How do you cope?

[blue52]

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Hi everyone

I apologize if the has been asked before

So I just wanted to know from those who are going or have gone through the process of medical school as a non trad student how did you cope with family and finances?

As a future non trad medical student myself I often ponder whether I am being selfish to my family by pursuing my dream of becoming a doctor at the expense of less time and income for them. I don't know maybe I am just scared to take the leap of faith.

best regards

 

[J ROD]

I coped by not having kids and being single....

I am like a trad student with alot more debt but experience.

But, I am sure someone will be by soon and let you in on their thoughts..

I would try to get support from them so I would not feel guilty!

They want you to be happy more than not....


For money, I just take more loans....

 

[EdLongshanks]

Hi everyone

I apologize if the has been asked before

So I just wanted to know from those who are going or have gone through the process of medical school as a non trad student how did you cope with family and finances?

As a future non trad medical student myself I often ponder whether I am being selfish to my family by pursuing my dream of becoming a doctor at the expense of less time and income for them. I don't know maybe I am just scared to take the leap of faith.

best regards

I'm some worried about money, but I think it depends on how much money your family is used to spending. If they are used to eating out most of the time, then you're going to have a problem. If they are used to spending a thousand dollars every christmas, then you have a problem.

On the other hand. the future for them would be rosy. After all, their parent/spouse is going to be a DOCTOR. Come on, that puts your children at the very top of the social ladder in any high school. They won't have a problem getting into any frat or sorority that they want. The sacrifices that you ask of your children for now is going to be paid back a hundred fold in a few years. That goes double for your spouse.

My physics professor was laughing last night about how his wife is working on getting her nurse practitioner's license and that as soon as she did, he was going to quit and become a "kept man".

 

[dotdash]

I agree with Ed re the money. I know that in four years (knock on wood), we will have a lot more money, so the mortgage worry doesn't sting so much. (If you can get through the lean years, that is.)

On the other hand, family time may not be so fungible. Someone smart once said, "Kids don't want quality time. They want great honking quantities of time." I worry about the kids not having enough time with both of us. Maybe Ed has the right idea -- wait until your kids are all grown up...

 

[nontrdgsbuiucmd]

Hi everyone

I apologize if the has been asked before

So I just wanted to know from those who are going or have gone through the process of medical school as a non trad student how did you cope with family and finances?

As a future non trad medical student myself I often ponder whether I am being selfish to my family by pursuing my dream of becoming a doctor at the expense of less time and income for them. I don't know maybe I am just scared to take the leap of faith.

best regards

I still work. Many say it's not possible, and I know I'd do way better in school without this. But for me, the financial stress of not knowing if we could pay for that unexpected kids clothing need or whatever is worse than the sacrifice of sleep and lesser grades that I get now.

but this does freak me out too; one of my classmates said his kids are basically on medicaid/health insurance for the very poor while he's in med school. It scares me to think of being in a position where my kids had to wait several weeks before seeing a pediatrician due to the type of insurance I could afford as a med student.

Regarding the family's sacrifice: I like that my kids will be able to go to any college they chose, and I will be able to pay for it. I like that my wife can retire if she chooses once I'm done training (a bit longer than 4 years until I'm earning more than I'm earning now)

just an opinion..

 

[sindadel]

We saved up, we're economizing (think cook-ahead-freezer-full-of-meals), and my spouse is working 3/4 time. We're borrowing only the tuition - no living expenses so far, which means we're including my rent in another city into our budget. We own our own home, so there's equity there we could tap if we needed to.

One reason why I am doing this when my kids are younger is that there are fewer large expenses like when you get to high school.

 

[EdLongshanks]

We saved up, we're economizing (think cook-ahead-freezer-full-of-meals), and my spouse is working 3/4 time. We're borrowing only the tuition - no living expenses so far, which means we're including my rent in another city into our budget. We own our own home, so there's equity there we could tap if we needed to.

One reason why I am doing this when my kids are younger is that there are fewer large expenses like when you get to high school.

My experience is that kids are cheaper in money when they are young and more expensive in time. When they go to high school the money need goes way up and the time need goes down.

Expenses in high school are --- cars, cars, insurance and insurance.

You may say that (begin redneck accent) "They'll work and buy and insure their own cars or they'll walk," (end redneck accent). But you'll relent after you taxi them around awhile.

 

[sumstorm]

We make sacrifices. We don't live together right now (husband and I). I don't have any children of my own, but have fostered several relative's kids. No kids with us right now, which is nice, but we would take home a kid in an instant.

While working insane hours and taking courses, I still managed to have amazing time with the kids in the home. However, it took ALOT of organization. Also, kids can be trained to help far more than the average family does these days. When we had kids in the home, the rules were pretty clear on who did what by when. We might spend Thanksgiving day making Thanksgiving dinner PLUS 20 family meals for the chest freezer. Then, every night a meal had to be pulled out and that was one persons job. Every evening, a youth as young as 9 or 10 could move the meal to the oven and turn the oven on while I grabbed a shower. The standing rules were 'if you X it, then Y it' as in 'if you open it, close it, if you move it, return it.' None of us lived with the idea of 'I'll do it later.'

However, when we had something going on, it was their time. IE if we were going ice skating, I didn't go and plan on studying on the sidelines....I was out with them...and we often did what they wanted, no matter how much it wasn't my idea of fun (video games, haunted houses.) Also, we spent companionable time. As in everyone sat at the table and did homework or read a book/newspaper. We didn't have TV, and that helped (in my opinion) because it didn't sap time.

As kids get older, in my experience, they actually want more responsibility and freedom.... less time from us. It's always a balancing act. I can honestly say, though, that even when we had really good money in the house, I was the very mean adult who didn't think a kid should be enrolled in every activity under the sun, should roam all over the city in a car or otherwise, and firmly believed that kids worked to earn money and privelages.

As I noted, I haven't had a child live with us for more than 3 years at a time, and as many as 3 kids at a time. Also, the goal for us is always to have the child stable for when their family is stable for them. Maybe it would be different with my own....but I do love the kids we care for, even with the challenges that come with displacement.

Oh, and part of it is having high expectations, but also really noticing and appreciating those in the household. I am far more aware of the time I am around my family than I was before returning to school for vet med..and now going to vet school. If I had kids, I wouldn't make the move without a spouse who is on board and all for it. I think that part is important.

 

[BennieBlanco]

Hi everyone

I apologize if the has been asked before

So I just wanted to know from those who are going or have gone through the process of medical school as a non trad student how did you cope with family and finances?

As a future non trad medical student myself I often ponder whether I am being selfish to my family by pursuing my dream of becoming a doctor at the expense of less time and income for them. I don't know maybe I am just scared to take the leap of faith.

best regards

Anything worthwhile requires sacrifice. 🙂

 

[Crelal]

Finances... yes a worry, but not as much as I expected. You take out what is needed to live on the cheap. Our children are fed, the apartment (small as it may be) is warm, and there are hats/gloves/winter jackets just purchased (b/c they grow out of them every year!).

As a physician, you will be in the top income brackets. No doubt there will be loans to pay off, and the current health care system needs work, but really, out of undergrad I was offered a job for $17,000/yr BEFORE taxes; my first 'real' job paid $11/hr. So, suffice it to say that while the current finances may be discouraging, there is a payoff. As long as you can handle living within your means, most budgets are livable.

I actually see my husband more now than I did previously. We used to work opposite shifts to avoid daycare charges. The kids are all in school/daycare now, DH works 1/2 - 3/4 time for now (probably will not come M3), and he runs the show at home. He is an awesome parent, and a great cook. And he makes me laugh- it takes the pressure off.

Quality time with the kids? My children see me when they wake up- I help get them ready and out the door. I am there to pick them up at the end of the day. We were dancing around the living room to Elmo's singing tonight, have races around the apartment buildings we live in, and draw imaginary pictures with the stars. We eat dinner, they go through the bath, we read, they go to bed. To them, I am always there.

I study all day, a couple extra hours after their bedtime, and a good 8-12+ hours/day on the weekend, with a day off once every two weeks or so. We have a standing Family Movie Night on Saturdays, so I am always there, irregardless if it is the 1st or 1,000,000th time we are watching the Sword in the Stone.

Time will tell how this will ultimately affect my children. They have two parents who love them, basic needs met, and encouragement/support to shoot for the stars. What more does a kid need? 😉

 

[voitokas]

I worked for 20 years, so it was hard to stop, but I'm glad that I decided to go the student loan route. I agree with other posters that it will be worth it in the long run. It is possible to make your kids a part of med school; it's amazing what kids will accept as normal! How old are they? (I'm also pretty good at living on 30K/yr... people who require more luxury might find life on loans challenging, I guess...)

Good luck!

 

[NTF]

I worry less about the money. We're pretty frugal and live pretty easily on my student loans. You just make sacrifices where you need to. Shop at thrift stores and consignment shops. Use the public library for DVDs instead of blockbuster. Go to parks and free concerts. I drive a beater car so my insurance is cheap.

Here's a great article that tells you how to feed a family of 4 on $200/month
http://www.budget101.com/Ebooklet/EBooklet_Fam4.pdf

We incorporated some of her ideas into how we manage our food budget.

The time thing is something I do struggle with. There are times especially during exam weeks when my family hardly sees me and when I am home I'm distracted. There are days where I leave before my daughter wakes up and come home after she's already gone to sleep. I definitely don't carry my weight with chores like when I had a 40hr work week. My wife and I have less "us" time.

It'll be a learning process as far as how to balance family/medical training.

I guess the upside is that I'm slowly getting better at where to draw the line with studying and learning to be more efficient. Me and my wife look at my schedule together and plan ahead of time outings and family time so we can make the most of it. I give my wife two nights a week and half of saturday off from the kids. Sunday is family day (no studying) except during exams.

We adapt, plan things ahead, and try to make the most of our limited time. It still doesn't always work out, but we're getting better at it.

 

[Old Grunt]

I coped by not having kids and being single....

That was helpful. Thanks.

To the OP:

If you want my opinion, you have to make time for your family, even if it means you don't get that extra couple of hours of studying in at night, weekend, etc.

This is a partnership. I don't necessarily think it's selfish to go to medical school. After all, if this all works out, 4-7 years of sacrifice will translate into years of stability.

What is selfish is to move into a study bunker and neglect your loved ones to accomplish your goals.

That's pretty general, but I think you get the point. Plenty of people go through medical school with a family, so there is no reason why it has to destroy your family.

 

[TX2005]

I'm just starting down the whole non-trad professional school route, but my wife and I are already planning for how we'll deal with the next several years.

Eventhough my full load of undergrad science courses keeps me busy (of course its nothing compared to what I'll experience in the future), I've made it a priority to ensure my wife and I have time together. Its hard some weeks when the exams and other assignments pile up, but I always make time for her. She is a nurse who works afternoon/night shift, so I make the most of the days she is working so I'll have some free time when she's at home.

Regarding finances, I guess I'm lucky in that my wife is a nurse, and she has the ability to pick up shifts when needed. We are already used to having one income since I worked through her school, but it can still be a bit stressful. It's tough sometimes when we think about what we could have with her income and the income at the job I left to pursue my dream. Like others said, you sacrifice some now for a great future.

All in all, it's all about a partnership. I do my part in getting the best grades possible and planning my studying to maximize the time I have to spend with my wife. She is vital in my sucess as well.