I'm having a really bad day....week....month

[Omashu]

Nevermind...

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[DrMidlife]

Oh, yeah, I know it well. Despair and hopelessness have been buying up real estate in my head at rock-bottom rates, for years.

If you're still under 25, you might be able to get hammered and not get clobbered for days afterward, but drinking isn't much of a hope-rebuilder, more like a hopelessness-postponer. For the love of god don't smoke, it's the most soul-crushing thing to quit. And I seriously doubt that taking on MORE is going to help you. I think you've got mom-guilt mixed in with student-guilt, and in my opinion you need more relaxation and less responsibility. At least right now you do.

My secret weapons:

1. Exercise. Skip around the living room if that's all you have time or energy for. Yoga is a life-saver if you can swing it.
2. Clear your calendar. Narrow it down to your immediate family, your classes, and a small number of things that are fun and feel good. Your mother will not die if you don't have that weekly lunch date.
3. Let SOMEBODY ELSE cook Thanksgiving dinner. Get yourself invited somewhere.
4. Take on a bit of debt if it will tangibly change things. More daycare? A housecleaner? A vacation w/o kids? Could be money well spent...

Be willing to piss people off to survive this quarter. Your GPA can't be repaired, but your relationships CAN. If you're this stressed this early, it's time to take drastic measures.

Oh, and stop comparing yourself to other young mothers (you know you are). If their houses are cleaner, their marriages sound happier, their kids seem more well-adjusted, it's an act. They are wallowing in a different kind of despair, called "Why does she get to go to med school? Why can't I be that organized and have that kind of emotional wherewithal? I'm such a loser."

You can DO it.

 

[Pekoe]

Do you ever take a hike and just let your mind chill?

You are a parent and you have a lot on your table. If you need to take a break, can you do it once or twice a week in a yoga class? Do something physical. I have to get back to my yoga, myself.

 

[Pekoe]

Oh, and stop comparing yourself to other young mothers (you know you are). If their houses are cleaner, their marriages sound happier, their kids seem more well-adjusted, it's an act. They are wallowing in a different kind of despair, called "Why does she get to go to med school? Why can't I be that organized and have that kind of emotional wherewithal? I'm such a loser."

You can DO it.

So true!

 

[Omashu]

Guess what!?! I'm laughing You know why? I just your thread on why you want TexasTriathelete to get into med school. You went on saying that He was funny...you may have said that he was a positive individual. Some one mentioned that there friend was 100% hard working.

No I. I am not that funny. I am sarcastic - very. I am not afraid to look someone right in the eye and tell them the truth...even if it hurts them. I'm hard working but its spread out ...equally in everything that I'm involved in.

And then....I got depressed...and removed my post becuase I thought that I sounded quite whiney....feeling sorry for myself. Which I DO NOT want to be.

I'm still trying to be positive...I'm trying to Keep my sense of humor. I'm still learning to try to work well with others (I don't enjoy working with my lab partners and I argue with my coworkers) DO NOT want to pickup a bag of cheddar cheese popcorn and zone out watching TV

So let me ask Dr. Midlife...Do you think this is a good idea?

First & Foremost: 1. Do as well as I can in Orgo (my only remaining class)
2. Continue to volunteer at my local hospital....
3. This saturday I starting to coach PeeWee soccor....I'm scared b/c i know very little about soccor but everyone tells me not to worry.
4. Become a PTA mom. (I want to be involved in my son's education more)

 

[Omashu]

Do you ever take a hike and just let your mind chill?

You are a parent and you have a lot on your table. If you need to take a break, can you do it once or twice a week in a yoga class? Do something physical. I have to get back to my yoga, myself.

No. Because theres no time - my schedule is booked to the brim. See, If I do to little I get angry at myself that I do too little and that I'm lazy. But when I do too much - I can't handle it.

Last semester I did very well, but they where easier classes. This semester I am taking under 12 credits....and it s justing worse and worse.

I just need to stop and breathe.....maybe I should try yoga.

 

[DrMidlife]

So let me ask Dr. Midlife...Do you think this is a good idea?

First & Foremost: 1. Do as well as I can in Orgo (my only remaining class)
2. Continue to volunteer at my local hospital....
3. This saturday I starting to coach PeeWee soccor....I'm scared b/c i know very little about soccor but everyone tells me not to worry.
4. Become a PTA mom. (I want to be involved in my son's education more)

In short, no, not at all. #1 has to get done, and the other things are fungible. I vote that you use this school term to set yourself up for the long haul. Spend it wisely, but SPEND IT.

If you've done significant volunteering already, this might be a good quarter to take off from the hospital. They'll be more than happy to see you next year.

As far as being involved in your son's education, totally, I get it, but I think you'll need to own your own definition of what that means. It's okay to ONLY be involved with YOUR kid right now. Learning to coach soccer is about a .75 equivalent of a career change. So is joining PTA. So you're already triple booked. Personally I'd do neither, but at most I'd do one. Does he have an uncle or aunt who would think coaching soccer is a total hoot? (I would, if I wasn't premed.)

I'm being a big fat bossy know-it-all here, so my apologies in advance, but here's the framework I'd apply.

1. What do the next ten years look like? Get out the fingerpaints and draw it out as if you're getting into med school when you want to. What age is your son at each stage? Do you have a gap year? Max out kid activities that year. You'll have a summer off between MS1 and MS2 - max it out, go to Disneyworld. What intensity do you predict for the rest of your postbac? For preclinical years? Rotations? Residency? Will your son still be in gradeschool when you're done? If you have a husband or SO, or heavily involved relatives, can you talk it through with them to see where they're willing to backfill? Etc.

2. Expect the unexpected. If you fill up your schedule with stuff you're supposed to do, then the stuff that comes up doesn't have anywhere to go. If you're booked with soccer and PTA and premed, and then your son needs your time for a rough school subject or an emotional problem, you're screwed. Don't set yourself up with commitments to others that give you a social W to make you feel more crappy about your performance. Leave your son the freedom to discover who he is, and leave yourself time to support that.

3. What is truly working with your son? Maybe he doesn't really like soccer but he's afraid to tell you. PTA is a thoroughly indirect contribution. What activities are paying off bigtime? How about reading with him, at the library? How about taking him to do & see stuff, just him? I think if you make sure that your "extracurricular parenting" activities are not just clock-punching, and if YOU are the judge (not Betty Sue across the street who frowns at you when you say "I'm too busy" to attend a scrapping party), then your survival is more likely. How about gymnastics or swimming, where you can sit in the stands and do a little bit of studying while your son bounces his way to calm happiness on the trampoline? I'd vote to max out quality and don't worry about quantity as much.

Full disclosure: I have no children, but I've been an aunt and a godmother for 20 years. What I know is that every young mother I've met, including 3 sisters, dozens of friends, dozens more acquaintances, and a bunch of neighbors, all of them put themselves through total hell and then look back and say "who the hell did I do THAT for?" The problem isn't with the young mothers, it's with the stupid ******ed yardstick. It's okay to break it over your knee and move on.

Love & kisses,
Dr. M.

 

[Pekoe]

Avoid PTA at all costs. They are a bunch of bickering mommies on power trips.

What level do you want to be involved in your son's education? Going to the school and having lunch with him once a week is one way you can do it. Ask his teacher if you can help out on a class party if your schedule allows it.

Last week I called one of my sons' teachers and told her I was bringing in snacks for everyone and I read the next chapter in Charlotte's Web that their teacher has been reading to them. All the kids wanted to tell me what they were up to, a little girl who likes him was blushing when I shook her hand I have nine kids so popping in each week would kill me. Next week one of my daughters thinks that she is staying in a class for lunch to study Japanese with a couple of her friends-- I'm showing up with a wok and stir fry. (My life revolves around food.) Closer to Halloween I am doing a tie dye session in my forth grader's class.

We don't just sacrifice our time to become doctors or further our education, our family also sacrifices.

 

[PTtoMD]

Avoid PTA at all costs. They are a bunch of bickering mommies on power trips.

We don't just sacrifice our time to become doctors or further our education, our family also sacrifices.

Thank you all for this post! I almost didn't check out SDN tonight as i am starting to think this is all going to be too much. Should i let go of this dream and just focus on being a mom? I figured i'd start to curb the obsession by cutting down on SDN as a start. I have been so motivated for the past year, i registered for Orgo, started, but then had to drop. I am trying to have another baby and didn't want to risk the exposure in lab. I feel a bit defeated. The mommy in me beat out the student this year! Reading this thread made me remember why i want to go to medical school, what i fear becoming and made me feel that i am not alone. I think the OP Is trying to balance so much. It is so hard and the more you do, the more you risk failure....This is my fear. Mostly i fear failing as a mom. I am glad i am not alone.

I have friends who do the whole PTA, FT SAHM thing. I admire their happiness with their lives but i don't think i could do it. I fear coming to a point in my life where all that matters is scrap booking(as DrM mentioned), PTA, luncheons and Gymboree. It is just not me.......How do you find that balance.

In 10 years will i regret not having gone to medical school OR in 10 years will i regret not spending each day with my little angel. I love her more and more each day and can't imagine being away 90 hrs a week...........If only we could figure this all out.

Good luck to the OP, i agree-skip the PTA. As for soccer, could you be the assistant coach so there is less demand placed on you?

 

[Omashu]

Thanks for everyones posts. I appreciate everyone's input but I'd like to say something - I do not fill up my life with meaningless activities. Behind soccor there is a true intent that I'm doing this to be with my son. When I volunteered at the hospital - even though I enjoyed it. I couldn't help but think that hey....I wish I was with my family instead. So....coaching peewee soccor does that for me. It was a way for me to volunteer and be with my son. We're both excited to do this. To be honest - I don't think it was a bad Idea. And yes - I found out I will have at least another coach on the team with me.

The PTA - Ugh...Typically - I know its a bunch of bickering mommies BUT my town is really poor....Maybe I'm a sucker..but last night at the Parent-Teacher Conference they were saying that because of lack of participation...kids had to pay for school trips....and the # in school assemblies where cut. That's aweful. I want my kid and other to have oportunities. My heart was in it - I was trying to do it for the right reasons.

Dr M. - I'm sorry but I can not forsee the next 12 years of my life - I mean I have a rough outline but I'm a true believer in taking one day at time. The whole process is overwhelming but when you throw in a SO and child into the mix ...it will get harry.

This is sdn. We all want to get into med school - I'm just trying to balance family, ECs, school, work...shadowing... If I don't have any clinical EC/volunteer experience..(currently I don't have much)..I truly believe that the adcoms WILL look right over me and look at the next person who has the qualifications. I don't forsee any "break". Life will stay booked like this for a long time - It's so competitve out there...not just medical school...work....

Again - Thank You all of youfor your input, I feel better today. And today I feel so strong about not giving up. I also found out yesterday that there's another week extention on my orgo Chem test. I can do it!!! I'll be honest....I didn't like alot of what some of you said....but it was brutal honesty and I truly appreciate.

I will be a good mom and still go to med school -....If I'm aware about what I'm doing.

 

[Omashu]

Thank you all for this post! I almost didn't check out SDN tonight as i am starting to think this is all going to be too much. Should i let go of this dream and just focus on being a mom? I figured i'd start to curb the obsession by cutting down on SDN as a start. I have been so motivated for the past year, i registered for Orgo, started, but then had to drop. I am trying to have another baby and didn't want to risk the exposure in lab. I feel a bit defeated. The mommy in me beat out the student this year! Reading this thread made me remember why i want to go to medical school, what i fear becoming and made me feel that i am not alone. I think the OP Is trying to balance so much. It is so hard and the more you do, the more you risk failure....This is my fear. Mostly i fear failing as a mom. I am glad i am not alone.

I have friends who do the whole PTA, FT SAHM thing. I admire their happiness with their lives but i don't think i could do it. I fear coming to a point in my life where all that matters is scrap booking(as DrM mentioned), PTA, luncheons and Gymboree. It is just not me.......How do you find that balance.

In 10 years will i regret not having gone to medical school OR in 10 years will i regret not spending each day with my little angel. I love her more and more each day and can't imagine being away 90 hrs a week...........If only we could figure this all out.

Good luck to the OP, i agree-skip the PTA. As for soccer, could you be the assistant coach so there is less demand placed on you?

I'm there with you....I feel exactly the same way you do.