How much space is too much? HELP!

DupedbyLove

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I need help! My boyfriend of almost two years has recently started medical school at XYZ Medical School over 100 miles away from where we lived. I have been trying to be very understanding about the all the changes he's undergoing, but he really hasn't been too concerned about how I feel about the whole situation. I have offered to leave my life where I am and move closer (possibly even in with him) to make this work. However, even though we had been living together for almost a year before he went to XYZ he doesn't feel it's Christian to move in together.... PLEASE NOTE, this is NOT a sexually active relationship. I really miss not having him around to talk to and do things with... now the limited time I do see him he only has time to study, which is expected since Doctor's have to know so much to be good at what they do. I try calling on the phone, but again he doesn't have time for me. After several discussions with his parent's they've encouraged me to "Hang in there, it'll all work out eventually. Maybe some of his new friends will also have girlfriends that are going through the same situation and you'll be able to talk to them and support each other." However, how many 3 hour trips are you expected to make to try to make things work? Especially since he doesn't seem to want me to be around to meet any potential friends of his? Is "living together" in an non-sexually active relationship really that bad? I've been trying to find an answer to that and I've read several different Bibles and several websites and all I have seen is "living together" being referred to with sex being a part of it. I don't want this relationship to turn into a constant battle for attention and to be able to spend time together, and that's what I'm watching it turn into before my eyes. What really scares me is losing him because I love him. I don't want to push him even further away than he already is, but I feel we're getting really close to losing what we have because of the distance. Has anyone else been through this before? What can I do? Should I wait a few weeks then approach the idea of moving again? Even if I move it wouldn't be until at least January, then I wouldn't have the chance of moving again until August, and that's only if a really plan ahead. I read somewhere that 60% of couples that live together before they are married then live apart for a while don't get back together. I'm really scared and I feel really........... Duped by Love :confused: :(

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Well, I don't claim to be a relationship expert, but maybe, instead of approaching whether he wants you to move, you should see if he still feels he can handle the relationship.

To be frank, your description sounds as if he feels he needs to focus on school, and not be in a relationship. If he doesn't have time for you, doesn't want you to meet his friends, and has suddenly decided that he doesn't want to live with you, please don't ignore the elephant in your living room. Things may have reached their end, or need to move to a different level.
 
Well said, everyone :D

I agree with the comments that it sounds as though he wants to focus on school and put the relationship on the back burner. But he needs to talk with you about that instead of just ignoring you hoping you'll just stop talking. I also agree that no expiration date on the LD will hurt- I knew that in 2006 it would be over and that he was looking forward to coming back and starting a life together.

His attempt to make it suddenly "unChristian" sounds like he is trying to cover up his desire not to live together right now. Living togther may be too much for him if he needs to concentrate...

Does he show affection even in little bits? Is every thing he says a push away or excluding you from his life kinda thing? My BF was very busy and distracted while in school but he always tried to warn me if it was gonna be a few stressful days or drop a line once in a while. Neither one of us are big phone people, so we would chat online a little... he would also leave me little voice mails once in a while.

If he is showing no indication whatsoever that you are in his radar, and you are making all the calls, back off for a while. See if he eventually comes around, maybe with you calling and asking and talking eh doesn't get the chance to initiate. This will also show if he is into the relationship.

Or have a "relationship meeting" where you change your ground rules. That way both of you know what to expect (possibly lowering expectations or him knowing that he needs to acknowledge you).

I dunno. Keep us updated.
Its hard, I know. But in the meantime look for other hobbies and people to be around - it will get your mind up too.
 
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Thanks for everyone's input. Last night one of my friend's that I was talking to completely "kicked me in the butt" when they told me I wasn't acting right... they thought I was too sad to be me. So I called him and we had a not so good conversation. After lots of thought, and many suggestions :) thanks again, I formulated a list of things for me to mentally approach him on. I guess it wasn't too hard to steal his time when he realized I was really upset and needed to talk. We've worked many things out, visiting times, schedules of who will call who when (Thank goodness that we're with the same cell phone carrier, so it doesn't cost us minutes to talk to each other), and an understanding of the need for each of us to know what is going on in the other's life so that we both can be more supportive. While I was in the car this evening listening to one of the local radio stations the DJ made a comment "Relationships are second to love. If you really love someone and they really love you as well, than that relationship will work." I immediately thought of how much I really do love my boyfriend... even when he tells me that he misses me because I do everything (cook, clean, laundry). We've decided that I will look into moving closer... not in with him, but within a more reasonable distance to him. I'm happy for him, he's worked so hard for all of this, and I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, and it helps to know that I'm not the only person that has to go through this. It's not as easy as he made it out to be.... but I love him and that's what matters. "So these three things last forever, faith, hope and love. The greastest of which is love." ~1 Corinthians 13:13 (he and i are both faithful, but we interpret some things differently)
 
Oh good! :D

Thats great hun-- so happy to hear that you two worked things out, and as I thought... its just the stress of school getting in the way, it will happen now and then but doing what you did - letting him know whats up and talking it through will be what gets you through. :)
 
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