I need to know how to tell my dad to back off.

[OoOoO]

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He has been pressuring me about my act score. First time I took it I got a 22, and second time a 23 and I'm determined to get my 26. But during the 2nd time I literally froze cus all I did was thinkin about my dad and if i do bad how he'll think I'm a loser.

And especially the fact he's comparing me to my sister. All he does is talk to me about the ACT every day. 🙁

 

[OoOoO]

like i know i can do well, but i mess up and i know i mess up because during the test all i do is think about my dad.

 

[RySerr21]

i wouldnt use the term "back off," but you should definitely talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that you feel an intense amount of pressure and that you think you'd do better if you knew that he was supporting you know matter what you get on the test. He probably feels that way anyway, its just parents can come off the wrong way sometime just b/c they want to see their children do well. You know? I think a quick talk would clear things up a little bit and probably make you feel a lot better. He probably doesnt even realize what hes doing.

 

[tennisball80]

My way of convincing parents. 😀

Step 1: Gather all your reasons and evidence first. Make a list in your mind. Set the thesis of the topic. Don't let your parents go away from the main topic.

Step 2: Talk to them and listen with respect. Respond to each question with appropriate answers. Argue them with throwing out facts and cause and effect relationship. Act as if you were a lawyer on the court.

Step 3: Never become emotional. Calm down. If parents become emotional, yes you won. They can't speak facts anymore but complaining their feelings, which make their arguments much weaker than yours. When your parents make a general conclusion about you or the whole generation, question them wisely to confuse them. Accept their feelings in general but argue on the facts.

But my dad can't argue anything with my mom, he likes her so much.

 

[Eisley]

I've been through this before (though not relating to the ACTs or academics in particular) and it does help a lot just to talk.

 

[9000]

Communication is the key answer to many problems. 🙂

 

[pressmom]

Don't ever be accusatory in an argument and try to avoid using the word "you." You'll be less likely to put your dad on the defensive.

For example, instead of saying, "Dad, you make me feel stressed about the ACT." This will put him on the defensive and he'll start thinking of a million excuses or reasons he does that.

Instead say, "I've been feeling really stressed about the ACT. Is there anything we could work on to help relieve that? I need a lot of support right now to get the best score possible." This will give a better start to the conversation.

Whatever you do, don't accuse him of anything. Focus on how you feel and what would help resolve the situation. Focus on positives, thank him for what he does right and let him know positive steps he could make to help you succeed.

Good luck!

 

[MilkmanAl]

I agree with pressmom wholeheartedly. That is definitely the best way to approach the problem in theory. However, sometimes it's better to be direct so that the other person knows with no uncertain terms how you feel and what you want. "Dad, I'm stressing a lot about the ACT, and the fact that you talk about it constantly is making me nervous. It affected my performance negatively last time, and it will have a bad impact again this time if you don't stop and let me focus. If you can, please try not to mention the ACT again until after I've taken it." Something like that might have the most impact without having to run circles around the fact that he's freaking you out and hoping he gets the drift.

 

[xnfs93hy]

He has been pressuring me about my act score. First time I took it I got a 22, and second time a 23 and I'm determined to get my 26. But during the 2nd time I literally froze cus all I did was thinkin about my dad and if i do bad how he'll think I'm a loser.

And especially the fact he's comparing me to my sister. All he does is talk to me about the ACT every day. 🙁

Just ignore him.

 

[tennisball80]

Just ignore him.

I agree. Also, bring some gangster friends to home.

 

[Maygyver]

Just ignore him.

😕👎 Horrible advice.

Please do not follow this advice. This might show why Jefgreen is so bad at interpersonal relationships lol.

Anyway, my advice would be to just let him know how stressed you are about the whole deal and ask if he could help you maybe study, instead of just blankly saying "do well!" I know the pressure of following in the footsteps of a sibling. My brother went to an Ivy League school so I always feel pressured to do as well as he does. However, everytime I talk to him he gives me nothing but helpful advice on doing what I want to do and follow what I want to do. I get so much use out the tips he gives me, I would suggest maybe talking to your sister. Ask her how she deals with your parents and how she managed to do so well. In the end, we are all different people and do things very differently. Find your style and you will be golden. I guess I am lucky to have very helpful parents. You have to remember that times have changed since your parents grew up (mine didn't even grow up in the US) so they might not understand how you already have enough stress placed on your test scores and other things. The main thing, as others have mentioned, is to communicate with them. There were a few times when my parents would ask me if I did homework and it would get annoying and I would lash back some times, but in the end, they are just trying to be helpful and deserve your respect for them to care so much about your success. I have gotten to the point where I am usually more tough on myself than anyone else could be so my parents are content with anything I do, because they know I have done it to the best of my ability, and learned from my mistakes.

Most importantly, therefore, (1)talk to your sister and ask for her advice. (2)Talk to your father and tell him how stressful the ACT is for you and that you are trying your best. (3) Try your hardest, and you will achieve whatever you want. (4) Don't listen to Jefgreen's advice, ignoring people leads to many more problems, and generally shows a sense of immaturity. People like to be respected on equal footing, and your parents will realize this if you talk in a respectful manner.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[xnfs93hy]

😕👎 Horrible advice.

Please do not follow this advice. This might show why Jefgreen is so bad at interpersonal relationships lol.

Anyway, my advice would be to just let him know how stressed you are about the whole deal and ask if he could help you maybe study, instead of just blankly saying "do well!" I know the pressure of following in the footsteps of a sibling. My brother went to an Ivy League school so I always feel pressured to do as well as he does. However, everytime I talk to him he gives me nothing but helpful advice on doing what I want to do and follow what I want to do. I get so much use out the tips he gives me, I would suggest maybe talking to your sister. Ask her how she deals with your parents and how she managed to do so well. In the end, we are all different people and do things very differently. Find your style and you will be golden. I guess I am lucky to have very helpful parents. You have to remember that times have changed since your parents grew up (mine didn't even grow up in the US) so they might not understand how you already have enough stress placed on your test scores and other things. The main thing, as others have mentioned, is to communicate with them. There were a few times when my parents would ask me if I did homework and it would get annoying and I would lash back some times, but in the end, they are just trying to be helpful and deserve your respect for them to care so much about your success. I have gotten to the point where I am usually more tough on myself than anyone else could be so my parents are content with anything I do, because they know I have done it to the best of my ability, and learned from my mistakes.

Most importantly, therefore, (1)talk to your sister and ask for her advice. (2)Talk to your father and tell him how stressful the ACT is for you and that you are trying your best. (3) Try your hardest, and you will achieve whatever you want. (4) Don't listen to Jefgreen's advice, ignoring people leads to many more problems, and generally shows a sense of immaturity. People like to be respected on equal footing, and your parents will realize this if you talk in a respectful manner.

Sorry for the long post.

-

-If you want him to know how you feel then Maygyver is correct. If you don't want to tell him how you feel (although you should tell him), then just ignore him.

I thought you just wanted him to back off? If that is the case, then just ingore him and study for the ACT. He should not be pressuring you.

Sitting him down is probably your best bet because it will hopefully get him off your back compeltely.

 

[MilkmanAl]

I'm confused as to why you think ignoring dad will get him to shut up about the ACT. Is this a numbing effect we're going for, here? That's not exactly the healthiest way to approach things, especially where family is concerned. It doesn't sound like there's enough time for that to be an option, anyway. The problem needs to be addressed in some fashion.

 

[Maygyver]

-

-If you want him to know how you feel then Maygyver is correct. If you don't want to tell him how you feel (although you should tell him), then just ignore him.

I thought you just wanted him to back off? If that is the case, then just ingore him and study for the ACT. He should not be pressuring you.

Sitting him down is probably your best bet because it will hopefully get him off your back compeltely.

I'm pretty sure ignoring him won't get him to "back off" it will probably just get him more annoyed at you for being disrespectful. Your advice explains a lot of your situations Jef.

 

[huskerdye]

Ignoring him would probably be the stupidest thing you could do..

For one how can you ignore somebody that shelters you and puts food on the table.. If I ignored my parents when they ask me about something numerous times I'd probably get a good backhand to the face (sarcasm) 😉

For two, how is that going to stop his dad from pestering him? Obviously he's done it numerous times without really caring how his son/daughter feels..

I'd ask your dad to sit down with you so you can explain your situation.. Tell him your confident in your abilities to do well on the ACT and you already have enough pressure on yourself with school, activities, and trying to do well on the test.. He probably doesn't realize he's pestering you so much..

I feel for your situation.. It's sometimes tough to deal with parents ecspecially when it comes to things like this that can determine huge decisions from scholarships to college acceptance..

I think the ACT has too much power over schooling..

 

[Terpskins99]

I'm pretty sure ignoring him won't get him to "back off" it will probably just get him more annoyed at you for being disrespectful. Your advice explains a lot of your situations Jef.

Good grief, will you lay off the guy already? Jef's just trying to help. You don't have to crucify him for disagreeing with you.

 

[EyEnStein 07]

Let him know that if he spent the time pressuring you, encouraging you and sitting down with you helping you on stuff (ex. vocab) you would probably be able to achieve you goal of 26.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

Fratricide is always an option...It worked for Zeus.

 

[HeadOverToes]

Fratricide is always an option...It worked for Zeus.

I do believe you meant patricide, not fratricide. :3

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

I do believe you meant patricide, not fratricide. :3

*Sigh* It was late and I was tired. *Kicks self*