Hi and welcome!
I've balanced my 60-70 hr/wk job in research with completing my undergrad and grad degrees part-time, AND do more than 2 years of shadowing, AND do some charity work. (oh yeah, and my husband still knows who I am!) I can tell you the charity/volunteer stuff was not as much as I wanted to do but a lot of it was determined by the inflexibility of my work schedule. So, I found a creative way to contribute to society, instead (artwork for charity, sporadic public health presentations, charity concerts, etc). Still, I would have liked to do more.
The shadowing will be tough for you if you have normal work hours and an inflexible boss... you want to plan on ~4-6 hrs per week for AT LEAST 3 months (think, experience PLUS a letter hopefully). I worked it out with my PI so that I would take one half of my day each week and make it up by working more hours other days or extra hours over the weekend. If you don't think shadowing is doable, the ER could always use volunteers and they are like Denny's-- always open!
I'm not going to lie. It's really really tough to do everything and stay focused and still maintain sanity and a family. And when applications hit (and MCAT studying if you haven't whipped that beast yet), it only gets more insane. Excel and post-its became my best friends. Find ways to keep yourself organized-- take 30-60 minutes each week to think about what you need to do in all aspects (school, work, home, etc) and make a list. Prioritize it if you want but make sure you cross things off as you do them. It's a nice little reward to see the list getting shorter. Otherwise the applciation season ends up feeling like a never-ending spiral.
It's also about compromise. Like, for MCAT time-- I was also taking 6 credits at the same time and working (of course) and needed to fit ~30 hrs/wk of MCAT time in... it couldn't happen when I was at work, so it had to happen at home. Family is a balancing act anyway, but try to get them on your side and make sure they not only give you time to do what you need to, but you give them time with you. You'll feel more grounded and stronger for the exams and applications.
If you have any specific questions, just PM me any time.
FD
