How do you survive?????

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WOW I am only premed but I hvae a whopping 3 kids!!!!! and a 17 year old sister that lives with me. My hubby works and I do kids and school. We live off of about $1600/month $2000 on a really good month (restaurant work). How do we do it?
1) buy in bulk shopping at somewhere like Sam's club or Costco
2) We do 1 big shopping trip a month (saves you from buying unnecessary things 4+ times a month)
3) use cheap diapers or cloth diapers, breastfeeding
4) We hardly ever go out to eat (like once every 3 months)
5)We do without extras, have basic cable, phone, use free nights and weekends for long distance
6) we make money in little ways. I sold tupperware for awhile, we buy wrecked cars fix them up and resell them for profit
7) GASP!! utilize programs like WIC, if you don't use it the welfare people will anyways, these programs are designed to help you move forward and that is exactly what you are doing, working towards a better life!!
8) cook in big portions and save half so that on lazy nights you can still eat without going out.
If you want you can pm me
medMOM
 
medmom said:
WOW I am only premed but I hvae a whopping 3 kids!!!!! and a 17 year old sister that lives with me. My hubby works and I do kids and school. We live off of about $1600/month $2000 on a really good month (restaurant work). How do we do it?
1) buy in bulk shopping at somewhere like Sam's club or Costco
2) We do 1 big shopping trip a month (saves you from buying unnecessary things 4+ times a month)
3) use cheap diapers or cloth diapers, breastfeeding
4) We hardly ever go out to eat (like once every 3 months)
5)We do without extras, have basic cable, phone, use free nights and weekends for long distance
6) we make money in little ways. I sold tupperware for awhile, we buy wrecked cars fix them up and resell them for profit
7) GASP!! utilize programs like WIC, if you don't use it the welfare people will anyways, these programs are designed to help you move forward and that is exactly what you are doing, working towards a better life!!
8) cook in big portions and save half so that on lazy nights you can still eat without going out.
If you want you can pm me
medMOM
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Great post. Thank you. 👍
I love #1 because I live at Costco. Going to be tough not making weekly visits. :laugh:
 
ihateresearch said:
The way I see it, being a stay at home mom is a luxury not a necessity. Basically all of us are paying some of our income so your wife can sit at home with your child. Great for you. Sucks for us. I would rather have my child know that i worked my ass off to care for her than that I lived off the work of other people, but that's just my perspective. we obviously have different opinions, not trying to start a war here.
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Didn't mean to chap you off Ihateresearch, well actually I did. I apologize. My previous statement was very judgemental, this is true. But I totally disagree with your statement. Being a mom isn't a luxury if you value being a mom. I think you were way out of line saying you are paying for certain people with different values to stay at home with their children. I think people are becoming more selfish and constantly trying to keep up with the Jones that they sacrifice the most vital part of our society, our family relationships. I know each situation is different. I know many single mothers who have done terrific jobs raising a family by themselves while working full-time, but in my opinion if you have the choice of staying home with your children, it's gold! In closing....

"How Much is Mom Worth?
Interested in knowing how much a mom's salary would be, if she got a paycheck? Salary.com has a Mom Salary Wizard where you can enter how many children you have, whether you work or stay at home, and where you live to get a personalized estimate. On average, if moms were paid, stay at home moms would earn $134,121 annually and working moms would earn $85,876 a year for the work they do as a mother.

Even if you're not a mom, you can see how much you, or a particular job, are worth by using our Salary Calculator. It's an excellent tool for finding out what you're worth."

http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/htmls/mswl_momcenter.html
 
jbone said:
Great post. Thank you. 👍
I love #1 because I live at Costco. Going to be tough not making weekly visits. :laugh:
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The first thing I checked when I got accepted to DMU was look for the closest Costco.
 
I have 4 kids and will be starting school this fall. We made it through undergrad while having children, and we will make it through med school with them, too. It is a matter of sacrifice, budgeting, and school loans. I will be working weekends through school so that my wife can stay home with the kids. This is important to us, so we do what we have to in order to make it work. When our kids get a little older, my wife will probably get a part time job to help out. We hope to get through school with as few loans as possible, but we will take out what we need to survive.
 
This may not apply because it happened some 20-odd years ago, but it might be helpful.

When my dad was a grad student at USC, he made about $1000/mo as a Graduate TA and still managed to provide for my mother (who couldn't work as she didn't have the right visa) and me.

We lived in studio apartments on campus (by ourselves) or in houses with at least 1 more family to save on rent. My mom was and still is a crazy coupon shopper; she only bought non-food items when they were heavily discounted and then with a coupon on top of it. We didn't go out to eat, we didn't drink soda, and everything we bought was purchased when it went on sale. New clothes were only bought occasionally.

My parents still managed to save up enough to buy a used car and pay for occasional plane tickets to visit my grandparents.
 
Hey jbone....
You may also want to try to find out if DMU offers daycare specifically for students, it might be a cheap alternative if you are interested in it.
As a 2nd year, you will be able to TA labs, so that might be an option next year.....I am pretty sure they do have positions in the library for 1st years
If your wife knows fitness, she may be able to teach a fitness course on campus (after the baby of course) while you are at home studying with the kids...if you know fitness, you could teach a course as well
They also have employment links for spouses and may have links to help you find "cheap and GOOD" childcare if that is an option you choose to take.


I am sorry that people hijacked your thread
 
I apologize for my first post. It was very ignorant and judgemental. Sorry if I offended anyone, I feel bad for what I wrote.
 
Jbone: Dude, it's okay. I got your back. I'll watch your kids for ya. 🙂 But seriously, isn't it freaking awesome that we both have cool wives and even cooler daughters to come home to everyday. Money, schmoney, it'll all work out. Ah, yes, life is good! Booyah!

DMU 2010
 
thejanitor99 said:
Jbone: Dude, it's okay. I got your back. I'll watch your kids for ya. 🙂 But seriously, isn't it freaking awesome that we both have cool wives and even cooler daughters to come home to everyday. Money, schmoney, it'll all work out. Ah, yes, life is good! Booyah!

DMU 2010
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That's the sweetest thing I've heard all day! 😍
 
Funny that it seems all of us with wives who want to stay at home are going to DMU. Guys I also have two kids and I've been a stay at home dad for the past year while my wife worked and now we're swapping positions. To us: I know how valuable it is to have one of us with the kids as much as possible for so many reasons. To them: It's hard to imagine anyone with kids who would not at least be interested in finding ways to make jbone's idea work, if it's possible.

see you guys in a few weeks.
 
Just wanted to give ya'll a little update:

I will probably be getting a job working in the schools library a couple days a week and am looking into picking up a lab job at the children's hospital in Des Moines (I'm a Medical Technologist) working an occasional Saturday. My wife has decided that after she delivers our baby, she will attempt to baby sit on a daily basis. So it will be doable. I appreciate all of your constructive comments. It makes me feel better that there are others out there going through the same crap. We have also found some additional private funding from Bank of America. They have a maximizer loan that allows you to take up to $30,000/year. It isn't approved through the school and they don't care what the established budget is, if your credit is good, they will loan you cash. The interest rate is fairly low (8.5% but is credit based) and you can defer payments until after you graduate. There is however an origination fee (approx 9%) but if it gives you peace of mind knowing you will have money if needed, then, to me, it is worth it.


The link to that loan for those interested is:
http://www.bankofamerica.com/studentbanking/index.cfm?template=stb_education_maximizer_loans

If you have additional ideas, please share. PM me if you have any questions concerning the loan or whatever. Good luck to all of ya'll and I look forward to working with you in the future.
Jason
😀
 
Start buying the sunday paper every sunday. Clip out all coupons possible that you could even remotely use and store them in a little organized coupon book. Shop at a store that offers at least double coupons. Do NOT use the coupon on a full priced item; the key is to wait until items go on sale for like 1/2 price then use coupon to get for close to nothing or even free! Start using this system regularly and you will be suprised how easily you will start getting items for almost nothing. I regularly get toothpaste for like 30 cents, deodorant for 50 cents, free bottles of tomato sauce, free bottles of juice, etc. Last week, shoprite had an item I had been waiting to purchase (normally $6) on sale for $3.50; I whipped out a $3 off coupon I had been saving for just the occassion and wallah! $6 item for 50 cents 😀
 
For the babysitting thing: It might be a good idea to post something in the DMU classifieds on the portal so that more students are aware of the option.
 
jbone said:
Ok, heres my situation.
Starting at DMU this fall. I'm married and have 2 children. My wife wanted to stay home and raise the children. I just got back from Des Moines and had a little heart to heart with the financial aid person. She explained to me that the buidget was about 52,500 dlollars. After tuition/books the remaining amount for EVERYTHING ELSE is only about $18,000-$20,000 😱 (foggy about this). This is only about $1600/month to LIVE ON????? 😱 How is this possible? How do you have a family and survive on such a small amount? Is there additonal funds we can secure just to survive? If so, how do I contact them to get this going? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. How do YOU survive?????? 🙁
Jason
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I hear you. Our budget works out to $1200/month. Mortgage is $950. My wife works and we both work a part time job on weekends. My parents are helping us both financially and in terms of watching the kiddos during the week, either after school or during the summer. I can't afford to move closer to school since we'd lose the afterschool care and rack up more costs. So I'm driving over an hour.

But on the bright side, I'm in medical school! Yeah, it's a challenge but I don't want to be anywhere else and it's only for the next 3 years and then
I start making some cashola again.....

Look around for some food help programs. Our church does something with Angel Food Ministries ($60 worth of food for like $24). I think Angel Food is on the web and there's no qualifying. We use it and it really helps. Not trying to prostelyze just being helpful.
 
Jbone, you have many options for your situation!! I am finishing my second year at DMU and although I don't have kids, I know many people that do. And many that do exactly what you and your wife want to do. As far as childcare, you will learn quickly that you can rely on other stay-at-home-moms for the times you guys need it.

There is very affordable housing if you know where to look (I live in a great 2BR house that is CHEAP and close! -- you are welcome to take it over when we move out!) Groceries at the Farmer's Market and Costco/Sams...or just knowing how/when to get deals at the usual stores. Not going out to eat, driving as little as possible, and being smart about electricity/water are all easy ways to save money. And I certainly would have no shame in using WIC, Title VIII, etc - that's what they're there for!

And despite what the budget is for DMU, I always seem to have plenty of money each month...b/c they over-estimate it for you. You certainly don't need to buy all the books b/c the notes are so thorough for most classes. And there are few other "required" items. I worked at the library (apply NOW...before classes even start b/c it's a popular job) and I TA'ed my second year for two classes, and that extra money was nice.

Overall, DMU is an incredibly friendly place and there are ALWAYS people willing to help in any way possible! You guys will get by with whatever you want to do. Drop me a message if you'd like. I can try to put you in contact with some people that have been through it all. GOOD LUCK!
 
DrKrista said:
Jbone, you have many options for your situation!! I am finishing my second year at DMU and although I don't have kids, I know many people that do. And many that do exactly what you and your wife want to do. As far as childcare, you will learn quickly that you can rely on other stay-at-home-moms for the times you guys need it.

There is very affordable housing if you know where to look (I live in a great 2BR house that is CHEAP and close! -- you are welcome to take it over when we move out!) Groceries at the Farmer's Market and Costco/Sams...or just knowing how/when to get deals at the usual stores. Not going out to eat, driving as little as possible, and being smart about electricity/water are all easy ways to save money. And I certainly would have no shame in using WIC, Title VIII, etc - that's what they're there for!

And despite what the budget is for DMU, I always seem to have plenty of money each month...b/c they over-estimate it for you. You certainly don't need to buy all the books b/c the notes are so thorough for most classes. And there are few other "required" items. I worked at the library (apply NOW...before classes even start b/c it's a popular job) and I TA'ed my second year for two classes, and that extra money was nice.

Overall, DMU is an incredibly friendly place and there are ALWAYS people willing to help in any way possible! You guys will get by with whatever you want to do. Drop me a message if you'd like. I can try to put you in contact with some people that have been through it all. GOOD LUCK!
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Thanks Krista! I think you were in helping during my interview?? Thanks for the advice.
Jason
 
I already gave you some ideas for financial stuff like welfare etc in a previous post, but I'd just like to add that what you are about to go through will be one of the hardest things anyone can ever do.

I have my 2nd baby due in feb, and after an entire first year of wife and 1st baby on my shoulders and being poor and all the stresses of tests and money... it is damn near impossible to stay sane. It is very doable, but it takes a special person to accomplish this, and hats off to you for your efforts.

You will find yourself, like me last year, envious of all those other students that have such free time and lack of responsibility or accountability to anyone other than themselves. You will have to juggle family time with school work time, whereas everyone else has open range of their 24-hour day. You will laugh when they tell you how stressed and busy and how crazy their single self-serving life is. You may find some mormon males in your grade that have children but they have an easier time with school because their religion obligates the wife to stay in the house, make babies, and let the husband be gone all day if necessary, with no complaints or drawbacks.

I think me and my wife's most common fight, was:

me "I need you to watch the kids and let me study, because if I don't I will fail. And, I don't need the pressure to come home when I need to study"

wife "Don't make me feel guilty for you not having enough time to study." and this fight repeats itself hehe 😛

I wish my wife was a dutiful mormon homemaker and would suck it up 😛 but the reality of it is, that you are going to have to sacrifice study time for time with family and this, is very frustrating because Everyone else (that has no kids/responsibitlites) is studying longer and getting ahead of you and most likely going to have a higher grade than you on a test.

You just have to do the best you can with the time you have and don't obsess about grades. In all respects, studying an extra 9 hours for a test that will only maybe give you a grade higher by a few percents is NOT worth the time lost with your little ones.

If you need a friend to talk about these pressures next year, please find me :]

*disclaimer* many of my best friends at dmu are mormon and we joke about these life dilemmas. This post is not meant to bash their religion in anyway.
 
evenflowcarter said:
I already gave you some ideas for financial stuff like welfare etc in a previous post, but I'd just like to add that what you are about to go through will be one of the hardest things anyone can ever do.

I have my 2nd baby due in feb, and after an entire first year of wife and 1st baby on my shoulders and being poor and all the stresses of tests and money... it is damn near impossible to stay sane. It is very doable, but it takes a special person to accomplish this, and hats off to you for your efforts.

You will find yourself, like me last year, envious of all those other students that have such free time and lack of responsibility or accountability to anyone other than themselves. You will have to juggle family time with school work time, whereas everyone else has open range of their 24-hour day. You will laugh when they tell you how stressed and busy and how crazy their single self-serving life is. You may find some mormon males in your grade that have children but they have an easier time with school because their religion obligates the wife to stay in the house, make babies, and let the husband be gone all day if necessary, with no complaints or drawbacks.

I think me and my wife's most common fight, was:

me "I need you to watch the kids and let me study, because if I don't I will fail. And, I don't need the pressure to come home when I need to study"

wife "Don't make me feel guilty for you not having enough time to study." and this fight repeats itself hehe 😛

I wish my wife was a dutiful mormon homemaker and would suck it up 😛 but the reality of it is, that you are going to have to sacrifice study time for time with family and this, is very frustrating because Everyone else (that has no kids/responsibitlites) is studying longer and getting ahead of you and most likely going to have a higher grade than you on a test.

You just have to do the best you can with the time you have and don't obsess about grades. In all respects, studying an extra 9 hours for a test that will only maybe give you a grade higher by a few percents is NOT worth the time lost with your little ones.

If you need a friend to talk about these pressures next year, please find me :]

*disclaimer* many of my best friends at dmu are mormon and we joke about these life dilemmas. This post is not meant to bash their religion in anyway.
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Wow, can you be any more offensive to single people? Or Mormons? Just because they aren't married doesn't mean they don't have responsibilities or accountabilities, too. Have fun feeling sorry for yourself.
 
Luba Licious said:
Wow, can you be any more offensive to single people? Or Mormons? Just because they aren't married doesn't mean they don't have responsibilities or accountabilities, too. Have fun feeling sorry for yourself.
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I probably shouldn't touch this thread with a ten-foot pole but...what evenflow was trying to say was not that single people have NO responsibility, simply less than those of us married with children (great show...). I, however, found it much healthier to really try to ignore other people and their situations and focus on my own because, in the end, it doesn't make any difference how easy or how hard anyone else has it. Focus on your own studies and responsibilities because that's what will get you through it. I didn't have the energy to worry about that stuff in undergrad, forget med school. "Cream rises to the top", ya know? If you CAN do it and you want it badly enough, then you WILL do it, and the rest doesn't matter.

BTW, my wife just drove back down to Houston to work for the week (restaurant) with our 2yr. old and I don't know what to do with myself!! Believe me, being single gives you a TON of time, you just don't realize it 'till it's gone and then have it back again.
 
AngryBaby said:
I probably shouldn't touch this thread with a ten-foot pole but...what evenflow was trying to say was not that single people have NO responsibility, simply less than those of us married with children (great show...). I, however, found it much healthier to really try to ignore other people and their situations and focus on my own because, in the end, it doesn't make any difference how easy or how hard anyone else has it. Focus on your own studies and responsibilities because that's what will get you through it. I didn't have the energy to worry about that stuff in undergrad, forget med school. "Cream rises to the top", ya know? If you CAN do it and you want it badly enough, then you WILL do it, and the rest doesn't matter.

BTW, my wife just drove back down to Houston to work for the week (restaurant) with our 2yr. old and I don't know what to do with myself!! Believe me, being single gives you a TON of time, you just don't realize it 'till it's gone and then have it back again.
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I have not been single in six years, but I remember back when I was and people just assume that all you do is go out and party and sleep late. It's not a fair assumption. You can argue that married folks have it easier because they have a built in support system. I think that, anyway. It's nice to not have to worry about doing laundry or cooking dinner if I'm incredibly busy, because my husband happily does those things when needed. When I was single, if I wanted clean clothes or dinner I either would have had to pay someone to do it for me or do it myself. It's also nice to have someone to vent to, reassure me that everything will work out. I didn't have that when I was single, other than maybe my mom. That's why I found his "single self serving life" comment so distasteful. Just because he's married with a crumb-snatcher under his belt doesn't mean single or unattached people are living selfish, unmeaningful lives.
 
Luba Licious said:
I have not been single in six years, but I remember back when I was and people just assume that all you do is go out and party and sleep late. It's not a fair assumption. You can argue that married folks have it easier because they have a built in support system. I think that, anyway. It's nice to not have to worry about doing laundry or cooking dinner if I'm incredibly busy, because my husband happily does those things when needed. When I was single, if I wanted clean clothes or dinner I either would have had to pay someone to do it for me or do it myself. It's also nice to have someone to vent to, reassure me that everything will work out. I didn't have that when I was single, other than maybe my mom. That's why I found his "single self serving life" comment so distasteful. Just because he's married with a crumb-snatcher under his belt doesn't mean single or unattached people are living selfish, unmeaningful lives.
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Agreed, but I don't believe he was saying "selfish, unmeaningful lives", that was your inference. But regarding my post, I couldn't believe when I interviewed at med school how much time off these kids had. One 2nd yr I stayed with was playing a softball game when I stayed at his apt overnight, was in good physical shape and said he lifted weights 4-5 days/wk. Other students at other schools participated in all sorts of EC's that I never had any time for as a post-bac undergrad. I was taking Gen Bio, Gen Physics, Org Chem, 2 labs (no phys. till summer), MCAT class/studying, working 22 hrs Fri-Sun, trying to find SOME time for my toddler son and wife...and I am by no means the only 1 on this forum doing something like this. You think we have time for softball or the gym??? No-freaking-way.

It's not that single people live selfish lives or anything like that, typically they simply have more time on their hands. I don't have any problem with that, it's just a general truth. Doesn't mean they're not working their arses off as well.
 
AngryBaby said:
Agreed, but I don't believe he was saying "selfish, unmeaningful lives", that was your inference. But regarding my post, I couldn't believe when I interviewed at med school how much time off these kids had. One 2nd yr I stayed with was playing a softball game when I stayed at his apt overnight, was in good physical shape and said he lifted weights 4-5 days/wk. Other students at other schools participated in all sorts of EC's that I never had any time for as a post-bac undergrad. I was taking Gen Bio, Gen Physics, Org Chem, 2 labs (no phys. till summer), MCAT class/studying, working 22 hrs Fri-Sun, trying to find SOME time for my toddler son and wife...and I am by no means the only 1 on this forum doing something like this. You think we have time for softball or the gym??? No-freaking-way.

It's not that single people live selfish lives or anything like that, typically they simply have more time on their hands. I don't have any problem with that, it's just a general truth. Doesn't mean they're not working their arses off as well.
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Getting married and having a family means one's priorities shift. While I did not take anything bad about your post, the other fella (the one with the Single Self Serving line) had enough "women belong in the home" garbage spewed for me to feel justified in inferring that he believes singles are selfish. Self-serving is usually used negatively, though it doesn't necessarily mean that if taken at face value. I was putting it in context, and if that's not what he meant, then fine. I think it is what he meant though. He was trying to illustrate how much harder his life is because he's married with children, and it may be, but it is a choice he made and for him to downplay other peoples' lives simply because it is different from his is pretty self-serving (negativity intended).
 
Luba Licious said:
Wow, can you be any more offensive to single people? Or Mormons? Just because they aren't married doesn't mean they don't have responsibilities or accountabilities, too. Have fun feeling sorry for yourself.
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luba, I did not mean to bash anyone if you read my post correctly. The main group of people I'm refering to is students with children -and how hard that can be. The point of my post was to encourage jbone and help him realize how hard he has to work and what he must sacrifice; and, that I'm willing to help him if he needs a friend to talk about things with.

Noone can possibly know what it is like to guiltily struggle with choosing to either sacrifice family time for grades or vice-versa, unless they are in the same situation.

The most dangerous game...

Do I study study study, ignore family so I can be in the top 10 percent of my class -or-
Or should I spend time with the kids and wife mindful of the importance of this.

Guilt rides the fence not-in-your-favor in both circumstances.

If you read the post carefully I don't call people without kids selfish or unmeaningful.

angry sums up what I was trying to highlight:
"It's not that single people live selfish lives or anything like that, typically they simply have more time on their hands. I don't have any problem with that, it's just a general truth. Doesn't mean they're not working their arses off as well."

Luba, this post is about jbone, please be respectful and don't make it about yourself and bring it off-topic.
 
evenflowcarter said:
luba, I did not mean to bash anyone if you read my post correctly. The main group of people I'm refering to is students with children -and how hard that can be. The point of my post was to encourage jbone and help him realize how hard he has to work and what he must sacrifice; and, that I'm willing to help him if he needs a friend to talk about things with.

Noone can possibly know what it is like to guiltily struggle with choosing to either sacrifice family time for grades or vice-versa, unless they are in the same situation.

The most dangerous game...

Do I study study study, ignore family so I can be in the top 10 percent of my class -or-
Or should I spend time with the kids and wife mindful of the importance of this.

Guilt rides the fence not-in-your-favor in both circumstances.

If you read the post carefully I don't call people without kids selfish or unmeaningful.

angry sums up what I was trying to highlight:
"It's not that single people live selfish lives or anything like that, typically they simply have more time on their hands. I don't have any problem with that, it's just a general truth. Doesn't mean they're not working their arses off as well."

Luba, this post is about jbone, please be respectful and don't make it about yourself and bring it off-topic.
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You're the one who started spewing your Mormon friends' philosophy of it being good to have a wife who doesn't question and stays home. You DID say that singles are self-serving. If that's not what you meant, then pick different words. And this isn't about me, so don't turn the thread around make it about you.
 
Luba Licious said:
You're the one who started spewing your Mormon friends' philosophy of it being good to have a wife who doesn't question and stays home. You DID say that singles are self-serving. If that's not what you meant, then pick different words. And this isn't about me, so don't turn the thread around make it about you.
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ok im done with this thread, im not going to lower myself to luba's community college acting level.
 
deezballas said:
Thank you! I have a little girl and my wife will NOT be working outside the home when I am in school. We will find other ways to manage being with more debt, family help, welfare, or whatever. To each his/her own.
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I agree, both my husband and myself are unskilled. When my daughter was young we would have lost money by me working and paying for daycare--I know because we tried it. It made more sense financially for me to stop working, ditch daycare and me stay at home with her.
 
evenflowcarter said:
You may find some mormon males in your grade that have children but they have an easier time with school because their religion obligates the wife to stay in the house, make babies, and let the husband be gone all day if necessary, with no complaints or drawbacks.

I wish my wife was a dutiful mormon homemaker and would suck it up 😛

If you need a friend to talk about these pressures next year, please find me :]

*disclaimer* many of my best friends at dmu are mormon and we joke about these life dilemmas. This post is not meant to bash their religion in anyway.
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Thanks evenflow, I appreciate the words of advice but take a little offense to your statement because I AM MORMON!! :laugh: 😳
My wife was laughing because we have been married for 7 years (this June 23rd) and she has held a full-time job the whole time. Our religion never restricts what we can or cant do, they just give us guidelines to follow...like other religions. However, no matter what religion, if my wife wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for our two children then I will do whatever it takes to make it so. But she will still have to pick up an odd job here and there. No biggie. Anyway, thanks again for the advice. I just signed up for some additional funds today (Bank of America), so we should be fine. Anyway, any more USEFUL comments would be much appreciated. I'm sure many are benefiting from this conversation. 👍

(moinmoin-where are you going to school???)

BTW, just found out we are having ANOTHER girl. 😎
I better start saving up for their weddings. 😱

2876844190088808160wyLLyr_th.jpg

When you make them as cute as this...you just want to be with them. 😉
 
jbone said:
BTW, just found out we are having ANOTHER girl. 😎
I better start saving up for their weddings. 😱
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And college...cars...braces...prom dresses...you're screwed.
 
Congragulations by the way...read that post and decided that all the tension in here might come off as, sort of, "evenflowish"
 
jbone said:
Ok, heres my situation.
Starting at DMU this fall. I'm married and have 2 children. My wife wanted to stay home and raise the children. I just got back from Des Moines and had a little heart to heart with the financial aid person. She explained to me that the buidget was about 52,500 dlollars. After tuition/books the remaining amount for EVERYTHING ELSE is only about $18,000-$20,000 😱 (foggy about this). This is only about $1600/month to LIVE ON????? 😱 How is this possible? How do you have a family and survive on such a small amount? Is there additonal funds we can secure just to survive? If so, how do I contact them to get this going? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. How do YOU survive?????? 🙁
Jason
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First of all this is idiopathic's wife (he wanted me to make that clear).
It is overwhelming but you can do it. We tried it the first year with me working a crappy job well beneath my previous level(have MBA worked as Exec before relocating for med school to a place with NO Jobs even with our connections) and our baby in daycare 14 hours a day. It did not work for us. I was fortunate enough to find a job I could do from home, but before we made it to that point we had already made a plan for me to keep our child at home--we did private loans. We paid out of state tuition, had another child during 4th year and still lived a good life. Something you both must know is that med school is ridiculously stressful and having money troubles on top of it makes it even worse. Eliminating as much stress as you can--having her stay home--taking extra loans--whatever--will help tremendously. Yes, we are in debt but he rocked his Boards, got a kick ass Residency and we are stronger for it. Do what is best for you and YOUR family--the resources are out there for the picking. When you are not worrying about her happiness and the well being of your family as much--you can be a better student which is your number one job after being a father and a husband.
 
Idiopathic said:
First of all this is idiopathic's wife (he wanted me to make that clear).
It is overwhelming but you can do it. We tried it the first year with me working a crappy job well beneath my previous level(have MBA worked as Exec before relocating for med school to a place with NO Jobs even with our connections) and our baby in daycare 14 hours a day. It did not work for us. I was fortunate enough to find a job I could do from home, but before we made it to that point we had already made a plan for me to keep our child at home--we did private loans. We paid out of state tuition, had another child during 4th year and still lived a good life. Something you both must know is that med school is ridiculously stressful and having money troubles on top of it makes it even worse. Eliminating as much stress as you can--having her stay home--taking extra loans--whatever--will help tremendously. Yes, we are in debt but he rocked his Boards, got a kick ass Residency and we are stronger for it. Do what is best for you and YOUR family--the resources are out there for the picking. When you are not worrying about her happiness and the well being of your family as much--you can be a better student which is your number one job after being a father and a husband.
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Thank you!! 👍
 
Hi there,

Just wanted to add that if you're ever tempted to turn to credit cards as your last resort... please don't. Before you start carrying a balance there, be sure to check out Prosper (see my blog below). I can't promise you much more than $10-20k total, but it's at least a tool that can be useful for temporary cash-flow shortages.

Let me know if you have any questions.
 
I have a few children of my own...so I may offer a solution.
I did the stay-at-home thing for a few years and I am much better at being a working (and now student) mom! However, that time your wife can spend with your children is great for their development. Why not have your wife find a job where she can take your children with her? Like at a daycare center, or working in a child care facility within a health club. (Licensed childcare centers may need her to be licensed, or certified but health clubs don't require that for their "play centers") The pay isn't the greatest (usually between $8-10 an hour), but there are no childcare costs and she will still be able to be with them while she works. Also your children can get valuable interaction with other children. Most of those places are desperate for quality people so she could work full or part time plus she would probably be able to write her own hours after just a few months of employment. The part I disliked about staying home was not the time I spent with my children; it was the time I had to spend cleaning my house after they were in bed! So if she can get a job working out of the house with the children, the house stays in order, and less work she has to do around the house (oh, that may be important to me because I am a neat freak! 😀 )
Loans are one thing but options that will keep you out of debt are better!
Good luck
 
DRofO said:
I have a few children of my own...so I may offer a solution.
I did the stay-at-home thing for a few years and I am much better at being a working (and now student) mom! However, that time your wife can spend with your children is great for their development. Why not have your wife find a job where she can take your children with her? Like at a daycare center, or working in a child care facility within a health club. (Licensed childcare centers may need her to be licensed, or certified but health clubs don't require that for their "play centers") The pay isn't the greatest (usually between $8-10 an hour), but there are no childcare costs and she will still be able to be with them while she works. Also your children can get valuable interaction with other children. Most of those places are desperate for quality people so she could work full or part time plus she would probably be able to write her own hours after just a few months of employment. The part I disliked about staying home was not the time I spent with my children; it was the time I had to spend cleaning my house after they were in bed! So if she can get a job working out of the house with the children, the house stays in order, and less work she has to do around the house (oh, that may be important to me because I am a neat freak! 😀 )
Loans are one thing but options that will keep you out of debt are better!
Good luck
Click to expand...

Just been reading through all of the posts on here and I am very sorry Jbone that some people are dicks enough to take this thread and turn it around in so many directions. I am in the same boat as you and have even turned to the military option (I will find out before August, which is a lovely amount of time to wait). Even then, the amount of money I get from that is pretty meager and they have even suggested taking out a small loan to get by (great, being as I have 58 grand in debt from my undergrad). I am sure we can make it, maybe we can ***** ourselves out on the street corner? Oh forget that, I don't think I'd make more than a dollar and that would be to leave the corner and never come back...haha.

P.S. didn't mean the post above sorry for any confusion...ahah.
 
GoJoeyMojo said:
Are your kids still very young? If she could even find a low-wage job working 20 hours/week, then you would have at least an extra $400/month.
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It doesnt sound bad but if you are taking so many loans already, will < 4,000 more in 4 years save you? I think that taking those 4,000 additional from Bank of America would be better option then working for them, paying for the care,not spending time with husband etc.
 
jbone -

My husband just finished his residency (and passed the boards with flying colors - yay!). We got married during undergrad and have five children at the moment (one in undergrad, two during med school, and two during residency). My husband and I both experienced having mothers raising us full time who had to go back to work (his because his father died and mine because of my father's unemployment). Because of the awful repurcussions that resulted from our experiences we made a firm commitment that I would be a full-time mother while we had children at home (and make the necessary arrangements to maintain that job in the face of tragedy).

It's been a hard road to hoe - no doubt. And, in part it has been due to the anti-family views that many in higher education hold (and, can be clearly seen from some of the posts in this very thread). For example, my husband's medical school would not increase his financial aid package due to our family status becuase it would be deemed "discriminatory" (as in it would be unfair to the single or childless students for them to take into account his children and their full-time mother). I actually had one financial aid officer (actually, the head of financial aid for the med school) tell me that one of the reasons she could not give us any additional funds (and, believe me, we didn't even touch the acceptable limit of financial aid for medical school - the vast majority of my husband's graduating class is in about five times the amount of debt we currently face 😉 ) was that she didn't know if we might "go out and buy a sports car with the funds." 😱 She said this as she was looking at our baby sitting in the stroller next to us. This is a top-20 ranked school, btw (U.S. News and World Report - take if for what it's worth 😉 ). The medical school would give more to the medical students with working spouses (regardless of whether or not they had children). Medical students with spouses who were full-time parents were penalized, however, for their spouses' decisions (and, somehow that wasn't considered discriminatory 🙄 ). It was an infuriating position to be in - but what could we do? (At the moment I would prefer the anonymity of withholding the medical school's exact name and location - I will only say it was west of the Mississippi).

I really empathize with those who have encountered the bias against families and individuals who recognize the importance of full-time mothers in society.

I'll pm you, jbone, with our specific financial plans and experiences over the last eleven years of marriage and medical training. But, suffice it to say, it CAN be done and HAS been done by many others (whose marriages are all intact :laugh: ).
 
It may be time to have a heart to heart with your wife regarding the family.

Reanalyze your budget. If the kids would require daycare it may make more sense for her to stay home, if they're already in school she could work a few hours per day while they're away. It really depends on their ages.

Watch loans and borrowing money, you only want to be in financial strain as long as necessary. Debt doesn't just go away when you finally make DR.

Talk to your wife about your options and reconsider things you've already thought you had decided upon. Then do what makes since for your family as a family.

And stop voting republican 😉
 
66Lenses said:
And stop voting republican 😉
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Yes, the left has done so much to help me and my family survive. :laugh:

Thanks for the input everyone. We have secured additional funding as well as picked up some odd jobs and we will be ok. Thanks for the input everyone.
Jason
 
I'm not trying to start anything here, but are you expected to tithe during med school, from your loans? I've always wondered that about Mormons in school.

To contribute something helpful, I'm a big fan of The Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn, and I think it's great that you and your wife are doing everything in your power to make it possible for her to stay home, and I have a problem with peopel saying stay-at-home moms "don't work."
 
radspouse said:
Because of the awful repurcussions that resulted from our experiences we made a firm commitment that I would be a full-time mother while we had children at home (and make the necessary arrangements to maintain that job in the face of tragedy).
.
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I'm curious about what "awful repercussions" means?
 
sorry, double post
 
Hey all, this is quite a post you have going here. I am just starting my fourth year as a DMU student and i think I might have some helpful (hopefully non-offensive) advice. My wife and I had a son at the beginning of second year. She quit her job and stayed home, which is a choice we haven't regretted. I think it is definitely possible for you to make some extra $$$ while in medical school. My secret was this DONT GO TO CLASS! Unless you will get penalized or lose extra credit. All the lectures are recorded and easily downloadable, and transcribed into text on notepool. Don't buy textbooks, most of them are a total waste and you can get them at the library for free (trust me, theres not usually a big demand). Wake up before your kids do, study, play with them, study during naptime, study or work once they go to bed. Med school does not require as much time as undergrad. Some months you will be killed with tests and you will hardly see the wife or rugrats. Some months you will have so much time you won't know what to do with it. Be organized efficient and realistic in your goals. I was in the top third of the class first year, second year i fell below the 50th percentile, but still beat the comlex national average, I just didn't care about my average as much once I had more important things to do. I can vouch that no one really gives a hoot about your grades in med school. STUDY FOR THE BOARDS, don't worry about the arbitrary crappy tests your med school professors write and you will save time.

I also have a money making scheme for you. During anatomy, the worst thing is having to wear foul smelling scrubs, but nobody washes them, ever. Start a service of washing scrubs. Charge like, a buck a wash, do it 2x a month. take em to the laundromat throw the whole thing in, dry em fold em, spray em with febreze. I would have gladly paid a buck or two for this. If you can get half of dmu to do this, that's good money right there. Plus the pods and pa's do cadaver stuff too. Make money when you can, work a road crew in the summer or something, pick up odd jobs when class is easy
I was always jealous of my single friends not having a wife and kid waiting for them at home, but I wouldn't have traded my fam for all the freedom in the world, Lifes a balancing act y'all. By the by, as a family man I am glad I didn't go the military route, the money would have been welcome, but now that it's almost over i'm glad I don't have any obligations. But you have to choose what's right for you. God bless our men and women in uniforms, i'm glad they do it so i don't have to. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATULATIONS!! Youre a parent and a DR now, what else could you ask for!
 
I am definitely sympathetic since I am 40, engaged and starting school this year- and we want kids! Is it possible for your wife to earn a little income doing something from home like working from a computer or watching an extra kid?
 
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