How do single residents who are 28/29ish cope

[voxveritatisetlucis]

So as many know, I went through a breakup after about a year of dating somebody who I thought that I would marry. Since then, I’ve been on a few dates that didn’t go anywhere. Now, I’m kind of thinking “what if I’m 29 and single before going into residency where I’ll have no time to date.” What do these people do? Do they just accept they’ll be alone forever and likely not have a family? Pretty bitter pill to swallow.

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[differentiating]

I know a decent number of couples who met during residency - two of my attendings loved to tell the story of how they met at intern orientation and ultimately got married - but it all depends on your priorities! I'm a single woman in my early 30s who doesn't really care about having a relationship, so in residency I spent my free time with my cat and on hobbies. But I have friends who wanted to be in relationships and so made dating a priority with their limited free time.

 

[Tenk]

Marriage isn’t something you want to force or rush into unless you want to end up divorced with half your assets down the road.

Just relax, be yourself and eventually you’ll find someone you’ll just enjoy being around. I didn’t meet my wife until second year of residency and it was fine.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

Swipe right… like you have left-sided hemi-neglect.

 

[AnonymousDoctorGuyPerson]

I think you're in a rough place right now mentally, there's no reason someone as young as 28/29 are going to be alone forever.

Definitely a good time to focus on yourself right now I would suggest.

 

[eyeeye_captain]

Our ortho and neurosurgery residents managed to break almost as many hearts as they did duty hour rules. You’ll have time, and you’re younger than you’re feeling.

There’s actually a significant advantage to meeting someone in residency - they’ll know the lifestyle/hours from the start and not have to adapt. Having to make the adjustment can cause real strain in a relationship.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Met my wife online dating during intern orientation.

You're busy in residency, so you need to decide what is most important to you outside of work. But if dating is important to you then make it important.

 

[cj_cregg]

You can definitely date in residency, at work or outside of it (which I'd highly recommend lol). I really didn't have time during intern year in part due to schedule demands and in part just due to me needing a lot of alone time to recover from work and not wanting to be making small talk with strangers on my one day off a week, but once I got into second and third year and fellowship, it was pretty easy to make time for a date or two a week during lighter blocks. Among my coresidents, one was dating pretty frequently, one was in a long term relationship for a while (that ended due to non-residency related reasons), a few got engaged and subsequently married to their long term partners, a few had kids, etc...there's plenty of time for your love life if you prioritize it.

Also, don't get hung up on finding someone in residency - I didn't find the right person in training, but past this summer I moved to a new town for my first attending job and immediately met someone wonderful. Obviously who knows where things will go from here but we've been together for several months now and are excited about the future. Good things and people can come along any time!

 

[ProReduction]

You have tons of time to date in residency. One of my roommates during residency was also a resident and had three new "dates" per week every week during the three years we lived together.