- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
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Hi everyone,
Non traditional here. I am asking advice from spouses of premed / med students and anyone else willing to answer.
I am bit lost and need your honest and brutal opinion on the following
FACTS:
- BS in business management, currently pursuing premed
- Average smart but definitely not a genius. I can get A’s but I work for those.
- Current gpa 4.0 but I haven’t taken upper divisions yet...
- Married to a hard working husband who has his own business
- I have always wanted to go to medical school but issues in my life and the lack of a strong support system prevented me from committing to such a long path
- My husband and I decided that medical school was an excellent path that would allow him to retire and not work until 70, while allowing me to fulfill my dream
- Husband is a good person, although he suffers from extreme anxiety, mood swings, panick attacks, chronic pain, and PTSD (he is a veteran)
- Our stepson recently moved in with us (also adorable, no issues there and I enjoy being a mother figure to him)
ISSUE:
After 1 year of intense pre-reqs, my husband is getting COLD FEET about medical school and is urging me to go help him with work.
He always complains that I don’t cook, I am not there, I can’t participate in family events et cetera due to exams and deadlines. (I do cook et cetera but I think his comments are symptomatic of abandonment issues). Obviously going to school full time changed our family dynamics. We were really close together before and spent plenty of time together with a flexible schedule. He now shows resentment and, while still supporting me financially, has rage fits (most conveniently before my exams) saying “he didn’t sign up for this” and that he misses me and so forth.
His bad mood affects me negatively and my most recent grades TANKED. I should not let the fights interfere but... my issue is now I am basically being asked to choose between my marriage and the possibility of attempting admission to medical school.
The story is probably more complicated than you can imagine; I love my family and I am a hard worker. I can schedule eveything down to the minute to combine premed, healthy lifestyle and family time. But I know medical school will be a marathon and now I KNOW he won’t be able to support me emotionally.
What should I do? Should I defer? Should I persevere? Should I put this on hold and help him with the business?
Now I am totally lost and having an identity crisis... I thought that’s what WE BOTH wanted for our future ...
Thank you in advance!
EDITS:
#1 We are already in counseling. If you are not familiar with PTSD I don’t blame you but I just know there is a reason some individuals receive a disability pension. It’s quite the complicated issue.
#2 I don’t blame husband for recent pooor school performance (I am still a midterm A) but rather myself. But the only way I could not get involved in arguments if if I had no feeling for him and just ignore him.
Non traditional here. I am asking advice from spouses of premed / med students and anyone else willing to answer.
I am bit lost and need your honest and brutal opinion on the following
FACTS:
- BS in business management, currently pursuing premed
- Average smart but definitely not a genius. I can get A’s but I work for those.
- Current gpa 4.0 but I haven’t taken upper divisions yet...
- Married to a hard working husband who has his own business
- I have always wanted to go to medical school but issues in my life and the lack of a strong support system prevented me from committing to such a long path
- My husband and I decided that medical school was an excellent path that would allow him to retire and not work until 70, while allowing me to fulfill my dream
- Husband is a good person, although he suffers from extreme anxiety, mood swings, panick attacks, chronic pain, and PTSD (he is a veteran)
- Our stepson recently moved in with us (also adorable, no issues there and I enjoy being a mother figure to him)
ISSUE:
After 1 year of intense pre-reqs, my husband is getting COLD FEET about medical school and is urging me to go help him with work.
He always complains that I don’t cook, I am not there, I can’t participate in family events et cetera due to exams and deadlines. (I do cook et cetera but I think his comments are symptomatic of abandonment issues). Obviously going to school full time changed our family dynamics. We were really close together before and spent plenty of time together with a flexible schedule. He now shows resentment and, while still supporting me financially, has rage fits (most conveniently before my exams) saying “he didn’t sign up for this” and that he misses me and so forth.
His bad mood affects me negatively and my most recent grades TANKED. I should not let the fights interfere but... my issue is now I am basically being asked to choose between my marriage and the possibility of attempting admission to medical school.
The story is probably more complicated than you can imagine; I love my family and I am a hard worker. I can schedule eveything down to the minute to combine premed, healthy lifestyle and family time. But I know medical school will be a marathon and now I KNOW he won’t be able to support me emotionally.
What should I do? Should I defer? Should I persevere? Should I put this on hold and help him with the business?
Now I am totally lost and having an identity crisis... I thought that’s what WE BOTH wanted for our future ...
Thank you in advance!
EDITS:
#1 We are already in counseling. If you are not familiar with PTSD I don’t blame you but I just know there is a reason some individuals receive a disability pension. It’s quite the complicated issue.
#2 I don’t blame husband for recent pooor school performance (I am still a midterm A) but rather myself. But the only way I could not get involved in arguments if if I had no feeling for him and just ignore him.
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