how to JUST SAY NO without being offensive??

[ihaveissues]

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So I'm an OMS1, and I've got a bit of an issue. My problem is that I've got a friend who's really awesome to hang out with and stuff, but she's also a huge distraction. I know that the first 2 years are tough, and socializing has to be kept under control, but this girl basically wants to go out to eat/watch a movie/take "study breaks" everyday. I'm one of those people who likes to "marathon" study everyday, meaning I just want to plow through the material as efficiently as I can and don't really need breaks, but she'll end up calling me, or coming over and stuff, totally ruining my sometimes hard to obtain "study momentum".

She has other friends but for some reason with me, she's REALLY clingy. If I say no for going out, even if i say im studying, she'll start whining and trying to convince me that I can study after we come back, and we won't be out for long (which of course is never the case, plus getting back into study mode is difficult afterward). Shes a sweet girl,very generous, very fun when I'm on a justifiable break, but I've been soo annoyed that she doesn't really leave me alone! As far as academics, shes doing a little less than average, but still passing. She waits till the last minute and then complains and complains about how its so hard to learn it all! when i tell her she should study earlier and more often, she responds with " I need study breaks, or I need to treat myself sometimes" That doesn't even make sense to me!

So how do i get her off my back without being outwardly rude and obviously avoiding her. I know its important to tell her how I feel, but I need to do it without hurting her feelings or offending her because after all she IS a friend. Do you guys think there's a subtle way of making her leave me alone until I'm able to hang out? 😕

 

[engineeredout]

This doesn't sound like the type of situation for being subtle. You need to be firm and say "No, I have to study". There is nothing to be gained from being with someone who is going to be a distraction when you want to study.

If this person is your friend then you set aside specific time to hang out; dinner or late night move or whatever, but if you need to study then lay down the law. She really shouldn't get that offended at this point, especially if she herself is a med student. 99% of people here understand when you say "No sorry I'd like to hang out but have to study". If she can't get that then she has some maturing to do.

 

[FutureInternist]

Just tell her that you almost failed an exam...that will hopefully do it

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

This much trouble over a FRIEND? Tell me there's more underneath the covers ...

 

[Instatewaiter]

So I'm an OMS1, and I've got a bit of an issue. My problem is that I've got a friend who's really awesome to hang out with and stuff, but she's also a huge distraction. I know that the first 2 years are tough, and socializing has to be kept under control, but this girl basically wants to go out to eat/watch a movie/take "study breaks" everyday. I'm one of those people who likes to "marathon" study everyday, meaning I just want to plow through the material as efficiently as I can and don't really need breaks, but she'll end up calling me, or coming over and stuff, totally ruining my sometimes hard to obtain "study momentum".

She has other friends but for some reason with me, she's REALLY clingy. If I say no for going out, even if i say im studying, she'll start whining and trying to convince me that I can study after we come back, and we won't be out for long (which of course is never the case, plus getting back into study mode is difficult afterward). Shes a sweet girl,very generous, very fun when I'm on a justifiable break, but I've been soo annoyed that she doesn't really leave me alone! As far as academics, shes doing a little less than average, but still passing. She waits till the last minute and then complains and complains about how its so hard to learn it all! when i tell her she should study earlier and more often, she responds with " I need study breaks, or I need to treat myself sometimes" That doesn't even make sense to me!

So how do i get her off my back without being outwardly rude and obviously avoiding her. I know its important to tell her how I feel, but I need to do it without hurting her feelings or offending her because after all she IS a friend. Do you guys think there's a subtle way of making her leave me alone until I'm able to hang out? 😕

Just hit it and get it over with

 

[The Poet Sings]

Just hit it and get it over with

seriously, i'm thinking she's attracted to the OP but they're just blind to it for some reason.

 

[ihaveissues]

hm thanks for the advice ...

but for the OTHER ppl who are making fun, I'm FEMALE and very st8 haha so thats defff not it...nice try tho.

so my prob is just that I'm reallllly not assertive, but u guys are right, i just gotta "man up" and do what i gotta do.....although i do like the "i almost failed the last anatomy exam" excuse..😳

 

[SFO-IST]

hm thanks for the advice ...

but for the OTHER ppl who are making fun, I'm FEMALE and very st8 haha so thats defff not it...nice try tho.

so my prob is just that I'm reallllly not assertive, but u guys are right, i just gotta "man up" and do what i gotta do.....although i do like the "i almost failed the last anatomy exam" excuse..😳

I'd opt for a redirect with a "lets study together at the library" plan. This way, you have to study and not talk.

 

[The Poet Sings]

hm thanks for the advice ...

but for the OTHER ppl who are making fun, I'm FEMALE and very st8 haha so thats defff not it...nice try tho.

so my prob is just that I'm reallllly not assertive, but u guys are right, i just gotta "man up" and do what i gotta do.....although i do like the "i almost failed the last anatomy exam" excuse..😳

just bc you're straight doesn't mean she is too. but at any rate, woman up and tell her you study best alone, and find that studying with others is too distracting.