting this, if it wasn't true? Also, I've actually been out with her to get dinner, so I'm not just talking with her lol.

hey. good for you for having a relationship. be balanced.

now im sorry about your wallet. take necessary precautions to not get robbed at knife/gunpoint. dont walk home from the library all alone at like 12. dont be forgetful and misplace your wallet.

now.

if u want to go to med school get this ingrained in your head: MCAT/GPA MCAT/GPA MCAT/GPA. i cannot stress this enough. FOCUS ON THOSE TWO then once they are taken care of do your ECs. you have come to the right place. pm me if u want more deets.

good ruck with your pre-professional endeavors.

 

[iniquus]

If you ever become a physician, I hope you don't lose your wallet for the sake of your patients.

 

[Faol]

5 sentences devoted to a lost wallet.
1 sentence devoted to your grandfather dying.

Really OP?

 

[Tennis Guy]

5 sentences devoted to a lost wallet.
1 sentence devoted to your grandfather dying.

Really OP?

Yea, you're right... my grandfather dying is way worse and more important than losing anything material, especially a wallet. I'm glad that you pointed that out. I'll miss him a great deal... he lived to be 93 years old, which is a great age. I was really close to him as well, and I was really upset when he passed away. He was pretty sick for a while now, so it wasn't supposed to be unexpected but it certainly took my family and I off guard. I'm glad that I saw him last year, during the Summer with my family, because I spent a lot of time with him and knew it might be the last time I saw him again...🙁

 

[KickStart]

How old are you OP?

-kickstart

 

[PressPforPi]

I feel that if something is your passion, you won't let anything stand in your way of obtaining whatever that passion is. Right before I started college, my grandmother (Well, one of my grandmothers) passed away and I was rejected from my dream school. It hurt a lot, but I had to deal with it.

During my Freshmen year I had to end a one year relationship due to differing opinions (believe me, I don't want to explain it). My grades suffered and so did my overall well-being. However, I realized that there's no point in having pity on myself because that's not going to help me get anything accomplished.

Beginning of my sophomore year (last semester) I was on the Dean's List, started volunteering, shadowing, and getting involved in everything I could. Take some time for yourself, recuperate, and then get back in the game. If you did bad, make up for it. Study more, talk to your professors about your situation, and keep a positive outlook. "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."👍

 

[kcin]

Are we taking this guy seriously? He seems like a troll.

 

[PressPforPi]

Is reading often hard for you? May I suggest this?
http://www.hookedonphonics.com/

 

[RFHawks]

OP, don't listen to people bashing you. That's the first step in being able to compartmentalize better. You have to develop the skill of tuning things out that are not important to the specific task at hand. I don't mean that the things you mentioned are unimportant, quite the contrary, they clearly are to you. However, they will interrupt your focus on school. So, the best advice I can give you (coming from someone who is older and has had to develop these skills as well) is to first take advantage of the counseling services at your institution. There is no shame in this and the people that don't utilize these offices are the ones that have a harder time moving on.

The other piece of advice is that these skills develop with time and practice like anything else. The older you get the better you will get at separating your personal life from your professional life. First thing's first, go to the counseling office. They have professionals there that will help you more than the people flaming you here. Good luck. It can be done. 🙂

 

[Sesom]

Hey man I am sorry for your lucky charm and your wallet. The problems you present really are very mild. Push through it all, you will be fine.

 

[MizuNoHane]

I fully empathize with you OP. My sophomore year I also lost a lot of things close to me and that sent me into a tailspin, threatening not only my GPA but all my medical school aspirations as well. It took me a while to realize the people I lost wouldn't have wanted to see me go through this; they would have wanted me to continue to fight for my dream and for what's Really Important. The mindset you feel is natural, but how much time you devote to moping over loss or worrying about your relationships instead of using it as an opportunity to achieve your greatest victories is entirely up to you.

From the looks of it, you've stumbled a little, but you haven't hit rock bottom. Channel your emotions from what you lost into motivation to study harder and work more. You need to say "enough is enough" when you buckle down to study for those exams because you simply cannot afford to think of other things, and if you can't clear your head, use your feelings as fuel. You've just lost some pretty important things, but things come around in a big way. When you fight to realize a dream, there will be always be obstacles -- they're there so that when you finally succeed the story you tell will be that much greater.

 

[Tennis Guy]

For you guys who say that I'm a troll... I can't believe that you can be such inconsiderate and insensitive jerks at this time. I made this thread to get some compassion, understanding, and advice to deal with my emotions and problems at this time. However, I did not make this thread so that you could bash me, belittle my situation, and call me a liar. If you don't have any positive or constructive input to post, then I would really appreciate it, if you shut up and not post anything at all... Thanks.

Thank you though to those, who are offering such great advice and encouraging words. I really need it because my grandmother, who lives outside the country, just passed away yesterday morning as well... 🙁. My paternal grandparents both passed away a month apart and around the same time as well. My grandfather passed away February 19 and my grandmother passed away on March 19. This has been a hard time for my family and I as you can see... we're trying to deal with this the best we can.

I can't believe my grandmother passed away at around the same time exactly a month later on a Saturday... this was so unexpected. She was in good spirit and health from what my father said to us, after returning back home from his trip over there. However, she was complaining about some chest pain and her blood pressure was a little high. She never said anything much about it though because she always never worried about herself but worried more about taking care of others and their well being. This was always such an admirable quality of hers... my grandfather's passing is probably what is responsible for it. She must have died from a "broken heart" if that is possible, or an arrhythmia or something related to her heart. She came to the US about two years ago to get a heart valve replacement, so that is why the heart is suspect.

I've decided that I'm going to channel my emotions and use them for motivation and my benefit to work and study hard for the rest of the semester and dedicate it to my grandparents memory. I know that they would want me to continue on and become successful in school and life and not dwell on their passings. It will be difficult, but I will succeed and it will be done! I really hope that I will have the mental and emotional strength to perform well for the rest of this semester. Life really has come at me fast, and I still can't believe how many problems and issues have happened in only a month's time. I have a bio test Wednesday that I have been studying hard and preparing well for, so I hope it goes well... please keep my family and grandparents in your prayers. This is an extremely tough time for us...🙁

 

[Geneticist]

Interviewer: So tell me about a time you've have to overcome a challenge.
You: I lost my wallet once.
Interviewer: Oh? And how'd you solve this problem?
You: I found it.
Interviewer:...
You: Oh and I talked to this girl once...
Interview:...
You:...
Interviewer: Leave.

 

[two thirty]

OP, I'm sorry for your losses and everything, but I feel like you need to actually talk to someone close to you about it rather than just telling a bunch of strangers online. I know it feels good to get stuff like this off your chest, but this just isn't the place. Reach out to your best friends, close family, or even a psychiatrist because you are obviously overwhelmed right now and the internet is not the place to go for pity.

Good luck

 

[DocWearUrMac]

Dear OP:

I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell that you are distraught and their passing is really bother you. If you want access to supportive listeners who will listen to your issues, you might call the Samaritans of Boston hotline. Please, refrain from mourning on this thread as it will most likely result in sniggering remarks from insensitive posters.

Why should you expect to receive compassionate replies from future physicians? The unadulterated dialogue of these forums tests our character. That some have chosen to berrate and belittle the OP is appauling and shameful.

My father bought me a very special watch upon my graduation from college. This past summer, I carelessly lost it, found it, lost it, and found it again. It was quite traumatic, so I understand how losing things of high sentimental value can impact your mood and self-esteem. Please remember that it is not your fault that you were robbed.

It must be difficult to balance so many difficult situations at once. Perhaps, you may be suffering from a cumulative stress reaction. Many - not one - negative circumstances may be causing your inability to function well. If what you discussed here is only the tip of the iceberg, and you find your current circumstances overwhelming, I would suggest speaking to a therapist or other mental health professional.

My two-cents would be to eliminate unneccessary, distracting elements of your life. These could be small things, like excessively playing video games or watching television. You could try journaling and reading thought-provoking literature. Exercise, if you do not already do so. Read the poem Desiderata - it will bring you peace and motivation. Also, watch the movie The Secret because positive thinking is always helpful in living a happy, prosperous life.

Hang in there, bud!

 

[kcin]

For you guys who say that I'm a troll... I can't believe that you can be such inconsiderate and insensitive jerks at this time.

tl;dr, except for this part. Your initial post seems so far outside of what would be considered normal that it seems like a troll. That is your fault and not ours. You should seek professional help if you actually have trouble focusing your life when you lose charms or have other similar issues.

 

[Barcu]

Just push through it and move on. Schools want to see if you can handle adversity. And don't worry too much about a drop of grades. If you get back on track, you should be fine. Most secondaries will have a place for you to explain any drop in grades, so as long as you do well for the rest of your ugrad career, you should be fine.

One word of advice, death of both grandparents is a legitimate excuse. Losing a wallet, no matter the sentimental value, is not. Please do not mention losing your wallet on applications. Also, dating a girl is also a horrible excuse that will not be received positively. I'm not saying these problems are trivial, but they are in the context of med school applications.

 

[SimplyMars9]

OP,

I can totally relate to what you're going through. My grandmother passed away last year, and a few months before that she had a stroke, and two months before that was the earthquake (in Haiti). We were extremely close so this definitely impacted school for me.

All I can say is to really focus on what you want. The main thing that helped me was remembering my grandmother any time I wanted to give up. It's easy to lose sight of what's important especially with everything going on around you, but just imagine how proud your grandparents would be.

As for losing things, I can be a total airhead, and I'm always misplacing my stuff. Actually 2 weeks before I took the MCAT, I was cleaning out my room and threw away $1100 that was for my parents (it was in an envelope). Didn't realize I threw it away until 3 days later when my parents asked me for it. Spent a whole bunch of time that could have been used for studying to look for it, then when I realized what I did, I had to face my parents calling me a liar and a thief for a while 🙁

Anyways, moral of that story is to channel any negativity into motivation. It will be tough, but you'll be so proud of yourself afterwards

 

[Tennis Guy]

Thank you all for your advice and support again! The semester is now finished and it went ok I guess, but I'm pretty disappointed. I took 14 hours and got a A-, B+, B-, and a C+ and a 3.0 overall semester GPA. My cGPA is about a 2.96 and my science GPA is probably around the same as well. The classes I took were a human nutrition and food class, Bio II, an upper level biochem course for biochem majors, and statistics. There's only one problem though... I was supposed to regain my scholarship this semester and now it looks like I won't be able to. I was so close, but I needed that C+ to be a B- and that B+ to be an A- in order to do so. So, I'm pretty disappointed in myself right now and now I won't have the chance to regain it ever again because this was my last chance to do so.

I also got counseling, as was suggested by you guys, during the semester and it helped me cope with these situations a great deal. I think that I would have done worse this semester without it so thank you to all who suggested it. I e-mailed my statistics professor to ask her about possibly changing my grade to an A- based on my scores from 3 tests (Tests 1, 4, and 5) and she said "she already adjusted my test average to give me a B+ and that I had a B originally". So, I e-mailed her again asking her, if I could meet her in her office to discuss my situation but she basically told me that "she is on vacation for the next three weeks, and that there is nothing more she plans to do for me in terms of my grade and that she is sorry that I'm not satisfied."

I talked to her earlier in the semester after these occurrences because I had two poor test grades on the second and third test due to my grandparents sudden passings. So, she said she would do what she could because I told her that I was planning on getting an A in the course, but that she couldn't promise anything. There were five total tests in the course, which included the optional test 5 that is like a last test or final. One test was dropped in the course, if you took the optional final. If she counted my tests 1, 4, and 5 only then the average of those three together would be enough for an A-.

My biochem professor said he would be happy to talk to me, once I picked up my final and looked at it before coming to him, which I will do. Even if I manage to get some points back on the final and he changes my grade to a B-... it still won't be enough. Also, I never mentioned my scholarship situation to my professors I mentioned previously.

I'm pretty sad right now about this. Everything was going pretty well until all these aforementioned occurrences happened, but I guess that's life. I feel like a lot of what I have accomplished so far was for nothing, but I know that it isn't so. I know that I have improved a great deal and I am constantly improving, but I just wish all of these things didn't happen during such an important semester. My parents will be able to pay the extra money as they have been, but I just feel like a failure. They told me that it's ok and that I tried my best and that is "good enough", but as you can see I'm not satisfied. I know that I tried my best under these circumstances, and I really put a lot of effort into trying to come back from my poor past semesters (from Fall 2008-Fall 2009), but I still came up short. I have come up short many times in life, but this is a blow that hurts very deeply and is truly heartbreaking. So, now I feel like a bad son for causing my father to have to pay the extra money... I feel like a failure to my parents and my grandparents. So, any advice on how to continue from here? 🙁

 

[lpmarcus010]

OP, I have a few suggestions for you. First, I must have lost my wallet at least half a dozen times in my first two years of undergrad because I was surfing a lot and putting on and taking off my pants to get into a wetsuit at least once a day. I finally got a chain wallet and I have not lost it in like 5 years because it is attached to my pants. This may work for you. Second, it sounds like you need to focus on improving your mental health. Mental health is often neglected by students, and good health will improve your ability to cope with "life". Some things that I do to maintain a high level of mental health are: taking fish oil (as effective as first line antidepressants), getting exercise daily, developing myself spiritually (via yoga, meditation, reading spiritual texts), seeking mental health services if needed (via a support group, therapist, or counselor). Many think that vigilance towards mental health is a sign of weakness, but these are the folks that crumble at the first sign of stress that live deals them. In life, we cannot affect the cards we are dealt, but we can control the way we choose to play the cards. Thus, you should focus on learning the correct skills for how to play the hand you are dealt.

 

[mishaS]

I wonder if the "future doctors" in this thread would treat their patients with the same lack of compassion as they would the OP. I realize it's cool to point out the troll, but the cynicism in this forum makes me feel like a bubbly humanist/optimist....

 

[MayoorBust]

hey. good for you for having a relationship. be balanced.

now im sorry about your wallet. take necessary precautions to not get robbed at knife/gunpoint. dont walk home from the library all alone at like 12. dont be forgetful and misplace your wallet.

now.

if u want to go to med school get this ingrained in your head: MCAT/GPA MCAT/GPA MCAT/GPA. i cannot stress this enough. FOCUS ON THOSE TWO then once they are taken care of do your ECs. you have come to the right place. pm me if u want more deets.

good ruck with your pre-professional endeavors.

 

[Tennis Guy]

OP, I have a few suggestions for you. First, I must have lost my wallet at least half a dozen times in my first two years of undergrad because I was surfing a lot and putting on and taking off my pants to get into a wetsuit at least once a day. I finally got a chain wallet and I have not lost it in like 5 years because it is attached to my pants. This may work for you. Second, it sounds like you need to focus on improving your mental health. Mental health is often neglected by students, and good health will improve your ability to cope with "life". Some things that I do to maintain a high level of mental health are: taking fish oil (as effective as first line antidepressants), getting exercise daily, developing myself spiritually (via yoga, meditation, reading spiritual texts), seeking mental health services if needed (via a support group, therapist, or counselor). Many think that vigilance towards mental health is a sign of weakness, but these are the folks that crumble at the first sign of stress that live deals them. In life, we cannot affect the cards we are dealt, but we can control the way we choose to play the cards. Thus, you should focus on learning the correct skills for how to play the hand you are dealt.

Yes, you're absolutely right that I need to focus on improving my mental health. I will take your advice and look into the fish oil... I do exercise regularly (pretty much every day) and that helps. As for developing spiritually, I am already a spiritual person but will look into what you have suggested, especially yoga. I know people think that looking into mental health is a weakness, but I am not afraid to because I have to overcome this and have done a great job at doing that so far and will continue to do so. I will always overcome all obstacles thrown at me like I always have and will never give up because it is in my nature. Persistence is probably my most admirable quality. 🙂 You are absolutely right... I do like that quote by the way... I believe that I read it in the Last Lecture is that where it is from?